Unique opportunity with ex....

[Mike29698]

I’m a new user here and looking for some advice. I will explain more below, but by ex and her husband that she married 3 years ago, have asked me to come to visit and try to be friends with them. I had some issues with the break up, she left me for him after dating a long time, and being friends even longer, then ran off and got married a month later.

As far as the issues with the break up, they were typical to many guys, pissed and frustrated, throwing examples back at her of what she did in the past, etc. It was difficult at all to talk to her without trying to find out why, you know?

Currently, I have learned not to take things as heavily, and to try hard not to show any frustration, rejection, etc. Trying to be more talkative without being too much, exposing myself to being hurt, and generally trying to ACTUALLY change and be the better person, for me. As far as dating, I am slowly getting back in the swing of it, and will probably ask questions on that later.

As far as what I hope to accomplish with trying to spend time with around my ex? What I hope to do is to show her I was the better guy in the best way. Not really trying to win her back, just more of a "Hey, I am an even better guy now because of life."

About her, Hb6 with some extra weight, typical drama queen, flirtatious, and someone who tries to be the social butterfly and take charge of things (she has self esteem problems if she doesn’t have control over something). Also has a submissive streak.

What are your thoughts and tips on how to approach this situation?

 

[GoodButNotGreat]

doesn't seem worth it to me, you can do better than this. why reward her and her husband with what they want (ie: friendship with you) after the disrespect she handed you by breaking up with you and marrying him a month later? i feel like this could hinder your transition back into dating especially since you used to have huge feelings for this girl. you need to move on and never look back, and focus on bettering yourself

 

[scorpio1138]

It always floors me when I here someone say their ex wants you to meet the new boyfriend or in your case the husband.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

If this is a unique opportunity, I've got some vacuum cleaners for you to sell.

 

[Joe Stud]

"Not REALLY trying to win her back"? Ok

Look, If you REALLY feel the need to mend the fence, have a drink with them. Make it short and sweet, and move on. Look good, smell good, be confident for YOUR sake, not hers.

 

[NoCommitments]

Unless he wants you to bang her while he watches, I think this is a total waste of time!! Friends for what??? SHE LEFT YOU FOR THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand some of you guys out here?? I mean come on bro. Do you have any value?? I could see if you had kids with this chick

Dude the only way to show that you're a better person is to totally cut her from your life!

 

[f283000]

Why is she even able to contact you?

You need to learn to delete people from your life that did you wrong. You need to delete women from your past that did you wrong. This is what men do that want people to respect them, and want to respect themselves as men!

This is specially true when it comes to an ex. Delete her # from your cell, get her off your facebook. If she contacts you ignore her, it's that simple. You have no obligation to talk to anyone. Change your contact info if you have to if ignoring her doesn't help (it usually does after a while if they are insistent).

So instead of meeting with them (I can't believe you would even consider it) delete her (and him) from your life and let them never hear from you again.

If I spit on your face would you meet with me 3 years later to discuss it?

 

[Noodles]

A piece of Latin for you: cui bono.

Look it up.

 

[Masculinity]

Ex and her husband that she married 3 years ago, have asked me to come to visit and try to be friends with them. I had some issues with the break up, she left me for him after dating a long time, and being friends even longer, then ran off and got married a month later.

About her, Hb6 with some extra weight, typical drama queen, flirtatious, and someone who tries to be the social butterfly and take charge of things (she has self esteem problems if she doesn’t have control over something). Also has a submissive streak.

Bold = listen to what you're saying; ask a few true, blunt friends and they'll tell you the dumb thing you're thinking about doing.

As for me:

Duuude! You're a huge AFC for even having this as an option. WAKE UP!!! I just went through a brake-up with an hb8 after a 2.5LTR cause she made a comment about my background and growing up poor and I'm not even considering giving her the privilege to have a chance with me.
She LEFT YOU FOR THIS DUDE AND MARRIED HIM A MONTH LATER and you want to be "friends" with them(you yourself know that's bull, cause I don't think you're THAT stupid.) C'mon man!

On TOOOP of that, she's a freaking HB6, maybe I'll take a few more seconds to analyze the situation is she were somewhere between a 9 or a 10, or even a mermaid-looking chick, but a 6 who is overweight and a drama queen, dude? Don't be a loser! You dodged a bullet cause you could have ended up marrying this girl. Those are like giant red flags to even consider dating her, worst yet visit her and the husband.

I'd slap you so hard you'd forget your mama's name if knew you in real life; I couldn't be more serious.
I'm actually p!ssed right now; men like this are the reason women don't respect us and treat us like we're all the same.

PS: I don't know how old you are but, Furman University is right in your city. There HAS to be some good-looking babes in there(hint, hint.)
Sheeeeesh.

 

[Iceberg]

Terrible idea. And you have absolutely nothing to gain from it.

I'm going to assume that English isn't your first language, because this is NOT the definition of "opportunity".

Who gives a fu*k about being friends with the ex and the man she cheated on you to be with? How does this improve your life at all?

 

[betheman]

going against the tide here!
Its bizarre why they would want you to be friends with them, they obviously view it as some benefit to them, whatever the fook that is, iot wouldnt benefit you....However!

if you feel you need a final riposte, take a really hot, younger woman with you, pay her if you have to, get a hooker to play the part, have a few drinks, tell them its been lovely things have worked out for them, say goodbye and never look back again...and leave it there

 

[cordoncordon]

I’m a new user here and looking for some advice. I will explain more below, but by ex and her husband that she married 3 years ago, have asked me to come to visit and try to be friends with them. I had some issues with the break up, she left me for him after dating a long time, and being friends even longer, then ran off and got married a month later.

As far as the issues with the break up, they were typical to many guys, pissed and frustrated, throwing examples back at her of what she did in the past, etc. It was difficult at all to talk to her without trying to find out why, you know?

Currently, I have learned not to take things as heavily, and to try hard not to show any frustration, rejection, etc. Trying to be more talkative without being too much, exposing myself to being hurt, and generally trying to ACTUALLY change and be the better person, for me. As far as dating, I am slowly getting back in the swing of it, and will probably ask questions on that later.

As far as what I hope to accomplish with trying to spend time with around my ex? What I hope to do is to show her I was the better guy in the best way. Not really trying to win her back, just more of a "Hey, I am an even better guy now because of life."

About her, Hb6 with some extra weight, typical drama queen, flirtatious, and someone who tries to be the social butterfly and take charge of things (she has self esteem problems if she doesn’t have control over something). Also has a submissive streak.

What are your thoughts and tips on how to approach this situation?

Do you not have a shred of self respect in your body? This girl leaves you for him, marries the guy a month later, and you think its ok to go visit them and be friends??!!! WTFFFFFF?????????

Am I in the twilight zone? No wonder this girl left you with a mindset like that. These people want you to "be friends" with them for one reason and one reason only. So they can rub your nose in the dirt and show you how "happy they are".

Get over it! Move on! Show some pride in who you are and what you will accept in life! My word!!!

 

[Rhoto]

About her, Hb6 with some extra weight, typical drama queen, flirtatious, and someone who tries to be the social butterfly and take charge of things (she has self esteem problems if she doesn’t have control over something). Also has a submissive streak.

:nono:

Why do you care man? She's a sub-par, overweight girl, that is clearly not emotionally mature nor has any sense of character or respect.

Do you really need to get your self-esteem rocks off by "showing her" that you're living well? Have you ever thought she may be using you to dupe her husband?

You want to show her you're a "better guy" - don't talk to her, ever again.

 

[loveshogun]

You're not trying to prove to HER that you are the better man.

You're trying to prove to YOURSELF that you're the better man.

She's not the issue, and neither was the breakup. All that stuff did was open up a sore that you already had, but was able to ignore.

You've got to make your life right by you.

When you are truly happy with yourself, you'll be able to make decisions in these situations without second guessing yourself, and without having to ask for others' opinions on what is ultimately the more trivial end of the matter.

 

[Mike29698]

double post, sorry

 

[Mike29698]

Mostly I was trying to do a quick riposte and enjoy showing the best. I guess instead from your comments, its just more of a fact of giving them power over me in some ways. I will do as you all have suggested and cut ties.

You know guys, its strange, in other parts of life I am very balack and white, cut ties and move on quickly. Actually debt free, and working 2 full time jobs for the heck of it, just to pile more money in the bank and take up my time. Dating is the only place where I have second guessed myself alot. Can ya'll point a new guy to some advice here, beyond what you have already shared?

Thanks again,