vented to a chick i liked. oops?

[SharinganUser]

I realize I screwed up by why the hell did she flirt with me again? You'd think she wouldn't want me to touch her?

Who cares, just move on like nothing happened.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I realize I screwed up by why the hell did she flirt with me again? You'd think she wouldn't want me to touch her?

Looks like it wasn't that bad, or you played it off well. In either case as far as you're concerned it never happened.

Continue from here. There's no point in analyzing why she does something. Their actions don't make logical sense since they're based on emotions.

So the question is: What did she feel about the screwup? What must she be feeling to flirt with you again?

 

[csourcelover]

This is what happened exactly,

"So I'm at work, chick that I screwed up with out of the blue says that I am demanding while smiling. I laughed, didn't reply to her.

I go get a drink and we start talking again. She flirts with me yet again, touching my arms, playfully hitting me on the arm, and I touched her face playfully and her hair.

Now what a second. If she was turned off by me venting to her, how come she let's me touch her and flirt with her (we were comparing our hand sizes, we held them for 10 seconds). Am I missing something?

She said that we need to talk and hang out. She asked me what I worked on monday, I tell her I have a free day, so I said well hang out at 2. She says, "I just wanted to know what you worked, well hang out after xmas." I looked at her and said "alrite, you know my number," then went back to work.

Mind you I'm leavin on tuesday and I forgot she's busy sunday with her prexmas."

She did see me with that other gorgeous chick last night, then the next day she randomly said im demanding? Maybe that has something to do with it? Either she's a natural flirt, she's leading me on because I never made my move, or the jealousy card worked.

You're right, I'll just ignore her til I see her again in a couple weeks unless she calls me.


Now the other girl texted me yesterday asking me to come meet her at her job to buy a new cell phone. I told her I couldn't, I was way too busy with work and xmas and that we will hang out again soon. She texts back saying "Awwwww. Alright. I understand but if you can meet me I'd be very happy." Think I'm getting somewhere with the other one. haha

It makes sense, sometimes I can be a tad pushy however, something I have to work on. Least I'm slowly getting past my AFC roots. Slowly, but surely.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Hey guys, need some advice! So I'm at work, chick that I screwed up with out of the blue says that I am demanding while smiling. I laughed, didn't reply to her.

I go get a drink and we start talking again. She flirts with me yet again, touching my arms, playfully hitting me on the arm, and I touched her face playfully and her hair.

Now what a second. If she was turned off by me venting to her, how come she let's me touch her and flirt with her (we were comparing our hand sizes, we held them for 10 seconds). Am I missing something

ThatMysteriousGuy: Yes, absolutely...the fundamental concept about why women do what they do. It isn't mysterious at all when you fully realize inside yourself about why and how they all feel about things

She said that we need to talk and hang out. She asked me what I worked on monday, I tell her I have a free day, so I said well hang out at 2. She says, "I just wanted to know what you worked, well hang out after xmas." I looked at her and said "alrite, you know my number," then went back to work.

Mind you I'm leavin on tuesday and I forgot she's busy sunday with her prexmas.

She's really starting to piss me off, is she leading me on? I was doing what was suggested, be myself and get back to that playful guy that I was before.

Confusing. I won't contact her at all.

She's confused/conflicted is what's up. Women have at least several emotions wrapped up in things at at any one time unless there is one strongly overpowering the other ones and they'll easily (without conscious choice!) switch around. Once you eventually get this in your head the world becomes simple and clear. She doesn't (can't) realize consistently that you won't have a relationship...she's feeling something when you're playing with her at work and she's pulling...but when it's about you getting together with her she'll push as you noticed with her wanting to get together and then she immediately backed off. Her emotions instantly turned around when you said "ok let's do it" because the motherly emotions started taking over the interested ones. As soon as it was going to happen, she's feeling the emotions she felt when you were dumping all your feelings and looking to her for support...and then to top it off you asked for a "pity date" (that's how girls feel it when you go extremely weak and then want a date or sex...they're being used for a fix, that's the most weak part of what you did). Don't kick yourself in the ass, it's not like you were given an instruction manual when you were a child, in fact, you're constantly being given bad instructions by Movies/TV/Advertising. Overcome this to evolve.

She's now feeling motherly/nurturing as well as interested and it can't be undone. She's in a huge emotional jam.

Move on completely as far as an intimate relationship, it will not work. And, don't a) show any weakness like that again...well, there are exceptions, if you're at a relative's funeral it's completely fine to cry but you've got to keep it under control and then go break down on your own somewhere, you're not an unfeeling robot sociopath. It's ok to tell a girl after a funeral you want a few days to deal with it....as long as it's not happening in front of her and you don't babble about it, it doesn't effect how she feels about you in a negative way. In fact, she'll respect that you have real feelings AND you're strong enough to take care of it on your own. b) don't ask for ANYTHING EVER (especially a date!) when you're emotionally muddled because it puts her in a conflicting situation where she'll feel badly no matter what choice she makes. Protip: this is one of the reasons women avoid "nice guys"...the woman keeps getting put in "resentment if I do, guilt if I don't" situations. c) Understand that she's not messing with your head, or gaming you, you put her in a situation where she's got two main very conflicting emotions going on and it's making her act the way she is. Motherly/nurturing always trumps sexuality/relationship in the end. It's genetic and cannot be overcome.

She'll just keep pushing-pulling and it's out of her control, you can't fix what's been done, don't repeat that mistake. Trust this: she's not enjoying this internal conflict. It may seem strange to you at this point in your personal development, but if you go and get a girlfriend soon, she'll feel better. If you can't be had, she'll resolve her feelings and be nice to you for alleviating the emotional conflict she's having.

SIDE NOTE: I completely believe that I am ultimately 100% responsible for how all women feel around me. I understand that they cannot change their own feelings in a logical way like men can learn to do. This is a part of why testing happens, women need an external force to change a strong feeling so they'll provoke it...in this case, she sabotaged (protected) herself by asking to see you and talk...but in the back of her head "talk" with you is now irrevocably linked with you being weak and her being (as mentioned) nurturing/motherly. If you had have said you were too busy, the "blip" that switched her to push/motherly wouldn't have happened. No, she wouldn't suddenly be more attracted in a way that would possibly fix things, but she wouldn't have been able to create a situation where you would turn off her attraction for you at that moment. We ALL play mind games on ourselves...it's just recognizing them and reprogramming them in a positive/useful way that allows us to mature and evolve as men

I absolutely guarantee this: If a woman is attracted to you then you are the only one who can stop her from creating or allowing a situation where her attraction decreases. All of a woman's testing (i hate the word gaming, I like "crafty" much better, it's positive and more accurate) is to probe around and find a way to provoke you into doing something that will show how you really are as a person and change how she feels. It's the only practical defense women have and once you fully realize this you won't think badly of them. They're all 10 seconds away from getting pregnant and evolution has given them a way to stop that from happening with the wrong man. Men don't have this built in protection so they can't relate to that at all unless they work on trying to see how things are viewed from a female perspective.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that this or any girl is messing with your head, she feels how she feels and seemingly schizophrenic behavior is almost always because her emotions are conflicting at approximate equal power. You have the power to strengthen particular emotions UNLESS you create/stimulate the primary emotion in women that overrides everything else, nurture/mother. Then it's "game over". She'll be a good-time public flirty friend, and it's possible you could craftily get a situation where you'd get laid, but she'd resent and likely hate you because moms don't screw their children. She won't logically think this out but she'll "feel" like she's done something horribly wrong and push you away. It's built into her DNA, this cannot be avoided, move on or you'll both suffer.

Take full responsibility for this and it's not a "failure", I don't believe in failure as a concept that I apply to myself. Failure is only not learning and repeating mistakes over and over.

 

[csourcelover]

You are absolutely right, what an awesome piece of advice. Thank you very much. I'm sure I'm not the only guy that's been in this situation before, what a solid piece of advice! +rep

Tonight I unexpectedly found out that I have to work tonight just her and I (supposed to have day off before my vacation). Obviously I should act like nothing happened, but there is so much tension between us right now I could cut it with a knife. Fvck it, this chick isnt worth my time anymore.

I really do just want to be friends with this chick, I still chased her, even when I knew a couple of things about her that put a huge red flag up in my books. Letting her ex bf crash on her couch? Still friends with him? 'Not really but sorta' seeing another guy? She sounds more confused, and I've only confused her even more. Heh. Should of pointed that out too.

And you know what? You're RIGHT! I'm blaming EVERYONE else but myself. I completely lost touch with this issue and again I thank you. No point in pointing the finger, you only have yourself to blame in the end. This put a huge smile on my face, I need to get back to the normal me, not some little wuss, then everything will be fine again. I'm discovering that my excess talking has landed me into trouble with many potential chicks. It will never. ever. happen again. And besides, there's another chick who's giving me so many flags (texts me telling me to come visit her at work, saying she dosent want me to go on vacation, etc). It's funny, I don't even try with this chick and she wants me. Why? Cause I'm mysterious, she has no idea what I'm up to. By me opening my big mouth, it takes the sexual game completely out of the equation. Im happy I made this error and learned from it.

Have I ever discovered a lot about myself, and it's one simple thing really; I need to keep my mouth shut more and cut the emotional crap. there's other people to tell. I am a charming guy, I have no problems initiating kino/conversation/flirting but as soon as I get that number and end up in a relationship with the chick it normally ends up with a couple of fvcks (just as mysterious guy pointed out) and then she pulls away and says it's never gonna work. My friend and I discussed this and he too figured out that's why he would lose out on so many relationships he was in, he just opened up too fast, too early, took all the mystery out of the game and the chick left. Amazing.

Last time talking about this. Thanks a lot, lifesavers all you guys are.