Very sad post, but I can't seem to figure a way out of this

[SayWhat]

What I want is her to tell me everything, why she left me for him, why she never send me a text afterward explaining everything. Basically what I did wrong in our relationship why she lost interest.

It's all about the things she said to me, she made me feel like I was truly 'the prince'. But then she would drop me just like that, never told me why and just started something else with someone else. This makes me feel like I'm not that loveable, like I'm not that prince I thought I was, like I made no progress these years... And yes I want her to text me that we need to talk or tell me everything just so my ego can be restored. This will not happen I know that, but then how can I heal? Yes because of time, but this is not how I work, I need answers so I know where I went wrong and so I can progress. Otherwise it's just something I have to work on of which I don't know and I probably change things which are good already.

Another thing that is bothering me. My bosses (we worked together) seem to be more interested in this new toyboy then me. They know I'm this quiet guy who don't like to talk about that stuff. But they ask this other guy 'how are you', or tell the ex she should tell the other guy the true reasons. They NEVER did this with me, they never asked how I was, they never thought I was hurt, they never told my ex to talk to me... I don't understand this, something IS wrong with me, I know this. I just can't figure out what and it's eating the **** out of me.

Another thing I want to make clear is the alcohol problem. It's not that I'm 24 hours a day drunk. I start drinking at around 20h and drink 5-6 beers just to feel a bit better. I'm not the typical drunk who can't stand straight or starts to be annoying. It's just that I'm a bit winded but not the run of the mill alcoholic.

Look guys I really want to thank you for the advice, I'll be honest and tell you I can not follow it right now, I'm at the lowest I probably have ever been, it's just because I can not place it in my head. Most of us have been there, they tell us we're the greatest, but then drop us for no apparent reason, have another guy and suddenly he is the best. This hits us so deep that I don't understand how you can get out of this. You guys start seeing other girls the same week or after a month, I simply can't do this. The only 'skill' I have is my looks and I f*ck everything right up with my behavior and I don't know exactly what is wrong, I try different things, none of them work.

Like I told I'm seeing a shrink, I want to become a DJ, I want every girl to drop her panties for me, I want woman to tell her friends that I 'swept her of her feet'. I simply don't know how to achieve this. And at the moment especially I want this ex to cry before me to want her back so I can tell her no. I want her life to fall apart, that everyone leaves her, but I know this will not happen, she can talk her way out of everything and no one will blame her.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

SayWhat,

Sorry to hear you're still having trouble with this broad.

Let's be honest here:

-She doesn't care about you. She may have once, but not any more.
-She doesn't actually owe you an explanation or anything else - yes indeed it is her choice to act like a selfish sh!t. There's nothing you can do about that. It is her choice, not yours. Please get used to that fact.
-She may not have a good reason.
-You may never get closure and even if you do, you may not like it.

Now for the good news:
-There are a thousand women out there, far better than her,who want to be with you, when you have the right attitude.
-You can find the best person to help you realise your potential staring back at you in the mirror every morning.

I don't know you, but can tell this person is seriously limiting you as a human being. Are you seriously gonna be still thinking about this disgusting woman when you are 60 years old?

I seriously doubt it dude.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

This post is an illustration of how debilitating oneitis behind a female can be.

It can suck the entire happiness out of your own life. Move around man!

 

[Serenity]

Thanks for the long replies, makes it easier to nail what you're going through. I see jealousy, the other guy gets her attention and the attention of your bosses. I also see the thirst for revenge, trust me you DO NOT want to go down that road. If anything is wrong with you at this present time it's that.

You're also narrow minded, there's a scarcity of options before you. What to do if you never get your answers? What to do if she won't let you break her? You'll then only be the guy who sought revenge and failed even at that, do you really want to sink lower? The way you're putting it makes it seem like getting the answers is the only way, but what if you don't? You going to kill yourself? That would be the ultimate waste you know.

I've been in that state and it's not a good place to be, trust me I know how impossible it seems to get out of it. It's all just drama you create in your own head, only you can stop it but what you're doing now is giving it fuel.

Also, drinking 5-6 beers as often as you do is well within being an alchoholic. In fact I know a couple of alcoholics who drink about as much as you do, the run of the mill alcoholic is exactly the type that drinks to make pain go away. You want to know some more about these guys? They share pretty much the same hopeless view of life as you do, and they have persisted like that for decades. Always seeking answers they will never get, wondering why it went bad and why their life svcks so much. They're also waiting for the light that never comes, because they don't understand that the rest of us work hard for it rather than drink away the pain.

You're coming here asking for help, you got help. You're not taking it, so why bother making this thread. You obviously can't be helped, yet we bother to help you. Why should we bother to lay forth a solution for you if you're just blowing it off like a pvssy?

Not all women will drop their panties for you, no matter who you are. Can you please face reality now?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

You're coming here asking for help, you got help. You're not taking it, so why bother making this thread. You obviously can't be helped, yet we bother to help you. Why should we bother to lay forth a solution for you if you're just blowing it off like a pvssy?

Not all women will drop their panties for you, no matter who you are. Can you please face reality now?

Right lads, let's just ease up on this guy. In some cases, no, in many cases, it's not a matter of just read the advice and run with it. I was speaking with SayWhat about this same crazy b!tch months ago.

Yeah it's easy to say 'go out, do x, y and z and you'll have another chick by next week.' An abundance mentality can take years of development for some....

So what if we have to tell someone the same thing over and over. If he's still not responding after 6 months-a year, fine, give him an earful then. But don't kick a guy when he's f*cking down, right.

If he says he's seeing a shrink then there's obviously more going on than a simple case of some crazy f*cking b!tch doing a number on him.

 

[chaj3_11]

I can relate to this because i get terrible oneitis, and seemingly always dumped by a bird alot of people will say im way too good for.

However, i reassure you my man that you will look back at this in a few months n think wtf. It seems impossible now i know but you will.

Give it time n you ll wake up one day n think **** this. I do deserve better and you ll laugh at yourself and her. I hate too read this because i know exactly what your going through.

Im no DJ yet, far from it. If i amd many others can overcome it you will mate. Please quit the tot because you dont want an unhealthy addiction.

Keep us all posted dont lock yourself away n suffer alone.

 

[chaj3_11]

I can relate to this because i get terrible oneitis, and seemingly always dumped by a bird alot of people will say im way too good for.

However, i reassure you my man that you will look back at this in a few months n think wtf. It seems impossible now i know but you will.

Give it time n you ll wake up one day n think **** this. I do deserve better and you ll laugh at yourself and her. I hate too read this because i know exactly what your going through.

Im no DJ yet, far from it. If i amd many others can overcome it you will mate. Please quit the tot because you dont want an unhealthy addiction.

Keep us all posted dont lock yourself away n suffer alone.

 

[Serenity]

Right lads, let's just ease up on this guy. In some cases, no, in many cases, it's not a matter of just read the advice and run with it. I was speaking with SayWhat about this same crazy b!tch months ago.

Yeah it's easy to say 'go out, do x, y and z and you'll have another chick by next week.' An abundance mentality can take years of development for some....

So what if we have to tell someone the same thing over and over. If he's still not responding after 6 months-a year, fine, give him an earful then. But don't kick a guy when he's f*cking down, right.

If he says he's seeing a shrink then there's obviously more going on than a simple case of some crazy f*cking b!tch doing a number on him.

Guess I've been going too hard. I apologize if I put too much pressure on, I'm used to high pressure so it might bleed into how I express myself. I do hope thought is given to my posts however, even though I could have expressed it better.

Thanks, I'm out of this thread now.

 

[SayWhat]

Guess I've been going too hard. I apologize if I put too much pressure on, I'm used to high pressure so it might bleed into how I express myself. I do hope thought is given to my posts however, even though I could have expressed it better.

Thanks, I'm out of this thread now.

You don't need to apologize Grewd, it really is the best way to make it sink in. I honestly respect all the advice and try to implement it, deep down I know it will help. It's just that something deep down is also wrong with me, that reason why I can not implement it the fullest. I've had two days this week already where I didn't touch the booze, so a bit of progress already. I work as a waiter, access to booze is easy and yes I still grab some when my shift is almost over, I used to do this before as well, but then it was just because it was a hard days work. Now it has other reasons, but it's lessening, I drank much more when we just broke up.

I try to change my thoughts when it comes up, try to look at all the negative sides. But honestly it still hurts that I'm not that good as I thought I was (yes the self-pitty has to go as well, but this will take a long long time...)

Yes MonkeyKing, I do need a beating to get it all in. I'm going to reread everything you said to me in the NC-thread.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[Innovator]

I don't really want her back, I just want her to chase me, so that I know I'm the better one.

I think this is where your problem is. It sounds like you expect validation and approval from the outside, navigating your life in a roller coaster of self doubt and anxiety. Why do I know it so well? Because I used to be that guy. I used to look to people to give me power and self-worth. In reality, though, the only thing that CAN give you power is preparation. Whether it is going to the gym so that you feel worthy (which you seem to be doing well), to working on your inner demons so that you self-doubt less, you have to do homework on yourself. I like to think as investing in oneself to form a cocoon, out of which a different version of you will emerge.

Another thing that has helped me is having other people who are positive around you. If your buddy believes that you can charm the HB9 down the isle of the food market, you will feel more empowered. I recommend reading a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" to help you battle insecurities. It has exercises that you can start applying immediately:

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

 

[Spyr0]

So the women cheating on her husband with you shockingly cheated on you to...

She has done you a favour - she sounds nuts!

Quit drinking during the week, forget her and spin some plates!

Life is awesome get out and socialise - you will not meet plates at home my friend.

 

[SayWhat]

One last question guys.

I want to start a new hobby, this will cost me a lot of money, like half of what I have and of what I have saved since the 1st of January. I'm 95% sure I want this hobby for myself and not for validation.

Should I go for it?

 

[skinnyguy]

Just find a new grandma to mess with.

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.

 

[SayWhat]

Ok guys

I try to follow the advice given and it works to some point. But I need to get the following of my chest.

Apparently she is BACK together with her toyboy. This really is not about love that I'm down because of this, this is purely because of why him and not me, why is he better then me. Why does she contact him again and doesn't even have the decency to contact me once.

I even try to avoid certain working hours because I know she'll be there, I can't stand to see her anymore, this b*tch is in fact costing me money.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Bold....

Ok guys

I try to follow the advice given and it works to some point. But I need to get the following of my chest.

Apparently she is BACK together with her toyboy.

Who cares. They deserve each other. You can do better.

This really is not about love that I'm down because of this, this is purely because of why him and not me, why is he better then me. Why does she contact him again and doesn't even have the decency to contact me once.

Why is the grass green and the sky blue my friend? It just is.

We only ever have two options: if there is something that can be done about a situation, do it; if there's nothing that can be done, we have to accept and move on. In this situation there's nothing that can be done. You can only control and ultimately understand your own behaviour, no one else's.

I even try to avoid certain working hours because I know she'll be there, I can't stand to see her anymore, this b*tch is in fact costing me money.

Time to get a new job I feel. I thought you said she was leaving or something anyway?

 

[SayWhat]

Bold....

I know, I'm just having such a hard time persuading myself to believe I'm better, but this situation just keeps telling me I'm not, otherwise she would choose me...

I don't want to change jobs, I work as a waiter (for now, I do am looking for something else full time as I have a diploma, but I want to keep doing this as extra income), but I earn decent money. I went to other bars and I would earn 400-500 dollars less per month (without tips).

And yes normally she would start in another bar, but she decided not to. But last week she decided to quit completely, but she's still in this theater group which rehearse every week where I work.

 

[SayWhat]

Well here I am again. They broke up and got back together again last night. I think because of my boss and other people wanting them to be together because they all sat together for a while. Funny that they never did this kind of effort for me.

I can't seem to get over the fact of why him and not me, why does she reinitiate contact with him but never let me know something. How can one become a DJ if apparently something is wrong with me, otherwise she would have chosen me.

I honestly feel sorry for the husband, he knows of her affairs and tries to be a better husband apparently. But I do feel this time it's for real and she will divorce him.

Funny thing, yesterday her new toyboy forgot something at the bar after the two left. After 2 hours she calls me asking if he indeed left it at the bar. Seriously where does she get the guts to call me right after they had sex.

Everybody falls for her devilish manners, but yeah who am I to tell them...

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Seriously.... I don't know why you concern yourself so much with these people.

If you wanna be happier, you gotta change your life man. In several ways. Number one: you seem far too intelligent to be working where you do, surrounded by the people that you are. I've worked in places like that and it just becomes a soap opera.

"They broke up and got back together again last night. I think because of my boss and other people wanting them to be together because they all sat together for a while. Funny that they never did this kind of effort for me."

Who f*cking cares man. You know what your current life purpose is? It's being a commentator to these f*cking dweebs. They have no life and you commentate on it; who's in a worse position?

You wanted a talking to, so here it is. Sort your life out man. I've told you enough times now.

 

[SayWhat]

I have a degree but am currently working in this place as I'm going through a selection procedure for something else. If that fails I'm gonna look for a job with my degree.

Thanks MonkeyKing but I can't place it, i can't understand why. I know she's not worth it, but I just can't let it go and I don't know why.

 

[SayWhat]

This is my third 'real' break up with a girlfriend. The first relationship I ended and I had of course no problems with. The other two she ended it and I was and am devastated.

I just drove by her new toyboy car in a small street where I have to drive by when I am done with work. I know it was them and I just can't help but thinking 'why them and not me'. I am crying my eys out at the moment for something that deep down I know is not worth it, but this thought of 'why not me' is killing me