Unique Flaking Situation

[Pimp-sicle]

Had a FB last year, we banged 3x over the course of a few months. We talked somewhat regularly, but hung out very sporadically. I was dating, meeting other women during the entire time, she was as well; but I made it very clear that I would never be anything more than fun to her.

At one point she def liked me, telling me her mom really likes me and suggested that she should date me. Not gonna happen.

She suggested getting together a couple times earlier this year, but ended up flaking both times. To be fair she had a ridiculous school schedule, taking 16 units and working part time to get into grad school. I got the typical "are you mad at me?" text messages and didn't reply. She text a couple more times apologizing, I replied telling her "I'm not mad, but if you can't make it, the least you could do is let me know." --- in both of the times I text her telling her "I'll be there at XXX time" and then she replied saying "I want to hang out, but have to study."

I lost contact with her for a few months, when I seriously started dating one of my other plates and she apparently thought I was mad at her during that time anyways.

So I stopped seeing that other plate, hit up the FB to catch up. She's very flirty, tells me she ended up dropping 3 of the 4 classes she was taking because it was so hectic and tells me she wants to catch up/hang out. She mentions she just started dating a new rich guy. She has been spending the entire weekend with this dude on his boat.

We make plans to hang out, I suggest Wed or Thurs. She counters and says Sunday would work best. I tell her I'll let her know. I text her Saturday during the early afternoon, agreeing to Sunday. She says "sounds good, I'll text you in the morning."

She ends up flaking in the morning saying "the rich dude wants me to go hang on his boat, I'll make it up to you."

I didn't reply.

That was a couple weeks ago and she has been texting me every couple days doing the typical girl stuff "I'm sorry" "Pimp????" "I really want to catch up with you" etc

-----------------------

I'm not sure how to handle this. Normally when a girl flakes, I don't make a big deal out of it and I've been rewarded nicely for not dropping her too quickly.

But I've never been in a situation with a girl that I've banged a few times already, have zero emotional attachment to, yet is so persistent, but who now has flaked 3x in a row.

I'm not dumb, I know she wants to let go of the guilt she feels, hoping I reply.

And for the record, I do not care at all either way. If I never see her again, whatever. If we end up banging the rest of the summer, that's fine too. Zero emotional attachment to her.

Selfishly I am curious what you guys would do in my situation because I am in the process of getting over the other hot girl I was dating and I know getting some @ss is a nice way to get back on track.








PIMP

 

[Jitterbug]

What you should do: nothing. If she wants to see you, she must make 100% effort from arranging, calling to paying and everything else.

I assume you're telling us and yourself the truth, that you have zero emotional attachment.

She's playing a head game to make you emotionally invest in her. Roissy would call this a beta bait: she pretends to feel puppy dog guilty hoping you'd feel like you don't want to be mean and you'd want to say something like "oh no it's ok, let's meet again!" A form of reverse guilt tripping. And it's working to some extent, else you wouldn't be bothered enough to make this thread.

 

[CaliMan007]

Yeah, it sounds like you have some emotional attachment. Flaking once might be excusable, but three times is not.

The other plate you were dating, did you dump her or did she dump you?

 

[plate's_empty]

I had a girl that I hit off with great. Great chemistry, the few times we ran into each other, dancing, making out, her not wanting to leave my side. Texting was on point, talking on the phone everything clicked.

The problem was, I could never set something up with her. Like your girl, the few times I did, she had to cancel. She'd come and meet me somewhere out of the blue, but it would be only for a short while, she'd always have to go. Turns out (she finally told me), she was strung out on some married dude. She was his mistress, he basically owned her. He would seriously need to know where she was at at all times, and she wasn't "allowed" to see anyone. This was a smart girl too. She admitted it was a bad relationship and she wanted to get away, but he had total control over her. She basically tried turning me into captain save a ho.

It was bad news. This may be somewhat different than your situation, since all I ever did was make out with her. But she would text me and call me all the time.

I gave her a few tries but it didn't work. Bottom line: I was her #2. And her #1 always came first. She couldn't say no to him. That right there turned me off. Even while my game wasn't quite up to speed. But I still knew it was a bad deal.

No matter what your history is, treat her like any other, special treatment is for your dog. Next.

 

[Jitterbug]

Hah, I had a girl in an almost identical situation to yours, plate's empty. She was divorced from a foreign fella, came back to the country and was offered a nice living arrangement by some other rich local bloke (a fact I only found out later through her friend). We met at some music gig, hit it off spectacularly, made out, arse-grabbed like teenagers, danced etc. but I could only see her when she was on a girls night out with her friend (who likes me and actually wants her to be with me instead). Can never get her to go out anywhere, and she only ever responded to my TXT once. I thought that made no sense, but didn't make any strong attempt to figure out why (I thought she was just neurotic / bipolar) until her friend told me. Then I just let that one go.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

What you should do: nothing. If she wants to see you, she must make 100% effort from arranging, calling to paying and everything else.

I assume you're telling us and yourself the truth, that you have zero emotional attachment.

She's playing a head game to make you emotionally invest in her. Roissy would call this a beta bait: she pretends to feel puppy dog guilty hoping you'd feel like you don't want to be mean and you'd want to say something like "oh no it's ok, let's meet again!" A form of reverse guilt tripping. And it's working to some extent, else you wouldn't be bothered enough to make this thread.

--------------------


Thanks for the reply bro.

And yes def telling the truth, I honestly do not care at all, the only reason I made this thread was I've never been in a situation with a girl who I have banged regularly in the past, suddenly become flakey. Figured it would be a great topic for discussion as well.

Over the past few years I've followed Rollo's advice to the T of being explicitly honest of my intentions with fuvk buddies and its worked very well; each girl has agreed to the terms initially and eventually tried to sway me, but I didn't budge.

I'm familiar with that Roissy article, however in this case I don't think she's playing games as much as she's using me as a fallback option because she knows I will never date her. I can't fault her for going after a guy she might have a chance with, but she needs to learn to respect my time.







PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Yeah, it sounds like you have some emotional attachment. Flaking once might be excusable, but three times is not.

The other plate you were dating, did you dump her or did she dump you?

Your wrong bro; I have no emotional attachment to her. She's a cool chick, someone who I def get along with and enjoy her company, but we go months without seeing or talking to each other.

My other plate was a girl I had pretty strong feelings for, but she had too many issues (binge drinking, lying, temper) and I realized things weren't going to workout between us, so I dropped her.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I had a girl that I hit off with great. Great chemistry, the few times we ran into each other, dancing, making out, her not wanting to leave my side. Texting was on point, talking on the phone everything clicked.

The problem was, I could never set something up with her. Like your girl, the few times I did, she had to cancel. She'd come and meet me somewhere out of the blue, but it would be only for a short while, she'd always have to go. Turns out (she finally told me), she was strung out on some married dude. She was his mistress, he basically owned her. He would seriously need to know where she was at at all times, and she wasn't "allowed" to see anyone. This was a smart girl too. She admitted it was a bad relationship and she wanted to get away, but he had total control over her. She basically tried turning me into captain save a ho.

It was bad news. This may be somewhat different than your situation, since all I ever did was make out with her. But she would text me and call me all the time.

I gave her a few tries but it didn't work. Bottom line: I was her #2. And her #1 always came first. She couldn't say no to him. That right there turned me off. Even while my game wasn't quite up to speed. But I still knew it was a bad deal.

No matter what your history is, treat her like any other, special treatment is for your dog. Next.

Thanks for the reply Plate.

Yeah I think its different from my situation simply for the reason that this girl was the one always initiating and never flaking. She had a LDR going when we first started fuvkin.

Aside from getting food a couple times, we never went out out. I would simply go over, bang her, then leave.

I'm not mad at her for flaking, but I am annoyed with it.

However think about it from her perspective for a second. I'm a guy she's attracted to, but who she also knows will never commit to her, I've made that very clear. So I can't really blame her for not making me a priority now. I'm not saying that makes her flaking acceptable, but I know that is why she is now flaking.

If it is a power play beta bait type game like Jitterbug mentioned, it won't work because I don't have anything feelings for her.







PIMP

 

[Slickster]

Well it seems pretty obvious that any plans you make with her on the weekends are pretty much a joke. She gave you full warning on that. I'm not sure how you could expect otherwise.

Regardless of your lack of feelings and the fact that you have this f-buddy agreement, you are essentially allowing yourself to be her #2. She knows it and is obviously enjoying her position of power over you. Every time you interact with her she knows that she has you waiting in the wings and it boosts her ego.

You know it too and may get a similar boost. At the end of the day though you are essentially willing to wait around for her pvssy. You can reassure yourself that you have no feelings so that makes it okay but, every time you respond to her texts you are willingly giving her power over you.

If you're cool with that there is nothing to do or analyze here. Just wait around until she graces you with her pvssy. This is pretty standard for what you get out of a f-buddy relationship. Wait your turn and don't think about it in the meantime because that means you DO have feelings.

I suspect that if you continue along this path her respect for you will eventually drop off along with any interest she has.

 

[plate's_empty]

I'm a guy she's attracted to, but who she also knows will never commit to her, I've made that very clear. So I can't really blame her for not making me a priority now. I'm not saying that makes her flaking acceptable, but I know that is why she is now flaking.

This is blue pill thinking. Sorry man, it is.

I've read your posts, they're spot on. But I feel you're wrong on this one. Her flaking has made you curious. She's not an easy lay right now, and you've seen she has more value. This rich dude swooped her up, and she's into him, not you. She flipped the switches. She now has the control. She's doing what you've done to her in the past. I'm with the other posters, I think you've started to get an emotional attachment to her.


Best bet, as usual, go NC.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Well it seems pretty obvious that any plans you make with her on the weekends are pretty much a joke. She gave you full warning on that. I'm not sure how you could expect otherwise.

Regardless of your lack of feelings and the fact that you have this f-buddy agreement, you are essentially allowing yourself to be her #2. She knows it and is obviously enjoying her position of power over you. Every time you interact with her she knows that she has you waiting in the wings and it boosts her ego.

You know it too and may get a similar boost. At the end of the day though you are essentially willing to wait around for her pvssy. You can reassure yourself that you have no feelings so that makes it okay but, every time you respond to her texts you are willingly giving her power over you.

If you're cool with that there is nothing to do or analyze here. Just wait around until she graces you with her pvssy. This is pretty standard for what you get out of a f-buddy relationship. Wait your turn and don't think about it in the meantime because that means you DO have feelings.

I suspect that if you continue along this path her respect for you will eventually drop off along with any interest she has.

Hey Slick, thanks for the reply.

It doesn't matter if I'm the #2, 3, or 4th option to me, I could care less how she views it in her mind.

I do agree that I give her an ego boost when I text her out of the blue etc.

I not waiting around to bang her; like I said I only contacted her with selfish intentions to use her as a rebound fuvk, then be on my way again.

I know its hard to really understand everything thru a message board and I can't be more honest when I say the ONLY reason I made this thread is because this is a unique type of flaking situation for me; never been thru it.

I'm more accustomed to the regular flaking early on with a new girl you've met and have had success turning those situations around.

I wanted to start a discussion on this to see if anyone has been thru a similar scenario and hear what approach others took and how it turned out.







PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

This is blue pill thinking. Sorry man, it is.

I've read your posts, they're spot on. But I feel you're wrong on this one. Her flaking has made you curious. She's not an easy lay right now, and you've seen she has more value. This rich dude swooped her up, and she's into him, not you. She flipped the switches. She now has the control. She's doing what you've done to her in the past. I'm with the other posters, I think you've started to get an emotional attachment to her.

Hey Plate,

I can see why you think that and your entitled to your opinion. Definitely not blue pill thinking, she's verbalized those things to me and has even told me "I know you will never date me."

Again, I can't fault her for exploring options, I would do the same thing in that scenario.

Her flaking hasn't made me curious or interested in her, its annoyed me.

She is a very chill, cool girl. If she's into this rich dude, I will be stoked for her. Won't bother me one bit.

If I didn't have a somewhat messy ending with the other plate I was dating, who I really liked, I would have never hit this girl up. It was 100% about bustin' a nut and rebounding as I throw myself back out there. Using the little black book to try and pick up low hanging fruit if you will.

I don't know how else to convince you guys that I don't have any emotional attachment to her, I truly don't.

I def appreciate the feedback, and there have been some excellent thoughts here so far.

I'm always trying to learn more and that is the purpose of this thread, not her.








PIMP

 

[Greasy Pig]

Hey Pimp, my experience with these situations is to just go ghost for a while.
I agree with whoever said this chick has flipped the script and is enjoying stringing you along.
Happened to me at least twice and each time, I went ghost and they eventually hit me up for a fvck after a few weeks or even months.
When you show them you truly don't care, it pulls their self esteem back to base levels and they give in to the realisation that the only way she can get your attention is to choke on your pole.
Go NC for a while and see how it plays out.

 

[plate's_empty]

Hey Plate,

I can see why you think that and your entitled to your opinion. Definitely not blue pill thinking, she's verbalized those things to me and has even told me "I know you will never date me."

Again, I can't fault her for exploring options, I would do the same thing in that scenario.

Her flaking hasn't made me curious or interested in her, its annoyed me.

She is a very chill, cool girl. If she's into this rich dude, I will be stoked for her. Won't bother me one bit.

If I didn't have a somewhat messy ending with the other plate I was dating, who I really liked, I would have never hit this girl up. It was 100% about bustin' a nut and rebounding as I throw myself back out there. Using the little black book to try and pick up low hanging fruit if you will.

I don't know how else to convince you guys that I don't have any emotional attachment to her, I truly don't.

I def appreciate the feedback, and there have been some excellent thoughts here so far.

I'm always trying to learn more and that is the purpose of this thread, not her.

Gotcha. We're just on the outside looking in. You know how you truly feel.


Let me ask you a hypothetical question. Lets just say, just sayin, you told her you wanted to start seriously dating her, with the possibility of going exclusive. I know you'd re-phrase it, but let's say you basically let her know she might have a chance with you in an LTR. What do you think she would do?

You let her know, originally, she didn't have a shot with you. Which, btw is commendable....salute. But you two had fun and fulfilled each others needs. Now, she has moved on. She found some rich dude that she is attached to. He is now her priority. She probably feels some obligation to you, because of what you did for her and may have some feelings left, but you are now secondary.

You may be able to meet up with her again if the timing is right. You may be able to get her back on board as a plate. Or, her ship may have sailed. I feel she isn't even sure.....which explains her flakiness. She probably still wants to revisit those times she's had with you but when the moment of truth comes....she decides against it.

 

[backbreaker]

for you pimp. this is a post i made 8 years ago lol

Flaky initinal Interst.

This is when the girl, will, by design or by accident, flake on you.

Now, you don't know if she is doing it by design, or if she is doing just beacuse her initial interest in you isn't the same. This can be as simple as not calling back when she said she would, advoiding your calls, or if you get the date initially, just not seeming to be all that into you, when a couple of days ago she was basically begging you to take her.

What to do?

My last GF, at least last real GF, I met at Dillards the day before my 21st Birthday. In all honesty... I don't really dig women with short hair, and she had pretty short hair, but I loved her personality, and she was really spunky, so I said, what the hell and got her phone number.

So I call her the next day, and tell her I can take her out the next Sunday, which was the next day I didn't have anything going on, whcih was a week later.

She agreed, sounded excited, no signs of flakiness.

So Sunday Comes, I have the plan out, it's my first REAL date in 3 years, i'm nervous, excited, etc. Not so much because of her, but just because I was "back in the game" in general.

So I call her, she tells me she's ready. So I call back to get directions... she doesn't answer. Call back again? No answer. So I figure, she has my number, she knows I am trying to call her, I am being stood up.

Now, I am going make a plug for a book called "how to succed with women" It's a medium sized black book, that if I didn't read it in conjunction with this site, I never would have had a chanc with this girl.

The reason I say this is becuase of what happened. I called back, she said her "phone was acting up and she wanted to reschedule"

So it just so happens I wasn't doing anything the next night, so we rescheduled.

SSDD

Now according to sosuave.com, I should have waited for her to call me, or better yet, NEXT!

But what the book said in this case, made alot more sense.. you don't know what the **** is going on in her life.. I mean, she can very well be not interested in you, but give her the benefit of the doubt.

So I called her back, and this is exactly how the converstion went.

"Hey babe, what happened?"

Her: "My phone keeps messing up, I'm sorry"

Me: "whatever babe... look, I don't know you that well, but you seem like a nice and intelligent person, so I am going to be real with you for a second.. from what i see of you, I am feeling you.. your cute, you are funny, you have alot of engery and you seem to be nice. However, that doesn't mean I am going to wait around for you when you feel like you want to stop flaking out on me to get a date. So I am going to ask you out one more time, and if you go out with me, cool, and if you don't, that's cool as well, however you won't hear from me again"


Not only was she stunned I was so blunt with her, it's like she snapped out of whatever she was in and changed that instant.

I had wanted to reschedule the date for the up coming sunday, which was 4 days away.. She begged me to take her out THAT Night.. I had to cancel plans with my best friends, or at least shorten them, and the rest was history

Later down the line, I got the truth.. she said she was feeling me as well, hwoever she has just gotten out of a 6 year relationship and still wanted to get back with him, but she did like me, and when she reailzed that I wasn't going to wait aro und she hopped on the opprotunity.

In other words, I forced her hand.

Now, we aren't together Now, but not because of her EX...

 

[Desdinova]

Fairly recently, I tried to hook up with multiple women that I had previously dated or banged. All of them flaked. Perhaps it's because you're not a fresh and exciting new prospect or maybe their IL just isn't high enough.

Whatever the case, I find that it's easier to get some new plates instead of trying to get the old ones spinning again.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Hey Pimp, my experience with these situations is to just go ghost for a while.

This chick knows, without a doubt that she is not my primary choice. She was around me when I was dating a different girl last summer, her friend also liked me during that time. Her and I had messed around a couple times at that time. That's why I don't expect her to make me a priority, but I hadn't experienced the flaking issue with her in the past. That could be because we don't really hang regularly anymore. We were in class together last year.

I agree with whoever said this chick has flipped the script and is enjoying stringing you along.

I don't think she's intending to string me along, even though she has been. She is making the other guy a priority and like I said, that is okay with me because I will never date her.

When you show them you truly don't care, it pulls their self esteem back to base levels and they give in to the realisation that the only way she can get your attention is to choke on your pole.

Great point and this is more of the stuff I was hoping to discuss when I made this post, rather than focusing on this girl so much.

Go NC for a while and see how it plays out.

That's the plan.








PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

for you pimp. this is a post i made 8 years ago lol

Haha! Thx BB!

Great post and I totally agree. I think there are many parallel's to what we have both experienced when it comes to women. The main one being the aloof, indifference game that works like magic for me.

I have also had great success (Borat?) not getting rattled from the initial flake and keeping my eyes on the prize.

The other plate I ended up dating for a bit and having many great nights with started off the same way as the girl from the post you referenced.









PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I would do nothing. You guys are just fvck buddies, she has at least one other guy she's banging regularly, and you guys owe each other nothing.

I agree bro. But I made the thread because I want to know the proper way to handle this type of situation. I feel like NC is a bit extreme here. Its not like she's some chick that fuvked me over or disrespected me. But as others have pointed out, I don't want to give her the impression that she can make plans with me and constantly bail out. But perhaps that's what it will be esp since she knows I'll never date her.

I think prior to this, (in the beginning like many FB relationships) she probably thought she could change my mind on all that.

This is what has worked for me in the past: don't show her you're upset. When she cancels on you, act like it doesn't bother you. She wants to make you jealous by telling you about the rich bf? Kick back on a chair and enjoy the show.

Exactly, but that's my point; I think perhaps NC isn't the right solution. I TRULY don't care either way, but want to use this situation as practice for similar situations in the future.

I'm wondering if there is a happy medium; where I can show her I'm not upset (but I'm annoyed) and it doesn't bother me.

I don't think constantly saying "no worries" when she cancels/flakes is the right response either because it lets her know there is no consequence for that behavior.

You also are seeing lots of other girls, right?

Yes... got two situations brewing right now. Actually a really interesting one that I'll have to chat with you about over IM! haha

Women flake, even when they like you and even when you're much better than they are. This is just how they are.

Totally, I have had many women flake initially and then ended up dating them for quite a while. I don't take it personally, but when your looking forward to bustin' a rebound nut, its annoying.

If you go NC on her, this girl will only do the same to you. Women often mirror our own tactics against them.

Exactly. That's why I'm trying to figure out where that happy medium is.... still not sure how to play that. Do you simply say "no problem, we will catch up later."

And after those flakes, when she saw that it didn't bother me, she stopped doing it. Now, she is one of my two most trustworthy girls. She's always available for me, comes over to my house and fvcks me whenever i want, and never ever flakes.

This is how I've felt about her previous flaking, but never had a girl flake 3x in a row. But then again, she absolutely knows I'm out dating/meeting others, so she should do the same. That's why I agree with you, I shouldn't really be able to be mad out about (which I'm not), but I still want to find a way to minimize it if I want to bang her out of the blue.

I'd go LC, a kind of limited contact where you let her initiate plans.

That's where it has been. I literally hadn't talked to her since January before I recently hit her up.

I know you guys won't believe me, but I only really hit her up when I want to bust a nut; I'm always talking with other girls I'm more attracted to....she is low hanging fruit to me and usually is available.








PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Fairly recently, I tried to hook up with multiple women that I had previously dated or banged. All of them flaked. Perhaps it's because you're not a fresh and exciting new prospect or maybe their IL just isn't high enough.

I don't think that's the case. I think two things;

1) she knows I won't ever date her, and she's the type of girl that always has to have a bf, even though she always cheats

2) she is currently dating someone else

Whatever the case, I find that it's easier to get some new plates instead of trying to get the old ones spinning again.

I agree; got two other solid prospects on board right now.












PIMP