Update / WTF just happened?

[JMoneyINC.]

Here's the thread from my original post with all the background information:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=183325

Fast forward to this week. HB skips class, call her after to see what's up/ tell her what she missed. No answer. No call back. Figured I'd see her at class the next day, left it at that.

Get to class the next day. See her, smile, she gives me a monotone hey. We get a break during class in which we always grab a drink or bite to eat. Figured sense she didn't seem to talkative, I'd just go myself, so I did (she still had the option to follow).

Get back. She's gone. Didn't say anything, just left. Text her, asking if she left, all she said was, "Yup." Asked if everything was cool, no answer. At this point I'm on tilt, say **** it, delete her number.

So WTF just happened? Where did shlt go wrong?

My guess is mutual friend CB'ed me on accident when he called her out on her blushing after his "it obvious you two like each other" comment. HB might have felt guilty for having feelings for me while the b/f is still in the picture.

Any other ideas on what just happened? Also did I handle the situation right?

Any suggestions/feedback would be appreciated, thanks.

 

[Iceberg]

Going back to your first thread about her, it just seems like she may have been being friendly. A girl giving a guy her email and sitting next to him in class....I mean...that doesn't mean a damn thing.

There's nothing about your conversation with her that I couldn't have had with an old lady on the bus.

You asked her about her test. She thought "Cool. Here's a familiar face. I'll sit next to this guy." You exchanged numbers. Of course you exchanged numbers. You're in class together.

There's nothing about this girl that makes me think that she's an AW. She might be. But none of what you said makes her sound that way. You seem like two people in a class together who could have friendly conversations about class.

 

[JMoneyINC.]

Going back to your first thread about her, it just seems like she may have been being friendly. A girl giving a guy her email and sitting next to him in class....I mean...that doesn't mean a damn thing.

Right, I 100% agree with you.

You asked her about her test. She thought "Cool. Here's a familiar face. I'll sit next to this guy." You exchanged numbers. Of course you exchanged numbers. You're in class together.

100% right again.

There's nothing about this girl that makes me think that she's an AW. She might be. But none of what you said makes her sound that way. You seem like two people in a class together who could have friendly conversations about class.

I guess her accepting my invitations to the bar, my kino @ at the bar, sexual conversations w/ her, and her wanting to know my schedule led me to believe she might have been interested.

Thanks a lot for the quick response. It always nice to receive advice from someone with a reputation like yourself. Thanks again.

 

[MurdocIsGod]

he called her out on her blushing after his "it obvious you two like each other" comment.

She doesn't think you return her feelings (if she has any)?

 

[Iceberg]

I guess her accepting my invitations to the bar, my kino @ at the bar, sexual conversations w/ her, and her wanting to know my schedule led me to believe she might have been interested.

Thanks a lot for the quick response. It always nice to receive advice from someone with a reputation like yourself. Thanks again.

I didn't know about the sexual conversations, etc. Guess I didn't read that deeply into your old thread.

But yeah. These are experiences I've had with plenty of girls I didn't want to bang, and plenty of girls who didn't want to bang me.

The only way to have found out for sure was to escalate. Otherwise, you're just left trying to read signs from conversations, email exchanges, and where she sits in class. You'll drive yourself nuts with that stuff.

Like the blushing comment. I can't remember the last time I looked for a girl to blush in order to evaluate her interest in me. That's like those guys that talk about "Her pupils were dilated!!" Spend less time reading magical signals and more time putting these girls in a position to hook up with you. It's easier that way

 

[JMoneyINC.]

The only way to have found out for sure was to escalate. Otherwise, you're just left trying to read signs from conversations, email exchanges, and where she sits in class. You'll drive yourself nuts with that stuff.

Def should have escalated. I guess the only part I'm confused about is why she's giving me the silent treatment now. I mean, we were good friends, no reason not be. Nothing should have changed in my opinion.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Silent treatment is a passive/aggressive 'punishment.' But why? Seriously, who fn knows! It is conceivable that she has feelings for you, and denies having them, because of her BF. If so, she may have been slighted that you didn't ask to hang with her during the break (though I understand totally your reasoning.)

If the above is the case, or if it is not, I think the same 'to do' applies. Ignore her. If she's all about you, this will drive her batty. And if not, you did her a huge favor.

 

[PapiChulo]

You posted this: "AW or Interested?"


Well, aint interested, what does that tell you? She is a typical college AW. She skipps the class to avoid you, now trying to drop completely off your radar. The regular: actions before words.Her actions are saying that she doesnt wanna have anything to do with you at all and probably feels guilty (if she can) that she basically used you knowingly or accidentally in some way.


Ignore, Ignore, Ignore, if she comes to you it is better be because she wants to date and not seeking validation.
She is also flipping the script on you, so you look like the bad guy who tried to start something her and she was an innocent lamb being led on by you.

P.S. Also if you have feelings for people, you dont try to run away from them, and act in a mature manner. You should say thanks to her for letting you what kinda person she is, regardless whether she is a kitten to her BF or some other random guy.

 

[JMoneyINC.]

Silent treatment is a passive/aggressive 'punishment.' But why? Seriously, who fn knows! It is conceivable that she has feelings for you, and denies having them, because of her BF. If so, she may have been slighted that you didn't ask to hang with her during the break (though I understand totally your reasoning.)

If the above is the case, or if it is not, I think the same 'to do' applies. Ignore her. If she's all about you, this will drive her batty. And if not, you did her a huge favor.

Who fn knows is right man hahaha. I think the 'to do' definitely applies to this situation. Thanks for the post man.

You posted this: "AW or Interested?"


Well, aint interested, what does that tell you? She is a typical college AW. She skipps the class to avoid you, now trying to drop completely off your radar. The regular: actions before words.Her actions are saying that she doesnt wanna have anything to do with you at all and probably feels guilty (if she can) that she basically used you knowingly or accidentally in some way.

I think the fact that she went from interested to disinterested in a 24hr span was what shocked me. Thanks for the reply.

 

[PapiChulo]

Cause no real romanic interest was there, she was toying with you. These girls like to act as if you blew it with them somehow. They actually look for a reason to reject you. Anyway, she is not worth it. Wait till she turns 30, maybe she will smarten up a bit, not much though. The other thing why she's an AW is that she has that bf. You should know better than that. You should make your interest clear and withdraw the attention telling her that when she is done with bf, you will go out, otherwise you become the third wheel and she does not need to even ditch the guy.


You wanna know where you f*cked it up? That one is easy. You blew it at the very beginning, and she was the one controlling the frame.



Some red flags:

1. Tells you she has a BF (most will hide that)
2. Sits next you - thats what friends do, to validate each other, and make themselves feel secure.
3. She came on too strong - Cause she wants to be your friend and does not see you as a sexual threat. Shows too much comfort and not enough "I ll get f*cked in the as* by this dude when two of us are together".

 

[JMoneyINC.]

Some red flags:

1. Tells you she has a BF (most will hide that)

she waited a month to tell me, i was stupid and asked. that's when she told me. in my opinion that's where the biggest fvck up occurred.

2. Sits next you - thats what friends do, to validate each other, and make themselves feel secure.

we weren't friends, never talked to her before that other then asking how she did on the test. Like Iceberg said, I was a familiar face, cool, I understand that.

3. She came on too strong - Cause she wants to be your friend and does not see you as a sexual threat. Shows too much comfort and not enough "I ll get f*cked in the as* by this dude when two of us are together".

we had sexual conversations, kino was there, so she definitely knew she'd be getting fvcked in the ass.

Let me say this though, im not try to validate anything, or not listen to your advice. Like anyone who takes their time to read my thread and post something, im very appreciative.

I had/have other plates, so it's not like it's that big of deal. Writing this shlt out and listening to everyone just helps to make sense of it all. thanks.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

HB skips class, call her after to see what's up

Why'd you do this? To let her know that you are NOW hyper-aware of her presence or lack-thereof?

/ tell her what she missed. No answer. No call back. Figured I'd see her at class the next day, left it at that.

You were going to see her the next day anyway and still decided to call her. Why?

Get to class the next day. See her, smile, she gives me a monotone hey. We get a break during class in which we always grab a drink or bite to eat. Figured sense she didn't seem to talkative, I'd just go myself, so I did (she still had the option to follow).

Get back. She's gone. Didn't say anything, just left. Text her, asking if she left, all she said was, "Yup."

Why'd you do this? What were you expecting to accomplish with this? To CONTINUE let her know that you are hyper-aware of her presence or lack-thereof?

Asked if everything was cool, no answer.

Why'd you do this? To let her know that you are overly sensitive to her actions?

At this point I'm on tilt, say **** it, delete her number.

You know why you did this? Because you ARE overly sensitive to her actions.

So WTF just happened? Where did shlt go wrong?

Where did things go wrong? When you're buddies pointed out how obvious it was you two were into each other. At that point she could no longer rationalize her actions with "it just happened" if things ACTUALLY DID happen. But you already knew that...

My guess is mutual friend CB'ed me on accident when he called her out on her blushing after his "it obvious you two like each other" comment. HB might have felt guilty for having feelings for me while the b/f is still in the picture.

Any other ideas on what just happened? Also did I handle the situation right?

All the actions you took that I questioned is where you went wrong AFTER the situation deteriorated. Before the situation deteriorated you were being too nice. Asking if she had a boyfriend conveys that you need her to be free in order to pursue her. Thats the nice way to do it. For future reference, never ask a chick if she has a boyfriend. If she's not interested in you she will give you every excuse in the book for her to not be able to accept your advances. Her giving you her email, telling you to email your class list AND you complying is more nice guyness. You should have disreguarded the emailing altogether. You've got better things to do than email someone your class list. When she gave you her email you should have been: "cool. what's your number?" as you're pulling out your phone ready to enter it in.

Any suggestions/feedback would be appreciated, thanks.

In the future stop being overly sensitive to girls action and/or being hyper-aware of what she does to the point of verbalizing it to her. If a girl starts acting different, going cold or becoming distant then you pull back. Re-evaluate your options and act accordingly.

 

[PapiChulo]

^^^^^good advice up there. I think you did it because you already knew that things went sour.That's after the fact. No reaction is the best reaction.Now we are gonna start discussing ganji games. These friends there talking got her to cut you off, that's what I think.They might have informed the bf as well, and you might be in for some drunken threats coming your way.

 

[Groovy]

When you see something you want, take it.

At least, try!

JUST DO IT.

You had two chances. Once, in the bar. Then in the day she blushed.

Now she's had enough and is ejecting.

She seems to still kinda like you tho. The door is kinda open IMO.

You got to take the lead... GL.

You went too slow... Now don't shift around and go too fast. Be calm and patient. But there is a time where you are going to have and take ACTION!

Keep us posted.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

^^^^^good advice up there. I think you did it because you already knew that things went sour.That's after the fact. No reaction is the best reaction...

Here's the thing tho. The boyfriend could be in town (on spring break) right now, thoroughly servicing that pvssy(he is her bf) and her disappearing act is her way of hiding it so she doesn't scare JMoney off. But, because he was overly sensitive, he took actions that are triggering red flags in the girls head. Or at least should be triggering them. After all JMoney, you do have one-itis for this girl. Like Papi said here, no reaction is best, considering she owes you nothing.

So WTF just happened? Where did shlt go wrong?

Where did things go wrong? When you're buddies pointed out how obvious it was you two were into each other. At that point she could no longer rationalize her actions with "it just happened" if things ACTUALLY DID happen. But you already knew that...

This is one possibility. Ultimately, you have no idea why she's doing this, any number of things could be going on in her life right now and you freaking out is out of line. Deleting her number was drastic, which, along with you being overly sensitive to her actions, is what tells me you have the dreaded one-itis. Considering she is not actually flaking on you. You should have just not re-acted to her behavior and pursued other girls. If her disappearing act had nothing to do with you she will come around again and thats where you pick-up where things left off. If it did have something to do with you then oh well, you're getting other girls.

 

[JMoneyINC.]

In the future stop being overly sensitive to girls action and/or being hyper-aware of what she does to the point of verbalizing it to her. If a girl starts acting different, going cold or becoming distant then you pull back. Re-evaluate your options and act accordingly.

Great post, great advice. After reading that I'm completely shocked I was really that 'hyper-aware' of everything she was doing. I'm embarrassed actually.
Thanks.

When you see something you want, take it.

At least, try!

JUST DO IT.

You had two chances. Once, in the bar. Then in the day she blushed.

Now she's had enough and is ejecting.

She seems to still kinda like you tho. The door is kinda open IMO.

You got to take the lead... GL.

You went too slow... Now don't shift around and go too fast. Be calm and patient. But there is a time where you are going to have and take ACTION!

Keep us posted.

Definitely pus*sy footed it. Will def keep you posted on the outcome. thanks.

 

[JMoneyINC.]

This is one possibility. Ultimately, you have no idea why she's doing this, any number of things could be going on in her life right now and you freaking out is out of line. Deleting her number was drastic, which, along with you being overly sensitive to her actions, is what tells me you have the dreaded one-itis. Considering she is not actually flaking on you. You should have just not re-acted to her behavior and pursued other girls. If her disappearing act had nothing to do with you she will come around again and thats where you pick-up where things left off. If it did have something to do with you then oh well, you're getting other girls.

Deleted her number to guarantee myself I wouldn't text her again or do something stupid. I knew she'd eventually text me or call me so....

She is/was well aware of the other girls. She has witnessed it first hand in class and at the bars, she knows i don't need her, and that I have options. She's made comments like "well that girl sounded stupid" blah blah

Your exactly right about that oneitis. Weirdest bout of it ever. I thought spinning plates would alleviate the symptoms, it didn't. Your first post said it best. I was 'hyper-aware' which, if it didn't fvck me earlier, it certainly has fvcked me now. Can't believe I acted like that.

But I mean I'm definitely going to learn from those mistakes. That's the whole idea of this thread, and I guess this forum in general, see where I went wrong, fix it, and not make them again.

Thanks for the posts.