Venting: The tides have changed (WARNING: screen might get fogged up)

[Boricua_33015]

Time now seems to go by quickly for me. Today I talked to my school counselor about my school credits. She made a plan for me so I can graduate high school this year. If any of you have read my posts before, you would already know that the original plan was for me to graduate next year. I liked that plan because I get a sort of preparation year this year, so when I get to be a senior, it will be the best year of high school.

Now I have to make the best out of this year with no preparation. I am still about 40 pounds overweight (I currently weigh 200), but before I started working out I was 230. I hope I can lose these 40 pounds at least before prom, so I can be lookin pimp. But I really wanted to stay back one year so next year I can start off fresh, looking my best, feeling my best, by the time I become a senior. But now that is all gone. I don't know if I can learn what 2 more years of high school can teach me from just this one last year.

I was hoping that if I could stay back one year, I could finally have what I have always dreamed of in my senior year. POPULARITY. Being known in my school, being in my prime, developing all my social skills in high school before I get into college.

Now, I have only one year to do all this. Plus, think about what the hell am I gonna do for the rest of my life!!! My head is racing right now!! I am going to be so fvcking busy for the rest of this year!!

I am not going to be able to get a job! I might not be able to get a car because I don't even know if my dad is going to be around in the next 2 years or so. My dad's health is getting really bad! (I live with him) His excessive drinking and smoking weed and cigarettes are really hurting him! It hurts me inside to hear him coughing 24/7, yet he is addicted and just can't stop!! I mean, I am worried he is going to ****ing die soon! AT THE AGE OF 43! His girlfreind is now taking him to the emergency room because he hasn't been able to go to work for the past 2 weeks because hes been having REALLY bad back pain, and the pain is now centering on his right leg and making it numb. For some reason my head is thinking that it might be his liver, or something caused by his frequent drug use. So, my dad might not be around

I mean, my social skills totally SUCK! right now! I only have 1 freind, and that was a miracle! I am not really a people person. I am not that freindly. I started off kind of sloooow and easy this year. Not being on the top of my game. Im STILL learning how to talk to people effectively. Not really being the most outgoing person in the world, but still something decent. I have someone to talk to in just about every class.

During the morning I still chill alone leaning on a wall. In lunch I still chill with a group of burnouts. I am the only one there who doesn't smoke. I am just not too crazy about making cold approaches to GUYS and making them freinds. Id rather take it sloooow, making freinds in the classroom, and when I see them during lunch or in the morning hang out with them. Only problem is I NEVER see anybody I know from class out in the hallways or in lunch. Too many crowds to try and scope out people. Plus, I don't even know many people. Lets see, I only talk to about 1 or 2 people in all my classes. The people that sit around me. So, try scoping out about 6 to 12 people out of 5,000 kids in my school. VERY LITTLE LUCK!

I don't know if I am going to be prepared for college when I get out. My social skills might not be up to par! I mean, even today, my freind told me a phrase called "bury the hatchet" which I have never heard because I don't have much experience at all talking with people. He thought I was joking when I said "what does that mean?" He told me he'd understand if I was an ESOL kid, from a latin american country, but no, I've lived here all my life! I just told him I am not good with phrases. It happens to me ALL THE TIME. People saying phrases and I don't get what they mean. I feel like a foreigner who is just learning how to speak English effectively!

YES! Surprising isn't it? My speech and social skills are that bad. I still am having trouble having a conversation without showing too much emotion. I laugh and smile at the dumbest things. I just can't control it when I get excited.

Enough about this sh*t.

I think I have vented so much your screen is probably all fogged up.

All of my acheivements and my 2 year term goals are now 1 year long goals is what I am trying to say here. And I don't know what the hell am I going to do when I graduate and I have to go to college. Not having a car, a job, might be having to face that my pops has died. No guidance. Mother is going to be moving away from me so no luck there (her health is also doing really bad). I just have to make the best out of this. And I know when I am 24 or 25 ill be the man that I want to be. Perhaps Ill be younger! But the next few years is going to be one hell of a ride!

 

[Porky]

Why are you thinking about college as a burden, rather than a blessing?

First of all, I'm really sorry about your dad, mom, and your social life. But, on the bright side (and there is on) you have the entire year to work out and lose those forty pounds, and try to sharpen your social skills as much as possible.

When you go to college, nobody will know you. You'll be in a dorm or apartment area with dozens (if not hundreds) of people that you have never met. They have no preconceptions about you. Right now, if you walk up to people, some of the more close-minded ones might say "Oh, it's that guy with one friend, who's slightly overweigh and hangs out with potheads. Let's leave." Will people say that at college?

NO. You can be anybody you want. Nobody will judge you, because nobody will know anything about you. On the first day, you COULD shut yourself in your room reading this message board (and it seems like you'd be inclined to do that) or you could go door to door, to every room on your floor, and shake hands with every single person. Introduce yourself. They'll love you for that, because most people will be just as scared as you are to start college without knowing anybody (or knowing very few people).

College will be a blessing if you make it one. And you can make it one.

 

[Julian]

Damn man your situation blows ballzorz.

Well at least you can type a coherant rant. Thats a start.

Ive always been very social and able to be quick thinking and witty and chatty with anyone. It is not something learned over night. Your family situation isnt the greatest either, my mom is having some problems too and i really cant take having to deal with her emotional breakdowns and sh1t ya know.

You gotta start at the bottom, working your way to the glorious top.

Go get a job, it will bring you to different surroundings. I suggest a popular clothing store at your local mall. You are forced to be sociable, especially with honeys.

 

[Boricua_33015]

I can't get a job. My schedule will be too busy. This year Ill be taking 2 nite school classes and in 2004 I will be taking 3 nite school classes. I will be going to regular day school, then after that I will be returning to school in a couple hours or so, and then taking 2 classes ranging from 1 to 3 hours long. Monday through Thursday.

 

[drixsa]

hell of a job on losing 30lbs, thats awsome

but the question for you is the same thing that it was even before the summer started

remember

personality, and looks are the keys

body and clothes are the icing on the cake

it took me 1 year and 30lbs of less weight to figure that out

 

[AlbinoWhitey]

Thumbs Up!

Keep on truckin'

Frist off, Gratis for the lost weight, I am in my transformation right now. I am coming down from 260. So I can appreciate the effort that you are putting into the losing of the weight.

Secondly, you sound like an intelligent person. You are aware of the things around you that matter to you. You keep yourself in good upkeep, care about your parents, care about school(that will all work itself out, since when has school not worked out?, everything always pulls through)

Third. Listen to other people talk. In class and whereever else you might be able to listen to the "crowd" you want to be affiliated with. Maybe you will find someone else in your situation or one similar to yours, that'll be something that you can connect with. Just listen to people and then bring up something that both of y'alls are interested in. Practice your "talking" techniques somewhere else if you don't feel comfortable at school. But hey, you got one-two years left, balls to the wall, just start talking to people. But do a little surveilance, don't talk to people who are interested in only talking to people who know about cars if you don't know anything about them.

Fourth(ly), Cash is hard to come by if you don't have time. Try asking your neighbors if they want their lawns mowed. That'll get some cash flow going through ya. Talk to your counselor about jobs that are offered only on weekends or when ever you might be able to work.

Fifth. Dude, you lost 30 pounds. That is awesome. People noticed, and when people notice that you have initiative, people notice that you are not a "burn-out".

Sixth; I can't wait for college. It'll be the time of your life! You can start friendships with anyone/everyone you would like to become friends with. Tabula Rasa : Clean Slate, remember that, you will be walking into a dorm where noone knows you and no preconcieved notions will be had, make a good impression. And by lookin' Pimp you most definately will.

Seventh: Get your dad help. Don't let him waste away, tell him you care, like you most certainly do. Steal his beer and smokes. do something; get him into rehab.

Eighth. Live life to the fullest everyday. If you mess up, what have you learned? Work around it so it doesn't happen again. Highschool is a learning experience. Take it one day at a time.
Get some good music and just jam, forget your worries and just chill.

I hope something in there changed your mentality.
Remember the good things, and change the bad.

A day like today is for you
to let your mind unwind, like you ought to
feel the earth turn round when your heart rate slows
contemplating the thing only your heart knows
that life's not a race
-311

 

[JoE BoXeR]

Wut up Boricua?

Sounds like sticky situation, but it's always good to vent.

Take it slow my man. If I were you I would make an effort to spread your classes out over two years if it's really going to be busy for ya. This will give you more down time and time to reflect and improve yourself. But this doesn't look like an option anymore as the councellor arranged it all for this year, which is fine too, just means you're going to have to grin and bare it a little more.

If I were you I'd definately put some effort into finding a job that puts you in a position where you're forced to interact with people (girls especially) so you can be making some money while improving your confidence, speaking ability and gaining some precious experience if nothing else.

Forget about a car dude. Seriously a year ago I was saving every penny I had for a car but I'm long over that now. For one, cars cost a helluva lot of much money just for insurance, gas and repairs, not to mention the amount you have to shell out just to buy the damn thing. IMHO, just wait. Save your money for college. Sure it'd be nice to drive around in a flashy sportscar at 18 but nothing you'll be able to afford in a year will be worth purchasing so just make do with what you have (this is assuming your parents have a car that runs), and you'll find all the transportation you need while at college.

Focus hardcore on school. Try and get some scholarships or some sh*t. With your dad's health depleting you can't be too sure that he couldn't lose his job which would put you between a rock and a hard place when it comes to paying tuition. As others have mentioned, college will be wicked and a chance to start over. Not to mention the fact that you'll come out of it with a degree and a good chance at making some real money.

So you're a little short in the friends column. No biggie. I find in highschool that 90% of the guys are backstabbing competitive testoterone filled *******s (me included) who are only in it for themselves. Don't let this stop you from branching out and getting acquainted with more people though. Hit up every party as it's the perfect bonding scenario I've found. You're intelligent enough to to know that if someone who claims to be your friend talks sh*t, they're no where near to being your friend. Don't waste another minute with them. Make sure you spend the bulk of your time associating with people who bring you up and not the other way around.

Keep up the working out 3 or 4 times a week. Try not to let the busy schedual and added stress affect your eating habits. Stick to the eating guides laid out by 'Industry' or 'DIESEL' in the Health Forum and drink lots of water.

Don't take the backseat when it come to your dads health. If you don't take care of him nobody will. Make sure he knows how bad he's f*cking up his life and jeopardizing his chances of living a long life with his constant alcohol and drug abuse. Get his girlfriend into this too, I'm sure she'd support you.

Read some more books to up your vocabulary. Works like a charm and makes you feel like you've accomplished a lot more after reading a novel than watching a movie or whatever.

And lastly, take a deeeeeep breath. Relax. Do some affirmations. It's all good. It'll all work out. I'm going to make the most of my last year...

 

[Boricua_33015]

Thanks for the replies fellow DJs. Some very good advice you guys have given.

My dad is..... a lost cause. You don't know how long Ive been ****in with him about his drug abuse. For about 2 years now. Every week I tell him about how its ****ing him up, how its not good all this ****.

But, also in our house we are having problems and my dad uses that as an excuse for his drug use. Me and his girlfreind are enemies, and everyone in the house is on her side, and theres no way to turn that around either. I have offered to have a talk with the whole family and exchange apologies and work things out. (my dad, me, his girlfreind, her father, her mother in law and her two daughters). The only person in the house in my side is my dad. (dont worry its another long story). Nobody wants to have a talk. They all want to act like little girls. Me and my dad are the only males living in the house (7 people live here). So, the females are acting.... well like b1tches and just don't want to solve any problems. I have changed, and nobody noticed, yet they all keep my past fresh in their memory! Nobody notices my change, and they all stay mad at me. Its hard to be living in a house where everyone doesn't like you.

So, me and my dad have no choice but to move out when he gets the money, but of course it has been delayed because he hasn't gone to work in 2 weeks. He just came back from the emergency room, they couldnt figure out what was wrong with him, they just gave him painkillers. Well, after he moves out he is definately going to clean up his habit and if he doesn't im going to force him to.