URGENT! Another DJ is stealing my woman..how do I fight back???

[Jet Jockey]

The advice I need is simple. I am 40 years old. I have been seeing a single mom for about 4 or 5 months now. we get along good. We have had our share of disagreements, and stuff, but we always,get over it and work it out. Usually I am fair, firm and consistent, which pays off. Not AFC or anything, Just I take responsibility if it turns out I was wrong, and if it turns out she was wrong she eventually takes that responsibility.

She went to a party 2 weeks ago saturday night. Met a guy there she knew and had the hots for when they lived in the same apt. complex, but both were (unhappily) married at the time. I have to work sometimes on the weekends, so that is how she went alone..

Well apparently this guy invited her out to his pad about 2 hour drive away the next day (sunday) She went, cuz she claims she hadn't seen him in so long (8 or 9 years). They used to be good friends.

Well, I had to work this weekend, and she spent all day this Saturday out at his place. He is moving in on her like a pro, and predictably, she likes the attention. I told her I might have Friday off this coming week, and she thought for awhile, then informed me, that this guy and his roomate were coming up to see her, and stay Fri, and Sat and go home on Sunday. Now this is getting out of hand!!! I objected, told her that this was BS, and I think her old "friend" is getting to "friendly"! She countered with...yuck, I can't stand it when you get jealous...yada yada yada...basically trying to make it look like I was being unreasonable. Yet she tells me she loves me etc, we were fine until prince Charming rode into town. From what I can tell, he is a bonafide DJ, Maybe much better than I. He knows how to use character assasination on me, raise doubts in her mind about us, in other words, he is using every tactic in the book at his disposal. I know she is letting him, which is not cool. Some will say, that if her interest level were higher in me that this would not be happening... but this guy is good, she had the hots for him and I am sure alot of unacted on fantasies... so I don't think it would matter how interested she is in anyone...She finds him attractive, he is persuasive and persistant. If this keeps snowballing, he is going to succeed in getting to her. I know it may sound funny but I think ANY woman can be torn from her man if the right tactics and DJ know how is used. So I think I need to fight fire with fire here, not ready to next her, but sure the hell not ready to sit on my hands and do nothing! Letting her call me would be a bad move I think, since Romeo will surely "fill" in her slack time, among other things if he can weasel his way in. I have tried saying "Look, it pi$$es me off that you are hanging out to much with him, and it needs to stop...but then I sound like the jealous AFC. She has admitted to him giving her a quick kiss already.. He is kino'ing her i am sure. I know sex wasn't possible cuz she hasn't been alone with him YET, but that will probably happen this weekend, and i expect him to make a move. OK Guys, if you weren't ready to let some a-hole steal your woman, how would you combat his very, very good DJ skills? Any Ideas?????? Friday is coming fast!!!!!

 

[iqqi]

fcuk that sh!t, do not put up with it. she is moving towards cheating territory and is trying to turn it around on you by pulling the jealousy card! i HATE when they do that!

fcuk her. if she is the type to

1. put herself in those positions
2. make YOU think YOU are crazy (2nd guess yourself)

then she is not the one for you nor the woman you thought she was.

fcuk her.

i have no tolerance for this sh!t anymore.

took a b!tch walking in on me and the one i thought was "all mine" for me to get this through my head. don't let it go that far.

fcuk her.

 

[trevor2003]

personally I wouldn't put up with that sort of female bull$hit!

I'd NEXT her before she knew what hit her!

BUT if you really want her then you HAVE to should show her who is really the man, however that requires a lot of effort, when you could be out doing something more productive with your time!

 

[iqqi]

fcuk her.

 

[Jet Jockey]

I get what you guys are saying.

She's just pulling the Jealousy card cuz she wants to do what she wants to do like most women!

I do really feel like things would have been mighty fine and were, before I got out DJ'd. I'm dealing with unrealized fantasies she has, and he is putting the pressure on but good! He hopes to score.

Before I tell her to Fvck off, I would like to if nothing else use this experience to hone a few skills....It's like a challenge. Yes I could say I love her, but she can alwaysl be replaced if I lose. But this guy wants to play! Sooooo, maybe he picked a worthy opponent. I have something he does not..this board. If i win, i may still tell her to take a hike, but I just can't turn down a challenge....its a great opportunity to sharpen a few skills!

The fact that she has know him for years, is against me. The fact I have to work weekends is against me. The unrealistic view of a Knight in shining armor, here to sweep her off my feet that she has is against me. (women love that shyt!)

She is with me now, thats in my favor. I still can influence her thoughts, thats in my favor. Communication is still open...but thats neutral cuz he has it too. Kino we both have. Attitude we both have. Confidence we both have.

Whats the next move? (besides being a total wuss and giving him satisfaction without showing him who he is messing with HA HA)

If I give it up now a-hole just got the KO!

She of course, will pull other cards... Such as I need space, I need my privacy, He and I have "catching up to do"
why can't I pick my own friends etc..... you know the womanisitic BS. Its the stuff they use to rationalize their position...

Ok, any DJ better than this guy? what WOULD YOU DO? Telling her to fvck off comes later.... right now out DJ a DJ!!!!

 

[iqqi]

you are 40 years old

































why do you want to play games????


















fcuk her

 

[NatureGuy]

If she's interested in this other guy, she certainly has a right to explore those feelings. Remember, she knew this guy
way before you, and she may have some genuine interest in him. You're not married to her, and even if you were, you don't own her.
Best thing to do (in my view) is to not overreact, state how you feel about her and why you have problems with what she's doing (don't use a needy or desperate tone though), and then tell
her you'll talk to her later. (Leave "when" ambiguous) I would then wait for her to call. When the "affair" with the other guy blows over, she'll probably come back to you.
Of course, no matter what you do, there is always the possibility she will stay with him or someone else. That's the risk we all take in these matters.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by Jet Jockey


Ok, any DJ better than this guy? what WOULD YOU DO? Telling her to fvck off comes later.... right now out DJ a DJ!!!!

When she's got this guy over her house on Fri. I'd be out with another woman.

 

[TesuqueRed]

I dunno Jet, I think your emphasis is misplaced here.

It's not so much a man v man thing here as you state it. Sure, partly it is, but the thing I'm picking up from you is something Doc Love would probably point out.

It's been 4-5 months and you're still qualifying her! You're seeing if she's got LTR value and is quality material, and if her IL is high enough.

I don't get that evaluation out of your post here--it's almost as if what is at play here is a DJ duel without regard to whether she's worth it. The one with the most DJ points will get her and she can't make her own, responsible decision. It's like she's a dog and will go to the one offering the smelliest, juiciest dog treat.

I think you've just come across evidence that she's not LTR quality material. You are removing the option of next'ing her--sure, it's a 4-5 month relationship and nexting her out-of-hand is stupid--but I wouldn't banish that option, and I wouldn't banish the option of using it immediately and irrevocably.

LTR-quality material--you really want to commit to someone pulling this on you? You're already making excuses for her behavior.

Enough.

You've stated your position and she knows it. She'll make her decision anyway. If she makes a wrong decision, I'd just tell her she's not what I'm looking for in a long term, committed relationship and promptly LJBF her.

The other guy will probably dump her, too. Iqqi's right--fvck her.

 

[DrMetallica]

She is doing more than you think. You say she has not had sex with him, but you do not know that. Girls are slutier than you think.

That said, if you are not just using her for sex, you need to tell her that you will not allow her to go over to friend's houses that are male. If she resists you need to just end the relationship. This girl or any other girl is not worth worrying and wondering over.

If you are just using her for sex, be with other girls while she is with her guy.

 

[Jet Jockey]

Heres my plan...

It's called being the man...


First off, I have told her, how I feel about this, and that I ain't too amused. She knows that. She knows my position on this. I won't come across anymore with words...but with actions.

She will be over to my place a couple times before he blows into town. I'll be decent with her, and reinstate my position one more last time. That will be enough of that. When she tells me she loves me, I'll say "whatever!" When she goes for the kiss ( she always does) I'll turn my head ( pull the same shyt they do on us!) In general, LET HER KNOW I have a huge problem with this.

Step 2. I'll make a date with her for the night before romeo shows up. I'll get a cute female friend ( I have a few) to go to where we will be going. We will hang for a while, then I will cut the date short, and say that geez, I feel really sick, can we go home? Once I take her home, I'll tell her to call and make sure I made it home. My female friend will answer, in a really sweet seductive voice. She'll say "he's busy now, can I take a message"?

Step 3. Don't call her. She will be expecting me to call when this guy is there. Don't do it. Let her wonder what I am doing. If she calls let the phone ring ( caller ID).

Step 4. After letting her wonder for a couple days, answer the phone ( she will be calling, guilt will be playing here). Talk briefly about something that we did that she really liked... a good memory. Then change the converation to " so and so from work has the hots for me, and wants me to go out with her". Then say its inviting... are you going to be seeing your friend this weekend? If so, I'm not sitting around I will probably go out. Let her make the connection. Be vague about who with.

Step 5. Tell her we need to have a talk. When she sits down and says what...get distracted. Whatever it takes, never have the talk. Start to, then, get distracted...say I forgot what I was gonna say anything. Let her anticipate a a$$ chewing, but then don't give it. Her own conscience will work on her if she has one.

Step 6. Do something really nice for her, (send flowers, write a sweet poem etc.) then when she calls to thank me, say something like, " I have company' make it sound like its another woman. Keep it brief.

Step 7. last step. Call her. Say, "I have been thinking, and I'm having doubts about us". "Somethings missing". Then have to suddenly go. Don't give a reason, just hang up. When she calls back ( and she will), don't answer. Make her sweat it. make her wonder..is he pi$$ed, is he ok, is he with someone else....let her mind wander. Then drop out of sight. The day before her meeting with MR DJ, call and tell her how much I trust her, knows she has self respect, and thats what attracted me to her in the first place, etc. Then drop it, and wait. When I see her again, Ask how her friend is doing. Ask how the vist went. If she can't maintain eye contact or shows signs it went ...well "too good" Just say i need to be alone, i know you understand. make her stew. Then pick up after a week or two like no big deal. If she is truly mine, she will respond. If not, just drop her, but be seen in public with a hottie. Some things take patience!

I wish i had all the answers but I do not. for those of you, that just reach the easiest conclusion .. east is not always best. Telling her to fvck off at this point, is like selling stock on a rumor. It may be right it may be a bad deal to panic. Its speculative. How this turns out is entirely dependent on my gam... and well.. I came here...looking for more than the simple tell her to fvck off. I wanna go for it. Not give up like a beat dog. Any real DJ"s with advice other than, this is too hard, so tell her to fvck off?

 

[BRYCEicl]

if I were you i'd meed this guy, walk up to him and shake his hand to see what he's all about. I'd learn from him also. i think the best thing to do about this is nothing at all, just cover your arse and keep your confidence in check and don't second guess yourself.

pulling the jealous card on you is a bullsht line, call her on it!

DO NOT TAKE HER SHT

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Jet Jockey
Step 2. I'll make a date with her for the night before romeo shows up. I'll get a cute female friend ( I have a few) to go to where we will be going. We will hang for a while, then I will cut the date short, and say that geez, I feel really sick, can we go home? Once I take her home, I'll tell her to call and make sure I made it home. My female friend will answer, in a really sweet seductive voice. She'll say "he's busy now, can I take a message"?

i cannot read anymore. is this a joke or are you just an idiot?

 

[Jet Jockey]

IqqI

There are always a few folks that don't offer a valid solution. Evidently, you I would say offer advice more along the lines of "next" the majority of the time.

I did not say i would not next her anyway. You have totally missed my point!!!

I am talking about using this unfortunate turn of circumstances to my advantage. Do you get that concept, or are you to bitter?

My Bottom line is yes, this is probably not the chick for me. In the process, (since she is toast anyway) i would like to LEARN how to deal with a situation that comes up when another very well versed DJ enters the scene and grabs onto my good thing.

Some guys use the next opton too freely. I use it AFTER I use her to learn for next time. Why pass up a chance to learn how to deal with said situation? If a woman even ACTS like a woman should I next her? I don't think so! Not without tearing it apart and seeing what makes it tick!

I asked for specific advice. How to out DJ a Rival DJ. I have nexted many a woman. I am well versed in that. I want to salvage some knowledge not bury my head in the sand or be bitter. If you cannot offer anymore advice than NEXT ( your battle cry right?) then how does that help me for the future? There are a few DJ's out there...I think we would all like to know the answer to this question! If one macked on the lady you love, you would just let him have her and j@ck off until you get a new one? hmmmm. It's not your piece of pie being stolen huh????

 

[iqqi]

sigh

Originally posted by Jet Jockey
Heres my plan...

It's called being the man...

? riiiiight.


it was oooook up to here:

I feel really sick, can we go home? Once I take her home, I'll tell her to call and make sure I made it home. My female friend will answer, in a really sweet seductive voice. She'll say "he's busy now, can I take a message"?

this is so stupid. what does this do? tell her that you are not worth HER. you have another chic at your place? you JUST GAVE HER THE OK to fcuk you over, genius.

Step 3. Don't call her. She will be expecting me to call when this guy is there. Don't do it. Let her wonder what I am doing. If she calls let the phone ring ( caller ID).

this part is good

Step 6. Do something really nice for her, (send flowers, write a sweet poem etc.) then when she calls to thank me, say something like, " I have company' make it sound like its another woman. Keep it brief.

wtf????? i. just. can't. find. words. WTFAUT?????

Step 7. last step. Call her. Say, "I have been thinking, and I'm having doubts about us". "Somethings missing". Then have to suddenly go. Don't give a reason, just hang up. When she calls back ( and she will), don't answer. Make her sweat it. make her wonder..is he pi$$ed, is he ok, is he with someone else....let her mind wander. Then drop out of sight.

maybe this ought to be your first step...

why the games? why don't you try keeping it real? you sound like a highschool poster, man.

Originally posted by Jet Jockey
Heres my plan...

It's called being the man...

you sound like a woman, all these stupid games.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by iqqi
i cannot read anymore. is this a joke or are you just an idiot?

funny sh!t iqqi.

Listen.. man.. you have to get really busy for a while and blow her off for a few weeks. If she plans to fvck him she will do it regardless of what you do. She will make up as many reasons as needed to justify doing it. So don't bother playing games with her. Let her have what she wants. Suck up your emotions and leave the situation like a man. If what she wants isn't you, don't waste your time playing games with her. Get busy, pursue other women, and let her talk to your answering machine. After she stops trying, you can call her back and demand an appology. Keep the conversation focused on the appology and only that. Don't talk about how you feel or anything. Make sure you see it to the end. Women hate giving appologies so it might take a bit of time. If she truly loves you as she says, she will give you that appology.

 

[NewMan]

Uhhhhhh????

Ok you've got to be kidding me right?

Your 40 Fvcking years old - and your acting like a loser.

Sorry to be harsh but this is the lamest bullsh#t I've read. It's a joke.

Here is my 2 cents for you....

then informed me, that this guy and his roomate were coming up to see her, and stay Fri, and Sat and go home on Sunday. Now this is getting out of hand!!! I objected, told her that this was BS, and I think her old "friend" is getting to "friendly"! She countered with...yuck, I can't stand it when you get jealous...yada yada yada...basically trying to make it look like I was being unreasonable.

What you tell her is that it's unreasonable for 2 guys to coem and stay with her - especially since one of them has kissed her - and wants more.

Next her - move on - and stop the stupid game playing - thats for AFC's.,

 

[echo1212]

Ok I couldn't resist anwering this thread. I really dont even know where to begin.

First let me say, if you go through with all of those lame games-say bye bye to her. You'll Never see her again-gauranteed.

Next, your 40 years old. Why are you wanting to do those things that make me think they should be in the high school forum? I know its hard to have another guy taking your women, but TRUST ME, doing what your about to do is the exact opposite of what you SHOULD do. I've been there, done that. It DOES NOT WORK. Youre not doing those games because you want to run an experiment about not nexting and Djing, your doing it because youre desperate to keep her, youre panicking, and you dont know what else to do. Youre obsessing. All I can say is STOP!! We've all been there. It hurts, but doing the things you propose will backfire-mark my words.

Dude, I really hate to say this to you, but she's already gone or has made up her mind to leave you but just hasnt come out and said it yet. And yes, odds are shes had sex already with him.

Do you realize how much shes disrepected you? Inviting the guy over for the weekend? If my gf did that-lightning doesnt strike as fast as I would have nexted her ass. You have one small slim shot.

Talk to her asap. Say this, "look...its been great getting to know you, but to be honest, Im not happy at all with your new relationship with this guy. I want someone who is willing to be with me 100% like I am with you, and this is disrespectful to me and our relationship. I wish you the best, no hard feelings. Good luck." And leave it at that.

NO games, whining, pleading, begging, argueing. Be a man. Im telling you this is your only hope. Than you come across as a mature, good man, who doesnt play games and who knows what he wants. You do that other junk and she'll just think youre psycho. I know I would. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Jet Jockey]

Ok IQQI

So If i follow your advice, I cave, i cower, and i run. NICE!!!!!!

You almost sound like a woman! NO Balls!

Forget my sutuation for a minute.

IF

Another DJ, said I like what you have, can I steal it, let me make sure I get this right...

You'd say by all means, help yourself!

Could this be a test of my resolve? Could it be a "do you have balls enough to not run, give in and do the easiest thing possible?"

Probably.

She is checking out my response that is for sure. Maybe my plan was not as great as it could be.. but thats because i have not yet heard a better plan. Have you offered one?

Your plan is for me to let MR DJ coming to visit to take over completely. Yes I cannot prevent her from fvcking him or from her letting him come over....but I can use tried and true principles. If i jut sweep it under the rug and say SIGH, then I guess, I she will have a high IL in me right? NOT!!!

The best thing here I think and it doesn't matter how it is worded, is to basically let her know I AM the prize, she is hurting her position with me, and if she attaches any value to maintaining this relationship then she needs to think real hard!

Otherwise of course she will be nexted. If I nexted every woman cuz someone else was interested in her, I'd b no better than she is..

She is (temp insanity) giving in to a fantasy she has played out in her mind before. Should it intimidate me? Nope. Should it make me give up? Nope. Should I put her on notice? Hell yes!


"The greatest rulers of all time are those that rule thru, fairness, not fear, perserverance, not a quick fix, respect not force, and patience, not panic"

 

[echo1212]

Youre not getting it. You already have put her on notice by telling her you dont like it and she STILL invited them over. Dont you see? She doesnt care right now.

A while ago there was a thread exactly like this one. THe girl was leaving a guy for another, and he came up with all of these experiments and games to get her back. He said it didnt matter to him, he didnt really care, he just wanted to DJ her and see if that worked instead of nexting.

Well, it was a disastor. When all was said and done he came crying back saying yeah i really did care, how could she do that to me, now she thinks I'm nuts, etc. The bottom line is she doesnt CARE what you do right now, and the more you do the worse it will become. You can be a man and do like I said and maybeeeee keep her. Or you can go your route and fall on your face. Your call.