Ugly Duckling Phase

[Dirtheart]

I've noticed a lot of people on this board have been talking about having an "ugly duckling" phase at some point in their lives and have been able to use it to motivate them to improve themselves physically.

Unfortunately, I found that my phase had lasting psychological scars and to this day has made me obsessed with my look, the way I dress, narcissistic - as discussed on a previous thread - and generally very insecure and critical about my physical appearance. It's actually one of the main reasons I'm using this board today.

If anyone is interested in seeing how I looked during my ugly/geek/fat-pig phase, they can be found along with more recent pics of me in the photo thread in Anything Else:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=504778#post504778

I'd be interested to hear about other peoples' experiences and transformations.

 

[Caveman]

Dude! Did you have surgery?
Is this you now?

You cleaned up nice!

Like many others I went through a ugly duckling phase because of low selfesteem. Though I did make some chances in my appearance, lost some weight, got some cool clothes and all, my looks didn't change drasticly. My confidence did however, and the funniest thing to this day is:

I never got that many compliments when I needed them. I got them after my confidence was built up and I didn't need compliments anymore. Now, people seem to want to tell me all the time how good I look. I still don't consider myself hot or anything like that but some other people do. Because I have confidence.

To me that is the most evident well.. evidence that the way you look is enhanced by your confidence in a drastic way.

 

[Tai]

damn thats some crazy transfomation there dirthart, am digging your style dude. GOnna have to cop that

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by Dirtheart

Unfortunately, I found that my phase had lasting psychological scars and to this day has made me obsessed with my look, the way I dress, narcissistic - as discussed on a previous thread - and generally very insecure and critical about my physical appearance. It's actually one of the main reasons I'm using this board today.

THe frist step in dealing with a problem is to recognize it... most peple who have psychological issues don't even conciously recognize them!

I was always a big boy with some baby fat... but now that I started working out about 14 months ago I see a huge difference. My body is far from societal ideals but right now I don't give a fck... I think I wouldn't give a sh!t if I was standing beside like 10 model dudes in the middle of a bachlorette party or something... it's all in your mind bro! You can change a lot of things about your appearance... the ones you can't aren't worth stressing about

 

[CLOONEY]

I was born into a family of good looking people. Its just in our genetics. They are very vain, and I mean VERY!! When you bring a girlfriend home (me or any of my cousins, my brother etc), our girlfriends always get analysed, talked about how pretty (or not) they are. My grandad even tells every girlfriend to come in the family, we dont want any ugly girls in this family!! (All my cousins are guys except for one who is only 3).

As a young kid I was always one of the most popular (if not the most popular kid in my school), invited to all the parties, everyone picked me for their sporting teams etc etc. Every adult who knew me said I was made in life because people are just draw to my personality and energy. However I still was not that confident. As I got older (like 12-16), I simply started to practically do no sports and eat a lot of junk food. I got acne (not a real bad case but reasonably bad), enough to crush my confidence. I put on weight, and became quiet chubby. I lost my confidence even in sports (which is basically my life), I was teased by some people and my confidence was simply crushed. Some days I would even cry before going to school. All my family was like, ohh poor CLOONEY, all his cousins and brothers are popular, good looking, have beautiful girlfriends and he has nothing. lol, only further crushing me. Then at like 16 I thought, fukc this, I took up boxing religously (this boosted my confidence temendously), I got in great shape, I went to a skin specialist and got my skin cleared up (I have naturally very smooth skin, like a pretty boy, lol, but with all the zits you couldnt see it properly, now I am asked by people what I use to make my skin look like "peeches and cream"), haha.

So, by the time I was 19, I had perfect skin, was in awesome shape, started buying HEAPS of new clothes, and generally working on my confidence. I started getting a hell of a lot of puzzy and my familiy started to say, WTF, CLOONEY is now the best looking in the entire family, lol. Even my mum would yell out to people, this is my son!! hahahaha, omg! I was even told I was too beautiful for the family (although not really, a couple of my cousins are models paid very handsomly)! We just look very different to eachother! Nyways, then I noticed I was like Dirtheart mentioned, obsessed with my looks, I wanted to be better looking than EVERYONE, thinking this would give me confidence. So I started to change my outlook, realising I could not get every girl, and those I couldnt, who cares. I built an inner confidence more, and realised that you have to dig deep when times get tough, your exterior wont help you push on and through the challenges life throws at you, it will simply let you enjoy your time out in the public arena more and perhaps add to your charisma etc, as looks are definately interpreted as confidence and a trait others aspire too. However like I said, it dose not help with the hard times in life and it does not get you any girl you want.

Nyways, that is my story......not sure if it will help anyone, but its the story of my "ugly duckling phase".

 

[true|hockey]

I actually was thinking about this today as I was leafing through old high school yearbook pictures, and looking at myself back in those days. Every picture, I was in the same sweatshirt and jeans, always looking to the ground. That ugly duckling phase lasted for a long time, largly due to my parents feeding me endless crap about how to make myself more into a chump. rag tag in apperence, and with no self confidence, leaving for college was the single best thing in life that could have happened. Things are 100X better now, although my dress style is still bland, it is not completly one dimensional.

I like who I am better, than what my parents tried to make me into. Seriously, i still think my parents believe I study on friday/ saturday nights

 

[Tai]

LOL clooney, that almost like bragging J/K

When you say skin specialist, what did you mean by that? is it a dermatologist? i got skin problem myself, can i ask how you got rid of yours?

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by true|hockey
Seriously, i still think my parents believe I study on friday/ saturday nights

I use to study on the weekends until I ran into a bunch of girls that insisted that I go do things with them on the weekends; then my ability to focus on my homework went down the tubes. Not all the time, just on the weekends...

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Tai
LOL clooney, that almost like bragging J/K

When you say skin specialist, what did you mean by that? is it a dermatologist? i got skin problem myself, can i ask how you got rid of yours?

Lol, I just told it how it is. Sorry if I sound arrogant, I didnt mean to! Like I said, I had a few years of hell, only made worse by my family!

Yes a dermatologist.

 

[Austin Allegro]

I haven't got a pic up on the web, but I look very similar to 80s pop sensation Rick Astley:

http://www.rickastley.co.uk/images/earlypromoshots/b.jpg

I think I'm going through my ugly duckling phase now though - fighting baldness, beergut and a fat face!

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks for the comments and stories.

I was never exceptionally good looking, but my story is a bit like Clooney's. I was the most popular kid in my junior school and the alpha male (we called them "**** of the school") and was always seeing hot girls who were much older than me. But when I changed schools I lost all my respect. I put on a lot of weight, got bullied really badly because of it, lost my friends and ended up retreating from life and becoming a geek. In a few years I went from being the alpha male who everyone admired and respected, to a feeble wimp and butt of everyone's jokes.

I think when you go through this you realise that your looks can affect your whole life. I realise that the only way I would turn my life around is by changing my looks, so I found the determination to lose weight. It did become an obsession and I suffered a few psychological issues along the way, but my life has improved since losing weight and improving my image.

I started dating a beauty therapist, became her guinea pig and learned a lot from her (hence all my beauty tips on this board! ). Then about a year and half ago I split with another girlfriend, lost a bit more weight, toned up and changed my image to a metrosexual look. And for the last month I've been bulking up and trying a more masculine look.

I have transformed considerably since those earlier pictures and I've amazed a lot of people. Unfortunately I'm still dependent on the approval from others. Until finding this board and improving my confidence, I had absolutely no self esteem and figured that all compliments were just ways of consoling the ugly guy. I would guess that my "nice guy" traits are borne out of humility and my need to seek approval.

But I think most of you are right. What use is good looks when your attitude is a massive hinderance on your life and is repulsive to women?

 

[S0LID]

wow when I was younger I was fairly good looking, both my parents were decent looking. When they split I had no real male role model exept my grandad whos a brute. I was teased though at a young age, under 10 about my teeth and when pple called me names I started blinking madly. Started high school as you guys call it. I was having a few hot girls ask me out and i stood up to pple which eventualy got me suspended for fighting. Everyone grew taler than me, I was realy skinny, realy sensitive, bad hair, bad skin, bad teeth, my posture was almost hit down into a hunched back. By the time I was leaving school some girl pulled a mirror out and said look at you (that realy hurt).

Started college, everything was improving slowly. Then I was walking home 1 day and some kid put a knife across my face . This was terible cause I already have facial scars on my face. Next 2 years I continued the gym with no confidence. I had lifes a load of sh** stuck in my head, depression. Then I started hanging with my cousen whos a player and his friend. Before I knew it my confidence sky rocketed. Thing is I was above average looks but was meeting average girls. I didnt know how good I could do.

I find though if noone comments on my looks for a while I get realy self concious. There are a few mirrors about the house and some show up my scars realy bad and it knocks me down. I still have a way to go with my looks. I want to build my shoulders, glutes and forearms more. Plus my skin I have a few spots

 

[CLOONEY]

SOLID, have you been to a dermatoligist? They can do wonderful things these days! I have seen some guys with an aweful lot of scarring have it reduced to practically nothing.

Why did the guy slash you with the knife? I have a chunk out of my ear from I dont know what, lol, but I had to get 8 stitches to keep my ear together, although noone ever notices it unless I tell them and even if they did I wouldnt be worried.

 

[S0LID]

my scars aint that bad realy. I'm just gonna put on this vitimain e stuff daily and they should fade. I use clinique on my skin so i got high hopes

 

[Matt Rogers]

Wow that is one helluva transformation Dirtheart.

I am still in an ugly duckling phase which has lasted since around 13 when I started getting acne. Yet when I was very young (3 till around 11) I was extremely cute and got lots of attention from girls (too bad I was in my girl hating phase). Once the acne set in at 13 and I started putting on puppy fat it completely destroyed my confidence and made me incredibly insecure.

Right now I am hopefully emerging from the ugly duck phase. I am in good physical shape and pretty ripped but my complexion is still not very good-the acne is reducing (I am on Roaccutane) but it is far from peaches and cream. I also have found that becoming an intellectual has ruined my looks a bit as I have a tendency to crease my brow and scowl when I think deeply which makes me look very serious and anxious.

Even though I now get attention from girls, I still think I am an ugly duckling even though I am emerging from that stage, which makes me very insecure and lack confidence. Plus I have almost finished university and it is likely that if I do turn into a swan it will be a few years yet so I will have missed out on a lot of gorgeous girls from university.

 

[So Many Ways]

My ugly ducking phase was all through high school, when I got repeated feedback on how undesirable and ugly I was. When I got to around 20 or so, my terrible acne started to clear up a little. I think by age 22 or so, I began my once a week haircut routine that I've maintained to this day and I also began working out. By age 24, I was in excellent shape and at my peak lookswise. Despite all of that, I had no success with women. I mean women might be attracted to me initially based on looks but I could not hold them because I had a distorted self image, nervous, insecure, no confidence, and no game.

At 25, I injured my shoulder and to this day I can no longer lift so I'm back to being skinny. However, I cleared up the remaining acne and I cleared up my razor bump problem around 16 months ago, which is around the time where I decided to do something about my women problems. I began buying clothes in heaps and I have bought close to a dozen pairs of shoes since then. I got some contact lenses and began putting myself out there more. It has paid off. Slowly but surely, I feel more sure of myself and comfortable in my own skin. The distorted self-image that I used to have is gone. I finally feel that comfidence settling in and it's a good feeling.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Hi somanyways. The thing about the ugly duckling phase is that a lot of goodlooking guys who do well with women have another bonus-confidence. From a young age they have had girls hitting on them which emboldens them and makes them more confident, experienced and hence even more attractive to women. We miss out on this stage, and have to develop confidence on our own.

I suppose the thing to do is to work your way up to the better looking girls. As you see success and attention from 6s then you develop the confidence to go for 7s and once you start to score with them you can move up to 8s etc.

The thing I do is look at the silver lining. At least through the ugly duckling stage I learnt humility, I concentrated on things other than girls (a lot of good looking guys spend far too much time scoring with women to achieve anything of note) and had to work on my personality. So with any luck I will have the last laugh

 

[DJ_Dork]

did the pig/geek look when younger. women started noticing me after spending years of working out.

what does this say? women are *******s.

remember when you improve yourself, don't forget how people saw you how you were.

 

[Dirtheart]

Originally posted by DJ_Dork
did the pig/geek look when younger. women started noticing me after spending years of working out.

what does this say? women are *******s.

remember when you improve yourself, don't forget how people saw you how you were.

Damn right! Notice how much more polite people are to you too and how many more people want to be your friend and will do things for you? Not just women, but everyone. Life is so much harder when you're ugly and that's the sad way of the world.

But I'll argue that ugliness is very rarely genetic and there are always ways to improve the way you look - perhaps by working out and diet, style and clothing or cosmetics.