Valentine's Question for the DJs...

[Sexy_Malibu]

Hey guys, I have a really stupid female-AFC question... but please just bear with me and tell me what to do.

Yes, I know you a lot of guys hate to "give advice" to women, but at least this thread might make you think about this sort of issues for yourselves too (or well... probably not, but help me anyway).

I'm sort of "seeing" this guy, things have been moving pretty fast, both physically and other ways - I've already met all the friends, sleep over every time we hang out (not just sleep together, but stay over & have breakfast & "cuddle" all day etc), we've seen each other every week except one (& for that one he told me "I miss you").

At first I kind of assumed that the "relationship" would be mostly sexual, but it doesn't really seem like that. We have fun together. Nothing serious at all, but it's more than just casual dating/casual sex.

But no, don't get me wrong, he's not AFC at all... I know it sounds that way, but it's just hard to explain on here and without giving away too many personal details. (You never know who is reading, ha ha).

Anyway... although we "act" like we're in a semi-relationship... we've really only hung out a handful of times in actuality. Neither of us is looking for a relationship and I don't know for sure if he's seeing other girls, but I have to assume he is (I am seeing other guys, of course).

So... enough boring background details that you don't care about (Anyone still reading??) The question is... Valentine's Day... (We're hanging out the 13th and I'll wake up with him on the 14th). Do I even acknowledge that it's V-day? Ignore it? Card? Some meaningless gesture? Nothing? Anything?

I've never been in this situation before. For V-day, I've always either had a serious boyfriend or nothing. This is the first year that V-day has not only fallen on a weekend for me, but it's fallen on a confused almost-relationship thing.

V-day is a couples holiday and I'm afraid if I make some little gesture, not matter how small or meaningless, it might give the impression that I'm implying we're a "couple". (We act like we are and his friends have called me his "girlfriend" to which I say "who?" and laugh ha ha). I definitely don't want to give a boyfriend-girlfriend vibe because it will do one of two things:
1. Scare him off
or
2. Lead him on
I don't want to do either of those things. But I send Valentine's cards to my female friends and everyone, so I don't want to simply pass the day over completely. And if he got me a card or something, I'll feel bad that I didn't do anything for him. God I have mental problems.

Sigh.

What do I do?

(FYI: I won't see him later than like 11am on V-day morning, but we'll be together all night on the night before).

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Nothing?



I only have 3 days left to decide.

Sigh.

 

[Julian]

do something crazy like, go to his house, be like "can i use the bathroom" and then emerge in a whip cream bikini.

Now that be a dope valentines day gift.

 

[prosemont]

This is the extent of what you should do:

when you wake up Saturday morning and you're still in bed, lean over and kiss him on the nose and say "happy valentine's day" with a stupid smirk on your face like that's all the acknowledgement of the day there will be.

You'd be wise now to preempt his feeling as though he has to do something, too, by telling him what your "stupid" friends are doing for Valentines but that you "hate this stupid fvcking hallmark holiday and that you told your friends that you want nothing to do with it." He'll think you're trey cool and that will prevent him from doing anything stupid like celebrating the day.

 

[Paradox]

Originally posted by prosemont
This is the extent of what you should do:

when you wake up Saturday morning and you're still in bed, lean over and kiss him on the nose and say "happy valentine's day" with a stupid smirk on your face like that's all the acknowledgement of the day there will be.

You'd be wise now to preempt his feeling as though he has to do something, too, by telling him what your "stupid" friends are doing for Valentines but that you "hate this stupid fvcking hallmark holiday and that you told your friends that you want nothing to do with it." He'll think you're trey cool and that will prevent him from doing anything stupid like celebrating the day.

Ditto. Good Advice Pros.


Moved to Discussion forum

 

[ManOMan]

This is interesting. Valentines is completely on your mind, yet you dont want to appear to scare off your guy by making him think you are a couple?

My advice is just go out and have a good time, and get this valentines stufff OUT of your mind.

If HE says anything about it first, then you reciprocate. Otherwise, if he doesnt say anything, that just means he is oblivious to hallmarks holidays, and you mentioning Valentines to him isnt going to make him switch gears and finally fall in love with you.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

If HE says anything about it first, then you reciprocate. Otherwise, if he doesnt say anything, that just means he is oblivious to hallmarks holidays, and you mentioning Valentines to him isnt going to make him switch gears and finally fall in love with you.

ha ha... um... I'm more worried that he WON'T be oblivious to hallmark holidays. It's not a matter of him SAYING something about it really, so much as it is him DOING something about it. If he gives me anything (even a card), it will be hard for me to "reciprocate". "Hang on doll, I'll be right back, let me run to the hallmark store!" I don't think he'll finally fall in love me (god please no!!), but I am afraid that I'll lead him on and/or scare him off. So what are you saying exactly? Buy a card and hide it, unless he gives me one first? ha ha ha ha

 

[DJnomore]

valentines day is.....

A day for great sex...

Thats what he wants....thats what you should give him.

If their is something that he wants that you don't give him, give it to him on the 14th.

You can be as romantic about it as you want as long as its good sex and its a valentines only thing.

You can say hey its valentines day and then give him his "gift"

I suspect he will be able to give you a "gift" back.

you can express your interest based on what the gift is...

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

If their is something that he wants that you don't give him, give it to him on the 14th.

You can be as romantic about it as you want as long as its good sex and its a valentines only thing.

You can say hey its valentines day and then give him his "gift"

C'mon baby. You think there's something he could possible want that I don't already give him? Please.

 

[madgame]

My gosh sexy..you're such an AFC..I think u should just next this guy lol. For real though dont think about it too much dont give him too much of a present either just dont say anything about it or only give him a valentines kiss..like said before

By the way, I know your (sexy lol) ways sexy...youre starting to have a crush on him...u might deny that but its happenning subconsciously...u think about what to do and what not to do...thats a sign of starting to get feelings for somebody to me. So jump out before u in the death trap u little "sex fiend" haha

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu

sort of "seeing" this guy

sleep over every time we hang out

"relationship" would be mostly sexual

Nothing serious at all, but it's more than just casual dating/casual sex.

we "act" like we're in a semi-relationship...

Neither of us is looking for a relationship

I am seeing other guys, of course

a confused almost-relationship thing.

it might give the impression that I'm implying we're a "couple".

I definitely don't want to give a boyfriend-girlfriend vibe

I outlined a few snippets from your post and WOW! How can anyone figure out how you should relate to this guy on Valentines Day, with such a convoluted “semi-relationship-sexual-nothing serious at all-confused-not looking for a relationship-almost a relationship-I’m seeing other guys of course” statements!.

This is the only post I read on SoSuave that I can honestly say that I cannot advise, for the fear of being wrong.. How can we advise you on what action to take on showing a gesture of affection on this ‘special’ day, without knowing where the relationship stands?

If you don’t know where it stands, we sure in the heck don’t!

I know this isn’t the response you were looking for, but what else would you expect from PuertoRican_Lover!!!

 

[iqqi]

i think the Dj thing to do is to acknowledge this day of lovers by a small, romantic, pimp guesture. like leaving one red rose somewhere b4 he wakes up. like in front of his mirror, somewhere he'll see it first thing. its small, its sexy, and it is romantic.
peace out, playa...

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

madgame - LOL!! "Never trust a DJ" right?

PRL - That is exactly the point I was trying to make. Yes I know my statements contradict each other, that's the whole problem! ha ha... (although you did kind of quote me out of context a bit there, but whatever, the point is still valid)

If it was clearly just sex (I thought it WOULD be that way, but he ended up surprising me after all) or if it was clearly a relationship then I'd know what to do either way. But when something is that vague, that convoluted, that "less-than-serious-more-than-casual-semi-relationship-ish"... I need a decision that is safe no matter what.

I'm not asking you to tell me where the relationship stands (how could you possibly know that, if even I'm not sure). I'm not even really trying to figure out where the relationship stands, because it doesn't matter. All I know is I like it how it is...whatever it is. What I'm trying to do is KEEP it where it is... not move it forward (by making too bold a gesture and leading him on) and not move it backward (by making too bold a gesture and scaring him off).

What I'm asking you to tell me (and of course, I accept if you guys have no idea, because I certainly have no idea... but it doesn't hurt to ask for suggestions) is this...

What is something I CAN do... that isn't likely to scare off and/or lead on? (Because whatever side of the spectrum this "semi-relationship" lies on in HIS head... too bold of a gesture would still have a bad effect in either direction, forwards or backwards) Is there anything that is a sort of generic gesture that says "hey I like hanging out with you and having sex with you" but doesn't say "I wanna be your girlfriend"? Or is doing nothing really the best idea?

Has anyone ever been in a situation where you got a V-day gift or card (or X-mas or whatever) and didn't have anything to give back? Or vice versa? Is it totally insane to bring a card or something with me and not take it out unless he gives me one first?

Oh my god... I sound like a total and complete psycho. Maybe madgame is right... maybe I am getting a crush on him... I must be losing my touch. I'm turning into a female AFC. The world is ending. Sigh.

 

[Big Pappy]

Valentine's

Malibu,
The solution is simple. All depends on what you want to do.

To maintain the status quo, you get him a card - nothing mushy- just a simple card that's empty. Inside it, you write:

Everything is perfect the way it is. Happy Valentines Day.

You leave the card in your car. If he gives you one, then you say -"Wait, yours is in my car."

If he buys you something more significant, than you tell him Thank You, give him the card and leave it at that. (If his feelings get hurt, make him feel better.)

If he doesn't acknowledge anything, neither do you.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

OK

I know you weren't asking for advice on your relationship - it was the 'gesture', but how can we know what gesture is apprpriate if we don't exactly where you stand. Neither do you I guess. Since you clarified that you want to go neither here nor there and keep things the same (sexual), then I suggest you do something sexual in nature or has a sexuak connotation - with a touch of class of course and appropriate for the occasion.

Do something you both can share so that he doesn't necessarily take it as a gift but rather a celebration of the occasion...like have some chocolates, wine, and cook dinner with a rose in the middle of the table. You get the point.

 

[MickoZ]

- If you feel like giving a card, do so. 'nuff said. Nothing is wrong with it, you do it with your friend. You want to, do so. You don't don't do.

- Buy him a blue teinted rose, they look mad cool (from my personal opinion haw!)

- Who care of the label you put on your relationship with him. "couple", "gf-bf crap", etc. I love your way to live it how it is. You still live how you are, you still authentic, seeing other if you want, accepting he does too, even thought he seems "more special than other" to you, since you seem to care more about him and that is fine too. ;-)

Enjoy your valentine day. Have fun. Don't repress yourself. Live it. kthnx.

 

[jungleman pete]

I'm going with what Big Pappy and what you yourself think Malibu.

By a card, write some generic whatever in it. If he gives you a card, great. Here's my card. If he gives you a present, heres a card.

He doesnt do anything, you dont do anything. Never mention V Day.

Wait for him to do something first and you should be safe.

 

[OpenMind]

You are a female.... you can do whatever you want...

 

[00Kevin]

on V-day you need to BLOW YOUR MAN AND F HIS BRAINS OUT WITH HOT SEX.

it really is that simple. don't think of anything else.

 

[00Kevin]

on V-day you need to BLOW YOUR MAN AND F HIS BRAINS OUT WITH HOT SEX.

it really is that simple. don't think of anything else.