Very Disillusioned and Frustrated about the status quo

[Gman]

Guys, I'm not very happy right now, and I need some feedback about what you all think. I recently found this forum (thank Gawd).

I'm 18, just finished first year uni, in UK. I had my first ever girlfriend in my life in January. We were together for 5 months. It was good, really good. But I called it quits, because I at 18 needed to be free, to see what UNi had to offer in terms of girls, because these years of uni, of unparalledlled opportinuty to meet gals, will never come again. So i broke up with her. It was so hard for us both, I still am in 2 minds about it.

That's behind the point tho. What REALLY gets to me is how things are in life. Why the heck do Girls get all the sex, pulling, kissing, all sexual experiences they want, when they want? All they need do is go out one night, out of the blue, and they'll pull.

Whereas for me at least, even though Im now free, I was very depressed and let down to go out 4 times in a week (see? my perseverence was there), only to be rejected outright totally all the time.

Gals can have all the guys they want, but guys cant. They're doomed to only 'get lucky', if that. Even tho i loved my galfriend, I was intensely jealous of the fact that she's had 3 boyfriends while growing up (in school), and she's pulled loads more. ANd what did I do in school>? Rot away with books and exams, not given a chance with a gal even once (boys school). We all have sexual desires, we all want to be wanted, but where's the justice in girls getting it and guys not? And then, when they hit 30, when those girls have HAD all their FUN, they want to marry and settle down with one guy. They want that guy to remain TOTALLY FAITHFUL AND MONOGAMOUS. Im all for morality, never cheated and dont intend to, BUT WHERE'S the JUSTICE? If I hit 30 and I havent had my fill of girls (COS I CANF FLIPPING PULL ANY) but I meet one gal and we hit it off and she wants to get married, fine. But the difference between me and her will be that she's HAD HER FILL of pulling, sex, etc with other guys, whereas I got next to nothing in my 20s. This way I can understand why some guys might cheat. Not saying its right, but I understand.

IT really hurts to know that I went out 4 times in a week and got nothing, and I know that my ex can go out right now and she can have 5 guys in a night. There's no comparison, it's just not fair.

Does any1 else feel this way? I mean look at us, we're on this forum trying to get girls to like us and go out with us. Im glad its here but Im really bitter right now about this status quo. We're men, we're human beings. Why dont he girls get off their high horses and join us on planet Earth. They're just as human and imperfect as us. No need to act like they're goddesses and we're pathetic beings, begging for them, weeping to have them. It really gets me angry.

Any thoughts?

 

[CLOONEY]

ummmmmmm, there are more ladies (girls) in this world than men (boys). So if they are getting all the action and no guys you know are, including yourself, then some others have to be getting some MEGA action dont they? This is what the statistics would point to!!?? No?? Yes, girls get lucky more than guys, and it is easier, but if you are one of the guys who is getting the MEGA action then you will be laughing, at all the AFCs out there.

Good luck, and if you really loved your girlfriend, and just want pus*y, you made the wrong move. Cause you probably wont get another girl like her for a LONG A*S time, and will she take u back? Maybe..................happy hunting

 

[Gman]

I know its a huge risk to break up with her but I had to. She's had her fun of playing the field (and being successful at it) and now she wants monogamy. But I only just awakened sexually when I met her. So I dont kno even if wat i feel for her is love or if there's better out there. I just dont kno. I know its very risky to break up something good, but I gotta try dont I?

 

[stuartSan]

Well complaining about this is just like saying "Why are rich kids so lucky? They get everything without even needing to lift a finger. They're enjoying their teenage life while I take the bus to school and all I see are bitter or old people. Why do I need to work? Rich kids don't need to work!"

I understand your need to rant because I feel *****y about not being to enjoy my teenage-hood to the fullest because I don't even have a car while looking at kids who haven't got off their probation license owning Ferrari's on a daily basis.

But seriously, no one cares and life isn't fair. The only choice you have is to make do with what you have. I don't believe that by setting your mind to something, you won't be able to do it. I don't believe that by dressing up real good, having an interesting job and at the same time backing you up with cash, and filling all the primal requirements every woman secretly needs won't get you laid. I seriously don't.

Its just up to you to decide wether or not you're willing to stress it out and sacrifice most of your playtime to reach your goal.

 

[bp1974]

Hmm.. where to start. I understand exactly what you're saying. When it comes down to it, a girl can have as many c*cks as she wants if she was so inclined, whereas for most guys it takes a lot more work and a lot more rejection. Basically, she is the one in charge of whether a guy gets to sex her or not.

And that doesn't seem fair. Particularly when you don't feel that you've got what it takes to attract the women you want. You feel that you're only chance is to 'get lucky', and you feel angry about that.

Well truth is, that's just the way it is. Or at least, from where you're at right now, that's the way it is.

If I hit 30 and I havent had my fill of girls (COS I CANF FLIPPING PULL ANY) but I meet one gal and we hit it off and she wants to get married, fine. But the difference between me and her will be that she's HAD HER FILL of pulling, sex, etc with other guys, whereas I got next to nothing in my 20s

You're only 18 and you've written off your entire twenties. You're assuming that you won't be able to pull anyone, basically ever again, and the only chance you've got of an LTR is if some girl grabs you for her own unfathomable and selfish purposes.

So from that perspective, it makes sense for you to be royally p*ssed off with all of femalekind. They're not giving you what you want, and never will, and at the same time they're having no trouble having all the fun that they want. B*tches!! Right??

Now, if you were able to change your perspective to one in which women did find you intriguing, sexy and with something to offer them, then you'd probably not be so angry about it all.

Changing perspectives. If you look at a mountain from one side, you see one side of the mountain. If you walk all the way round to the other side, you see the other side. You see the mountain from a different perspective. What's changed? The mountain hasn't changed. So how did your perspective change? You started out in one place, then made some effort on your own behalf, which took you to another place, from which the mountain looked different.

You're in a limiting, powerless, angry-making place right now, and as long as you stay in that place, your perspective will remain the same. When you're ready and willing to do the work on yourself to take you to a different place, you'll find things look a whole lot different. That may not be now, or even soon, and that's fine. but if you want a different experience, you have to make it happen sometime.

bp1974

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by Gman
I know its a huge risk to break up with her but I had to. She's had her fun of playing the field (and being successful at it) and now she wants monogamy. But I only just awakened sexually when I met her. So I dont kno even if wat i feel for her is love or if there's better out there. I just dont kno. I know its very risky to break up something good, but I gotta try dont I?

Even though in retrospect, you probably regret your decision, you probably would have never been happy just settling for the first person that came along, especially in your teens. Also, it probably wouldn't have lasted through college anyway, they rarely do. You would have found yourself breaking up with her in your senior year and regretting that you didn't take time during your college years to meet other women and see what's out there. So, the bright side is that either way you were going to feel screwed.

Like Clooney pointed out, if most girls are having lots of sex, and most guys aren't, then there must be some guys out there that are getting more pu$$y then they could ever want. Instead of b!tching about the male's role in society, find out what you're doing wrong so you can at least fit somewhere in between.

 

[krd]

It angers me just to read this post, because I know it's so absolutely true. It's so frustrating how even the average, not so attractive girl's have their pick of guys, where most guys are lucky if they can get a girl to even look at them. Girls are so used to getting a guy whenever they want, wherever they want, that they become jaded and take it for granted. A guy has to be everything a girl's looking for before she'll even give him the time of day. Those of us who haven't mastered or are just learning to be a DJ hardly stand a chance. Whoever comes along, he has to take--unless it doesn't bother him to be alone for a long time.

It makes me wish sometimes that I wasn't a guy, although I would still be interested in women, so I guess it makes no difference. I just can't grasp the whole method of being a DJ. It's like math to me, no matter how much I learn, it just doesn't stick. I guess I have to accept the fact that we get the crap end of the deal when it comes to dating and hopefully one day, luck will prevail.

 

[jive]

Read the bible, it's on the top right corner. In case you are too lazy to scroll up and click on it like some other people, then here is a link.

THE DJ BIBLE

 

[krd]

Originally posted by Gman
I'm 18, just finished first year uni, in UK. I had my first ever girlfriend in my life in January. We were together for 5 months. It was good, really good. But I called it quits, because I at 18 needed to be free, to see what UNi had to offer in terms of girls, because these years of uni, of unparalledlled opportinuty to meet gals, will never come again. So i broke up with her. It was so hard for us both, I still am in 2 minds about it.

It's sounds to me like you should have taken a lesson from women. They never break up with their boyfriends until they are sure something better has come along. You could have kept her around for a while, so that if you are still having no luck at uni, you have her to fall back on. And if you do start having luck, then you can break up with her. Or not. Girls do it to guys all the time.

But it sounds like you had something good going with your girlfriend, so it probably wasn't a good idea to break it off so soon. It may or may not be too late to mend it, but at least you can keep your mistakes in mind for future reference.

 

[In Sync]

UK women are useless., that's all I will say right now.

 

[Gman]

I agree, Im probably just angry right now. But do you know how insecure a position i am in? I just dumped my g/f, which was a surety of being with a girl, in exchange for the possibility of pulling, knowing that it may be months, conceivably years before I find someone again, and certainly I may never find someone as good as her.

Meanwhile she can go out tonight and find someone. ANd I had to make that decision knowing this. However, as someone wisely wrote earlier up in this thread, i guess im screwed either way cos if i stayed wit her id regret wasting my prime youth tied up to one gal. See, she, like a lot of gals, knows she's desired by loads of guys. When we go out, guys often try to hit on her. Of course she didnt do anything cos she was with me, but it massaged her confidence always. She didnt need to play the field cos, even though she was with me, the field was playing itself for her and she was still getting offers. I know she wants stil to be with me and i think i love her (just love, not 'love of life', etc,...yet!) but it gets me. Whereas me, well nobody comes up to me like that. noone pinches my bum. So I have this desire to also get experienced up. I guess either way i would be in a no win situation. I guess I had to split up.

I know I shouldnt rant on about the way the world is. But darn it, I got a theory now. the words sl*t and wh*re probably were invented by some bitter frustrated guy like me in an attempt to get back at the way gals can have whatever cake they want and when they want, whereas guys SIMPLY CANT.

You're right, i should accept it as fact of life. just like some ppl r rich others poor. some are clever others not so clever. Nothing can be done, just do your best in yourself

 

[Gman]

Krd dude, your post is troubling me.

I didnt kno gals do that to guys all the time...?! Really? hmmm that sheds a new light on my eyes.

Lemme explain the way I am. I grew up in a house where my dad always cheated on my mum. the emotional turmoil and angst and upset tears etc was huge. I vowed never to cheat on my woman when I got one. I had seen what it does to a woman and family.

So thats why I thought it morally right just to break up with her, THEN pursue others, not vice versa. NOw tho, I need some advice. Im thinkin maybe my views on the suffering of cheating on ladies were formed from a biased perspective as a child and seeing my mum, who probably wasnt the role model personality i.e. maybe she overreacted etc in her responses.

SO maybe its ok to hang onto one till another comes along and then ditch the first. But isnt that immoral? Didnt think gals did that a lot. I know tho that its the best thing for me, to get back with g/f while still developing my DJ skills.....that'll keep me much happier but is that right?

 

[iqqi]

the answer to this question is easy as pie.

1. most men just want sex.
2. most women want sex AND love/connection. unless you are ****ing vin diesel they will not settle.

once you really internalize this info, and understand it, it is power. you can use this power for goodness, or evil.

now go stick your **** in a pie.

 

[krd]

Seriously though...

I don't know if it's common for a girl to cheat on her boyfriend. However, she's very unlikely to leave a guy unless she's absolutely sure someone better has come along. That's probably a reason why it's so hard to find single girls. If a girl is single, it's probably because she's chosen not to get involved with guys (as a result of having been hurt, or wanting to concentrate on school, work, etc.) Of course you shouldn't cheat on your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean you can't check out other options. I think this thread does a good job of putting it into perspective:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=31654

But it is not my place or anybody elses to tell you what is right, wrong, moral or immoral. Only you can decide that. If there is something that deep down, you don't feel is right, then trust your own judgement. However, it is still important to look at everything with an open mind, especially advice that could potentially be to your benefit.

 

[syemour]

Originally posted by stuartSan
But seriously, no one cares and life isn't fair. The only choice you have is to make do with what you have.

Well said. The playing field is never gonna be fair. So do what you can to make the teams even. The Bible.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

I can totally relate to this post.. but its probably a bad idea to keep talking about it..

I realised when I started going out to clubs that I was no good at pulling girls / approaching girls I didn't know. Some of my mates could somehow go up to the girl of their choice and usually walk away having kissed her.. I never could..

So quite quickly I gave up on the whole idea of meeting a women in a bar or club.. I never approached anyone, even if they were giving me eye contact.. and on the few (very) rare occasions in the past few years when a girl initiated a conversation with me I never knew what to say or how to play it so we ended up kissing.. I'd usually just do normal friendly chit chat, e.g. come her often? what do you do? etc. and then give up and say 'see you later have a good night' they probably thought I wasn't interested...

I was quite frankly useless, and was hoping that I'd meet someone who I fancied and who fancied me thru friends or my uni work. I didn't.

Then last year I went on a holiday and realised talking to (and approaching) girls I don't know isn't that hard at all.. and in an effort to get better I ended up here..

I still suck at approaching (my convo is alot better, approaching is the main problem), but I'm getting better..

THE POINT though is that the times when I find approaching really hard is when I'm thinking like in the first post.. i.e. the girl can have anyone she wants.. whats she gonna see in me? and seeing other guys crash and burn too..

so basically.. stop talking about this!!! there might be an element of truth in it, but its not information that helps your mindset when trying to find a woman.. forget it!

forget it!!

 

[Paul Owen]

GMAN,

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. You are young and carefree. Your dad had responsibilities that he undertook when he got married and had you. So I don't think that the moral standards applicable to a husband and father necessarily apply to you.

As to what I think you should do well....... I am in a similar position to you (except I haven't ditched the GF yet) and I have decided to wait until something better comes along before ending things. She'll get over it.

 

[regulus]

http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99993936

 

[Gman]

Paul,
Relieved to hear there's someone else in my position. The most bizarre thing bout this is i have competing wishes. One part of me wants desperatiely to stay with her, cos she's the first relationship, she cares so much etc, and I hate to be soppy but if anyone's ever been with a gal who's SO loving, they'll know what i mean by having withdrawal symptoms.#

I keep wondering that if i throw this away for 'experience', then I may never find such a great thing again, EVER. BUt then I think, c'mon Gman, she's the FIRST gal u've been with, EVER, and its silly to think you'll never find someone like that again.

If i stay wit her, I know i'll always be jealous of her superior sexual experiences, and i'll always want to have that too, else i'll feel i've missed out. But how can I stop missing her now? ARGH!

o well, such is life...but if anyone has any COMMENTS, PLEEZ dont hesitate to contribute