URGENT! Need experienced DJ advice [merged threads]

[dannyegg4575]

I don't normally need advice from someone I don't know about relationships. I have no problem getting a lady. But I am in trouble this time around and I really need your help. anybody with sound advice will be appreciated. I was introduced to your site by a friend who said that he'd learned a lot from it.

I've been a bachelor now for 4 years since my divorce. In between, I've been dating and meeting different women. But these past 6 months, I've been really preoccupied with my work and I didn't really let go of this girl. We'll call her Apple.

well, Apple and I were great in the beginning but I guess because I've enjoyed the single life so much, I've given up on long term relationship. Apple told me she loves me very much but for some reason, I caught her messaging another guy. One night, I opened her cell text inbox and read messages she wrote to her best friend Jessy. In it she said, "she was hesitant of trying out the new boy or give up someone wonderful like me." With those messages, it was a no brainer for me. I broke up with her on the spot the very next day.

Afterwards, she came to see me and told me that nothing happened between the boy and her. She asked me to give her another chance. I told her no. If she wants to try going out with another person, that's fine with me. But I won't take her back. When a girl even want to commit infidelity, you can't take them back.

Anyway, long story short, her friend called me yesterday about her committing suicide and sent to the hospital. In the hospital, she kept calling my name and said how she missed me. In my heart, I already made up my mind. I won't take her back. Guys, I don't know what to do. I don't want her to hurt herself and don't have the heart to see her like this.

I know you guys probably recommend counseling, but you know how counseling never works. I can't ignore her. If I do, she'll do the same thing again. I have already told her to that I don't love her anymore and to put it harshly after repeatedly telling her, I also added, "Even if you have me, if you don't have my heart, it's pointless." She refused to listen.

Please help!

From guy who doesn't want anyone hurt

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...From guy who doesn't want anyone hurt

Two things about this statement:

1. Is it possible, realistically?
2. Even if it is, shouldn't you be included?

 

[PectoralisMajor]

It sounds like she may have had other issues aside from 'just' you breaking up with her.

Its terrible what she has done to herself.Fortunately you already know you wont take her back. That leaves as options:

1) removing all contact with her despite her circumstances
2) being her friend.

If you choose option 2), at some point when she gets better, you may have to make it clear your only there as a friend again. Oh, and she may take a lot of time and support away from you if your not careful. Are you willing to stay in touch, I guess thats the question? she has this other friend around her if need be.

Rather you than me buddy -thats tough. Only you can decide on whats best.

 

[joekerr31]

when someone attempts suicide as a result of a relationship breaking up its merely a form of manipulation.

its simply an extreme version of the 'lose lose' scenario. if you dont take me back im goign to kill myself and youll have that on your conscience - SO DO WHAT I SAY!

this, yet again, simply goes to illustrate that the ONLY method most women know how to use is manipulation - even when the cost of using it is ridiculously high (such as losing your life).

your dealing with a woman who has deep issues. she basically was contemplating leaving you and now wants to kill herself because you are gone? totally crazy.

although you want to save her / help her, you have to realize that you cant. there is nothing you can do to help her. you are part of her delusional grasp of reality. only extensive therapy can potentially pull her out of the mess her mind and reality has become.

as for feeling guilty? had she not clearly expressed an interest to cheat on you i would say help her out. i'm not a big fan of ditching someone just becuase they are going through a tough time - BUT - the MOMENT they put their selfish interests before YOUR well being its over.

did SHE stop and ask herself "you know, if i cheat on him, i wonder how much that will hurt him? what if it sends him in to a depression and he tries to kill himself? jeez, what am i doing?"

no, she didn't. she DID NOT care how damaged you would have been by her actions. even now she doesn't care how damaged you might be by her using suicide as a manipulation tactic. she is focused on one thing and one thing only - her own pain. and she has ZERO concern for the damage she might be doing anyone else.

anyway, although it goes against our 'save a ho' nature, you need to cut loose from this chic and move on with life.

she had a good thing (you), she threw it away, now shes living with the consequences of that decision and the person that she has become.

NYP - NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

 

[odietamo]

KEEP RUNNING AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

let her friends, family, and medical professionals help her. you are only in the position to either make it worse for her or yourself. don't talk to her or make any attempts to help her. you'll regret it.

You did the right thing.

 

[Someone Much cooler]

yeah trying to kill yourself because you man dumped you is kinda extreme. I would fall back from her, she sounds like she might have som under lying issues. Go rent the movie "Fatal Attraction"!

 

[dannyegg4575]

thanks guys.

I hope she doesn't really do it. You see it in movies but don't think it would actually happen in real life!

 

[Cremasta]

I can't ignore her. If I do, she'll do the same thing again.

Get this out of your head! It's called suicide because they DO IT TO THEMSELVES.

You could be a great guy, but it's pretty damn unlikely she's trying to top herself because of you. For her to go and then say she is doing it because of you and trying to lay all that guilt on you is just low.

She is not your problem, let her family and friends sort her out.

 

[PhilippeUrielAmancio]

...she sounds like she might have some under lying issues...

Nah...

 

[Latinoman]

thanks guys.

I hope she doesn't really do it. You see it in movies but don't think it would actually happen in real life!

If she does it...she does it. I know it sound callous...but if you take her back, next time would be worst. She might attempt suicide or something as extreme such as burning your home or killing your dog or burning your parents home, because you decided to work late and put your career above her.

I agree 100% with Joekerr's post and I have nothing more to add.

It sucks seeing someone else getting hurt. But when a person goes to the extreme of wanting to cheat and destroy your heart and then to the other extreme of wanting to "committ suicide"...it is time to do the hard thing. And that is: leave without looking back.

It is NOT your problem. And you should not want to make it your problem.

 

[Latinoman]

KEEP RUNNING AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

let her friends, family, and medical professionals help her. you are only in the position to either make it worse for her or yourself. don't talk to her or make any attempts to help her. you'll regret it.

You did the right thing.

I agree.

 

[Charm]

She's trying to run a guilt trip on you... DO NOT BUY INTO IT....

If you care about her, give her space to let real professionals help her with her emotional and psyochological imbalances. Move on with your life and avoid the drama she will bring into yours. You've been warned.

 

[jonwon]

I posted this already on discussion forum... but thought I can get better advice on this one.

I don't normally need advice from someone I don't know about relationships. I have no problem getting a lady. But I am in trouble this time around and I really need your help. anybody with sound advice will be appreciated. I was introduced to your site by a friend who said that he'd learned a lot from it.

I've been a bachelor now for 4 years since my divorce. In between, I've been dating and meeting different women. But these past 6 months, I've been really preoccupied with my work and I didn't really let go of this girl. We'll call her Apple.

well, Apple and I were great in the beginning but I guess because I've enjoyed the single life so much, I've given up on long term relationship. Apple told me she loves me very much but for some reason, I caught her messaging another guy. One night, I opened her cell text inbox and read messages she wrote to her best friend Jessy. In it she said, "she was hesitant of trying out the new boy or give up someone wonderful like me." With those messages, it was a no brainer for me. I broke up with her on the spot the very next day.

Afterwards, she came to see me and told me that nothing happened between the boy and her. She asked me to give her another chance. I told her no. If she wants to try going out with another person, that's fine with me. But I won't take her back. When a girl even want to commit fidelity, you can't take them back.

Anyway, long story short, her friend called me yesterday about her committing suicide and sent to the hospital. In the hospital, she kept calling my name and said how she missed me. In my heart, I already made up my mind. I won't take her back. Guys, I don't know what to do. I don't want her to hurt herself and don't have the heart to see her like this.

I know you guys probably recommend counseling, but you know how counseling never works. I can't ignore her. If I do, she'll do the same thing again. I have already told her to that I don't love her anymore and to put it harshly after repeatedly telling her, I also added, "Even if you have me, if you don't have my heart, it's pointless." She refused to listen.

Please help!

From guy who doesn't want anyone hurt

True or not i even have experiance here, lol, dam looks like i have had my fair share of wacko's.

Ok here goes.

My brother dated a girl just like this, they moved into a flat, a flat that was 4 stories up, well one day after many many arguments this chick decided to mess his head up and say she was going to kill herself, opened the balcony door and hung of the balcony.

At the same time my sister was visiting and heard what was going on through the door, she came into the flat has the door was unlocked to catch my brother trying in vain to reason with this chick and holding onto her for dear life.

it took the combined effort of my sister and my brother to get her back into the flat and stop her from chucking her self of the balcony.

My brother blamed himself and gave into the mental manipulation of this chick, he suffered many months after of being the victim to the controlling ways of this chick, has he was afraid of a re-lapse out of love.

Love he thought he had returned but the reality of it, this chick had issues and her way to get love back was through manipulation and attention.

This was a good few years ago, the broke up a good few months later.

My brother has still not recovered and is a shell of his former self.

She used alot of verbal abuse on him, name calling, e.t.c, he just soaked it up out of love has he did not want her to try to kill herself again.

Messed up i know.

You take this chick back, your a fool!

women got to love there so fuc*ed up ways.

Btw this chick 'dumped' him after eventually she sucked his self esteem dry and left a shell, i hate that girl (harsh but hey....), my brother still fails to see it, this is the worst form of manipulation i can think of.

Avoid, at all costs.

tread that road, there may be no coming back.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Obviously you should move on with your life but be a human being and console her and let her know that life is more important than you and that her priority should be herself and not you and that she needs to concentrate on how she could improve her life without a man present and that eventually she will find a compatible mate - but you are not him!

 

[dannyegg4575]

I was here last year when I posted and ask about a girl threatening to commit suicide. jesus... you guys are so damn right...

I went back with her and I said I give her another chance. Well, it's been 4 months since that happened and I started "falling" in love with this woman. Only to one day find out she was secretly going to see another guy behind my ****en back. Obviously, the first thing I did was,

"I told you before that when this day comes, I won't stand in your way. I hope he treats you well and take care..."

damn those words somehow hurts like hell because I did fall in love with her... what's worst is this ***** kept on putting up these I miss you messages to the other guy... and this happened in two days after I broke up with her!

It was like nothing ever happened. the night before she could tell you she loves you only to get her ass banged by another guy and like you never existed...

tell me guys, what should I do in this situation? should i even keep her in my msn? or delete her from my life? I long for the day for her to come back asking me to forgive her and I ****en tell her to **** off...

advice please? I'm sorry if I sound bitter,... but ****...

I made a mistake though... i started acting like a wuss and told her that i love her afterwards... and was ready to marry her too...

Just last month she kept begging me to marry her and I kept saying I'm not ready, financially or emotionally....

On my last message to her on msn, I told her, I'm going to give her her stuff back tonight... I will drop it off.. I am afraid of having tears in my eyes when I see her. I became a wuss man!!!

analyze away guys... can really use your help and tell me what to do now...

 

[ezily]

dude she needs to get to a psychiatrist. I would not get back with her. You are just looking for trouble if you do. And yes you did the right thing. I don't know how the breakup wen but hopefully you explained yourself. I mean sure she can be upset but that's her fault. If she attempted suicide she must have had other issues before you. Therapy would be a great help to her. I know you don't think it works but I've taken a few psychology classes and know a couple of psychologist and I would recommend for a person like this. She could be bipolar and need some medication.

 

[dannyegg4575]

guys? any help?