Unsure if girl has boyfriend, not too sure how to proceed

[Nikar]

Ok, so I met this chick recently at a closed-social-circle sort of social setting (ie: language class, dance class sort of settings where everyone knows everyone unlike the pub/club scene).

So far, the vibes are good, but then overall, I think she's always giving positive vibes to people in general.

In any case, I want to try my luck with her. Problem is, I'm not sure if she has a boyfriend (most probably she has), and because of that, I'm not sure how far out or toned down I should calibrate my approach.
(I only know that I should be fun and playful around her)

I mean, if I know she's single, I can go all out with my guns, but if she's attached, I'll just friendzone her early.

The way I've seen most people done it (the average normal guys you see everyday everywhere) is whereby: i) they slowly get to know the girl ii) slowly build connection with her and then iii) relationship naturally happens.
This is the tried and proven approach, but problem is it can lead to friendzone if one is not careful.

In cases like this, how do you guys usually approach it besides asking "do you have a boyfriend?"
I'm trying to keep it low-profile cos' day-game-closed-social-circle settings can be very tricky to navigate and I admit I'm scared of people gossiping behind my back if I'm too obvious. ie "Look! Nikar is trying to hit on Chick A! LMAO!"

Tks!

 

[blind_one]

Hey,

Firstly . You are over thinking this. Ask her out, if she has a boyfriend she will let you know.

Secondly. Gossip ? Please, thats what children,beta bucks and women do. FVCK the haters man, seriously. If they would be gossiping like you said, just means that you took your ballz and used them, went for what you want, all the while they did nothing and will do nothing.

Just talk to her, get her number, ask her out.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I'm not sure if she has a boyfriend (most probably she has), and because of that, I'm not sure how far out or toned down I should calibrate my approach. (I only know that I should be fun and playful around her)

Problem #1: You care if she has a boyfriend. The reality, though, is that you don't know. So, until she gives you reason to believe she has one, go in full guns blazing. If she has a boyfriend she'll tell you she has a boyfriend; if she's not interested in you, she'll tell you she has a boyfriend. Whether it's true or not, the point is she will tell you, and you won't have to figure it out.

The way I've seen most people done it (the average normal guys you see everyday everywhere) is whereby: i) they slowly get to know the girl ii) slowly build connection with her and then iii) relationship naturally happens.

This, my friend, is a lie. You THINK this is what you're seeing, but in reality the majority of these relationships ended up happening because the guys expressed early on they had some kind of interest in these women. They may not have made them the girlfriend right away (nor should they have), but more than likely they either made kiss attempts, asked these girls out, and showed other actions that said "I'm not just trying to be your buddy."

In cases like this, how do you guys usually approach it besides asking "do you have a boyfriend?"

NOT the way you approach a woman. For one, IF you were going to go this direction, it would be better to rephrase it as "So, are you single?" Psychologically, if a woman IS single, she's more likely to respond to this question more truthfully than if you ask it in the way you phrased it. And two, a woman translates this question as "Hey, if you don't have a boyfriend, I'd like to be him!" Which is not good because it makes her feel like she has to make a decision about being in a relationship right away with you, a guy whom she doesn't really know and hasn't built a connection with.

How would I approach it? Easy - I do the same thing every time for girls I meet in person:

1. Talk with them, get them laughing
2. Get the phone number
3. Wait 4 days
4. Call them and ask them out

I've been using this method for 5 years now and it has rarely failed me. The only time it doesn't work is if you do the method most guys do, which is wait weeks before asking the girl out 'cause you're "trying to build a connection BEFORE asking her out." DATES are for connection-building, people!

I'm trying to keep it low-profile cos' day-game-closed-social-circle settings can be very tricky to navigate and I admit I'm scared of people gossiping behind my back if I'm too obvious. ie "Look! Nikar is trying to hit on Chick A! LMAO!" !

F--k that $hit. Seriously - get used to people calling you out while you're hitting on a chick. Your worry is that they're going to say it and the girl you're hitting on is going to be like "Wha? You're hitting on me?? How... how DARE you!" In reality, though, girls read vocal cues and body language better than we do, so 8 times out of 10 the girl will ALREADY know you're there to hit on her. Heck, by their late teens most women assume all guys they meet are initially trying to bang them. The key is in how you play it:

- If someone says "Look! Nikar is trying to hit on Chick A! LMAO!!" and you respond all nervous, it will make her think YOU think you're making a mistake by hitting on her and she's going to withdraw her attention from you.

- If someone says Look! Nikar is trying to hit on Chick A! LMAO!!" and you respond back with something like "Well duh! I'm not blind!" or "Aww, that's cute - he thinks you don't know that already" - it shows you're CONFIDENT, COOL and - most importantly - NOT EMBARRASSED by others if they know you're trying to build a connection with her (which in her head equates to "I'm not scared to be seen in public with you in a relationship situation).

Bottom line is, some people are natural c-blockers and will do things like this to try and interrupt your game. If you let it, you fail; if you don't, you're more likely to win. Hope this helps!

 

[Tictac]

Why are you tripping all over yourself?

You care about things no one should - does she have a boyfriend?, what will my fiends say?

Your 'tried and proven approach' is a proven failure.

Be direct, and be direct now.

 

[LMFAO]

Ask her out. Assume she's available unless she tells you she's not.

I never ask if she has a boyfriend or not, it's weak and beta. That's what the pickup amateurs do on Youtube.

Ask her out and stop thinking. End of story.

 

[salinechow]

They all have boyfriends. Every girl I go out with is seeing someone in one way or another. Its a bull crap ripcord for them to pull when you do something they dont like. Treat her as ANY other female. Even if she says she has a boyfriend, say

"OK. When are you available to take a night off from watching Netflix and eating Chinese food again."

If you really want to know the truth about her BF being real or not. Use the bouncer trick.
"Really? A BF, of course you do. What are you going to do for his birthday this year." (Bouncers always ask indirect questions about the birthday on fake IDs. You all know the “What is your zodiac sign” question)

If the BF is real, you will get a real answer. She will say “O this year we went….” Or… I don’t know its not till….”

If he is not, you will get another sh!t test. "Why do you ask?" she will say.

You could say. "Because you can tell alot about a relationship by how far ahead a birthday is planned. When is his B-Day?" She is going to be of kilter and now you go for the kill.

" See if it was your birthday, I already have a plan, nice stuff too, strawberries and champagne, maybe a log cabin.. but, I guess you'll never know. Tell you what, we can exchange #s and when his plan sucks, you can call me. Or even better yet, just tell me your birthday is fri. Ill believe that more than this BF of yours existing.”

Yes. I realize some may think this is a little “try hard” maybe a bit AFC. Modify it. Its worked for me. It about the delivery too. Funny, with sarcasm. They leave wondering if you are for real or not.

Just today I asked the counter girl out at a local establishment. She gave me the BF routine. I asked her to show me a picture of this dude. She did. I told her “OK, looking dude, but he needs to hit the gym.”

She agreed!

“Yeah. He is a little too skinny. Where do you work out”
(Oddly enough and to show you how alphaing got her off her game. I had already told her that earlier in the conversation.)

Anyway, I asked her a little bit about him and asked her to describe him in one word. She took a while of wiggling and blushing and I coached her along. Finally she said “selfless”. I immediately told her “ O. So obedient and boring?!”

She said “Yeah Kinda”

So I Said” Here Savana. I want you to call me sometime. Sounds like you need to shake things up a little. She said she couldn’t do that.

And I said “OK. Whatever” and left.

15 min later. She texted me . “Why did you call my BF a chump”

I texted her back” You know why. Ill see you in a couple of weeks. Tick…Tick…Tick…

O look at that. As I am typing. She sent me a wink face. What an attention flirt. HAHA. Bit3h.

I have said it many times in my threads. One of my favorite lines I ever read around here, is this:

“You may not take her home tonight but there is victory in knowing she is thinking about you when she is with him” (paraphrasing)

 

[Trump]

Ok, so I met this chick recently at a closed-social-circle sort of social setting (ie: language class, dance class sort of settings where everyone knows everyone unlike the pub/club scene).

So far, the vibes are good, but then overall, I think she's always giving positive vibes to people in general.

In any case, I want to try my luck with her. Problem is, I'm not sure if she has a boyfriend (most probably she has), and because of that, I'm not sure how far out or toned down I should calibrate my approach.
(I only know that I should be fun and playful around her)

I mean, if I know she's single, I can go all out with my guns, but if she's attached, I'll just friendzone her early.

The way I've seen most people done it (the average normal guys you see everyday everywhere) is whereby: i) they slowly get to know the girl ii) slowly build connection with her and then iii) relationship naturally happens.
This is the tried and proven approach, but problem is it can lead to friendzone if one is not careful.

In cases like this, how do you guys usually approach it besides asking "do you have a boyfriend?"
I'm trying to keep it low-profile cos' day-game-closed-social-circle settings can be very tricky to navigate and I admit I'm scared of people gossiping behind my back if I'm too obvious. ie "Look! Nikar is trying to hit on Chick A! LMAO!"

Tks!

Oh bro, by the time you figure out what to do, she is already banging one of the guys in your social circle setting.

You say "Do you have a boyfriend?" She says "No", you say "like to go for a coffee?"
You say "Do you have a boyfriend?" She says "Yes," you say "that's too bad, take care."

Wishy Washy stuff isn't going to cut it. You have to face it straight on.

 

[MattR1984]

Just ask her if she's dating anyone. Easy

 

[RangerMIke]

1. See girl.
2. Approach girl.
3. Flirt a bit make her smile
4. Ask for her number or a date on the spot.

Don't see "check boyfriend status" anywhere in there.

 

[mikey2012]

Who gives a fvck? Be alpha. Approach the bitvch and make her yours. The rest is just noise .

 

[Nikar]

Tks for all the advice! Such valuable and encouraging insight!
I'll step up my moves then. In any case, Valentine's Day is coming, so I guess it's gonna be easy to see the answer for myself soon enough if she really has a boyfriend.

 

[Tictac]

By then (Valentine's Day), it won't matter.

All because you are so worried about what other people think and your 'tried and proven' approach.

Admit that you 1) don't have the guts to approach and just ask her out and 2) worry more about what your mates think of you than your own wellbeing.

Prepare for a lonely existence.

 

[G_Govan]

As stated, every attractive girl has a boyfriend. If she likes you more she'll branch swing or mess around on the side, if not, no big deal.