use single mothers?

[chlywly]

Originally posted by prosemont
This HUGE caveat is a contradiction to your general position:



This statement implies that single mothers in particular can't figure out when some guy is pretending to like her or her kids or acting in any other particular fashion to get into her pants.

I think most single mothers are ALL OVER THIS which is why, as Malibu states, guys don't even get to MEET her kids unless he's proved himself worthy.

Not true, in many situations i've witnessed it's actually the opposite, they are very torn emotionally and just waiting to unleahs it all unto an unsuspecting male

 

[WestCoaster]

Show on other foot: You might be a single father some day

I'm not trying to put an all-out defense for the women population, lord knows I've had my share of problems with them. However, before everyone goes out and bashes single mothers, remember this: you may be a single father some day.

You may get divorced, your wife may leave you, or worse yet, she may get ill and die.

Don't laugh at that last one: A good friend of mine, the captain of my college cross country team, married a wonderful, beautiful and what seemed like a healthy woman from college. They had three children.

She died two years ago in her 30's from breast cancer.

I haven't done much follow up as he lives across the country from me, but he know has so-called "baggage" and is a single father. He's also a great guy with a great job.

So should he be prejudiced against because he's a single father?

I just went out with a widow last week, her husband died last year of illness. She has a 15-year old daughter. She seems pretty cool to me.

Throw away your stereotypes -- REAL DJs do so.

 

[chlywly]

Re: Show on other foot: You might be a single father some day

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Throw away your stereotypes -- REAL DJs do so. [/B]

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

I feel that if you have NEVER dealt with a single mom then you CAN'T tell anything about dealing with one to anybody.

There is a difference in what you hear and actually experiencing.

The problems I have with single moms is the time factor because the child comes first making it take longer for her to get to know me. Some guys know what I'm taliking about. Of course I know the child comes first.....I EXPECT her to do that or she gets no respect here. Some single moms don't really have a chance to give because it is expensive having kids.

The next problem I have is the baby-fathers. These cats, for the most part, seem to still have that bond between them(I'm not referring about the child). Just my experience though and preference but if I ran into one that prove her worth then I would jump on it fast.

But we all need to stop making excuses for females about them not knowing what the h3ll is going on.

The same guys who defends females like they are "victims" and not "volunteers" are the same one that say that women are more MATURE than men.

go figure

 

[WestCoaster]

It all comes down to the type of person

I will agree that the kid comes first. I was recently stood up by an SM because "she spaced off" because something was going on with her kid. Luckily she apologized profusely.

I also was in a serious relationship with a SM, thought about marrying her, but then she turned out to be a total biotch -- forgot that she had been cheated on by previous hubby and was then cheating on me.

So I guess it all comes down to what kind of person they are. And in no way do I think women are more mature than men, or that all SMs are victims.

Like anything in life, there are few blanket statements you can put on them. I'm just saying as you get older and if you're single and you automatically wipe out this population, you narrow your field considerably.

Remember, Nicole Kidman is a single mom ... and I doubt many of you DJs here would be kicking her out of the sack because she's got a couple rug rats!

 

[Slickster]

Sexy Malibu:

I don't want to use you as an example but you're really making this argument too easy.

I had my baby because I was in a serious LTR with someone I thought I was going to marry. (Lucky for both of us that didn't actually happen).

First of all you're 24. I'm assuming you had your baby at least 1-2 years ago seeing how you are currently sleeping with other guys. So you were probably 22 yrs old (maybe younger) when you made this grand decision about marriage and bringing a child into the world. What kind of income did you have at this time? Even if your ex could support both of you AND a child there is no guarantee that he would always be there. I doubt at 22 you had an income that would support you and a kid. How many LTR's had you had before this? What basis did you have to expect that this relationship would work for a lifetime? If there wasn't a ring on your finger or a major commitment made between you two then you should never have decided to have this child.

I am totally and absolutely insanely paranoidly safe now when I have sex because I don't want to get pregnant again.

Great, this is the attitude everyone should have.

No one I am having sex with at the moment is someone I want to be in my life forever (not as my husband/boyfriend, but as the father of my child... because I don't care what you guys say about single moms trying to find a father for their kids... my kid has a father already... he will always be the father and no one will ever replace him as that even if I do get married someday).

Wrong. Think what you will, but any man you bring into your house immediately becomes a father figure to your child. Whether he likes it or not. If you DO get married then your husband will most definately become a father to your child. He is someone who your child will be looking up to as a role model. No "if, ands, or buts" about it. Your husband would also inevitably take on some/most of the financial responsibilities. Your ex may give you financial support but rarely is this enough. (I'm sure you know that.) The financial burden will fall on to you and your new husband. Your new husband will be forced to do your ex's job as a father because he will be most likely be spending alot more time with your kid than his/her biological father. Sadly many men aren't as responsible as they should be when they are placed in the position of being the father to someone else's child.

Call me what you will, say what you want, I don't care. If I got pregnant today... I doubt I'd choose to have that baby either. But that is a choice I am going to be extremely careful NOT to have to make.

Good I'm so glad you said that. No more babies till you are happily married, have sufficient income, a stable home, etc. Even with all the pieces of your life in place there are still no guarantees. Your marriage may fail too. However you are increasing the odds in your childs favor if you wait till things are in place.

Malibu I want you to know that I'm not name calling or attacking you personally. I'm just trying to make a point about something I feel very strongly about.

Um... do you think it's better for a child to be raised in a household with two parents who cannot get along... therefore exposing the child to fighting and tension constantly? Or don't you think that maybe... having two parents that love and care about the child and absolutely love the child to death and would do anything for the child and are always there for the child ... but just so happen to live in different houses... can be good for a child?

Um...No and this is exactly why two people who don't get along shouldn't have kids. At 22 yrs old I don't think anyone is qualified to make a judgment call whether or not they will get along with a partner over the long term. Between age 20 and 30 you and your personality change so much. You can't even predict who you will be in 5-10 years when you are 22. If you don't even "know" yourself. How can you expect to make a decision about who you will be compatible with in the future?!?!?!

Statistics show that children growing up in single parent homes have a lot more problems than kids growing up in traditional homes with 2 parents. I don't even want to argue about that. I'm sure you and your ex will always be there for your kid. Great. BUT....Kids need a father and mother figure IN THE HOUSE.
Otherwise, its just not fair.

Just because someone is a single parent ("single" meaning UNMARRIED ... NOT meaning ALONE)... does NOT make them a bad parent... it does NOT mean they have insufficient means to care for their child (economically or otherwise)... it does NOT mean they screwed up their future or their child's future... There ARE single parent households that are like this, but there are also some dual-parent households that are even more f*cked up.

No, there are some single parents who do a great job. I sincerely hope you are one of them. And yes there are some dual-parent households that are f*cked up too. I strongly encourage you to look at some of the statistics regarding the problems that kids have when growing up in single parent homes.

My argument isn't about how someone takes on the job of parenting after the child is born. As a single parent you are forced to try and be a great parent. Your job becomes twice as hard. Which is why so many single parents fail. Its a selfish decision bringing a child into the world without first doing everything in your power to ensure that your child will have the best possible chance at a stable and positive upbringing.

My argument IS about the decision to have kids in the first place.

Young people need to wake up and realize that they are absolutely NOT wise enough to make the biggest decision they will ever face.

... so let's not be f*cking ignorant ok??

Once again Sexy Malibu, no part of this post was meant to be an attack on you directly. I really have little knowledge of your situation. However I've had this argument many times before and I have many friends who are single parents. No need to call me names because I think I'm being anything but ignorant.

Peace,

Slick

 

[WestCoaster]

Bottom line: No marriage or kids before 30

This seems harsh but IMO no person should marry before 30.

One's personal growth takes place most dramatically between the ages of 20-30. I guarantee you, you will not be the same person at 30 as you were at 20 or your early 20's. And if you are, you're either incredibly mature, developed, or a complete boring idiot.

Sure there are exceptions to the rule. But I would say 90 percent of the people who get married in their 20's are jumping the gun.

The divorce rate is just above 50 perent, and I'd say 40 more percent are unhappy or dissatisfied, and have no clue why they made the decision they did other than that they liked the sex they were getting and the blissful state they were in that would soon end.

Usually no DJ skills involved in making these decisions. Hardly any of my friends can really explain why they married the woman they did. They usually toss out some line, "it was meant to be" or "she was my soulmate" or something else they read somewhere.

I like SexyMalibu, but wow did she make a mistake from A to Z on first the guy, then the kid. No or little thought process appeared to be involved.

Why?

She was 22.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu
BUT, as a (gasp!) single mom, I have to say that most of the time (not ALWAYS, no generalizations)... the only real difference between a single mom and any other single chick is that she is a mom. Period.

PLEASE spare me your sob story and generalizations. We all know your a single mommy and obviously biased. Single moms have ALL KINDS of disadvantages when stacked up to females without kids. Chiks without kids, in general, have

1. WAY more free time
2. WAY less stressed
3. WAY more extra money
4. WAY more energy, which translates into more sex and other activities
5. No ties to any previous BF, which single mommies often have
6. WAY less baggage that comes with having a child.

BOTTOM freakin line, I, nor any DJ, should settle for a single mom when we can go get one without kids. I can have, pick and choose from top notch chiks in the 20's age range. With all those top notch, young, unnattached girls, why in the HELL would i want a girl with kids? I can and will do better

 

[WestCoaster]

Well, because you might fall for a gal ...

... with a kid, you never know, that's why? And you might not score/connect whatever with those HB late 20's gals or whatever. They might not like you, that's why.

Also, perhaps the kid she has might be better than anything your sperm could crank out. Just kidding.

Keep an open mind, not a closed one. I agree that if you don't want baggage, opt for the single/no kid person, but you never know who might come your way. Best to keep an open mind.

As I said before, Nicole Kidman is a single mom ... but let's be serious, I know you're not getting her.

Also, just for future reference, you might not be daddy material so don't go down that path.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

I knew this would happen. I shouldn't have even posted at all... I was NOT trying to make an argument about is it ok or not to be a single mom, to date a single mom, etc... I THOUGHT the topic at hand was about "using" and f*cking a single mom... I was only giving my opinion, explaining my situation, contradicting the stereotypes, and giving my simple advice (don't f*ck with the child's head and the rest is gravy). But since some people feel the need to make me an example (no offense taken, just correcting you)... Maybe I am not the normal single mom, maybe there is something to the stereotype. But you can't generalize and PLEASE don't use me as an example to prove your point, because I do NOT prove your point.

What basis did you have to expect that this relationship would work for a lifetime? If there wasn't a ring on your finger or a major commitment made between you two then you should never have decided to have this child.

I'm sorry, I'm not living in the 1950s where you have to have a ring on your finger to signify that it's a serious relationship. We planned to get married, but we broke up before we did (I say "luckily" because it is a lot easier to break up than to "divorce"). You don't always need a "basis" to expect a relationship to work out... and I never said for a lifetime anyway... how many marriages do you know of that last for a lifetime nowadays? I just knew that this was a person that I cared enough about that I would be happen if he was IN my life forever, not necessarily as my partner. That was how I knew I could have a child with him. Even though we aren't together, we still have love for each other and mutual respect for each other and we are raising our child together, just without living together or having sex with each other. Sorry if that is so hard to understand. It has nothing to do with age. Personally, I think I've handled my relationships and my parenting more maturely than a lot of "mature" people.

Wrong. Think what you will, but any man you bring into your house immediately becomes a father figure to your child. Whether he likes it or not. If you DO get married then your husband will most definately become a father to your child. He is someone who your child will be looking up to as a role model. No "if, ands, or buts" about it.

Yes, any man I bring into my HOUSE (meaning into my FAMILY) becomes a father FIGURE to my child. BUT, it does not make him a FATHER to my child. And I am NOT talking about bringing a man into my family ... or even to my child at all... Just because you date or f*ck someone, does not mean you are becoming a part of their family, or even making a commitment at all... The original post here was NOT about having a LTR with a single mom, it was about casual dating or f*cking. The men I date DON'T even get to MEET my child unless I think they 1. are going to be a good "father figure" (although I really oppose to this term, as long as they aren't a bad role model to my child... they don't have to be a "father"... there is already one of those)... and 2. willing to be a good "role model" to my child... anyone who isn't interested in that (most of the DJs it seems...) need not apply. But that was if I was looking for a LTR, but that is NOT what we were talking about, so let's stick to the subject shall we?

Your husband would also inevitably take on some/most of the financial responsibilities. Your ex may give you financial support but rarely is this enough. (I'm sure you know that.) The financial burden will fall on to you and your new husband. Your new husband will be forced to do your ex's job as a father because he will be most likely be spending alot more time with your kid than his/her biological father. Sadly many men aren't as responsible as they should be when they are placed in the position of being the father to someone else's child.

Well in my case, my stepfather did not support me growing up... my mother and father did... perhaps more my mother than my father... but that is MY problem, not the problem of anyone I date or even eventually marry. Also, even if I do have a husband at some point in my life, it doesn't necessarily mean they will be spending A LOT more time with my child than my ex... It IS sad when men aren't responsible, but I am lucky enough that my ex is NOT like these men. He is a wonderful father.

Good I'm so glad you said that. No more babies till you are happily married, have sufficient income, a stable home, etc. Even with all the pieces of your life in place there are still no guarantees. Your marriage may fail too. However you are increasing the odds in your childs favor if you wait till things are in place.

Again, with the "happily married"... who gives a f*ck if I'm married or not? Marriage does NOT equal happy. I'm so surprised that the DJs would have such old fashioned "happily ever after" fairy tale notions about marriage... especially when I am always hearing how much you guys hate for us women to feel that way. Also, marriage does not equal stable. I know of way too many couples that stayed married "for the kids" creating a much less stable home than if they had just separated and given the child TWO stable (but separate) homes... My child will grow up only seeing me and my ex get along, because luckily we realized our incompatibilities early enough to not expose our child to them. A lot of people don't realize this until it is too late and then they're scarred their child with visions (and sounds) of fighting and unhappy views of marriage and parenting. And don't let my age fool you... just because I am in my twenties, does not mean I don't have a sufficient income and stable home. I just don't happen to have a husband. Big f*cking deal.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

...continued...

Malibu I want you to know that I'm not name calling or attacking you personally. I'm just trying to make a point about something I feel very strongly about.

I understand... and if I sound defensive it is not that I am offended... but rather I also feel very strongly about this. And I feel strongly about the unrealistic views a lot of people have of these kinds of situations. Not everything is how we see it on TV... not all marriages are wonderful happy sitcom lives... and not all single mothers are on welfare while their ex is off somewhere spreading his seed.

No and this is exactly why two people who don't get along shouldn't have kids. At 22 yrs old I don't think anyone is qualified to make a judgment call whether or not they will get along with a partner over the long term. Between age 20 and 30 you and your personality change so much. You can't even predict who you will be in 5-10 years when you are 22. If you don't even "know" yourself. How can you expect to make a decision about who you will be compatible with in the future?!?!?!

True. And at age 40 you can't possibly know how you will feel at age 50. Women are the most fertile in their twenties... and people have been getting married and having children in their 20s for a long time now... it is only recently that the age has been getting older. No one is the same person forever, it doesn't matter when you experiences changes... no one truly "knows" themselves as the same person their whole life. You have a point, I would never have chosen to get pregnant when I did. But I did choose to keep that baby, because I knew that I could do it and that regardless of whether I married my ex or even stayed with him, that we would always be friends, and I was right. We get along great, and even though we loved each other we just realized that maybe we were better off not as a couple. If that isn't a mature decision then I don't know what is.

Statistics show that children growing up in single parent homes have a lot more problems than kids growing up in traditional homes with 2 parents. I don't even want to argue about that. I'm sure you and your ex will always be there for your kid. Great. BUT....Kids need a father and mother figure IN THE HOUSE.Otherwise, its just not fair.


No, there are some single parents who do a great job. I sincerely hope you are one of them. And yes there are some dual-parent households that are f*cked up too. I strongly encourage you to look at some of the statistics regarding the problems that kids have when growing up in single parent homes.

My argument isn't about how someone takes on the job of parenting after the child is born. As a single parent you are forced to try and be a great parent. Your job becomes twice as hard. Which is why so many single parents fail. Its a selfish decision bringing a child into the world without first doing everything in your power to ensure that your child will have the best possible chance at a stable and positive upbringing.

Most of the statistics of "single parent homes" are actually based on single parent FAMILIES... that is, there is only one parent who is a significant part of the children's lives. There are practically no statistics comparing single parent household families that are as functional (if not more so) than a dual parent HOUSEhold. My child is extremely well rounded, socially adept, and advanced academically. I'm not bragging, I'm only saying that you don't know what you're really talking about when you quote statistics that are actually meaningless to the situation. Living in the same house means nothing... as long as a child has positive role models of both genders (regardless of whether it's live-in or a parent at all)... they wil be fine (excluding all other outside influences and criteria...). Statistics like these are never fully valid, because there is no way to control the study... other aspects will always affect the outcome.

And I do think it is selfish to bring a child into the world without making sure you have given them the best chance you can give them. Which is what I have done.

My argument IS about the decision to have kids in the first place.

Young people need to wake up and realize that they are absolutely NOT wise enough to make the biggest decision they will ever face.

You know, terminating a pregnancy is not exactly an easy decision either. It may be easier financially, but emotionally it can be very horrible. I am extremely pro-choice and if I got pregnant today by someone I did not think would be a positive person to have a child with, I would have an abortion I think. But I DO think it is selfish to have an abortion if you ARE capable of giving your child a stable upbringing. If you think someone in their 20s isn't wise enough to make this decision, then someone in their 20s shouldn't be having sex at all. Because birth control DOES fail... and if you aren't able to deal with the consequences of your actions, then don't take those actions. Is that what the DJs think? That everyone should be celibate until they are 30 and married? Sure. Sosuave.com would f*cking shut down.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by prosemont
This statement implies that single mothers in particular can't figure out when some guy is pretending to like her or her kids or acting in any other particular fashion to get into her pants.

I think most single mothers are ALL OVER THIS which is why, as Malibu states, guys don't even get to MEET her kids unless he's proved himself worthy.

Hopefully most single mothers ARE all over this. I tend to agree that as a general rule, they are.

That doesn't change the fact that it's not a manly way to behave, whether the woman realizes what's going on or not. Based on the posts of several guys in this thread, I've noticed the prevailing attitude that "anything goes" no matter who you hurt, as long as you get laid. To me, that's just smacks of desperation. I think it's bullsh*t to lie and pretend to care about someone just to have sex with them. But there's an additional layer of innocence when it comes to children and it's particularly dispicable in my mind to toy with the thoughts and feelings of children just to blow your wad.

You can disagree if you want, but don't mischaracterize what I said.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
But there's an additional layer of innocence when it comes to children and it's particularly dispicable in my mind to toy with the thoughts and feelings of children just to blow your wad.

I agree with that. If you involve innocent little kids, you are scum.

However, just having sex with a single mom (or a married mom for that matter, heh heh) is okay if you don't use the kids in some manner to make the move. There is no reason for a single mom to be celibate.

 

[prosemont]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova

You can disagree if you want, but don't mischaracterize what I said.

There was no mischaracterization. Btw, it's despicable.

 

[DesertsFox]

I just lost a lot of respect for some of the people on this board.

Im in a total agreement with Malibu. Not all single moms are looking for a "daddy" for their kid. Some of the best and kinkiest sex iv ever had was with single moms. They also tend to be more mature and just make better partners due to expirience(I mean common they obivously put out) and maturity.

Using people is however dirty. Sometimes it is unavoidable but im not gonna run the podium on how to screw over single moms, I think you guys need a whole new message boards for that. what do you think about metreatyounicealongtime.com

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Well, because you might fall for a gal ...

Originally posted by WestCoaster
... with a kid, you never know, that's why? .

As I said before, Nicole Kidman is a single mom ... but let's be serious, I know you're not getting her.

Also, just for future reference, you might not be daddy material so don't go down that path.

Dude, Im in TOTAL CONTROL over who Im so called "falling" for. Please. You don't just "fall" in love or have a "soul mate". Its a totally conscience decision that I can stop. And Im GLAD I can control who I have feelings for. Could you Imagine falling hopelessly for some chik that wasn't up to standards?

LOL, You can have Nicole Kidman. The chik Im banging right now is WAY hotter and way younger. I will let her current BF, Lenny Kravitz, take care of that head case. Please, Nicole Kidman is a 7.5 and way past her prime at 36. LOL, Im not dating her for her money either, only chiks do things like that.

And again, who the heck are you to say if I am "Daddy Material". You don't know me. Just because I don't wanna date single mommies doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me a smart person. What makes ya think i don't already have a kid? Hmmm?

Bottom line - I can pick and choose from the top notch unnattached girls in there 20's. I don't need to settle for anything less.

And again, I was one of the first people on this post to say you should NOT take advantage and use single moms. Its not worth the hassle. Plus, its not fair to the kid. I really don't wanna hurt a girl with a child. Just not my style.

And again, LOL, its all good. This is a discussion board so let the discussion/arguing/disagreeing/agreeing BEGIN!!!

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by chlywly
You can think all you want but wait till karma does away with you, life is a balance, you can choose to believe or not live in your own fabricated dream or not, but the bottom line is actions have reactions. Do certain things which are negative they will too attract negative reactions in the long run.

Certainly a man is a man, a man should certainly be the type of man which he choses to be, BUT not every man is a DJ. The definition of a DJ is not that of a man being that which he simply choses to be, a man can chose to be an ******* or a murderer, a wife beater or a cheater: point is that non of those things will make him a virtious and in the long run happy man, certainly not DJ.

So please re-read the FULL bible.

I didn't say he shouldn't **** her; learn to read. I said be that which you intend to be, lying is not virtue. LYING is not being that which you want to be say you are and act.

Watch your mouth little boy, you're talking to a grown man. I've boned more women than you know. Your experience is based solely on the stuff you've read in books. You read the DJ bible and some other philosophy about karma and you think you know and understand the world. You have no experience, just theory. I have a lot more experiecne in the real world dealing with real people, real women in particular, not little girls.

At 21 you don't even know who you are yet. Wait till life bites you in the butt. You can be a so called "DJ" all you want to be. I will live in the real world. I choose to be happy, I choose to walk my own path and I choose to do what brings joy to my life. If that makes me a "non DJ" in your book I couldn't care less. IMHO a DJ but more importantly a real man, sets his own course and makes his own rules. IF You set your course through life based on the philosophies of others, IMHO you aren't a man you are a follower.

 

[WestCoaster]

It's all cool Blue

You're right, this is all a discussion and fun. And you're right Nicole Kidman is overrated. Just an example. Does Halle Berry have a kid? I tend to like them with a little mixture or complextion on their skin anyway.

More power to you Blue if you're woman is hot. Good job.

I'm just trying to bash the stereotypes that go on here. Some day you may find yourself in a position of a nice single mother coming your way, just keep an open mind about it.

Now I gotta go: Miami-Florida State is winding down!

 

[myfriendblu]

Yea, Nic Kidman is way way overrated anyways. She is scrawny with little T+A and pale skin. I like my girls a little curvy and darker complexion. I don't know what the hell lenny kravitz is thinking dating her. That dude can have any chik he wants.

I hate to be prejudiced against single moms, but its just how I feel, I can't change that. I have dated plenty of single moms, probably 7 or 8 of them. EVERY single time it was similar. They had
1. less free time
2. less money
3. less energy
4. less sexual, because of the kids always around

I think a majority of people around, especially alot of the single mom supporters on this board, just haven't dated around enough and experienced enough. but dam, when you have dated both a girl with and without kids, and stack em up, a girl with a kid just can't even compare. She is pretty much handicapped compared to an unnatached girl. Sounds harsh, but thats life.

Malibu "thinks" that there is no difference. I ask her - how many single moms have you dated? None. So she really doesn't know. However, coming from MY perspective, a guy that has dated plenty of both kinds, I have an unbiased viewpoint.

 

[Walden]

I saw a totally hot chick in the city today with a kid on each arm, sarged on in , went for the close and she turned out to be their 17yr old big sister.

Anyone , just shoot me any old time you like....