Victim mentality

[greatsnake]

What are the signs that the person, which you are dating suffers from victim mentality? and can it be used to control or manipulate the other person?

 

[AlphaNate]

I got you.

• Complains all the time
• Places blame on everyone else
• Dwells on the past
• Focuses on negatives
• Can't take a compliment
• General self-loathing
• Everything is external/no self-awareness

Yes, these people have control issues.

 

[greatsnake]

Thanks Alpha. I'm having the experience where the chick tells me that every guy she dates leaves her/get married after, that people bail on her....

 

[Billtx49]

Thanks Alpha. I'm having the experience where the chick tells me that every guy she dates leaves her/get married after, that people bail on her....

There's probably a very good reason all her Exes left her behind them. Or, she has a bad habit of choosing the wrong men to be with.

 

[Reykhel]

Responsible people tend to live in the present moment with one healthy eye on the future. They diligently work on
their circle of influence i.e. they concentrate on what's in their control.

Contrast that with victims who dwell in the past and constantly complain about circumstances that are beyond their control. i.e. they concentrate on things that are outside their circle of influence. Victims usually have several ready made excuses as to why their life is currently stuck and for their general unhappiness (Parents fault, they weren't given a pony as a kid, teachers were mean, grew up in the wrong neighborhood in the wrong town in the wrong time.

 

[greatsnake]

There's probably a very good reason all her Exes left her behind them. Or, she has a bad habit of choosing the wrong men to be with.

Yeah, that's what I'm beginning to think. But, wouldn't someone want to put their best foot forward? as opposed to mentioning it early in the dating process?

 

[greatsnake]

Responsible people tend to live in the present moment with one healthy eye on the future. They diligently work on
their circle of influence i.e. they concentrate on what's in their control.

Contrast that with victims who dwell in the past and constantly complain about circumstances that are beyond their control. i.e. they concentrate on things that are outside their circle of influence. Victims usually have several ready made excuses as to why their life is currently stuck and for their general unhappiness (Parents fault, they weren't given a pony as a kid, teachers were mean, grew up in the wrong neighborhood in the wrong town in the wrong time.

I agree.

 

[Billtx49]

Yeah, that's what I'm beginning to think. But, wouldn't someone want to put their best foot forward? as opposed to mentioning it early in the dating process?

Women usually tell you what their deal is if you listen. Yours just gave you a big clue.

 

[AlphaNate]

Yeah, that's what I'm beginning to think. But, wouldn't someone want to put their best foot forward? as opposed to mentioning it early in the dating process?

Not if she wants to remain a victim. Don't let her drag you into her frame.

 

[Reykhel]

Yeah, that's what I'm beginning to think. But, wouldn't someone want to put their best foot forward? as opposed to mentioning it early in the dating process?

The good old Doc said something like "Women don't lie and men don't listen"

Women reveal themselves if we would only learn the art of active listening. Let her open up and reveal herself. Tease her
and ball bust her in a playful manner on what she's saying. You'll find out if she has a sense of humor or is a stuck up cow.

Want to put her best foot forward? You know, I don't know how many times that I heard a woman mention that she was
stubborn and saying with pride as if it was a positive quality. Now is that a lack of awareness or what.

 

[greatsnake]

damn, i'm thinking that she may have some glaring issues like abandonment. I do remember her mentioning that she had a dream that I had run off on her lol

 

[Billtx49]

damn, i'm thinking that she may have some glaring issues like abandonment. I do remember her mentioning that she had a dream that I had run off on her lol

Yes, be aware of any red flags you see. If she has some type of personality problem, they will show up along the way. Until then proceed as usual.

 

[Trump]

I'm having the experience where the chick tells me that every guy she dates leaves her/get married after, that people bail on her....

Bro be careful. Once a girl starts telling you this, she will look at you as her emotional tampon/therapist.

You should just try to have alot of fun and sex with her so she forgets about "every guy she dates."

 

[greatsnake]

lol what signs of personality problems should i look after?

ahah already having all the fun and sex. It's just interesting to check out her character.

 

[lizardking82]

lol what signs of personality problems should i look after?

ahah already having all the fun and sex. It's just interesting to check out her character.

You have a thread regarding this http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/toxic-girls-what-are-the-red-flags.239129/

 

[phil2015]

chick tells me that every guy she dates leaves her/get married after, that people bail on her....

My recent ex had this issue.....She said all the guys she had serious relationships with, all settled, got married, had children after they left her.....

She was convinced one day that 'everything would go wrong' or that I would cheat on her. A very bad mindset to start and maintain a relationship

 

[wifehunter]

I got you.

• Complains all the time
• Places blame on everyone else
• Dwells on the past
• Focuses on negatives
• Can't take a compliment
• General self-loathing
• Everything is external/no self-awareness

Yes, these people have control issues.

• Failure to take criticism
• Uptight sense of humor

 

[lizardking82]

• Failure to take criticism
• Uptight sense of humor

Anyone who fails to take criticism is, in my eyes, a person I can hardly trust.

 

[phil2015]

• Failure to take criticism
• Uptight sense of humor

One of the last things mine say was 'I appear to be doing better without her'

Still pondering the exact meaning, but I think its as broad as it is long

 

[wifehunter]

The victim mentality... It's also a sign of NPD and attention wh0r3ing.