Unsure how to handle her after 1st date.

[londonguy89]

I met a cute very successful young business woman on okcupid arranged a date and met her today. We spent quite some time together and went to a few different places. She said she was not looking for a relationship because her business was her main priority and dating was bottom of her list but that she was still open to prospects. The date went well and some good rapport was built between us. We left the last place we wnet to and walked down the river before parting company. At this point I'd not touched her at all apart from a hello kiss and her profile said that she only waits 1 or 2 date before sleeping with someone. So there was no chance she was going away thinking I was d***less, I said "just stop there" turn her around and kissed her. Good kiss I went in kissed her then held back and she came to me, we kissed some more then she stopped and said she didn't like kissing in public. We walked on and I put my arm around her waist and kept it there til we parted. She folded her arms and seemed less open after I did that but I still got her to laugh and playfully talked about seeing her again. She said she would be up for seeing me again but she still seemed a little off. We parted she kissed me, that was that. I'm unsure how to proceed with her. She is strong, confident and I think likes to be dominant. How do you handle a girl like that? How do I seduce her? Just to be clear she doesn't intimidate me I'm just not used to this sort of girl.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Back In 6 Months.

 

[londonguy89]

ooh. i wonder if that meant 'lets go back to your place' or something...

either way, i wish i met someone who openly admits to sleeping with someone after the 1st or 2nd date.

Nar bro not that lucky she was very clear she had work to do at home. And work always comes before guys with this girl.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

As soon as she said she was "not looking for a relationship," it was a WRAP. You met her on a DATING SITE, which girls sign up for because they're looking for a relationship. So from the first few things she told you, she was LYING to you. Yes, she folded her arms up after you kissed her because (a) you tried to do the first kiss in a public place, and (b) she wasn't really feeling it. And that "off" feeling you felt was her not being sure how to reject your offer of a second date.

But hey - even a guy who reads into these things pretty well can be wrong once in a while, right? So, call her up, ask her out again, and see what she says. If she says "yes" and doesn't flake, it means you have a shot; if she gives you any of a million excuses why she can't go (and doesn't give a counter'offer date) or agrees and then flakes out, then my assumptions were correct. Right now, though, it's looking very iffy...

 

[sylvester the cat]

Back In 6 Months.

 

[londonguy89]

@Harry Wilmington
Cheers for the advice. However what she actually said was wasn't looking for a "boyfriend" because men in her past had become obsessed or too clingy. I was more wondering how to handle a girl who doesn't need or exspect things to be sorted for her. Or girls who don't react to teasing or negs.

 

[eddiedelgado]

Think you are doing just fine. Maybe she will change her atitude about work comes first and if not you are next. Here are some advices for you:
-Get to Know Her More

This is a very crucial step as far as how to court a woman is concerned. At this point, there several alternatives that you can take. You can for instance ask her out on casual dinner or for a movie. Also, as much as she appears comfortable with it, spend time talking to her on phone each night. It would also be wise let her spend time with your friends as you get to know her friends. Such scenarios provide a perfect opportunity for you to judge her behavior, background and interest in you. So, don’t skip this golden step.

- Surprises

Women love surprises. Don’t just buy her presents; try other unique ideas such as writing her a nice poem or knocking on at her door on a Sunday evening with a bouquet of flowers. In simple words, make her feel special. Compliment her often and make her feel smart and talented. Don’t be predictable.

 

[Iceberg]

Think you are doing just fine. Maybe she will change her atitude about work comes first and if not you are next. Here are some advices for you:
-Get to Know Her More

This is a very crucial step as far as how to court a woman is concerned. At this point, there several alternatives that you can take. You can for instance ask her out on casual dinner or for a movie. Also, as much as she appears comfortable with it, spend time talking to her on phone each night. It would also be wise let her spend time with your friends as you get to know her friends. Such scenarios provide a perfect opportunity for you to judge her behavior, background and interest in you. So, don’t skip this golden step.

- Surprises

Women love surprises. Don’t just buy her presents; try other unique ideas such as writing her a nice poem or knocking on at her door on a Sunday evening with a bouquet of flowers. In simple words, make her feel special. Compliment her often and make her feel smart and talented. Don’t be predictable.

You get this advice out of a fortune cookie, or what?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

At this point, there several alternatives that you can take... as much as she appears comfortable with it, spend time talking to her on phone each night. It would also be wise to let her spend time with your friends as you get to know her friends. Such scenarios provide a perfect opportunity for you to judge her behavior, background and interest in you. So, don’t skip this golden step.

DO NOT DO THIS. I don't know where this guy is getting this stuff from, but it's pure sabotage.

One, calling her each night? No bueno. She doesn't want or need to hear from you each night 'cause it takes the mystery away from her about how much you like her and it doesn't make you a CHALLENGE, which means you'll end up being the one chasing her instead of the other way around.

Two, you shouldn't even be meeting her friends until at least the 3 month mark, after you two have had more than enough time together first without outside influences. Do it too soon, and you may find her friends starting to get more into her head about whether or not she should see you (which, in this case, doesn't matter since she's got low interest anyway.)

Women love surprises. Don’t just buy her presents; try other unique ideas such as writing her a nice poem or knocking on at her door on a Sunday evening with a bouquet of flowers... Compliment her often and make her feel smart and talented. Don’t be predictable.

DO NOT DO THIS. Again, pure sabotage.

Actually doing all this stuff will make you as predicable as all the other clowns she's dated and dumped. You don't buy presents, write poems, buy flowers, over-compliment or show up unannounced for a girl you JUST MET. All these things scream "desperate," "needy," "wimpy" and "creepy" to a girl, and will chase her away.

You have to think of dating a girl like owning a new kitten. The pvssy's not going to want to be near you if you just run up to it and start trying to pet it. You have to let it know of your presence but not seem so eager to touch it. The less you try to impress it, the more likely it is to want to come to YOU and give you the signals that indicate it's okay for you to touch it.

Lastly, don't be so intimidated. Yes, I know you said you're not but the fact that you're on here asking about her means she's got you shook on some level. Again, it's just a girl - if it doesn't work out, there's others out there. This should ALWAYS be your mindset so you don't get oneitis over any particular female. I have found that any girl I once had oneitis for ended up being not worth it when I got updates on them 5 years later. Find girls that are showing you ACTUAL interest, and don't misread them by projecting your interest onto them.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Just saw this response from you:

@Harry Wilmington
Cheers for the advice. However what she actually said was wasn't looking for a "boyfriend" because men in her past had become obsessed or too clingy. I was more wondering how to handle a girl who doesn't need or expect things to be sorted for her. Or girls who don't react to teasing or negs.

Again, what she told you is a lie. The majority of girls on dating sites are looking for boyfriends. Although she verbally stated that she's not, the action of being on the dating site indicates that she is.

Anytime a girl you go out with says anything along the lines of "i'm not trying to date seriously right now," "I don't really want a boyfriend" or "I'm just enjoying being single right now," assume it means she's not interested in YOU specifically. The only girls that go out with guys but aren't looking for a bf are attention-wh0res and gold-diggers - and you don't want to be with either of these types of women.

I guarantee you, if she's "not looking for a boyfriend," should she stop seeing you and start dating another guy that she has a high interest in, she'll be trying to be his boyfriend within 3 months or less. So don't buy into that baloney.

As for your particular question: some girls are over-sensitive and won't react to teasing or negs. These are the girls i find tend not to be so fun conversation-wise and can be uptight as well.

Here's the thing, though: some guys take the whole "teasing" and "neg" thing as an excuse to just be nasty and mean to a girl for no reason. This is NOT how you should be doing it. Teasing and negs should be similar to the way you may joke around with your family, giving a few sarcastic comments here and there that are meant to be witty but loving.

They should also not become your ENTIRE conversation with a woman. They should be sprinkled in the conversation sporadically, but it shouldn't be the only thing coming out of your mouth; otherwise you start to sound unauthentic and scripted.

 

[Plutoman]

@Harry Wilmington
Cheers for the advice. However what she actually said was wasn't looking for a "boyfriend" because men in her past had become obsessed or too clingy. I was more wondering how to handle a girl who doesn't need or exspect things to be sorted for her. Or girls who don't react to teasing or negs.

Note that in addition to what's said above me, she's told you exactly what she doesn't want. Easy way to handle a girl like that; don't try to sort things for her, don't try to provide for her. Simple as that. Don't be pushy, clingy, obsessive, etc, just be casual, don't push to hang out all the time, don't contact her all the time, it is a simple concept in and of itself.

I don't like negs, unless done in a very teasing way, and only rarely at that. Teasing's great, but make sure it's tasteful. Don't overdo it. Have fun, always do it with a big grin - so she knows you aren't serious in the slightest.

If you are smiling and having fun, she's more likely to smile and have fun - there's the goal with teasing - to have fun, to make her laugh and want to be around you. I tend to try to create some inside jokes to use later - root them with positive moments.

Last comment - you need some flirtatiousness, some escalation, before just outright kissing a girl. Public's bad, too. There's all kinds of ways to escalate, at whatever tempo you need, before kissing - don't forget to do it and jump the gun. That's going to make her feel uncomfortable, even if she's willing.

I'm not an expert, so if someone disagrees, feel free to jump in - but that's my impression of the situation.