Unable to interpret interest and decide on best course of action

[gay4ass]

This is a weird one.

Colleagues have been teasing this particular co-worker of mine who incidentally caught my attention previously. I would rate her as someone I wouldn't mind dating. Whenever I am with her, colleagues will say things like "you guys look cute", "you want me to leave the office so you can be with him alone?" and etc. Her responses were often shy. I played it cool for a while and acted non-nonchalantly to these comments. This went on for 2 weeks.

So last week I decided to pursue this potential love interest by initiating more contact especially beyond work. Texted her a couple of times with few probing questions and she responded but the responses were not as lively. Now, she seems so tense around me at work and darts past me in office. Her body language seem so awkward and unlike her usual self which is damn weird.

I have not asked her out. And did not send a barrage of text to her. Basically behaved the same as before but attempted to initiate more off work contact to set up for the date. So I am a bit confused. Is she acting crazy shy because she knows I know of her possible crush? or have I over read the situation and creeped her off?

That is the question weighing on my mind as we are also rather direct colleagues so would not want working relationship to be affected. I am even contemplating asking her in a very straightforward manner.

How would you guys carry on from here? and what do you think is likely the development here? Loss of interest? Creeped her out? or simply a girl who is way too shy?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I call bullcrap on the whole "being shy" thing. Girls who are shy will still try to hover around a guy they like.

At any rate, we don't have enough details here. We don't know what you text her or what your probing questions were. What we DO know, though, is that texting her resulted in her suddenly acting weird around you at work. This is why I always say...

TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

You would have been better off just straight up asking her to hang out with you solo sometime after work than spending that time sending messages she can now store on her phone in case she needs a reminder as to why she's not trying to date you.

Also of note: stop believing things your colleagues say at work about you two. Just because they are constantly teasing you two doesn't mean it has to be anything more than a work relationship. Nor does it mean she actually has feelings for you - they are making observational comments that have nothing to do with how she may or may not feel about you. However, because you decided to believe these comments based on YOUR interest in her, now you've made things awkward for her at the job.

My suggestion? She's not interested, and for the sake of having to work with her you should lay off on trying to get with her. If she liked you she would have responded better to your messages and/or given hints to you that she wanted to be asked out. Don't be blinded by your ego and interest in her, and open your eyes to see what's REALLY going on. Hope this helps!

 

[Iceberg]

Is she acting crazy shy because she knows I know of her possible crush? or have I over read the situation and creeped her off?

If she did have a crush on you, I don't think your knowledge of it would make her shy around you. I mean, I just don't think that women beyond high school age respond that way. If a woman has a crush for you, she might be NERVOUS around you, but she doesn't just avoid you.

That is the question weighing on my mind as we are also rather direct colleagues so would not want working relationship to be affected. I am even contemplating asking her in a very straightforward manner.

I would strongly advise against being straightforward about this. I just don't see the benefit to you. You're gonna say, "Hey, I noticed you've been acting differently...etc etc." Which is fine...if she's your girlfriend. But she's not. So the whole heart-to-heart conversation would just come off as "this guy takes me way too seriously."

How would you guys carry on from here? and what do you think is likely the development here? Loss of interest? Creeped her out? or simply a girl who is way too shy?

I would carry on by treating her like a normal colleague. You're not getting enough "green lights" to aggressively pursue her, and since it's a workplace situation, you can't risk screwing up. Mixed signals are negative signals. Especially at work.

 

[NewJack]

There are two layers to her feelings.

One is how she feels about you as a potential romantic partner. That could be anywhere from lukewarm - e.g. the same way you described her: "someone I wouldn't mind dating", to hot - e.g. a crush.

On top of that layer there is a layer of fear/apprehension/anxiety that relates to how she is perceived at work, her role at work, the consequences of a relationship developing at work, what happens if you fall-out, etc.

The second layer is stronger in her and will most likely prevent a relationship from happening.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

From the little bit that you wrote, I didn't see anything that she has done that would indicate she has interest in you.

But maybe you left that stuff out.

Does she flirt with you? Touch you? Compliment you? Always seem to be around you?

The fact that she's acting differently now is a clear indicator that she doesn't have any interest in you outside of work.

But give us more details on her behavior around you, before we can say that with certainty.








PIMP

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

There are two layers to her feelings.

One is how she feels about you as a potential romantic partner. That could be anywhere from lukewarm - e.g. the same way you described her: "someone I wouldn't mind dating", to hot - e.g. a crush.

On top of that layer there is a layer of fear/apprehension/anxiety that relates to how she is perceived at work, her role at work, the consequences of a relationship developing at work, what happens if you fall-out, etc.

The second layer is stronger in her and will most likely prevent a relationship from happening.

Yes. The first layer is like the icing. Rich and creamy. And second layer is the cake itself. The foundation that allows the icing to exist. Both are important, but one is more significant.

 

[PlayHer Man]

When dealing with women as a man.. ACTION must come before words. This is one huge beta move I see constantly on this site --> Men being slow, timid and analytical when pursuing a woman.

Fun Fact --> A woman who is sexually attracted to you will welcome ALL attention you give.

If I was going to purse a co-worker.. the last thing I would do is ask her probing questions. Here is my step by step:

1. Compliment her
2. Ask her to grab a drink after work
3. Flirt like crazy and see how she responds
--> Bad reaction = End the date and pretend it never happened
--> Good reaction = F*ck her brains out

Now that you've f*cked her brains out.. ask all the probing questions you want. But I doubt you'll feel the need.

 

[apprenticedj]

I say it's a no-go. She seems to be uncomfortable with the change your relationship is taking (texting outside of work) as others have said. Also it's a work relationship, it's usually not worth it. There are so many other chicks out there, get those plates spinning my man!

 

[Betterz]

Heres your problem my point of view

a) Apparent she's into you else people wouldn't be saying those things when you were together
b) You were texting her... and...

I have not asked her out.

c) You never made a move

This is why she's acting all weird. She's trying to avoid the uncomfortable.

If I was you. I'd just ask her out by stopping her in the hallway when you next see her. You really ONLY live once buddy. If you DON'T do it- you'll grow old wondering 'what if'..

As least if she says no - you know where you stand and ultimately she'll have more respect for you for having some balls.

PLUS - she might not be ready now - and you showing a) you like her (being direct) and b) showing you have some balls - might have her do a backturn in a few months.. into your arms.

#justsaying.

 

[nismo-4]

Women who are interested in you won't confuse you! Geez, I sound like a f**kin' broken record! And when a woman throws out mixed signals, it means low to no interest! Would this girl be shy if Brad Pitt was talking to her? F**k to the no!

Always call a woman's bluff. Make a goddamn move! That's the best way to find out. Oh, and she's shy. Shy my ass! Women make time and excuses to get by men they find attractive. And they make excuses to let a man know that she's not interested. That's what's happening to you. Judge nismo's ruling.

Case closed. Spin more plates.