Very difficult scenario - PLEASE HELP

[SpikeMorrissey]

I have been following the rules on here for a while and would like to think I have become a bit of a Don Juan. I can get dates and sex relatively easy from girls. By following these rules and not being AFC ie beeing cheeky, naughty, going for kiss after 1st date everything has worked out. Sadly its always been with girls who get too keen on me and I dont really like.

I have screwed up this time though although its a totally new situation for me.

I go to football with a whole big group of people. Last season a new girl started going with us, she was only 17 and to be honest looked 14. Anyway a year later and turns up and shes become a stunner - a good 8. A few of the lads have tried it on with her, she even gave her number to one - he called and she said straight away she only saw him as a friend.

A few us including the girl went out saturday night. I have always teased her in the past jokingly saying if she wanted an older man (I am 29) and she just laughed. Anyway on sat we were sitting on a couch in a bar and had our first proper conversation. I said to her that I thought she had a crush on another older guy in the group and she said she used to and does think he is cute but she says he is too much of a nice guy and she can only see him as a pal. It then comes out that she sees me as the best looking in the group and that she was secretly hoping that I would be there that night as in her words 'You are totally different to everyone else'. She then says to me - 'I know what you are like, you have a different girl every week, then when you've had enough of them you just get a new one and delete them from your phone'

I then say 'Look I'm not going to pretend I dont go out with girls. The truth is I dont really like most of them. If I go out with someone I like then I'm faithful'

I then say to her that if I ask her out, I think even if she wanted to she wouldnt accept because of the stick she would get from the rest of the group. She says 'yes you are right but at the end of it, who cares what they think'

Most of the people in the group then go, leaving just one other who goes to the bar and starts talking to a girl. I then say to her
'Are you going to be brave?' - she then goes 'What do you mean?', so I say 'Are you going to be brave?', she then goes 'I think so' and then we kiss for a good few minutes.

I break it off as I dont want to embarrass her getting caught out by the other bloke in the group. At the end of the night, I just say to her 'Number' and she gives me her number.

Now normally I would wait a while and follow the normal Don Juan rules BUT because of her idea of my reputation with women, I call tonight Monday and get her answerphone.

I leave this message 'Hey xxx, its Spike, now my numbers come up on your phone I'm going to have to leave a message. My number is xxxxxx give me a call. By the way I havent told a soul about Saturday night'

HAVE I BEEN A COMPLETE IDIOT? I mean this isnt oneitis, I can get laid when I want and have other girls interested but here I am with a stunning 18 year old who supports the same team as me and has just confided in me all the above that I wrote.

I am going to leave it now and not call again but I do feel I have been stupid. Can anyone help please?

 

[Walden]

I think you did great.

Admittedly there are DJs in the world (and I am one of them) who would never ever leave a message for anyone ever , but that's not to say that approach won't work.

Good luck.

 

[Julian]

You should not have called so soon succa. tsk tsk tsk. DOnt worry about it tho, she has a very high IL for you, she will call you back and then you can make your next move.

 

[3rdeye]

watch out for the younger ones...
your ten years older then her right???? well think about it.
if she were 20 or 21 then it would be differnt..
if i had that big of an age differnce then id prolly think twice an wouldnt do it.. but its your call.
it all depends on how mature she is?

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

Cheers Walden

Julian - yes I would wait but I felt this was a different scenario. I thought how brave she had been telling me all that - it must have been very difficult for her. She also said that night how much she HATED players who acted like wankers. Maybe I should have waited another day or two but shes not stupid and would have just known I was playing with her.

As far as I see it, if she wants to see me again outside of the group she will call. If she thinks its too much trouble then no matter if I called the next morning or a week later then her decision wouldnt be any different.

As I say, its the group situation and my repuation in that group - womaniser, clown that made me act differently.

 

[NewMan]

Spike -

I assume you are referring to the fact that you called her so soon?

The reason why you don't call the girl immediately, is that you want to be seen as a challenge to her - and of course not come over as to eager.

So, you called. Is it the end of the world? Nope. It's a slip, but it's fine - remember, it not a hard and fast rule - this doesn't mean your an AFC.

The thing to do from here is leave the ball in her court. Make sure she calls you back - don't call again.

If she doesn't call within a week and a half - I'd call her back - but not until then


What I see here, is that you've been a DJ with chicks that you don't really like that much - thats the eaqsy part. The difficul;t part is to DJ hot, good looking chicks that you DO like. Thats the difference between being a real Don Juan.

You've got to apply the rules to the girls you like - and want. It's disipline - and it's the test.

Good luck.

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

New man - thanks and I totally agree with you. I just behaved differently because SHE opened up so much and because of my reputation/group situation.

I am really annoyed with myself now. Oh well, forget it, if she wants me she'll call and if shes that flaky because I behaved like a man then she obviously can't handle it and I havent lost anything.

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

Its still totally winding me up though


Does anyone agree with what I did?!!!

 

[Ricky]

I think there is a good chance she'll call back. Calling a girl right away isn't so bad and now because of caller ID you're better off leaving a message and getting it out of the way.

There is a huge difference between calling a girl right away and calling her 5 times a day. One is normal the other is needy.

I also get in these situations alot. I hate waiting for the girl to call back. It is suspenseful. The best thing to do is to keep working other women.

But by all means you aren't too old for an 18 year old. Don't listen to what other people say, go with your gut instinct. To me anymore women from 18-30 pretty much act all the same anyways, flaky as hell. You know what you want her for.

If she doesn't call back, wait a week or so and try again, but this time make sure you get her on the phone.

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by Ricky
There is a huge difference between calling a girl right away and calling her 5 times a day. One is normal the other is needy.

I agree, rules are made to be improvised.

 

[iqqi]

you know, i'm kind of annoyed reading this. you are 29, and you are still hung up on "rules"??? cmon, rules are for children, tricks are for kids. those things are guidelines, thats all. advice and insight. common sense.

more specifically to your situation. you called her monday night. not sunday. that is basically two whole days she waited for you to call. i have had guys call me the NEXT morning, actually waking me up even, and these two guys were two of the guys i ended up seriously interested in. its not like they (or you) are calling every day, twice a day. if anything i respected that they had enough confidence to not wait a certain amount of time!

this isn't an ordinary chic you just met. she is young, probaly not a playerette at ALL. and you are friends.

you have a history of "womanizing". flat out. this girl isn't jaded yet about love and romance (read: no emotional baggage), so she thinks that maybe she CAN be the one, so lucky you, you get a chance! but YOU have a history. this can breed distrust. i'd have to say that here in this situation, you actually have something to prove.

don't get caught up in rules. use your head, and you'll be fine. you're old enough to pull this one off without a guidebook.

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

wow!

iqqi - thanks for that and actually your words ring true to what i actually said.

She called at 11:45 pm tonight saying ' sorry i couldnt call you back earlier i was out with friends' Now in my book that is about as keen as you get and if I told you lot a girl had left a message for me and I had called her back the same night at 11:45 you would have called me the biggest AFC ever!!!

we have a brief chat and I say look as theres no football on saturday why dont we do something different and go to the horse racing on saturday. She said thats great as long as shes back home for the evening as its her good friends party. I said that was cool and she said she was really looking forward to it and to call her later in the week with the times etc.

I didnt want to suggest going drinking on a friday night for example because

a) my rep
b) she still lives at home with her mum and dad in a town about 40 mins from London
c) its a first date, shes much younger, figured something fun would be different

question - do you think this AFC because in that environment there is no room for any physical stuff even kissing! And if I dont kiss her again I might go into the friends zone. However I am kind of hopening that after driving her home she would invite me to her friends party in the evening. Do I ask to go to the party or wait for her or even arrange something else for the evening for myself only?

 

[NewMan]

My advice....

Don't ask her if you can go to the party - thats AFC big time.

Play it cool - and she MAY invite you if you have a fun time. But I would say that the chances are she will not - because she may not feel comfortable with the situation - she may be concerned of your reputation - or the age difference and what her friends think....

Bottom line - don't ask her. Secondly, if she doesn't ask you, don't act dissapointed - just be cool anbd enjoy your time together.

As for the Horse Racing date - I think thats a great idea.

* it's fun and different.
* you can get drinks there - so hit the bar between races if you both feel like it.
* there's LOTS of opportunity for kino - race day is usually very busy (in my experience) so there's lots of bumping into people and moving through crowds - great opportunity to hold her hand, to put your arm around her - grab her waist... the oportunities are limitless.
* Ass for kissing - same thing. Just imagine you can get excited if your or her horse wins and kiss her.

Just make it fun - no pressure and take your opportunities. You can have a great time there, so go for it.

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

Thanks New Man,

I said I was going to pick her up and take her there? Is that too AFC, should I make her come to me and then we go? She is only young and I do feel that would be a bit mean. If I see older girls I always get them to come to me but this is a bit different.

 

[NewMan]

I'd pick her up.

Be a challenge for sure - but there's nothing wrong with you picking her up. You like her - so make it a good day for her.

I don't look at you picking a chick up for a date as AFC.

 

[TesuqueRed]

You were so strong for so long and really showed her you could handle yourself and her that a few minor missteps will be overlooked. She may back off a touch, but you can just resume what you were doing before and recover without much effort.

Just analyse what the small misteps, laugh it off and go for a beer.

Anymore stress than that is over-kill. Just put it in perspective.

 

[isotope]

make her come to you?
no, dont overanalyze. just do whats practical, but dont be too nice. and you can be an ******* with her in your conversation to make up for being too nice by driving (if you must)