Isolation/exclusive vs. communal/inclusive mentality
People, friends, and social circles in the US are generally exclusive and isolationist in nature in their form, structure, vibe, energy, chemistry, etc. Simply put, people don’t generally don’t to strangers in public unless it is business-related, and violating that is often inappropriate. In fact, in neighborhoods and apartment complexes, few even know their neighbors or are close to them. This seems more true of women than of men though, as US women are more exclusive, less approachable and prefer closing themselves up into cliques than US men are.
You can see this in almost any public place in the US, even in most work and school environments – people only talking to people they know, ignoring everyone they don’t, or sitting and reading/doing their own thing, not wishing to be bothered. You can sense an invisible wall around them that closes them off to others in a shell, making them unapproachable and non-inclusive, as if they love loneliness and isolation. Even in social situations or parties, where people are physically together, you can still sense the isolation mentality that people are accustomed to, which shows in their distance, over-politeness, and plastic-like style of communication toward each other.
The isolation mentality in America is so dominant that you can feel the vibe of it everywhere that says "Mind your own business. Don't talk to anyone you don't know. Mind your business. Don't talk to anyone you don't know....." ad nauseum.
To see a typical example of what I mean, see these photos I took on a ferry depicting the isolation mentality of the general public:
http://www.geocities.com/winstonstorage2/DSC00440.JPG
http://www.geocities.com/winstonstorage2/DSC00441.JPG
For me, meeting people in America is just plain weird. When I try to, it feels awkward as if I am invading someone’s personal space. Perhaps it’s just because I’m used to the European vibe, which is 1000 times more inclusive than in America.
The US is one of a few countries where social groups are exclusive in general. The only other ones I know of are Japan, Taiwan, Germany, and Switzerland (but even in those countries, some have reported having a better social life and more inclusive environment than in the US). In the rest of the world outside the US, and on most continents, social groups and communities are inclusive, warm, and approachable.
Perhaps it's a case of northern vs. southern, as some report that southern states such as Texas are more inclusive and publicly sociable. Comparatively speaking, northerners tend to be more reserved, cliquish, shy, quiet, and exclusive, while southerners tend to be more open, loud, talkative, hospitable and inclusive. This is true in the US as well as Europe.
In the US exclusive social environment, one feels pressured to have to "fit in" somewhere, or else become alienated and risk an identity crisis. The US, I find, is the hardest place in the world to try to "fit in". And since social interaction tends to be limited to within cliques, it compels you to join one in order to have any social interaction at all (which is usually plastic and shallow anyway) It's just way too easy to feel alienated, but it shouldn't be that way. And fortunately, in most of the world - the “normal world” that is - it isn’t that way.
In addition, some of these cliques in the US aren't penetrable even if you look or think like the clique members, because they consist mainly of people who grew up together. For example, white yuppies who have moved to LA have complained that the yuppie cliques there don't seem to accept them even if they look like them, because those cliques consist only of people who grew up together. That's how exclusive it is to the extreme. They simply don't take new applicants. That's what sucks about American social life.
On the other hand, social groups in foreign territories - Europe, Russia, Latin America, etc. are very inclusive in nature (if you even want to call them “cliques”, for we are referring to mere circles of regular friends). People love meeting new people, and accept them socially, even if on a casual basis. This is definitely true without a doubt, as I've experienced it time and time again over there. It's a totally different vibe, atmosphere, and dimension, as though you're in another world or universe. Words can't convey what I mean. Only personal direct interactive immersion in such scenes can.
In Europe/Russia, social structure is not as exclusive like in America. In one sense, meeting people is not a problem because virtually everyone is in “your clique”. There are circles of friends/acquaintances of course, but they aren’t as exclusive in their form and vibe. Abroad in the “normal world” so to speak, there's no "I won't socialize with you because you're not in my clique" type of mentality or attitude like in the states.
In America, the myth of equality and non-racism applies only to the political, legal, and professional arenas. But as it pertains to the social and cultural scene though, it's a whole different ball game. In that area, America is very socially racist in its clique structures, especially in California, where cliques are divided on racial lines. To make things even worse, in my case, I can’t even break into most cliques in America anyway, since I’m not white, and don’t fit the image of a WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) or “yuppie”.
As for me, I'm not cut out for cliquish environments and I've never been good at fitting into cliques. It's simply against my nature. I'm too much of a free-spirit to try to fit into a clique. It's unnatural for me and doesn't fit my style, vibe, and expression. That's why I'm so damn incompatible with America's isolationist social environment.
To understand the exclusive isolationist nature of America vs. the inclusive communal nature of Europe, and to give my observations more credibility, here are some excerpts from The European Dream by Jeremy Rifkin that highlights the sociological/historical ideologies of America regarding freedom and security:
Page 13 - 14:
"The American and European dreams are, at their core, about two diametrically opposed ideas of freedom and security. Americans hold a negative definition of what it means to be free and, thus, secure. For us, freedom has long been associated with autonomy. If one is autonomous, he or she is not dependent on others or vulnerable to circumstances outside of his or her control. To be autonomous, one needs to be propertied. The more wealth one amasses, the more independent one is in the world. One is free by becoming self-reliant and an island unto oneself. With wealth comes exclusivity, and with exclusivity comes security.
The new European Dream, however, is based on a different set of assumptions about what constitutes freedom and security. For Europeans, freedom is not found in autonomy but in embeddedness. To be free is to have access to a myriad of interdependent relationships with others. The more communities one has access to, the more options and choices one has for living a full and meaningful life. With relationships comes inclusivity, and with inclusivity comes security.
The American Dream puts an emphasis on economic growth, personal wealth, and independence. The new European Dream focuses more on sustainable development, quality of life, and interdependence.”
Page 145:
"For the Enlightenment philosophers and the jurists of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, freedom was defined in negative terms as the right to exclude others."
