Update on "My dilemna"

RKTek

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Previous post here: http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=25943

Well, I called the doctor's office, but they never heard of Karen. Dang. I tried other possibilities and came up with nothing. So I decided my only course was to come clean with Lucy about our unfulfilling dating, that I wanted to date other people, including her friend Karen, and in the conversation try to surreptitiously get more info on Karen. I just took Lucy to lunch and did just that.

On the way to the restaurant, I told her the lunch was one of those "we have to talk” lunches. She said, "Talk about what?"

I said "Our relationship.... where it's going, or maybe where it's not going."

I looked over and smiled at her, but she started fidgeting.

I hate doing stuff like this. If it weren't for the fact that I have no other shot at getting her friend's name/number, I'd have simply stopped calling her, like I've done so many times in the past with other women. It's better that way.

At the restaurant, she started asking me what's up, and why the relationship is 'not going'. But I knew that if I said anything, she'd disagree, then she'd try to become the person I described. That's okay for a few weeks/months, but then things always revert back to status quo. In this case, it's her wondering why we need so much sex. Or any sex.

So I downplayed the actual reasons. Another of her friends did just fill me in on the fact that the previous guy she was dating really broke her heart, so I said that I thought she needed more time. I thought that we could remain friends but that we needed to let a little time elapse and that we needed to casually date other people.

She looked right into my eyes and then said, "I want you to give me another chance."

Further discussion after that finally led to me telling her how I had already given her quite a few “chances”. I told her about how I arranged the romantic date on the beach, the candlelight supper at the restaurant then the moonlight walk in the park, all on the same night, and she didn't get a single hint even when I repeatedly put my arms around her and kissed her. At that point I could tell she realized exactly what I was talking about and she looked a little embarrassed.

I then told her how I lingered after the party at her house Friday night, and how I gave her several opportunities to invite me to stay. She said "But I need to be friends first".

I said, "I have lot's of “friends”. Now I want a woman." She said, you mean you want sex. I paused for a long time, looked into her eyes and said, "Yes. I want sex."

She said "but what if you don't like that person?" I said "I've never had sex with a woman I didn't like."

She said "But what if in six months you dump me?"

I said "See, that's what I mean, you're not ready to date. Worrying about someone dumping you is a loser's game. It's like trying to fill a sieve with water. “What if he dumps me tomorrow? Or next month? Or next year? Or five years from now?" I told her that I was married for 5 years when my wife unexpectedly moved out one day while I was at work, so does this mean I must get on a platonic relationship with a woman for MORE than 5 years before trusting her? No."

She said, "You're right. And I must admit I've wanted sex with you, but you're the MAN, you're supposed to make it more obvious."

I said "Lucy, what more do you need? Sunset walk on the beach, candlelight supper, moonlight walk in the park. Then I show up at your house for your party, we dance for a few hours, have drinks, a great time, hug and kiss, and I linger till the only other people there are me, you and your friend Karen. And you send me home let your girlfriend sleep over? Hello.....?????" What do you want, a caveman who’ll grab your hair, club you over the head and drag you back to his cave? Ha. Women don’t know what they want.”

She almost seemed embarrassed at that point.

She said "But I do think you're hot and I want another chance."

I said "No, it won't work, because now, every time you want to kiss me or have sex with me, I'll think it's only because I told you, instead of it coming from YOU. (Of course, any sex at this point is desirable, but I just thought I'd throw that in there to give her a sense that I was decent. Mwahahaha)

I finally told her I wanted to hit on Karen. She didn't react well to that, but I was serious. She said, "No, please, give me another chance. I'm the woman you want, you'll see."

I said, "Nah, can't do it"

Lunch was over by this time and we started walking from the restaurant to the car. Next thing I know, she's all over me. She stopped me in the parking lot, hugged me, and then started kissing me and shoving her tongue down my throat. When we got to the car, before I could put the key in the ignition, she grabbed my hand, put it on one of her tits and began kissing me while I massaged her B(+)cup.

She did it again when we got back to the parking garage downtown put my hand to feel her up while giving me a throat exam with her tongue. Whew.

HOO-ahh, okay...she persuaded me. I'll try this a little longer....(sigh)
 

killerasp

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that "NO" went out the window pretty fast.

do you want this to be just a fvck buddy or do you see a ltr relationship out of this?
 

RKTek

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I give this relationship another six weeks. Or less.

She'll be all over me for the next, oh, two weeks or so. Then things will slack off, then she'll actually start resenting me for trying to dump her. Then she'll turn into a shrew. If it takes that long.

I'm simply hoping to run into her friend Karen again.

In the meantime, I'm DJing as usual.
 

Bungo Pony

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Kinda funny how things worked out here. You could have probably planned that as well. However I see one thing that is going to work against you:
I finally told her I wanted to hit on Karen. She didn't react well to that, but I was serious. She said, "No, please, give me another chance. I'm the woman you want, you'll see."
Now RKTek, you know how women talk. Either way you look at it, you're pretty screwed for getting with Karen. I believe in your last post, I suggested writing both of these women off. However, if your new goal is to bang Lucy, you're on the right track.
 

ttbadboy

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Originally posted by RKTek
I give this relationship another six weeks. Or less.

She'll be all over me for the next, oh, two weeks or so. Then things will slack off, then she'll actually start resenting me for trying to dump her. Then she'll turn into a shrew. If it takes that long.

I'm simply hoping to run into her friend Karen again.

In the meantime, I'm DJing as usual.
Rk, normally I only read your threads, but what the hell. Very nice work at the resturant. But I bet your prediction here will come to pass, probably in about a month. And I think bungo is right about karen. She must have really got to you.
 

RKTek

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Originally posted by Bungo Pony
Kinda funny how things worked out here. You could have probably planned that as well. However I see one thing that is going to work against you:

Now RKTek, you know how women talk. Either way you look at it, you're pretty screwed for getting with Karen. I believe in your last post, I suggested writing both of these women off. However, if your new goal is to bang Lucy, you're on the right track.


Banging Lucy would be nice, but Karen is prettier. I have not yet hit on Karen since I only talked to her briefly at a party and never had the chance to even get her last name, much less her phone number.

We'll see how this plays out, but I look at it this way: I was still really bummed out about the hot Asian chick I spent a week with over New Year's when I introduced myself to Lucy while waiting for a bus. Cold hit. She has now led me to a possibility with Karen.

Even if it does blow up in a month, I still have a shot with Karen. And you're right, women do talk. If Karen has an ounce of attraction to me, she might even look me up. Who knows.

Even if it all goes south, I'm no worse off than I was when I started.

Badda bing.
 

GynecologyEnthusiast

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RK,

I was cringing as I read the part about you sitting down for the "we have to talk" talk, but you managed to come out of it a lot better than I thought.

Great story. Keep up the DJing.

Always enjoy your posts.

GE
 

Bungo Pony

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She has now led me to a possibility with Karen.
There's a lot working against you here RK. First of all, Lucy and Karen are friends. Karen's going to be there for Lucy when you dump her ass. Karen's going to see how you hurt Lucy, and she'll form her own opinion of you.

Second, you've already told Lucy that you'd like to be with Karen. Lucy's going to keep you away from her as much as possible to keep you from hitting on her.

The only way I could see this working is if you sabotage the friendship between Lucy and Karen. When the two aren't talking to each other anymore, you can work on Karen. If you like this idea, go ahead. Personally I think it's cruel.

. If Karen has an ounce of attraction to me, she might even look me up. Who knows.
Goddam, that's a flashback to my AFC days. Do you know how many times I wished a woman would look me up? The only ones who actually DID look me up were the posessive bytches that I didn't want.
 

ttbadboy

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One thing, I noticed in the restaurant thing that the moment of truth seemed to be when you told her you wanted to date other people. At what point did lucy get the impression that it was exclusive in the first place, and how did that come about?
 

jose

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so what i'm interested in is...is(was) lucy a virgin?

i mean, if not, then you did the right thing,
but if she is, I would have given her a bit more time. Of course, it did turn out for the better, so I gotta give you props for that trick.
 

RKTek

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Originally posted by Bungo Pony

There's a lot working against you here RK. First of all, Lucy and Karen are friends. Karen's going to be there for Lucy when you dump her ass. Karen's going to see how you hurt Lucy, and she'll form her own opinion of you.

Second, you've already told Lucy that you'd like to be with Karen. Lucy's going to keep you away from her as much as possible to keep you from hitting on her.

The only way I could see this working is if you sabotage the friendship between Lucy and Karen. When the two aren't talking to each other anymore, you can work on Karen. If you like this idea, go ahead. Personally I think it's cruel.


Goddam, that's a flashback to my AFC days. Do you know how many times I wished a woman would look me up? The only ones who actually DID look me up were the posessive bytches that I didn't want.


The way I was feeling about the situation yesterday, I couldn't have cared less if I never saw either of them again. Karen is prettier but I must admit Lucy has more personality and seems to be more on the ball. Either way, if the whole thing blew up I could have easily walked away from this one.

I did not expect Lucy's response in the restaurant: "Give me another chance." From the way she was acting, I thought she was bi, had 'issues' with men, or she really really likes men but is a female AFC and we just weren't connecting. Whatever the reason, I didn't want to analyze it too much. I was ready to walk away. The ONLY salvage was the possibility to score with Karen and even then it was a long shot.

No, I didn't want to torpedo their friendship. Because of the lackluster way Lucy was acting, I figured that after listening to my little spiel at the restaurant combined with what I thought was her low interest level in me, she'd say "Okay, we should date other people." At that point I would have asked for Karen's info.

I was not prepared for her to say "Give me another chance".

Lucy called me last night wanting "to talk". After 10 minutes or so I reminded her that I disliked talking on the phone, so she said "What are you doing this weekend?" I said that I had some plans, but what did she have in mind?

She said "Well, what if we go out Saturday night, just so we can talk more?"

I said "Uh, I'm busy Saturday night."

Her: "What, do you have a date?"

Me: "Yes"

Her "Well, wait a minute, you are dating someone else? I suppose that's why we've only had weeknight dates for the past two months? So, are you having sex with this woman?"

Me: "Um, well, yes, but not so much recently"

Her: "Well duh, I'm not going to have sex with a guy who's also having sex with other women!"

Me: "Wait a minute. It was you who mentioned sex at this point. You asked me at the restaurant if I wanted sex. Yes, of course. But I didn't just expect you to hop in the sack with me at the end of our first date (although yes, I did). When I have sex with a woman, I consider the relationship exclusive. The girl I'm seeing Saturday is someone I once had a committed relationship with. We broke up, but now see each other occasionally. I made the date after leaving your party."

Her "So, you would consider sex to mean it's a committed relationship?"

Me "Yes. Come on, I'm a man, but more importantly I consider myself a gentleman. But look, I dislike talking on the phone."

Her "Why do you dislike talking on the phone?"

Me "Well, so much communication is through the eyes, and body language."

Her "Why don't you come over to my house right now?"

Me "Mmm, well, okay. I'll come over for 20 minutes to discuss this"

She answered the door barefoot with a pair of tight jeans and a tiny knit crop top. I later discovered no bra, no panties. She brought me to her sofa where we talked a little while, had a hot makeout session. I stopped at one point and said "The only thing that keeps haunting me is that the only reason you're doing this is because I said something at the restaurant today and it's like I provided you with a script."

At that, she attacked me even more ferociously.

Later, much later, as I was leaving her place, she glumly said "Well....enjoy your date Saturday night..."
 

Raoul

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RK,

Thanks for posting this...it's fun to read about experiences like yours.

I have to agree with Bungo with what he says about your possibility with Karen - very difficult to acheive. Your latest update about how she "attacked" you on the sofa just indicates that she's going to try even harder to keep you around, and since you did mention your interest in Karen already, she's going to try very hard to stop anything from happening with the two of you.

Were you really going out with someone Saturday night? Or was it just a line you fed her? If your current goal is just to make the best of this entire situation and see what you can salvage (Like a romp with Lucy), it seems quite likely she's going to jump you soon.

The one problem I see is that you told her you take sex to mean a committed relationship. Now if she DOES have sex with you (which you say you wouldn't mind), in her head that means you will be in a committed relationship with her (even if YOU don't want it to be).

I can bet she'll try her hardest to snag you now, and if you end up having sex, she'll feel she's gotten you into a relationship. The worst bit is if you try break it off, she'll go psycho on you. You say she was really hurt in her last relationship. You can count on an explosive reaction if you have casual sex then blow her off.

Tread carefully...I personally think it's quite cruel to play a girl like that, and now it seems even more unlikely of anything happening with Karen. And would you even want a relationship with Lucy? She did only start acting this way after you "gave her a script" as you aptly put it.

Casual sex = explosive reaction and very hurt girl.
Karen + Lucy = Friends = No chance with Karen
LTR with Lucy = Something you may not want as you had to prod her into not being so flippant.

What do you want to acheive? Personally, I don't see a good ending for this anyway you proceed.

However I did enjoy reading about it....interesting. Glad you're having fun experiences.

- Raoul
 

RKTek

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No, I don't have a date Saturday night and as far as sex with Lucy, I hope that happens later, not sooner. Put it this way, I plan to delay her as much as possible. Of course, if she's naked on my sofa after I return from the kitchen with a plate of nachos in my hands, then it might be hard to stall her any longer.

You're right, this has the potential to be a volatile situation, but as I said, I was looking for a girl when I met this one, so if the whole situation blows up, I'll be no worse off than I started.

She suggested that Sunday afternoon she grab some food and come to my house for a few hours "to talk", then go to a club for some dancing. I agreed. We'll see how it goes from there.

Since I've been knowing her, the only red flag was the lack of intimacy, which she seems to be rapidly making up for and even then I'm going to carefully observe how long this remains. She did tell me the previous LTR she was in, the guy broke her heart by fooling around on her. The way she had been acting, I tought it was probably due to her lack of sexuality. So I need to be sure her newfound passions with me is not a temporary thing.

Other than that, she's shown herself to be giving, funloving, has many more girl friends than guy friends, honest, and smart. In the looks department, face: 7.5, the body (observed last night: 8.5)

You wrote:

"The one problem I see is that you told her you take sex to mean a committed relationship. Now if she DOES have sex with you (which you say you wouldn't mind), in her head that means you will be in a committed relationship with her (even if YOU don't want it to be)."

Agreed, this will be tricky. We'll see how it goes.
 

anakin

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wow, I'm pleased to read how much you have "bounced back" RKTek! It's always better to be spoilt for choice and having various options.

take it easy,

Anakin
 

RKTek

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"That which does not kill me, makes me stronger"

True, after the strong interlude with the sexy Asian girl this past January threw me for a major loop I thought I was down for the count.

Iif only I could get Lucy's stability, integrity, caring and main personality traits into Mona's face and BODY (the Asian girl) with a mix of both of their sexuality, then I'd really have something.

Mona was beautiful with a "10" body, probably the finest body I've ever been to bed with (shiver). And although it started off really, really well, she eventually showed herself to be extremely self-centered and shallow. I was very, very disappointed when her real ugly truth began to emerge. Yeah, I took it hard.

However, the more Lucy comes on, the better she looks. If she shows this passion was there all along, just bottled up, I'll soon be asking "Who is Mona?"

We'll see.
 

Raoul

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Originally posted by RKTek
No, I don't have a date Saturday night
I chuckled at this...good manipulation of the situation.

Anyway, let us know of any developments. I don't think you'll make it to the club on Sunday - the "talking" might be a bit strenuous. That being said, Sunday is probably the day you'll have to work out this situation, whether to accept her in a relationship (because she'll definitely consider you in the bag), or if you can wiggle your way into a fvck buddy arrangement.
 

Bungo Pony

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Situation much more understood RK.

I was not prepared for her to say "Give me another chance".
Perhaps in a future situation like this, you'll incorporate this possibility. Just a learning experience to better yourself in future situations.

Me: "Wait a minute. It was you who mentioned sex at this point. You asked me at the restaurant if I wanted sex. Yes, of course. But I didn't just expect you to hop in the sack with me at the end of our first date (although yes, I did). When I have sex with a woman, I consider the relationship exclusive. The girl I'm seeing Saturday is someone I once had a committed relationship with. We broke up, but now see each other occasionally. I made the date after leaving your party."
Very nice! You definately cranked her IL. She sees you as a challenge now.

I must say RK, this is turning out very interesting! Sounds like you're having fun. Hell, I'd do the same thing :)

I'm not sure if this tip I wrote a while back would be of any help, but give it a read anyway (unless you already have):
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=22017

However, I agree with Raoul when he said this:

The one problem I see is that you told her you take sex to mean a committed relationship. Now if she DOES have sex with you (which you say you wouldn't mind), in her head that means you will be in a committed relationship with her (even if YOU don't want it to be).

I can bet she'll try her hardest to snag you now, and if you end up having sex, she'll feel she's gotten you into a relationship. The worst bit is if you try break it off, she'll go psycho on you. You say she was really hurt in her last relationship. You can count on an explosive reaction if you have casual sex then blow her off.
My suggestion is if you're going to go this route, you have to keep her around for a while if you don't want a mess on your hands. Also, if you do decide to break it off, you might want to do it slower instead of just NEXTing her.

Good luck with Lucy, and I'm looking foreward to an update!
 

GynecologyEnthusiast

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Agreed,

It seems in the short run you've turned this relationship from lead to gold masterfully.

But in the long run, this Lucy woman is going to think that you're hers. And she's going to be angry and even more jaded by her experiences with men because you really don't like her that much and will dump her after a while.

Tread carefully here...you have outsmarted Lucy but are at risk of outsmarting yourself.

Just my thoughts,

GE
 

RKTek

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GE wrote:

"[you] are at risk of outsmarting yourself."

Now there's an understatement and I agree. This whole thing took an unexpected turn in the restaurant and now I feel like I'm tap dancing on a beach ball that's balanced on a bowling pin.

After the non-response to the romantic date, then to me staying late at her party, I decided to quietly "Next" her. The trip to the restaurant I had butterflies in my stomach but only because I thought I might not get the info on her hottie friend. I never expected her response and must admit I'm running on pure intuition, knowledge gained from this site and a good dose of luck at this point.

The past couple of days have been fun but I feel like my wits are on high alert.

She just sent me an email saying "I hope you slept okay. I couldn't get to sleep for thinking of you." Geez, I hope it wasn't becaue of WORRYING about me.

I will say one thing that doing the DJ thing have done for me, she's several times said I was "mysterious", "hard to figure out" and that her friends "never encountered a guy like [me]" so they "didn't know how to give [her] advice".

Mwahahahahaha.

Yah, this might blow up in my face but it is fun right now.
 

Bungo Pony

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Originally posted by RKTek

Yah, this might blow up in my face but it is fun right now.
RK, definately go ahead and have fun (no, I'm not being sarcastic :)). You'll know when you have to put it all to an end. When you do end it, you're going to come out having a lot of incredible knowledge and experience that will benefit you in the future.
 
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