Introduction
This post is quite deep, but I decided to write something that looks at the root of infatuation and the mental processes that cause it. This is based on my years of NLP studies and my own experiences and introspection. Hopefully it will help guys who suffer from infatuation and heartbreak to regain their sense of power and maybe even turn the tables.
Infatuation is self-inflicted
Many scientists have come up with theories to explain attraction on a physical level, from chemical reactions in the body to genetics, but there’s a deeper and more personal level of attraction from crushes to infatuation, and these states are created inside one’s own mind.
It begins simply by romanticizing and nurturing fantasies about a particular person. You may have spoken to her only a few times, but the more you think about her, the stronger your sense of familiarity and attachment becomes. If she’s on your mind for most of the day, you are instinctively going to feel close to her and though it’s all a fantasy, the imagination is capable of stirring very real and intense emotional states, which can become associated with a particular woman and triggered by the mere sight of her (hence the sudden nervous reaction and loss of control). This is how infatuation or “oneitis” begins.
Here’s when logic fails and things start to get weird: When we develop a crush on a woman we tend to fall in love with the “character” from our fantasy rather than the “actress” who plays her. Your mental “character” is sure to be loving and devoted to you, do everything you want and be pretty much the perfect woman. Now she’s on a pedestal with you looking upto her, longing for her to fulfill your fantasy. However, in reality, the “actress” barely knows you, may be a ***** or just not interested in you. To you, this is going to come as a big disappointment and may even feel like an act of betrayal, because once you have developed this state of attachment in your mind, you are susceptible to very real feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, fear of loss and desperation (all very unattractive and creepy traits).
When a woman shows attention, many guys will start to think about it – did it mean anything? Before long, their minds have constructed a fantasy and they end up blowing a mere touch, compliment or number exchange into something much more meaningful and start to build expectations around it. So when the woman acts like it meant nothing, these guys will feel like they’ve been led on or deceived. They may feel entitled to an explanation or feel angry at her, but the truth is she has done absolutely nothing wrong. When you’re in this mindset you may feel justified for acting this way, but to her it will seem very weird and inappropriate.
We can all moan about women leading us on and how they’re all b1tches and wh0res, but many “women problems” are not actually caused by women; they are caused by our own minds. This stresses the importance of staying active and keeping our minds occupied, because when we are alone in silence, this is when our minds begin to fantasize.
A more detailed analysis...
She may not be the most attractive woman we know or have the most alluring personality, but somehow some women just end up taking centre stage in our fantasies and can soon become the subject of our infatuation. If asked what you see in her, it may be hard to explain, yet you can’t stop thinking about her. It may just be (and often is) that she showed you attention and built your hopes and expectations.
Yet not knowing for sure if she likes you continues to hound you. So behind all good mind games is a certain level of attention, expectation and ambiguity.
I don't advocate mind games and try to avoid them whenever possible, but again, I think it's useful for us to understand how they work so we can win once in a while.
Attention
Being shown attention is a good feeling for most people as it makes them feel valued, lifts their self-esteem and generally makes them feel good. Instantly, this high feeling has become associated with the attention giver. It can become addictive and some people can become dependent on this attention (and this person) to lift their moods.
However, the attention has to be from someone worthwhile for it to mean something. If the person is some desperate loser who looks upto everyone or has a reputation for hitting on any woman he can find, his attention is worthless. If, however, the attention giver is popular, attractive, confident and selective, the attention is a priveledge. (another reason why DJs should seek to improve themselves and become this valuable person).
Expectation
The expectation factor is one of the traps guys fall into very easily. This is where the c0ck teasers and attention wh0res can really screw with our minds. What they do is lead guys on, make them believe they have a chance of scoring, build up their hopes and leave them with this feeling of excitement and anticipation, like a child on Christmas eve.
Guys can use this to their advantage too by building up the tension and luring the woman in with expectations.
Ambiguity
Some guys go straight in for the kill, pursuing their target with lots of attention, flirting and compliments. What they are doing here is laying their cards on the table and giving the woman complete power. She can now take him for granted. Next stop, The Friend Zone.
So this is where ambiguity comes in. This basically involves teasing and hinting at attraction without revealing it outright. It may also involve withdrawing attention sometimes or finding a balance between too much and too little. The reason this works so effectively is because it plays off a basic human weakness: curiosity. Human minds crave explanations and definite answers, so when attention is ambiguous it stands more chance of playing on one’s mind. Ever heard people say things like, “I need to know one way or another” or “not knowing is driving me crazy!” They would rather have a negative answer than no answer at all, because their minds cannot let go until they have closure.
Needless to say, when this unanswered puzzle is playing on someone’s mind so is the person who started it. This is where you want to be if you’re trying to get a woman’s mental and emotional interest. Therefore, your flirting, compliments and attention should be ambiguous, irregular and leave an element of uncertainty playing on her mind. Sooner or later, her curiosity will get the better of her and she’ll be the one throwing down her cards.
Just remember, women play it cool and vary their amount of attention too. If you let it faze you, then you are falling into their trap.
This post is quite deep, but I decided to write something that looks at the root of infatuation and the mental processes that cause it. This is based on my years of NLP studies and my own experiences and introspection. Hopefully it will help guys who suffer from infatuation and heartbreak to regain their sense of power and maybe even turn the tables.
Infatuation is self-inflicted
Many scientists have come up with theories to explain attraction on a physical level, from chemical reactions in the body to genetics, but there’s a deeper and more personal level of attraction from crushes to infatuation, and these states are created inside one’s own mind.
It begins simply by romanticizing and nurturing fantasies about a particular person. You may have spoken to her only a few times, but the more you think about her, the stronger your sense of familiarity and attachment becomes. If she’s on your mind for most of the day, you are instinctively going to feel close to her and though it’s all a fantasy, the imagination is capable of stirring very real and intense emotional states, which can become associated with a particular woman and triggered by the mere sight of her (hence the sudden nervous reaction and loss of control). This is how infatuation or “oneitis” begins.
Here’s when logic fails and things start to get weird: When we develop a crush on a woman we tend to fall in love with the “character” from our fantasy rather than the “actress” who plays her. Your mental “character” is sure to be loving and devoted to you, do everything you want and be pretty much the perfect woman. Now she’s on a pedestal with you looking upto her, longing for her to fulfill your fantasy. However, in reality, the “actress” barely knows you, may be a ***** or just not interested in you. To you, this is going to come as a big disappointment and may even feel like an act of betrayal, because once you have developed this state of attachment in your mind, you are susceptible to very real feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, fear of loss and desperation (all very unattractive and creepy traits).
When a woman shows attention, many guys will start to think about it – did it mean anything? Before long, their minds have constructed a fantasy and they end up blowing a mere touch, compliment or number exchange into something much more meaningful and start to build expectations around it. So when the woman acts like it meant nothing, these guys will feel like they’ve been led on or deceived. They may feel entitled to an explanation or feel angry at her, but the truth is she has done absolutely nothing wrong. When you’re in this mindset you may feel justified for acting this way, but to her it will seem very weird and inappropriate.
We can all moan about women leading us on and how they’re all b1tches and wh0res, but many “women problems” are not actually caused by women; they are caused by our own minds. This stresses the importance of staying active and keeping our minds occupied, because when we are alone in silence, this is when our minds begin to fantasize.
A more detailed analysis...
She may not be the most attractive woman we know or have the most alluring personality, but somehow some women just end up taking centre stage in our fantasies and can soon become the subject of our infatuation. If asked what you see in her, it may be hard to explain, yet you can’t stop thinking about her. It may just be (and often is) that she showed you attention and built your hopes and expectations.
Yet not knowing for sure if she likes you continues to hound you. So behind all good mind games is a certain level of attention, expectation and ambiguity.
I don't advocate mind games and try to avoid them whenever possible, but again, I think it's useful for us to understand how they work so we can win once in a while.
Attention
Being shown attention is a good feeling for most people as it makes them feel valued, lifts their self-esteem and generally makes them feel good. Instantly, this high feeling has become associated with the attention giver. It can become addictive and some people can become dependent on this attention (and this person) to lift their moods.
However, the attention has to be from someone worthwhile for it to mean something. If the person is some desperate loser who looks upto everyone or has a reputation for hitting on any woman he can find, his attention is worthless. If, however, the attention giver is popular, attractive, confident and selective, the attention is a priveledge. (another reason why DJs should seek to improve themselves and become this valuable person).
Expectation
The expectation factor is one of the traps guys fall into very easily. This is where the c0ck teasers and attention wh0res can really screw with our minds. What they do is lead guys on, make them believe they have a chance of scoring, build up their hopes and leave them with this feeling of excitement and anticipation, like a child on Christmas eve.
Guys can use this to their advantage too by building up the tension and luring the woman in with expectations.
Ambiguity
Some guys go straight in for the kill, pursuing their target with lots of attention, flirting and compliments. What they are doing here is laying their cards on the table and giving the woman complete power. She can now take him for granted. Next stop, The Friend Zone.
So this is where ambiguity comes in. This basically involves teasing and hinting at attraction without revealing it outright. It may also involve withdrawing attention sometimes or finding a balance between too much and too little. The reason this works so effectively is because it plays off a basic human weakness: curiosity. Human minds crave explanations and definite answers, so when attention is ambiguous it stands more chance of playing on one’s mind. Ever heard people say things like, “I need to know one way or another” or “not knowing is driving me crazy!” They would rather have a negative answer than no answer at all, because their minds cannot let go until they have closure.
Needless to say, when this unanswered puzzle is playing on someone’s mind so is the person who started it. This is where you want to be if you’re trying to get a woman’s mental and emotional interest. Therefore, your flirting, compliments and attention should be ambiguous, irregular and leave an element of uncertainty playing on her mind. Sooner or later, her curiosity will get the better of her and she’ll be the one throwing down her cards.
Just remember, women play it cool and vary their amount of attention too. If you let it faze you, then you are falling into their trap.
