V-Day gone horribly wrong....

[Demodulate]

I have been talking to a girl for about 3 weeks now. She is a single mom, which I guess was the 1st warning sign, but I let it slide as she had a lot of positives going for her...

Tried getting a straight answer out of her about yesterday for a few days, but she was unable to commit to anything. So I had no plans.. she ended up calling at about 4 pm and saying she had to visit a home in my neighborhood, and I should call when I was home.. she ended up coming over when I got home. I wasnt even ready for it, remember no plans.. she then decided she was going to take me out for dinner...

We went to a nice italian joint and sat at the bar as we had no reservations.. was having a wonderful time..

then she starts getting phone calls every 5 minutes which she keeps ignoring, then she gets a text asking who I was with my first and last name... tone totaly changed.. she shows me the message, I am not really happy about it, tell her I dont do drama very well.. she tells me how her kids father needs to grow up and move on.

ruined the rest of our meal.. she payed for dinner. wouldnt let me.. I even put cash down and she further insisted.. the ride home was ackward, she was on the phone with her female friend whom I guess was the one who let my name slip, doing damage control.

get home, dont really know whats going on.. I half want her to leave, but she is stressed out.. any chance for anything romantic is completely blown out.. she asks me whats wrong, and I tell her im not sure yet, im still processing whats going on. she assures me its not my problem. that I dont half to deal..

we end out hanging out on my couch, I got her some nice chocolates earlier in the week and I give them to her. she goes through the box, we end up trying on each.. she fianlly starts to relax a little and cuddle up with me.. she leaves about an hour later..

I didnt spend a dime last night, and it was looking to be a good evening till she got that txt.. totally derailed everything.. her, me, everything..

I dont know how to handle it now.. things are progressing so very slow, and it feels like a huge setback.. I expect she will call me today..

what would you guys do? next her? see how the drama plays out...

 

[Nighthawk]

Didn't her phone have an 'off' button?

I think you diod well with the 'I don't do drama' line (I say the same thing) but it's hard to tell from your post who was most responsible for the sexy mood vanishing. Sure, the situation wasn't ideal but I've recovered from worse.

If it was she that allowed the messages to dampen the atmosphere maybe she doesn't like you that much and wants you more as an emotional tampon or is going to play games.

If i were you I'd look for some sort of apology from her for ruining the evening, then you should repeat that you are not looking to get involved in any drama so she must get this ex to move on and mind his own business or you will not see her.

 

[Demodulate]

I was put off by the entire incident.. and even then wehn I regained enough composure to even think about it, she was still visibly stressed out..

I should of asked he to leave when we got home...

 

[MightyMate]

Its father of her kids. He will always be above You. She still has feeling for him. **** this man.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Originally posted by Demodulate
what would you guys do?

Delete her from my cell phone address book and put her number on ignore.

My friend, you're breaking so many rules with this woman I don't even know where to begin.

I have been talking to a girl for about 3 weeks now,...Tried getting a straight answer out of her about yesterday for a few days, but she was unable to commit to anything.

Strike One.

She is a single mom,..she tells me how her kids father needs to grow up and move on

Strike Two.

we end out hanging out on my couch,..she fianlly starts to relax a little and cuddle up with me.. she leaves about an hour later

Steeerike Three! YERR OUT!

No woman's vagina is worth this kind of effort. Your time would've been much better spent sarging at some club where women would be comiserating about themselves on Valentine's Day and tking home a nice fresh girl who is actually interested in you with no kids, ex-husband and who'd fvck you instead of pack on an extra 5lbs of chocolate and hope you'll settle for cuddling her.

Eject.

NEXT this one and spin more plates.

 

[phoneproblems]

actually, he didn't put any effort in at all, nor any money, so why not ride this one out?

specifically, ask her over again, cook her a meal, and then get her in bed

this is LESS effort than recruiting a whole new wench, which we've seen already takes three weeks in this case

overall, we guys eject too soon. hold a steady course and you can get through

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Originally posted by phoneproblems
actually, he didn't put any effort in at all, nor any money, so why not ride this one out?

He's wasted a man's most valuable asset - time. Why waste any more on a loosing proposition? How many better opportunities has he missed in the stretch of time he's spent entertaining the idea that a single mother with baggage might be a good idea?

Originally posted by phoneproblems
specifically, ask her over again, cook her a meal, and then get her in bed

Why not offer to babysit her kids while she sorts things out with the Ex too? Maybe he could take them to Chuck E. Cheese? That'll prove what a great, dependable, usefull guy you are. Women just get in line to fvck guys like this, right?

Originally posted by phoneproblems
this is LESS effort than recruiting a whole new wench, which we've seen already takes three weeks in this case

Only because the guy has convinced himself he has no (or few) options. She is ultimately MORE effort in that this mentality limits him from developing his Game. One night fumbling around wondering at what this single mommy's IL might be is one less night he could be out risking rejection and learning from his mistakes until he meets with success. Taking 3 weeks to ask a 'Friend' out is an indicator of flawed schema. Wasting time with a single mommy in preference to meeting other, potentially better women is a flaw in thinking.

Originally posted by phoneproblems
overall, we guys eject too soon.

Wrong. Guy's don't eject soon enough and let a number of women seek out their attention.

Originally posted by phoneproblems
hold a steady course and you can get through

Get through to what? Monogamy with a single mommy? Tapping her for a few nights?

 

[IronFar]

Originally posted by phoneproblems
actually, he didn't put any effort in at all, nor any money, so why not ride this one out?

specifically, ask her over again, cook her a meal, and then get her in bed

this is LESS effort than recruiting a whole new wench, which we've seen already takes three weeks in this case

overall, we guys eject too soon. hold a steady course and you can get through

Seriously guy, wtf are you talking about?

I hope the other 32 posts of yours aren't this clueless. And stop posting twice a day with this kind of "advice"?

 

[phoneproblems]

Oh joy. Top o the morning to you, too, IronFag. But since you got nothing to add that's positive, why not troll somewhere else?

Rollo -- You're the married guy, am I right?
With all due respect, did you forget that single dudes don't get sex every night? And how many single chicks have you pulled off the 'net lately?

For us single guys, see, it's a lot of work. So once you have one that's willing to come over, and done so once, it's worth sticking with it for awhile.

And for a psychology guy, you're forgetting *her* psychology. Which is that if her stalker ex called, it's gonna take her out of the mood. That's understandable. She didn't play games.

I jsut don't buy the "next her now" mentality. That's easy for a married guy to say. But you don't have to walk the walk.

 

[flexion_]

This seems too much like work to date this woman. Just move on to someone who is fun to be around.

 

[insidious]

Originally posted by djbr
I love to search :woo:

Let me bring some wisdom from 2000.


Originally posted by Anti-Dump
NEVER cook a dinner for a woman unless you are engaged to be married! And the ring is on her finger! She has to be taken out of circulation. Imagine doing that and next week you see her with Stan the Man.

Man I gotta disagree. The thing to keep in mind is that there are very, very few absolutes. There are so many exceptions to any rule you might try spouting with "authority."

Anti-dump had the right idea, I guess, maybe he had a hard time boiling water and his anti-cooking agenda leaked through.

A few months ago I cooked a great meal for a chick and I proceeded to bangg her nice and sweet that night. My intention was simply: FB...

And that's what she became for about 2 months, a great, non-stop FB, and all I had to do was go out on the line and cook a damned meal. Wow, I'm glad I didn't read Anti-dumps "wisdom".........

 

[( . )( . )]

she ended up calling at about 4 pm and saying she had to visit a home in my neighborhood, and I should call when I was home

I beg your pardon? Did you and her forget who decides when where who and why the fvck?

she ended up coming over when I got home. I wasnt even ready for it

Unanounced? what the hell...

she then decided she was going to take me out for dinner...

"she decides".. whos the man here?

was having a wonderful time..

Dont say "wonderful", sounds almost as gay as "make love".

she assures me its not my problem.

And she was dead right, her problems are exactly that..HERS!! Your job is to seduce her and if that fails you piss her off, the end.


P.S phoneproblems you need to stop talking out of your ass.

 

[CGE333]

The reason that this other man is still in the picture is that he has shown signs of being a real man and you have not (as of yet). If the chick doesn't know until late in the day on Valentines whether she can be with you, you should have said I have other plans. My guess is that if you showed this chick you were an Alpha Male she would fall right into line and do whatever you say or want. It is obvious that is what this guy that knocked her up in the past did.

You need to take a look and decide what you want here. You could make her into a FB, but if you are looking for a LTR, this woman is not at a stage in her life where she could be in a healthy one, and you don't seem to be there either.

 

[phoneproblems]

just wondering, what is up with the dude with tits for a face? is that some kind of serious hormonal condition or what? he seems to be pissy

so far the only guy with an actual field report on this situation found out what I said was true. cooking = sex

the rest seem like professors and theoreticians with 8000 posts extolling the virtues of dumping a chick that does ****k them on the spot.

i seriously doubt this wisdom. but the proof is in the *****.

 

[RAFCbearfilm]

Yeah, maybe I missed the boat here...if all you are only trying to go after the one woman, then by all means next her if she is not your type.
I had thought the main principle was not to put all your eggs in one basket even when you only have the one basket. In my book, the woman in this situation did ALL The work, that's about as anti-AFC as you can get.
IF he had three our four women doing this for him - then not getting some from one would not be such a big deal. His real mistake was letting her drama phase him and letting her circumstances affect his attitude.
If her drama intrudes too much into your time, then you simply say, "Why don't you give me a call when you feel like being out with me instead of your cell phone." If it's not her babysitter, she doesn't need to answer it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Originally posted by phoneproblems
For us single guys, see, it's a lot of work. So once you have one that's willing to come over, and done so once, it's worth sticking with it for awhile.

And for a psychology guy, you're forgetting *her* psychology. Which is that if her stalker ex called, it's gonna take her out of the mood. That's understandable. She didn't play games.

I jsut don't buy the "next her now" mentality. That's easy for a married guy to say. But you don't have to walk the walk.

Your response is a prime example of a scarcity mentality. I have walked the walk, which is exactly why I'm saying NEXT her. Women are plentiful, choose accordingly. You only think it's hard because you lack options. Your response is also one of a serial monogamist - the monkey never lets go of one branch until he's got another in the other hand right? This too is the response of a man without options.

Necessitous men are never free men.

 

[( . )( . )]

Spot on. The man (Phoneproblems) inadvertantly gave away that he sees b!tches as a scarcity, this can only be possible if he sees approaching them difficult, hence even though hes put "hard" work into a b!tch with issues (see above) the fear of nexting her and getting another one from the list of 3 billion outways all other options so he decides to put up with it.

Classic chump behaviour. The sad part though is hes advocating this weakness and encouraging others Dr Phil style.

 

[Warlord]

You don't need this drama, just suck this up as experience and try to avoid single mothers who have ex-fathers in the background!!!