Lets just clarify a few things about Valentines Day since it's probably the most irksome manifestation of westernized/commercialized romanticism. V-Day is the epitome of female entitlement. On no occasion - even a woman's birhtday or her wedding anniversary - is this sense of entitlement more pronounced and our refined commercialization of this entitlement/expectation simply twists the knife in further for men to live up to this with ZERO expectation or entitlment to any reciprocation. He gets 'lucky' if his romantic offerings are sufficient to appease her media fueled expectations of 'good enough' to reward him with sex.
And exploit the media does. I can't get away from it; Every radio station, every TV show, every newspaper and magazine article. Go to askmen.com right now, I guarantee there's a "how not to fvck up this year's V-Day for her" article there.
I listened to a talk radio show that I regularly tune into on my drive home yesterday; it was about what not buy this year. "Don't buy lingerie, she knows it's really a gift for you" or "Don't pick up flowers at the gas station, women know they're cheap", and "God forbid you pick up some cheap jewlery or stop at one of those roadside urchins selling prepared flower baskets or arrangements - women know you didn't think about it until you were on the way home." On my way to work this morning, different show, same list.
Why wouldn't women have these expectiations? They're relentlessly marketed to as the primary consumers in western culture. V-Day isn't a celebration of romantic love, it's a machine that drives a wedge of expectation and entitlement in between otherwise happy, contented couples.
I'm not down on the idea of a special occasion to celebrate love (I actually proposed to Mrs. Tomassi on V-Day 10 years ago), I am down on the twisted expectations that have been perverted into it that puts a woman on some pedestal of entitlement by commercialized popularization of this feminized ideal. Why isn't there an official "fvck your boyfriend like a wild animal" holiday or a list of criteria to meet that'll make his day special? "Show him how appreciative you are of all his dependability and hard work this year - buy some lingerie ON YOUR OWN and pretend that you like him coming in your mouth on his special day!" If women are so fvcking liberated and interested in equality, one would think this would be the first thing to occur to them. We need a special day to make us apprecitae each other?
DES:
I didn't go broke, and I didn't get her nothing. It's also the gift (either physical or action) that shows if you care, not the amount of money spent on it.
Exactly. Actions define the character. It shouldn't matter what the gift is, but the unfortunate reality is the pervasiveness with which women have internalized their expectations. Teddy bears, chocolates, and flowers used to be sufficient when women had a legitimate expectation to something special in a time where men were the primaries in a relationship. Sadly, these simply aren't special enough in an age where were bombarded by this psychosis of buying up to her expectations.
This is why I say don't buy her a thing until your first wedding anniversary. It's gotten to a point where ANY gift given is an exchange or a negotiation of intimacy. I don't plan on buying Mrs. Tomassi a thing this year (trust me I've learned not to buy her lingerie by now). I will however take her out for ****tails and we'll do something we rarely have time for now, uninterrupted conversation. Once shes a bit tipsy (something she rarely does), I'll give her a full body massage with some oil before we get after it and then we'll relax in our hot tub before we go to sleep in time for me to get up early enough in the morning to hit the gym and go off to work - just like I did today and just like I will tomorrow.
It's about mutual appreciation, and if she doesn't appreciate you in the first place, no gift is going to convince her otherwise.
