Verbal Combat : How to handle hurtful remarks given by others to bring us down?

[FlyGuy]

Originally posted by Glide:
PEOPLE!!!!!

We fellow DJ's next chiks all the time for not having the right qualities. You should be treating friends the exact same way!!!
Relationships vs. friendships= very similar.
You shoud NEXT this a-hole. He is just a dikhead, plain and simple. Just like you need to be playing the field looking for girls, the same thing goes for friends. You gotta hang out with a variety of people. I have probably went through dozens if not hundreds of people throughout my life. A few good ones will always stay. Thats just life. Next this ashole.

By the way, why is everyone so dam passive here? If he woulda said that to me, I would have grabbed him by the shirt, shoved him in the wall or even slapped him in the face.

Where are you located? look up a martial arts style called Brazilian Juijitsu. Its the best martial art in the world. You learn ju-jitsu, you will have the confidence to basically whip anyones azz. Simple as that. I would HIGHLY HIGHLY suggest you take it up. My 2 years in jujitsu was the most important thing I ever did in my life. Definitely life changing.

You make a good point - I didn't suggest this because I figure there's a good reason he can't just "stop hanging out" with this guy.

If you can though, ditch this ******* for sure. He's only holding you back in your development as a DJ - and as a confident person.

 

[Tristania]

By the way Flyguy do check out
Tristania - Widow's Weed
Tristania - Beyond the Veil
Sirenia - At Sixes and Sevens.

Music at its finest..

 

[Glide]

I hear what your saying flyguy. Im not advocating that people go looking for fights with strangers, but when it comes to this particular situation I think he needs to address the situation aggressively. I think the underlying factor in this friendship is that his a-hole buddy is acting in alpha male type behavoir and he is acting like a beta male and putting up with it. I cannot speak highly enough about brazilian JJ. With that, you will have all the confidence in the world to handle the situation. Considering you know this guy and he isn't going to shoot/stab you, this is how I wouldv'e handled the situation.
Insult #1 - Fuk you...
Insult #2 - Throw him against the wall. Possibly slap or punch him then toss him on the ground.

Hey, call me an a-hole of you want, but I don't believe anyone should be treated like a dormat.

 

[FlyGuy]

Fvckin 'A Glide! Maybe its just because you and I are both martial artists, but yeah - I think there are just certain people that won't get it until you get in their face. Some people don't respond to anything but aggression. This guy sounds like one of them.

Brazilian Jujutsu is pretty cool, I've studied it on and off for years. I'm more of a stand up fighter myself but you absolutely cannot neglect your grappling skills!

 

[FlyGuy]

Tristania, I'll be sure to check out those bands...

 

[Glide]

Sweet, another martial artists on the board!!! Where did you train BJJ? What standup style are you into now? Personally, i love the ground style...Im just a natural, I never liked the standup game to much, but I made myself learn a little bit of Thai kickboxing because it is essential. Martial arts is soooo essential. Something EVERYONE needs, like a drivers license, LOL.

 

[FlyGuy]

Originally posted by Glide:
Sweet, another martial artists on the board!!! Where did you train BJJ? What standup style are you into now? Personally, i love the ground style...Im just a natural, I never liked the standup game to much, but I made myself learn a little bit of Thai kickboxing because it is essential. Martial arts is soooo essential. Something EVERYONE needs, like a drivers license, LOL.

Heh, well I've done training on and off at different dojos for a loooong time. I originally got into Tae Kwon Do when I was a kid and eventually had to stop because my parents couldn't afford it anymore. I trained there for 2 years and got up to a green belt.

Years later I trained BJJ and Karate at a dojo here in Colorado called America's Best Martial Arts, which had the world's cheesiest name but some really good instructors. The head instructor of that dojo was Mark Beier who trained with the Gracie brothers. I ended up switching to a new dojo after another couple years out of necessity when I moved for my job. After I moved I trained in Shaolin Kung Fu for a little over a year until I had a falling out with the company that owned the dojo. Basically they were money hungry bastards that didn't care about the art.

So now I'm training at the Japanese Karate Association. The JKA is hands down one of the best dojo's I've ever seen. The class structure is traditional, disciplined, and very tough. They even have special training events twice a year which is a kind of boot camp of sorts where they push you to your limits. The head instructor is an 8th degree black belt from Japan, who is world renowned. I JUST started it but love it already. I've committed myself to staying at this dojo until I reach black belt level.

I may also start going to the Colorado Brazilian Jujitsu Academy at the same time if I can hack it, they train a lot of local UFC guys so you know their sh!t is good.


Anyway, yeah I agree that martial arts is one of the best things you can learn. It helps on so many levels - confidence, discipline, health, etc. etc.

 

[Squy]

bump, many good comebacks here

 

[Squy]

Allen, I suggest you put this in the archive forum. This is priceless.

Just check out the summary:


...IDJ, the most effective way is not to reduce yourself to their level of pettiness. Don't worry so much about insulting them so much as undermining their efforts to put you down in such a way that it calls attention to how stupid they are being. Like this...

...Thank you for your thoughts, fortunately that opinion is in the minority and will be dismissed as frivolous and inconsequential...

...Your struggle to insult does not make you look good...

{{{INSULTS ARE AWESOME!}}}
you know why?? because..

ANYONE who insults- no matter how successful or good-lookin, etc. they are- INSULT because of JEALOUSY.

obviously a successful person isn't jealous of your success (unless more successful maybe), but maybe your easygoing attitude, or great personality, etc...

I'll try to cut this short.. If someone insults you, TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT!!

I used to have a huge problem with people sayin crap to me and now if feels so good just to know that they're jealous of me hahaha.. so just play it cool and shrug it off...

...Insult: I am just curious to know which nightclub is she from.
Comeback: Hey, show some respect for the lady. Oh, nevermind, I guess you don't know how to act around women. My mistake...

...What you should say: Oh, I didn't realize janitorial work was so lucrative these days.
OR, How do you know how much I make? You stalkin me buddy?...

...Now, at any point, feel free to use "How long did it take you to think that one up?" or something like that. Show that he spends all his time being a prick while you're busy being a man...

...I've heard worse...from people who mean more to me. But usually I treat someone trying to get to me like a barking dog

No one has the right to get to me without my permission...

...What I find works best is just giving the person a look like they are the stupidest person on Earth and follow up with something like "What are you, still in Grade 6?", or, "Talk to me when you have something rational/worthwhile/intelligent to say."

Shake you head, go "Wow", and move along.

The point is to make that person look small and shallow instead of the other way around. They start it; your just stopping it, so don't worry about using their inadequacies (sp?) against them...

...Act amused, or detached, and simply consider that a person who likes verbal attacks, etc. is really a lower form of human being. Look at them like Mr. Spock would look at a 'curious life form', or when he was asked something 'really stupid'...

...Ask him if he finds you atractive, since he tries so damn hard to make a conversation with you...
...Ask him: Are your manners a sign of repressed homosexuality?...

...Remember to smile , keep your head cool, and dont stop the airflow...

...TA : (keeps following) Answer my question!

IDJ: You have a serious problem. Now run along and grow up a bit, or your sorry ass will be thrown out of here before you know what happens...

...hey, how you doing? and just walk by...

...next time he approaches you, stand up all angry like and yell "for the last time i'm not gay, so stop hitting on me!". make sure there's alot of people around to hear it...

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Check this out!

I have had experienced this!

Sometimes I was able to give good replies, when I was too comfortable with myself. But there were times that I was being hit out of the blue, those hits I couldn't avoid!

There's a book/audio file called "the verbal art of self-defence"! I'll download it asap!

It's really useful!

 

[nishbuk]

Whoever was talking about BJJ before prolly knows his stuff. BJJ is a good art, (I train BJJ almost exclusively for MMA/NHB purposes), but in today world, you should also learn a striking art to complement your BJJ. Muy-Thai is good.

 

[Ricky]

Nice thread guys.

 

[Panda 2000]

Oh yeah, I agree, Ju-Jitsu kicks butt. I makes you more agile, confident and tough. I had been training it for one year but I took a pause maybe half a year ago because I didn't have time, but I will definitely continue with Ju-Jitsu in the near future.

 

[Panda 2000]

Oh, and there are multiple ways to deal with the situation, I don't know exactly which way I'd choose, that would probably depend on my mood. If I were in a good mood I'd just give him a blank stare with a pause and then say "You know, I'm not really listening to you, go away,". If he still persisted I'd maybe look around to the nearby people in the middle of his sentence and say something like "Is this guy retarded, or something?".
If I were in a bad mood I'd probably play along and try to beat him at his own game, because I am quite articulate and I think I'd probably stand a chance.
Or if I were in an even worse mood I'd push him against the wall, grab him by his collar, give him a quick slap and say "I'm done with you, get out of my sight."