Uncertain What To Do

[Erpa]

Hi! I've lurked on here for a while reading the various material and threads. This is the first time I'm asking a question on here about women. I'm hoping some of you could give me some advice about this.

Alright, so in my cell physiology class this semester there was this girl who sat one seat over from me. (It's not a big class because its for seniors) I didn't give it much thought. But I did notice that she was somewhat attractive. Every now and then I would make a comment to her every now and then. For instance, our professor asked us a question in class and she came closest to the answer and she said to me "hey, i should get bonus points for that, huh?". I didn't say anything, but I did laugh because I thought it was kind of funny. Our professor went in a little further detail and asked it again and another student got the question correct. So, I was like "well, there goes your bonus points". so, nothing spectacular.

Anyways, a lecture or two go by and then one day she comes to class and she's like "hey, I'm going to sit next to you" And i said "oh ok, sure no problemo". And then she asked me if I play a lot of soccer. I said that I do play a lot and she said she noticed because I always wear soccer clothing to class like my indoor soccer shoes, soccer t-shirts, shorts/warm-ups. And I just laughed and said "well, this is all i've got. She then said that she wasn't ragging on me about that but thought it was cool and then she told me how she used to play soccer. And then she went on to tell me how she doesnt anymore and how she is taking 19 hrs, teaches dance, volunteers, how she is in a band, drama team or something and I told her that's amazing and how she must be insanely busy.

Alright, so the thing is she talked a good bit about herself to me. And later I realized that I really didn't say much except how she is busy. Now, its seems to me like this girl was qualifying herself to me. And I've read on here that this is a good indication of interest. The problem is that I feel uncertain what to do. I mean, I think this girl was trying to hit on me. She seems really interesting and genuine and attractive. But, I feel like I didnt react well enough to her as I was sort of surprised having a girl come to me and try to open me. Haha, I'm usually to one who tries to open and pursue to women.


I want to ask her out and hell, even get her phone number. I think I'm a bit intimidated. I mean, this girl is so busy and seems to have a big social life as well. I have my own hobbies and interests also. Ah, any thoughts??

 

[Erpa]

anyone?

 

[Igetit!]

So how long have you known this girl,and long has these conversations between the two of you been going on?

Another question: Is she the one who starts these convos with you,and if so,whenever she starts talking to you,how do you generally respond?

Try to answer these questions as accurately as possible.

 

[MisterMcGee]

A girl I work with does that if I don't give her attention and stuff. She's an HB9.5 and 2 years younger than me. Best way to go about this is, since you've already done the "I'm not really phased by you're presence that easily,darling" thing, you can start rewarding her for approaching you. If she says something to you out of the blue, touch her upper arm (do kino) and start talking and listening to what she has to say with a smile on your face and good eye contact.

 

[Interceptor]

Erpa,
she may have just been friendly and social.
Do not go imagining fantasies.
She may have just even picked up that you're kind of shy around girls, and picked you to be her Orbiter.
She may be an AW.

Again, do not create these fantasies in your head. I hope you're not.

You also mention something that is unfortunately quite common in men like you, you arent really that attracted to her, and dont think that much about her, but since it appears she's one of the very few females to give you any attention (dont be ashamed of this. Do NOT be ashamed. It is common. And it happens. To a lot of guys. But you're here, trying to improve your situation. And that is important. Your needs matter too. And we all respect them. So should you. You're not anyone's doormat. You're making the right decision in getting this area of your life handled. I will try to help) , you're getting ready to go off the deep end. I even predict you may come down with Oneitis because she gave you attention.
You may have the common "I think she likes me, so I like her!!!" syndrome.
I hope you dont...


Now, now, relax, I am being a little hard on you because you are showing the common tell tale signs that A LOT of guys have.
And the fact that you have this 'intellectual' angle and probably a left brain , perhaps over analytical , which is also typical, which is unfortunately the tell tale signs of the geeky guy who's awkward with women.
Dont be that guy.

I am almost positive you wouldnt give this woman the time of day unless she approached you first and gave you the atention you're not used to.
And you appear to be falling into that trap where you want to jump on her just because she talked to you.
Be very very careful with this dynamic.

Number one, you have got to get in touch with the more masculine, animal side to yourself.
I can already tell you have the typical nerdy, intellectual, left brain guy thing going on, and it has got to stop.
You need to get into the gym.
Train Boxing and/or martial arts.
Do things that you are passionate about.
And learn to connect with your Masculine Instincts.
And that is to be fully present, calm, confident, self assured, non reactive, soild as a rock, have High Character, have very very strong Personal Boundaries, be very assertive at all times, and be comfortable with being aggressive when the need arises.
You need to get in touch with these four areas of masculinity
Warrior
Hunter
Provider
Lover
I know it 'looks' weird, and somewhat alien to many men.
But if you connect to this, you will make great strides to reconnecting to your masculine instincts, and getting in touch with your sexuality, sensuality, and passion, and your creative side.
I am 100 percent absolutely serious about this.
Dead serious, man.
And, you have got to get rid of the idea that ANY Female is "INTIMIDATING".

DONT EVER EVER EVER be 'intimidated' by a female.

NEVER.


NEVER.

Do not ACCEPT that this belief is rational, and just because it is common, it is also NORMAL. It is not. It is also unhealthy, and emasculating.

I would suggest you read the Book of Pook.
And look up Dr Paul Dobransky's Mind OS, and Mature Masculine Power.
In addition, David Deangelo's On Being a Man on DVD, and David Deida's Way of the Superior Man.
Again, I am dead serious about this.
Once you reconnect to your natural masculine instincts, you will have less 'uncertainty' about anything.
And you will begin to feel mor self assured and confident in your life, and interactions with women.

This particular situaton with this one woman is a training ground for you.
And you must make peace that there's a high chance you will gvck this up.
In order to 'get' the woman, you have to be willing and strong enough to 'LOSE' her.
Be very very careful of the symptoms of Oneitis.
And immediately take a break, and maintain your composure at all times if you see yourself freaking out about this woman.
To be honest, I actually hope you dont have these issue as ingrained as I believe. I do hope you can handle this particular situation well, calmly, coolly, and rationally. And dont obsess and over analyze.
But remember, I am pointing out what I see.
And I'll be damned if Im going to let you go out there without seeing some of these things.
If I can help,Goddamnit, I will.
And if I have to bring up some unpleasant things, I will also do that.
Because I am not about breaking down someone, only about helping to see what I am seeing. Because I have seen a LOT.
And if something raises a red flag, I have to mention it. OK?

Now with this particular woman, this may be tough for you.
Because you dont know if shes just being friendly, making you into an "Orbiter", or genuinely attracted to you.
For right now, you need to maintain your composure, and keep your attraction in check.
Remember, she is just a female, not a Goddess. And as interesting as she may be, she may be of poor character, make a horrible GF, and be totally selfish and boring sexually.
Keep that in mind.She is just human.
Im worried that youre merely attracted to her because she gave you some attention, man. And that is a very common scenario.
I am hoping you dont fall into the asexual, feminized Friend Zone with her.

Remember, this is a training ground for you. And there may be a chance that nothing will come out of it.
On the other hand, she may go out with you, and like you enough to keep wanting to go out with you.

I recommend that you engage her in conversation to find out her character.
And observe if she does any kino and just how 'friendly' she is with you.
But I also feel that if you DO think she's attractive sexually to you, not just because she's female, then interact her as a Man. And show that you do like her. Im sure you know that flowers, and the like are out for now.

Remeber, you have to lead this interaction.
So that means if you want to go out with her, you need to just aks her for her contact information, and meet her someplace cool, and hang out, do something fun. And find out about her. That why you can decide if you should make an emotional investment in her.

Anyway, thats my two cents.
Just what I can think of off the top of my head.
I hope I can help, dude.
Good luck, and remember that it's ok to 'lose' a woman. Any woman.
And we should not go off the deep end over some random woman who is actually a stranger. So dont go and start imagining life together, and marriage and all that stuff.

Please look over that material I suggested, ok?

 

[Erpa]

So how long have you known this girl,and long has these conversations between the two of you been going on?

Another question: Is she the one who starts these convos with you,and if so,whenever she starts talking to you,how do you generally respond?

Try to answer these questions as accurately as possible.

Oh, I don't know her at all. It's not until recently (~2 weeks ago) that she started making comments to me and me to her. But, I thought nothing of it, you know? Until she sat right next to me.

She is generally the one who starts the conversations--a couple minutes before class starts. And, I generally don't say much. Honestly, it is because I'm not certain WHAT to say or do because I'm not used to having women come to me. I usually go after them. Its like this caught me off guard. After class, I don't linger around to talk to her and just tell her "See ya!"


@ Interceptor: Mate, you are so right. Great response...very insightful post. Its kind of frustrating b/c its seems I've been trying to convince myself that I was always attracted to her. But, my gut tells me exactly what you have mentioned: that I am merely attracted to her because she gave me some attention. Honestly, I don't think I should do anything about this since I seem to not be genuinely attracted or really interested in her. But, should I go ahead anyways for practice?

 

[ssj4halo]

yes. get as much experience as possible. It'll help you grow and become a better alhpa male.

 

[Ana1106]

You must be deaf, dumb and blind.

I'm only playing!! I don't have enough reputation points to say that, but she's obviously interested.

I'm thinking that she wants your attention, but not getting it she moved in.

OR she's a social freak. If she's a social freak you can usually tell, because she'll talk to every and anyone to fill her attention quota.

However if this special attention is "Reserved" for you, then you need to step up to the plate. You need to get some swagger though.

 

[Devilman]

Erpa,

And learn to connect with your Masculine Instincts.
And that is to be fully present, calm, confident, self assured, non reactive,

Good post man! I was interested with the "fully present" was hoping you could elaborate more on it. I'm thinking this might be something i need to work on, as i find if i havent been social for a while i tend to switch off alot when talking to people like i cant focus on the convo....not sure if it's the same thing.