used to a routine, how to change that?

[playerone]

I am recently texting and talking on the phone with this girl who has a boyfriend of 2 years, but they don't have much time with each other, due to work and other commitments. I came to know her online, and has used C&F approach, push and pull, lots of teasing as it comes. She has been initiating conversations online sometimes. However, she never initiates a text or call. I can say she's attracted, and while on the phone once i even asked her, "Would your boyfriend be jealous if he knew you were talking to me on the phone?". She said "Yes, duh", and i replied "Well, you know if a guy is jealous, it means he has low self-confidence, so you know.." and carried on with the conversation. She went like "Oh..", and was a bit quiet when i said that.

We have not met yet, as we only knew each other for like 2 weeks. I was talking to her about meeting up, and she said, "We will meet, just that i'm not meeting you soon." as she is busy with activities lately and work.

And we have got used to me texting her first, before she replies, enthusiastically most of the time. Should i stop texting her and wait for her to text me instead? How do i go about doing that without her losing attraction and interest?

 

[abcd_z]

Do your own thing and don't worry about her. Go out, meet other women, have a good time.

The more you chase, the less she'll be interested in you. Field-tested, unfortunately. :-/

 

[playerone]

okay, so the rule is not to initiate any conversation with her and wait until she does? or occasionally do so?

and i just pm'ed her on msn after not talking the whole day, and she said she's not in the mood today, so i said why and found out she had a quarrel with her boyfriend. but she didn't wanna talk much about it anyways. so i ended the conversation. this is giving me another reason not to initiate conversation.

 

[bukowski_merit]

We have not met yet, as we only knew each other for like 2 weeks. I was talking to her about meeting up, and she said, "We will meet, just that i'm not meeting you soon." as she is busy with activities lately and work.

hmmm... sounds more like - she hasn't decided if she wants to "cheat" on her boyfriend or not yet but wants you to stick around and give her attention while she decides (and trust me - she may NEVER decide).

you should let her come to you, (and she may not... she has a bf which makes her highly likely to flake... and you don't have physical contact with her which makes her highly likely to flake... and you meet her online - the highest sign she will flake!). stop texting her, and talking to her on the phone first... let her text you first and call you first... and for the love of life - make sure when you are doing those things - you're not just having casual convo... always be seducing her, and if you run out of rapport with her - tell her you got to go...

 

[Socialreject]

some women seem to have this 1/1 thing going on where they expect to call and then you call, and then she calls, etc...

Whatever...

Be carefull about dissing on the boyfriend! The way you worded that is toying with a fine line. The object should be to turn him into a chump, not compete with him. Make his failings (that you're making up) 'cute'... You know like "Aww well, you know, I can understand that, I guess he's just a little insecure about it!"... Be on his side, and chodify him on his side ;-)

The reason it went quiet is because you got all "Mr psychoanalyze" on her, and in kind of a creepy way, two.

About the calling/not calling/when to call... pfff, I have no clue. Stay busy, date other women, and then when you 'feel' like calling her (or not), will most likely be the 'right' time.

The 'rules' regarding that are kind of tailored for when you have nothing better to do than think about her/wait to call her all the time, and you shuld be avoiding that entirely.

Also, getting 'postponed' for a date usually means you didn't do the groundwork enough yet. Aim to prevent, do the groundwork.

 

[playerone]

yeah makes a lot of sense. was what i was thinking too.

i guess i am on the way to becoming a natural at being ****y & funny, push and pull sometimes like "you look pretty actually." then when she says thank you or she's happy about it, i go "but you are a little fat". lol. it works every time i use it, i usually get a "**** you, go and die". LOL. but i don't do it too much, only when there's a chance.

i do talk to her about daily stuff and ask her questions to get her to pour out in-depth personal stuff to me. but i don't give too much info about myself at the same time. lol she doesn't even know which school i study at.

so, i should AVOID talking about her boyfriend? coz it seems she never talks to me about other guys. there's once i texted her and asked when she will be going home from outside, and she replied then said "why!" enthusiastically.

she couldn't make the scheduled lunch with me, coz she suddenly remembered she had to meet her cousin. it seems genuine. lol but it doesn't bother me, and i just replied "okay then."

finally, i don't think i can attract her with full potential when i don't even meet her. so, is there any way to get her out with me? i have told her to go out a few times, and she's just busy and don't know when she can make it. however, i know that she could be free next week, as she mentioned her boss hasn't called her up yet, so she may not be working. it's not confirmed though, just maybe. so any idea? meanwhile i won't initiate conversations, but do i do this forever until she looks me up first? i don't want to initiate, but i don't want to lose the whole thing and attraction, although i know i have attracted her, but yeah she can flake for sure.

 

[Metaphysical]

dude, why complicate your life. just call her and invite her to meet you out somewhere. get together with her and seal the deal. dont waste your time playing stupid little power games.

 

[bukowski_merit]

she couldn't make the scheduled lunch with me, coz she suddenly remembered she had to meet her cousin. it seems genuine. lol but it doesn't bother me, and i just replied "okay then."

finally, i don't think i can attract her with full potential when i don't even meet her. so, is there any way to get her out with me? i have told her to go out a few times, and she's just busy and don't know when she can make it. however, i know that she could be free next week, as she mentioned her boss hasn't called her up yet, so she may not be working. it's not confirmed though, just maybe. so any idea? meanwhile i won't initiate conversations, but do i do this forever until she looks me up first? i don't want to initiate, but i don't want to lose the whole thing and attraction, although i know i have attracted her, but yeah she can flake for sure.

stop asking her to go out! she's flake flaking on you! IF she was honestly interested in meeting you - she would not be making excuses. women are experts at making excuses sound legit (aka "I have to meet my cousin" - no woman with REAL interest in me has ever done anything like that to me.) she's most likely still in decision mode and the only way to get her out of that mode is to pull yourself away from her. why should she make that decision when you're giving her attention and what her bf is no longer giving her? and on top of that she doesn't have to meet you or do anything with you? you're just what she wants... all this textbook stuff (c+F, push/pull, etc) you're talking about can only get you so far without intimate physical contact...

yes, do it for as long as it takes... she's used to you contacting her - if you don't she SHOULD eventually contact you to ask why... tell her you've been busy having fun... etc... "oh, so i guess you're not having fun with me?" .... " you're cool, but i meant having fun with people i actually hang out with."... etc... etc.. she should get what you mean...

 

[Socialreject]

so, i should AVOID talking about her boyfriend?

I didn't say that... I said chodify him, while being on his side.

The thing is, she might bring him up when you are gaming her, and when she does you can't always 'ignore' that, but competing with him (putting him down, bathmouthing) is WORSE, because you are basically saying "I am now fighting this guy for your attention"... ok it's BAD.

Instead, you consistently pick his side, but you reframe everything as if he's really nice, cute, fluffy (ie insecure, needy, a total chode/afc/chump), as if it's a good thing.

Basically you tape a nice big bag of 'sick' to him, in a nice way

As for the whole getting her out, and being gimped in your online game. I can't help you, I suck at online game. To emphasize my point here... I try to get women I meet online out with me ASAP, as soon as i see any opening at all for getting her out, i go for it, if that fails, I'm pretty much SOL. I might try again some time in the future though (usually after i've left her alone for a while), and that 'sometimes' works.

Metaphysical makes a valid point two...

 

[bukowski_merit]

dude, why complicate your life. just call her and invite her to meet you out somewhere. get together with her and seal the deal. dont waste your time playing stupid little power games.

"she couldn't make the scheduled lunch with me, coz she suddenly remembered she had to meet her cousin."
"have told her to go out a few times, and she's just busy and don't know when she can make it."

he's already tried to go out with her, and she keeps denying him with excuses! the reality is that she's just not sure if she wants to "do that" to her boyfriend... and she won't know what she wants as long as he's ok with her just being a phone/text/email buddy...

 

[Metaphysical]

time is the most important thing in your life. there are 3,500,000,000 women out there.

this one can't make up her mind, okay fine. there are still 3,499,999,999 other women out there.

you can't possibly have enough time to meet all of them, so why waste it on this girl who can't make up her mind if she wants to see u or not. drop her and find another one

 

[DonJuan11]

However, she never initiates a text or call. I can say she's attracted, and while on the phone once i even asked her, "Would your boyfriend be jealous if he knew you were talking to me on the phone?". She said "Yes, duh", and i replied "Well, you know if a guy is jealous, it means he has low self-confidence, so you know.." and carried on with the conversation. She went like "Oh..", and was a bit quiet when i said that.

Not sure why you said this. Are you her therapist or do you want to be her lover?


We have not met yet, as we only knew each other for like 2 weeks. I was talking to her about meeting up, and she said, "We will meet, just that i'm not meeting you soon."

You: "That's unfortunate, I would have loved to get to know you better in person. Keep in touch."

And we have got used to me texting her first, before she replies, enthusiastically most of the time. Should i stop texting her and wait for her to text me instead? How do i go about doing that without her losing attraction and interest?

Her: I've invested alot of time and effort into my boyfriend of 2 years so I won't leave him unless Brad comes along. Now this guy is texting me and showing interest, this is great for my ego. I don't want to meet him because then it may show I'm interested or someone might see me, or he'll get the wrong idea and its a waste of my time. I'll try to keep the texting going as long and as hard as possible without meeting him so my ego keeps getting pumping up while I still let my boyfriend inside of me. I hope he keeps on texting me forever and ever, my ego can never be too high.

 

[bukowski_merit]

time is the most important thing in your life. there are 3,500,000,000 women out there.

this one can't make up her mind, okay fine. there are still 3,499,999,999 other women out there.

you can't possibly have enough time to meet all of them, so why waste it on this girl who can't make up her mind if she wants to see u or not. drop her and find another one

i agree, so it sounds like we're in agreement, so why exactly are we all telling him to back off her, and you're telling him to go for her? (after he's already revealed she's flaked on him multiple times)

 

[playerone]

she's not really flaked on me alot, just once actually. she just told me she's not free for the rest of the week.

hmm. when is the next time i tell her to go out? i can't possibly wait for her to ask me out. and the longer this drags without a date settled, the attraction is going to fade.

honestly i'm kind of tired of getting to know another girl for now. if this doesn't work, i might just take a break for the moment. lol.

 

[bukowski_merit]

she's not really flaked on me alot, just once actually. she just told me she's not free for the rest of the week.

she just told you? so this means you're continuing to talk to her? she's not free for the week because she's starting to feel smothered by you now... you need to back off, and forget about this girl...

yes "technically" she's only flaked on you once (which is one time too many). but, she (from what i can read from what you've wrote) has also told you countless times that she is too busy to plan other dates with you. the reality is - if she was really sure she wanted to meet you - she'd offer you an alternative date when you ask her. the more you ask her for dates (or even just asking her if she's free this week or next week) - the more desperate you are in her subconscious. She will lose what appeal you had to her the more you come off as needy. and having contact with a woman who has a bf, who you've never meant, who's flaked on you and continues to not have time for you - is desperate.

hmm. when is the next time i tell her to go out? i can't possibly wait for her to ask me out. and the longer this drags without a date settled, the attraction is going to fade.

you don't understand attraction. the more contact you give to a girl early on, that isn't seductive and turning her on - the less attraction she'll have for you. all this c+f and push/pull stuff is fine for the first 10 minutes or so of an interaction. but doing it long term with someone who you aren't in seductive contact with - is ridiculous.

honestly i'm kind of tired of getting to know another girl for now. if this doesn't work, i might just take a break for the moment. lol.

you really picked a bad girl to get to know. and you MUST leave her alone and see how she reacts to it. If she doesn't - so what! if she does - then you'll be gaining some power back...

right now she feels that she has you, that she can have you "if" she ever decides to; that you will be there for her to make her laugh and feel special when her bf won't... do you like that role?

 

[playerone]

erm i think you sort of got the wrong idea of the story. when i say she's not free for the rest of the week, i meant she told me from the start when i wanted to get out with her. and yeah, she told me that we couldn't meet on friday anymore. that's all.

i am currently NOT contacting her, and she has told me that she's sorry and will talk to me another day, due to her issues with her boyfriend.

what i'm doing now is i'm not paying any attention to her at all, unless she sends a text or pm, etc. but what i want to know is, after i leave her alone, and she does react to it, what am i going to do after that? carry on with this type of role? how do i move on to a better position like going out with her?

 

[Socialreject]

Who said anything about "getting to know" some other girl?

90% of your action isn't going to come from women you "get to know", unless you consider a 5s-2h interaction in some club/bar/whatever "getting to know".

Figure out what your goals are, if you wanna get laid then go and get laid, if you want a gf or something then well, do that 'thing'... but honestly, go for the lay first, then for the gf, it's just a better approach IMHO

 

[playerone]

haha i prefer long-term relationships. but yeah anyways i'm feeling no rush man. i'm relaxed, i'm cool. i'm just like Mike in the swingers movie at the end. LOL. just looking for opinions and great advice from you guys.

well yeah.. so how do i get the girl to go out if she contacts me again.?

 

[Socialreject]

haha i prefer long-term relationships. but yeah anyways i'm feeling no rush man. i'm relaxed, i'm cool. i'm just like Mike in the swingers movie at the end. LOL. just looking for opinions and great advice from you guys.

well yeah.. so how do i get the girl to go out if she contacts me again.?

Just... Tell her...

You should come here or there, we should do this... Come here or there... I don't see the complication really

You know like whatever "I'm going to see this movie, you should come"... "Come out with me, I'm going to this movie"... "I'm going shopping, I need you to come with me and help me pick, etc"...

Also, it's fine If you like long term relationships... And I'm telling you, it'll be FAR easier to make a lay into a LTR than it will be to make a LTR into a lay.

Think of it like this... You have awesome sex... "Hey you know what, this was really great, and i like you a lot, we should see each other more often"...

As opposed to like... "Yah alright, we went on a couple dates now... you know... when are we gonna do the mambo?!"

 

[playerone]

haha. yeah. but the type of girls i like, aren't the lay type. i'm in an asian country as well. i don't know if it's the culture.

well, the girl hasn't contacted me, i see her online, but she hasn't initiated a conversation whatsoever. 2 days we haven't talked.