Unique Situation

[jwhite17]

Hey Men,

I’ve been a member on this site for a long time, and I know the DJ Bible and such.

I’m seeking your advice because I’m not 100% how to approach this situation I have with this girl. The mature men on this forum give wayyy better advice than the DJ Discussion board, so that’s why I’m here!!! Here’s the story……

Background: Four months ago, I went out with a few friends, met this girl, lets call her Sammi for this story…She and I hit it off very well. I isolated her away from her group of friends immediately after I met her. We talked for over an hour, great conversation, talked about a variety of topics, and I kinoed her a little too, which she responded to very well by kinoing me back!!! I’m getting great vibes from this girl……Sooo, as the end of the night approaches, her roommate comes up and c0ckblocks me by saying Sammi has a serious BF, and I shouldn’t be hitting on her. What the hell!! Since I’m not used to dealing with girls showing such high ILs that are unavailable, I ejected and stopped hitting on her, and she went back to her friends. I’m pissed because I wasted over an hour on nothing!!!

Looking back, I know I could have gotten her number/kiss/etc, but I don’t like being that guy stealing another guy’s GF.

Anyway, I go back to my friends, and she goes back to hers. As the bar is closing, I say goodbye to her and her friends, and that’s it.

Follow-up story: Flash forward to two weeks ago, I’m moving into a new apartment, and my roommate is chillin with a friend from that party four months ago. As I talked to my roommate, I find out that the friend is roommate’s with Sammi, and now, she is single… Interesting development!!

I tell my roommate we should hang out together with his friend and Sammi. He says he could arrange it.

As the next day rolls around, I’m checking something on facebook, I get a message from Sammi telling me she wants to hang out and gave me her number.

I’m ecstatic!!! I never figured this girl would remember me from that long ago, and she sought me out. Wow!

Anyway, I went out with her the following weekend, and it went well like the first night I met her, great chemistry/rapport, making out on the dancefloor/at the bar/etc, went back to her place!!! Great night! I had breakfast with her in the morning, and we parted ways after that.

I call her a few days later to plan another date, and she tells me that she is going to be working practically every day till April 15th because she’s an tax accountant at a CPA firm. Therefore, she will have no life for two months!!! ALso, the night she went out with me was the first night off she had in one month...I really like this girl, way moreso than the previous 15-20 girls I’ve met in the past three years, so I probably have a little case of oneitis!!!

Also, this girl is really hard to reach because of her job. She works 8-11 hours/day. Doesn’t always respond to text messages/phone calls right away, and usually can’t make any definite plans because she is too tired or busy from her job…She tells me she wants to hang more after April, but I’m not sure if I can keep her interest level that long till then. Two months is a long time!

What can I do here to keep her interested in me and setup a date with her??? She likes to text message a lot, but I hate texting. I’d rather meet in person that have text conversations. Should I try and setup something with her once a week??? Once a month?? Nothing at all?? Wait to April?? Or, is she just too busy and not worth my time???

Maybe I’m worried too much about this. I have another plate I’m spinning ,but I don’t like her nearly as much. ANy advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

 

[Zunder]

THIS: "I call her a few days later to plan another date, and she tells me that she is going to be working practically every day till April 15th because she’s an tax accountant at a CPA firm".
------------

BULLSH!T.

IF she wanted to see you she would find a way, I don't give a fvck how busy she is with work.

 

[LeftyLoosey]

Hate to break it to you, but if she was really interested in you, she'd be going out of her way to ensure that YOU don't lose interest. Clearly, this is not the case.

She probably smelled the oneitis oozing from your pores and it turned her off. I would recommend moving on to someone else, and chalking this one up as a learning experience.

 

[jwhite17]

Good stuff guys!!!!

Although, I still don't see how she could lose that much interest in me after only hanging out once. I've really only sent her some funny text messages, and asked her out a couple of times (which she usually replies, it depends on my schedule or something)....doesn't make sense to me...

I believe she is truly that busy because works every day, but I agree that she would HANG OUT with me if she WANTED to (like after she contacted me on facebook, she suggested we should hang out and we did).

This sucks!!! But the good news is that I'm going to start spinning plates right now, startin with this new girl I met last Friday.

Should I even try to set somethin up with Sammi again, or just wait for her to contact me as a test of interest??? I'm leaning on the latter case right now.

 

[jophil28]

Good stuff guys!!!!

Although, I still don't see how she could lose that much interest in me after only hanging out once. I've really only sent her some funny text messages, and asked her out a couple of times (which she usually replies, it depends on my schedule or something)....doesn't make sense to me...

" it depends on my schedule..."

What doesn't make sense about that old chessnut ?

It is WomanSpeek for," My IL in you is only moderate, IF I can't scoop up a better offer, I might fit you in. "

Stop asking her out - her " iffy" responses ARE the message you need to hear..

 

[azanon]

jwhite,

I'm tipsy on Valentine wine, but here's my thoughts.

At the bar, you should have ignored the ****blocker and the mention of a boyfriend. My (now) wife told me she had a boyfriend the first time I ask her out, and I recall shrugging my shoulders expressing genuine disinterest, and mentioning to her that's her problem, not mine. She agreed, she went out with me, and the boyfriend soon became a memory to her.

I don't work every day of the week, but the days I do work, I could still make time for someone I was really interested in. Certainly 8-11hr workdays wouldn't stop me, especially if i were 20 something. Are you catching my drift here? If so, you are accepting that her interest level is low despite what you were reading. Judge by actions, not words or feelings.

Do yourself a favor and spin a plate and refocus on moving on in the dating world. IF she really was interested, she'll contact you, but based on what you said, I am practically certain she is not.

You cannot win them all. You can look great, have lots of money, and still lose out to someone well beneath you. There are millions of women. One down, millions to go. DJs don't worry about one chick.

...............

btw, I BARELY post here just now and this, and I'm running into this BULLS**** 10 post limit in a wekk. Seriously, WTF is the problem moderators. I assumed someone fixed that s*** since it was so ridiculous the first time it was implemented, and because I so rarely post, but this week I slightly less than rarely posted, and I hit the F******* limit????? If i get banned for ranting about it, I'll only be able to post slightly less than I can unbanned. Jesus H. Christ. Please don't respond to this rant if you're a moderator, because whatever excuse it might be, it is guaranteed to be idiotic.

 

[WhitePimp]

Good stuff guys!!!!

Although, I still don't see how she could lose that much interest in me after only hanging out once. I've really only sent her some funny text messages, and asked her out a couple of times (which she usually replies, it depends on my schedule or something)....doesn't make sense to me...

I'm also a bit drunk, but I have this crazy theory regarding this phenomenon. I believe that girls can sense oneitis and desperation even when we're not in any way in contact with them. It's like some cosmic c0ckblocking mechanism that travels via quantum particles from your brain to hers.

I've had incredible dates with girls, been completely on my game, yet let my neediness, desperation, and fear of loss get the best of me when I wasn't in contact, and had the vibe be cold when I reinitiated contact for the second date. Maybe there is some sort of mental connection between two people that overrides proximity, because it happens time and time again when I act that way in between contact. The opposite holds true as well...when I'm totally cool between contact, the girl is usually beaming upon hearing from me.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The reek of ONEitis is apparent in your writing style. If I'm picking up on it in a thread post, rest assured, this girl has already experienced it first hand.

JOPHIL is correct, "it depends on my schedule" is chickspeak for "not interested." I know that never-say-die white knights will think this is throwing the baby out with the bath water, but as a matter of course you simply have to operate under such assumptions. It's just pragmatism.

"It depends on my schedule" is something a guy needs to say in order to stoke a woman's imagination. You're the woman in this scenario. You patiently waited like a dutiful chump for this girl to become single. You were "ecstatic" because she finally fit into your ONEitis fueled ideal. You got cøckblocked the first time, and you backed off from a girl who was initially interested in you despite her BF. You failed to consolidate then, but you got a reprieve.

The medium IS the message.

I hate the term 'Mixed Signals/Messages'. More often than not there's nothing 'Mixed' being communicated and rather it's a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating. The average guy tends to 'get' exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own. When a girl goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message - she's got buyers remorse, you're not her first priority, she's deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. - the message isn't the 'what ifs', the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? This IS the message.

Women with high IL wont confuse you. When a woman wants to ƒuck she'll find a way to ƒuck. If she's fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It's when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that'll bring her around that you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attention.

What most guys think are 'mixed messages' or confusing behavior coming from a woman is simply due to their inability (for whatever reason) to make an accurate interpretation of why she's behaving in such a manner. Usually this boils down to a guy getting so wrapped up in a girl that he'd rather make concessions for this behavior than see it for what it really is. In other words, it's far easier to call it 'mixed messages' or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle and random women are, when in fact it's simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives. A woman with high IL wont confuse you. A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with him.

This is where you are right now. You're playing a feminine role; it's your imagination that's being stoked. You have no other options, she knows this. You have a pre-existing ONEitis, she knows this. Your consistent text messaging with her only further confirms this. You're about 2 weeks from a LJBF.

My advice? Go dark. Cut communications. Everything "depends on YOUR schedule" now. Keep texts to one or two word answers. If she asks about you not being as available to her, come up with an unavoidably responsible excuse. You have to devote more dedication to your career, or you had to take care of your sick grandmother, anything with the implication of your being in demand. Assuming she hasn't written you off, you need to restart and reframe in the period of time she's alloted to not see you. She needs to have a new, fresh impression of you. Remember, women want a Man that other men want to be, and other women want to ƒuck. Right now you're ONEitis guy to her, and she's got buyers remorse. On your next date you need to be a DJ.

EDIT----

Anyway, I went out with her the following weekend, and it went well like the first night I met her, great chemistry/rapport, making out on the dancefloor/at the bar/etc, went back to her place!!! Great night! I had breakfast with her in the morning, and we parted ways after that.

Did you bang this girl, or did you just spoon her all night?

 

[jwhite17]

Thanks for the great response Rollo!!!

To answer your question, I got everything but sex. I think I waited a little to long to go for it. After we got back from the bar around 2:30AM, we had another drink, and I made my move around 3AM, and by the time, I was ready to go (alcohol doesn't affect my performance), but she was so drunk that she passed out during foreplay around 3:40AM.

I made out her a little in the morning after she woke up...In the back of my mind, I wanted to get sex that evening (and morning too!), but I thought it would happen the following Friday, Feb 4th (the original date she planned out to hang out with me).

I wasn't suppose to see her that Saturday (January 29th), but she found out she had it free, so she called me to hang out that evening, and I said sure if you come down to my city to hang. I forgot to mention that in my story...

Anyway, I didn't see her the following Friday, Feb 4th, because her best friend got in a DUI earlier that evening, and she had to take care of her, so, that's really where she started to become difficult to hang out with!

You are right though. If she had high IL in me, she wouldn't be so damn inconsistent and make excuses of why she can't hang out (too tired, my schedule, let me see, will get back to you, etc). She would be making time no matter what if she liked me! Unfortunately, that's not the case, so I will go out there and start spinning other plates. Lesson learned from this experience..I'm excited for today though!!!

 

[sodbuster]

My EX wife was an accountant,during the spring it was nuts[we even planned our kids around missing April 15. BUT, she would ALWAYS take a "long lunch" on Saturdays. She's just not that into you.

 

[Romjuan]

What can you do?

Spin plates.

We always say that women help us when they have interest. That means, they will go out of their way to make time for us.

I do believe that if she is a tax accountant that she will be slammed between now and April 15. They basically work six days a week for 2-3 months. So you have to take her at her word on that. Perhaps she is giving you the ol' Heisman brush off, but if you spin other plates it shouldn't matter so much.

I agree strongly with this. If she is interested she will make time. My plate I am currently spinning is ALSO a CPA for a MAJOR firm. She sees me anytime I ask her to. Even when shes coming by at 8pm after a 12 hour shift. She does it gladly.

I would ask her out, if she rejects without a reasonable counter I would write it off. If you and her had a great time on your date, she would want to go out regardless. I doubt she works 7 days a week. Theres always one day she will have off and its a great reason to go out with a guy that she has interest in to take her mind off of work.

So, if she rejects without a counter, write it off and do not contact her till April. Then see what is going on then. Chances are I think shes still in the works with her ex and shes giving you the run around because she feels guilty when shes still talking to him.

 

[Romjuan]

Just read everyone elses responses. Yeah I agree with everyone. Low interest and I would bet that she is seeing her ex bf still and that is in the works.

 

[Zunder]

The reek of ONEitis is apparent in your writing style. If I'm picking up on it in a thread post, rest assured, this girl has already experienced it first hand.

JOPHIL is correct, "it depends on my schedule" is chickspeak for "not interested." I know that never-say-die white knights will think this is throwing the baby out with the bath water, but as a matter of course you simply have to operate under such assumptions. It's just pragmatism.

"It depends on my schedule" is something a guy needs to say in order to stoke a woman's imagination. You're the woman in this scenario. You patiently waited like a dutiful chump for this girl to become single. You were "ecstatic" because she finally fit into your ONEitis fueled ideal. You got cøckblocked the first time, and you backed off from a girl who was initially interested in you despite her BF. You failed to consolidate then, but you got a reprieve.

The medium IS the message.

I hate the term 'Mixed Signals/Messages'. More often than not there's nothing 'Mixed' being communicated and rather it's a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating. The average guy tends to 'get' exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own. When a girl goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message - she's got buyers remorse, you're not her first priority, she's deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. - the message isn't the 'what ifs', the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? This IS the message.

Women with high IL wont confuse you. When a woman wants to ƒuck she'll find a way to ƒuck. If she's fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It's when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that'll bring her around that you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attention.

What most guys think are 'mixed messages' or confusing behavior coming from a woman is simply due to their inability (for whatever reason) to make an accurate interpretation of why she's behaving in such a manner. Usually this boils down to a guy getting so wrapped up in a girl that he'd rather make concessions for this behavior than see it for what it really is. In other words, it's far easier to call it 'mixed messages' or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle and random women are, when in fact it's simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives. A woman with high IL wont confuse you. A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with him.

This is where you are right now. You're playing a feminine role; it's your imagination that's being stoked. You have no other options, she knows this. You have a pre-existing ONEitis, she knows this. Your consistent text messaging with her only further confirms this. You're about 2 weeks from a LJBF.

My advice? Go dark. Cut communications. Everything "depends on YOUR schedule" now. Keep texts to one or two word answers. If she asks about you not being as available to her, come up with an unavoidably responsible excuse. You have to devote more dedication to your career, or you had to take care of your sick grandmother, anything with the implication of your being in demand. Assuming she hasn't written you off, you need to restart and reframe in the period of time she's alloted to not see you. She needs to have a new, fresh impression of you. Remember, women want a Man that other men want to be, and other women want to ƒuck. Right now you're ONEitis guy to her, and she's got buyers remorse. On your next date you need to be a DJ.

EDIT----


Did you bang this girl, or did you just spoon her all night?

What is described above is exactly what happened, and I mean EXACTLY what happened to me last year with my oneitis. And - I did bang this girl, but that is no guarantee you still won't be LJBF'd if you behave like the chump Rollo describes. I know first hand because I WAS that chump.

 

[VinceV]

Your time is way to valuable to waste on women with low interest.

Qualify. Qualify. Qualify.

Women with high interest only get your valuable time.

Time is money.

 

[jwhite17]

I doubt she would go back to her ex. That ended a few months back, and she doesn't talk to him anymore (at least that is what she told me..so who knows!?).

I think you are guys are right though. She can't be working 130 hours a week. She has to have some free time in the evenings. If she wanted to see me, she wouldn't be making excuses not to. Simple really.

It's a classic case of low interest, and I'm trying to blind myself to the truth because I want to believe she is interested.

Thanks for waking me up!!!

I will now go after and find girls that show high interest.

 

[jophil28]

Thanks for waking me up!!!

I will now go after and find girls that show high interest.

But will you still live in hope that every cell call is Sammi calling you to suggest a meetup ? Maybe she really is interested. Maybe the guys on MM are not correct-after all tax time is crazy busy time, right? Hmmmm.

 

[runner83]

The reek of ONEitis is apparent in your writing style. If I'm picking up on it in a thread post, rest assured, this girl has already experienced it first hand.
...
Women with high IL wont confuse you. When a woman wants to ƒuck she'll find a way to ƒuck. If she's fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It's when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that'll bring her around that you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attention.
...
A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with him....

Excellent advice as always.

OP, you missed your chance to bang her for now. If she was interested, she would find time no matter how busy she was.

Ignore all the b/s she says, and focus on her actions.

Did she agree to meet up or did she brush you aside, using work as an excuse?

Actions never lie.

 

[Tazman]

I'm not saying this is always the case, but that whole passing out during foreplay because of drinking is a common move women pull when they don't want to do the deed. I've seen it a few times before and one situation was a friend of mine who I warned about a chick using him for attention, he has zero game and unfortunately isn't one of those guys you can help.

Surprisingly, she actually made up for it with pity sex. However he only got it once and the excuses kept rolling in after until he eventually let it go. He never listens to me until he gets his feelings hurt.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'm not saying this is always the case, but that whole passing out during foreplay because of drinking is a common move women pull when they don't want to do the deed.

Exactly. This is a common feminine filibustering tactic. Get a bit too tipsy and you've got the perfect alibi for not engaging. Also, any woman wanting to hit up a Denny's after 1am? Yeah, you're not getting laid. Any girl pounding down food after midnight is filibustering sex.

See filibustering for what it is from the outset, cut your wasted time with her and use it to develop fresh prospects. Remember, as I stated above, the medium IS the message, watch the behavior. No woman wants to have sex with a guy on a full stomach, especially if she's sobering up from drinking earlier. Look for the signs of this early. No woman wants to have sex with a new guy when her breath smells like grilled onions. Alcohol and breath mints, maybe, but not after a burrito supreme.

My guess is that Sammi considered JWHITE for nothing more than a quick fling between boyfriends. She picked up on his beta-ness after the first 2 hours and decided to eject, but was committed to seeing out the end of the date. Response? Filibuster by getting just drunk enough to have a plausible reason not to get after it when he takes her home knowing he's a non-threatening, chivalric beta caretaker.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Just read everyone elses responses. Yeah I agree with everyone. Low interest and I would bet that she is seeing her ex bf still and that is in the works.

THIS! I don't think she's done with her ex.

But the time frame is pretty short. I don't understand how guys get oneitis for a girl they've known less than a year. I don't think this is a problem. Leave her alone and explore more prospects.