Very High Interest to Low Interest: When Should You Stop Pursuing?

[Micheal Moon]

Theres this girl at work I've been pursuing for the last couple of months. Attraction was equal it seems. She is attracted to me and pretty much came out and said it.

Couple of weeks back after work we are vibing and SHE set up for us to finally go out. Didnt see her for the week but saw her later and its like she didn't remember. Called her on the Saturday, she didnt call back.

I see her the next week and she mentions how she's sorry and gave me a "reason" why she couldnt go. I didnt buy it, seeing as how she couldve just called back and the fact she only came up to me at work b/c she saw that I noticed her.

Now last couple of weeks the interest level is not there like it used to be. I still go up to her and chat her up, but its not the same. I think only once or twice over the last couple of weeks shes given me vibes. She doesnt seek me out anymore either really.

I should mention there is another guy who is now pursuing her (but this is well after we were supposed to go out), and she casually mentioned her kid to me the other day, which she didnt before.


I just find it really weird, the huge shift in her IL. I didnt do anything. Do I just forget about this girl or keep pursuing? I've never been the type to keep pursuing ( Its just not me) but keep thinking maybe I wasted some opportunities with some girls by not being persistent enough.

I'm thinking maybe give it a rest. Its to the point where I think I'm dwelling on it too much. What do you guys think?

 

[jester1x]

She found a better "deal" with another guy. Don't sweat it and don't seek her out anymore. Be polite and greet her if you happen to cross paths then leave it alone. The other guy is the one going on "your" dates.

This isn't mean to be critical to you as I've had this happen to me as well.

Women with a child or children are looking for security (money) for the offspring then love. It's usually in that order too.

 

[sodbuster]

Women with kids should not be on your list of things to do. Sex only. Raising another mans kid,but not able to discipline them[not your kid you can't do that to MY kid],but expected to pay for everything anyway. ALot of them out there,but no LTR.

 

[jophil28]

Theres this girl at work I've been pursuing for the last couple of months. Attraction was equal it seems. She is attracted to me and pretty much came out and said it.

Couple of weeks back after work we are vibing and SHE set up for us to finally go out. Didnt see her for the week but saw her later and its like she didn't remember. Called her on the Saturday, she didnt call back.

Here -
She enjoyed the sexual tension between you at the office and liked the fantasy of anticipation. She asked you out to test your willingness to continue the connection outside the building. Your agreement to go out with her seemed to pop the balloon for her. She was NOT willing to go any further because she did not follow through on her date offer. In effect, you just fed her ego for a few months and that was what she probably wanted all along. She just wanted to know that you wanted her badly.

She then avoided you and deliberately cut the red wire of attraction.
That means that it is done.

SO now she is starting up the same game with another guy. Stand back and watch him meet the same end as you.

 

[grinder]

I agree with jophil28.

This is just normal as punch behavior that, if you let it, and don’t understand it, you will be a very frustrated guy.

Several things stand out: 1) You are writing about it here; 2) This was MONTHS of wasted time and focus; 3) As stated a 100 times here, don’t mess with women you work with, and 4) Hopefully this has not been the only woman you have focused on.

First, you’ve been here a while so you have seen her behavior described in detail many many times. But, it’s different when it’s your life. You read about this behavior but don’t understand it until you encounter it. Very simply, she enjoyed your attention and this was idle entertainment for her.

Second: don’t get upset with her, be concerned for you wasting months when you could have found your answer out in days. Isn’t your time valuable?

Third: This one’s obvious.

Fourth: IMHO, in the early stages, to average out the odd emotional swings women have, you need at least three of them. If you put all your eggs in one basket on a roller coaster then you will not have a fun ride. Someone go cold on you, turn your attention to the second. This is plate theory and has been hashed and rehashed here a million times. Please look it up and read it with respect to your focus on this ONE woman.

 

[vitor]

Michael I agree with all of the above but if you felt like she was into you why did you wait weeks to ask her out and my .02 cents calling a girl on monday for a date on saturday there is just too much space. A wed/thur phone call to say hello and confirm would be a good idea.

Also she has kids and you work with her way too much drama...

 

[Micheal Moon]

Wow thanks a lot guys, to everybody in this thread. I was actually going to ask her out again, but I see whats going on now.

Your'e right grinder, I've read about this in detail here but its different when it happens to you.

vitor-I didnt have her number so I couldn't call her that week, or else I would have, but I see where your'e coming from.

Jophil thanks thats seems right on point.

Jester and sod thanks for the great advice too.

I understand plate theory, but I've been low and she was the only one available as I work A LOT. Its tough when theres only one in the rotation........

thanks again guys you've helped me out alot.