Vacationing with Wife or LTR's Family?

[Cesare Cardinali]

This issue seems to come up a lot for me and for some friends of mine so I thought I'd solicit opinions from other mature DJs.

My opinion is as that regardless of whether you plan to marry a girl or not, it's a bad idea to vacation together unless you really want to, and even then I think it's a bad idea. !!

I notice this a lot in relationships that are "unhappy" and have no passion, one or both people prefer doing a bunch of things together with family rather than being alone doing stuff together. So this may be something to watch out for. Does she really want to spend a vacation with you exploring new things together, or is it that she wants to be with her family more, and you going along is an added bonus?


Your primary role as her man is not to hang around with Mom and Dad and little Timmy. It's to romance her, excite her, and be on an adventure together. I don't see this as insulting to her parents, but rather you asserting that you two are travelling on your own path as it should be, so you are planning a trip to X location with your woman and have to decline their invitation to Y location. No problem at all, you look forward to seeing photos of the family vacation and sharing in your stories over a family dinner. Too much closeness with family's (yours or hers) usually causes problems. The mother disses you inadvertently, they drink too much and feel like you are a snob if you don't partake, you don't want to sit for long hours, they do, etc etc.

I actually created a list of major holidays and events (got it down to 7 plus 2 "floating days") and only visit and do stuff with GF's family if it's on my list. Then when I show up, I'm like a celebrity, no one is bored with me, no one disses me, and the other "brother's in law" look beta next to me, since they are way too familiar and seem to have been dragged there too often. I've been invited to a few family vacations and have turned them all down with the way I suggest above. And there's no diss on my part, I truly can't see myself having a passionate relationship with a girl, if our vacation entails hanging out with her parents and family. If anything, the attraction would probably go down since we'd tone down the sexual chemistry and act more like brother and sister unconsciously.


Cesare Cardinali

 

[Desdinova]

Look who's back from the dead!

This is an excellent point and looking back on all the vacations that I went on with the gf's families, they were all a disaster. There were family members I didn't get along with, ones that rubbed me the wrong way, and the ones I did like ended up exposing their irritating little habits that grew more and more annoying as time went by.

 

[SharinganUser]

If you are invited then you should go, it'd be rude not to. If you aren't invited then don't sweat it, it's good for couples to spend some time apart. And yes I do think that for LTRs/marriages separate vacations are a healthy thing to do.

If anything, the attraction would probably go down since we'd tone down the sexual chemistry and act more like brother and sister unconsciously.

Don't act like brother and sister, that's creepy, just act like civilized people.


I don't know what kind of women you are dating but it's been my experience that only LTR's have to worry about vacationing with her family. If you are just dating then chances are that you won't have to worry about this stuff because she won't invite you anyway. I think you are putting to much thought into this.

One thing I'll tell you is that if you do get invited, don't invite your own family. We have a big thanks giving dinner every year and my cousin's gf thought she could invite her family without much of an rsvp. We kindly told her family to bugger off.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

In the examples I've been having and those of some friends, we're talking about those "all inclusive" mexico type vacations where you're basically in a resort with the LTR and her family. My view is that too much familiarity will breed contempt and it's better not to go, just decline politely.

Curious if guys have gone and if this has been a good thing. I only have negative reports from friends and I have always declined.

Separate vacation from the LTR? Haven't done that, but seems like a tricky thing to pull off...

Desdinova: Good to be back and re-connect with you! Shoot me an email or PM and lets catch up.

 

[SharinganUser]

In the examples I've been having and those of some friends, we're talking about those "all inclusive" mexico type vacations where you're basically in a resort with the LTR and her family. My view is that too much familiarity will breed contempt and it's better not to go, just decline politely.

I guess it largely depends on how well you get along with her family.

Separate vacation from the LTR? Haven't done that, but seems like a tricky thing to pull off...

Not really if you ask me. Just make sure it's something that she wouldn't be interested in. Just about everyone I know goes on hunting/fishing trips, while other guys I know go on trips to vegas. Just make sure she knows it's something for you and your boys.

 

[AW1983]

and only visit and do stuff with GF's family if it's on my list. Then when I show up, I'm like a celebrity, no one is bored with me, no one disses me, and the other "brother's in law" look beta next to me, since they are way too familiar and seem to have been dragged there too often.

This. I did this in my marriage from the get go way before I discovered game (some would say I'm just a selfish ahole naturally haha). I didn't care for my ex's family and always had better things to do. I experienced the same thing as you: those rare times I would actually show it was like I was the Pope visiting lol. Stay for an hour or two, charm everyone, and then bounce til the next time, 3-6 months later.

I think the key to this is setting the frame from the start. If you always agree to go to in-law events/vacations and then suddenly stop, they will all think you're snubbing them and drama will occur for your SO. If you were always like that then it's "just the way he is".