Uh-oh, she wants a relationship

[1-800-HellNo]

It happened. The girl i've been seeing once or twice a month hit me with "a talk" last night. She says she is looking for a serious relationship (even mentioning her biological clock) and even though she blows my mind every time we have sex, i don't want her to be my girlfriend.

Under pressure, and trying to just get to the bedroom, I told her I liked her too (which wasn't a lie) but I have a hard time "putting a label on it" because it can mess things up. She seemed ok with the answer, and told me she'll give me time to think about it. The sex was amazing again. I stayed the night, said bye in the morning and left, as usual. But soon after she texted me saying to come over tomorrow night for a party with her friends. That is a little bit of a flag to me, idk.

Should I go?? (i have no other plans, and want to hit that again, but could easily find some other party)

And when she brings it up, do i tell her something like, "i don't think i can give you what you want" and hope she still calls me for sex, lie to her and tell her I'm committed, or just straight dump her?

So far things have been great, she doesn't text all the time, never questions where i am/what i'm doing, but today she texted me saying to come over tomorrow and i was just there last night...

looking for some alpha tips.
thanks

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Alpha tip: Tell her whatever she wants to hear so you can keep banging her.

My tip: Tell her you can't give her what she wants, but you'd like to keep seeing her. Worst case scenario she stops talking to you, best case scenario you still bang her. I wouldn't want to emotionally damage her by lying just to keep getting laid.

 

[1-800-HellNo]

Thanks for the response, but there is kinda another thing that's tripping me out and that's her wanting to see me tomorrow.
I updated the OP.
here is what i added:

Under pressure, and trying to just get to the bedroom, I told her I liked her too (which wasn't a lie) but I have a hard time "putting a label on it" because it can mess things up. She seemed ok with the answer, and told me she'll give me time to think about it. The sex was amazing again. I stayed the night, said bye in the morning and left, as usual. But soon after she texted me saying to come over tomorrow night for a party with her friends. That is a little bit of a flag to me, idk.

Should I go?? (i have no other plans, and want to hit that again, but could easily find some other party)

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Are you interested in a relationship with this girl at all? You said you like her, so if you like her enough that you might consider a relationship, then you should go to the party, have fun with her, and see how things go. She did give you time to think about it, so if she pressures you again about it, you can tell her you thought about it, tried because you went to the party, but can't give her a relationship at this point in time.

If she likes you enough you might be able to keep her around as a **** buddy, if not, you get a little more fun, she gets peace of mind, and you find new plates.

 

[1-800-HellNo]

Thanks that makes a lot of sense.

I was struggling with it because I actually do want to see her again so soon. I just have a bad track record for getting in relationships without fully wanting them.

Really I still have nothing to lose, if she starts getting to clingy i'll tell her to knock it off. if she doesn't, than i'll bounce. as long as she keeps hitting me up for sex, i'll go.

If anyone else has some tips on this, i'd like to hear 'em.

I just for sure do not want a relationship right now, as in, i don't want to be tied down and have to answer to anyone.

 

[backbreaker]

one thing i never ever did and no girl could eve say i did, is i never led a girl on. i never told a girl i had feelings for her that i didn't have just to get laid i am better than that i can get laid.

what i would do is tell a girl if she gave me that, which happened often, is that honestly she hasn't done enough yet to warrant me to be her boyfirend. if she likes me, keep showing me why i should be your boyfriend.

in other words, you shouldnt' have to ask me. i should want it. if you have to ask you havne't done enough in my eyes yet

put the onus on her not stepping up not on you being noncommital

 

[bigneil]

Sounds like we should be taking advice from the OP instead.

 

[1-800-HellNo]

tl;dr: Went to her party, had fun, but she talked about inviting her ex, and wanting a guy who was interested in marrage (she's 10 years older than me). I couldn't sleep and left early, basically breaking up with her. I want to still fvck her, or even just use her as a friend. WTF do i do?

I went over tonight. She was having a party with her friends at her place. It was actually pretty fun, but everyone went home at around 8.
Being 23 i'm used to parties going to 3 or 4 AM.

Anyway, before everyone left she was talking with her friend about inviting her ex to the party. One of her guy friends was trying to tell her not to, and one of her girl friends told me it was OK because she dated him to.

I didn't really say anything besides "it's fine, i don't care" and he never showed up, anyway.
But obviously I do care.
She also talked about needing a man who was looking to get married.
I asked her why and she said, "cuz it would be cool."

I guess she was pretty drunk, because she fell asleep around 9, and didn't have sex or do anything with me.
I couldn't fall asleep, and around 1AM I was feeling like "fvck it," so I told her I was just gonna leave.

I said it's clear it wouldn't work out.

She kissed me a few times, walked me to the door, but didn't try to stop me.

Not sure what to do now.

Do i wait for her to hit me up? Tell her I was just having a bad night?

The truth is, i like her, as a person. the sex is great, but i actually could see myself being friends with her without it.
I don't usually feel that way about people I sleep with.

Any ideas how i should play this?

 

[j0504s]

tl;dr: Went to her party, had fun, but she talked about inviting her ex, and wanting a guy who was interested in marrage (she's 10 years older than me). I couldn't sleep and left early, basically breaking up with her. I want to still fvck her, or even just use her as a friend. WTF do i do?

I went over tonight. She was having a party with her friends at her place. It was actually pretty fun, but everyone went home at around 8.
Being 23 i'm used to parties going to 3 or 4 AM.

Anyway, before everyone left she was talking with her friend about inviting her ex to the party. One of her guy friends was trying to tell her not to, and one of her girl friends told me it was OK because she dated him to.

I didn't really say anything besides "it's fine, i don't care" and he never showed up, anyway.
But obviously I do care.
She also talked about needing a man who was looking to get married.
I asked her why and she said, "cuz it would be cool."

I guess she was pretty drunk, because she fell asleep around 9, and didn't have sex or do anything with me.
I couldn't fall asleep, and around 1AM I was feeling like "fvck it," so I told her I was just gonna leave.

I said it's clear it wouldn't work out.

She kissed me a few times, walked me to the door, but didn't try to stop me.

Not sure what to do now.

Do i wait for her to hit me up? Tell her I was just having a bad night?

The truth is, i like her, as a person. the sex is great, but i actually could see myself being friends with her without it.
I don't usually feel that way about people I sleep with.

Any ideas how i should play this?

dUDE she is manipulating the cr@p out of you. Threatning to invite her ex. saying "it would be cool" I mean dude you have to know she was doing this to piss you off...shes smarter then you think...her not begging you to stay, she did this b/c she wants you to run back to her so she can have you...but the insanity of it, there is a chance if you went back to her after this, she will find it "needy", i would personally wait for her to hit you up. I can deff. see from your posts that she is making you more vulnerble and has weakend ur ego a bit. DONT LET IT!!!!! she is playing games...just know that and hit on other girls she will be back...ill tell you what she doesnt want to be alone. she will be back...

 

[1-800-HellNo]

Damnit, that makes too much sense.

Solid advice.

 

[j0504s]

Damnit, that makes too much sense.

Solid advice.

no problem buddy just keep us posted...are there any further questions you have that i can help you with? more specific things? we got your back on here!

 

[1-800-HellNo]

I'll probably bump if something comes up, but this is actually just what i needed to remind myself to not get comfortable with a girl.

The fact that i care that she's possibly gone, bothers me more than the fact that she's possibly gone.

 

[123456789]

So a hot woman wants to be your gf and this is a problem!?!?

I wish I had some of your problems

 

[JoeMarron]

She's getting to you bro. You keep saying you don't want her to be your gf but I'm getting the opposite vibe from you. I agree with j0504s. She doesn't seem to be gf material and since you've caught feelings you need to distance yourself from her even more than you've already been. Keep her in fk buddy territory. Let her do all the initiating.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Marriage talk at 23? Run like hell. I don't care how good the sex is with her. No sex is worth that kind of headache.

 

[Darth]

She also talked about needing a man who was looking to get married.
I asked her why and she said, "cuz it would be cool."
.....

I said it's clear it wouldn't work out.

She kissed me a few times, walked me to the door, but didn't try to stop me.
.....
i actually could see myself being friends with her

Clever girl, and her plan seems to be working