ugh. wtf is up with this?

[Dominicus]

hey all. long time lurker, first time poster

i had improved a lot since my AFC days and i finally got with a girl who i really like. she loved me b/c she was "looking for a jerk". i used all the tactics i could find on this site, and they all worked excelently. we had gone out for a fair amount of time. until now.

she recently broke up w/ me b/c i "am a jerk". apperently, she "didnt want a jerk". i wasnt doing anything TOO mean. push/pull, c&f, that sort of thing. but in the end, we started to fight a lot. she acted like she didnt respect me and i would stand up for myself like i learned on this site. i guess she didnt like that either and another reason we broke up was because "we fought too much." even after i talked to her best friend about the fights we had, she would side w/ me and tell me that my GF actually was wrong in the fights we had. i tried to stay cool, i tried to stay calm, i tried to let it be known that im the man.

but it didnt work.

what the hell happened? she told me she wants a NICE GUY. wtf?

 

[Desdinova]

Don't pay attention to what she says, pay attention to what she does. Her words will lead you astray, but her actions will tell the truth.

she acted like she didnt respect me and i would stand up for myself like i learned on this site. i guess she didnt like that either

A bit of detail on how she didn't respect you would help. A lot of people get "respect" and "control" mixed up.

Generally, if a woman doesn't respect you, you put your foot down and stand up for yourself. She'll either respect you more, or go find someone else to use.

even after i talked to her best friend about the fights we had

NEVER consult her friends for advice or opinions on your relationship. It may backfire and eventually bugger things up for the both of you.

 

[people again]

yea, dont cunsult friends. yuk.

 

[wayword]

Actually, this is a good question that I don't think Game has addressed very well yet.

Not how to GET a girl, but how to KEEP one?

Most PUA tactics are designed to quickly attract and escalate women for quick hump & dumps.

But will these fast-approach tactics backfire over time? Are they like sprinting in a marathon? Will the callous "jerk" shtick wear thin over time in a relationship? Or do you have to keep it up to maintain relationships? What's the secret to keeping a loyal, faithful, supplicating LTR gf?

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Its just something you do boys, refer to my advice http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=106654

buddy you need to put her in her place.

But meanwhile to keep her hanging around tell her something like, "maybe it was crucial that we fought, to learn something, so we know eachother on a deeper level, I love you", blahh blahh blahh, just refer to my advice and youll be okay, it's just a natural process, what Im giving you, is actually you, Ive managed to break it down to the core.

 

[people again]

wayword is right. this is an issue that needs to be addressed.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

uhhh she didn't break up with you because you were a jerk. she broke up with you because that's all you WERE was "a jerk". it sounds like there was a lot of "talk" and no "action". no leading was involved or at least some sort of indication that you weren't really being fully. if that makes sense?

maybe there's something fake about it, maybe there's something insincere or detached about it. like you might be too much of a challenge with them. or pushing too much.

 

[Dominicus]

Desdinova - she would basically not respect my opinions and i would stand up for myself and then she would get mad.

DJHoolahoop - what can i do to change these situations? was I too much of a challange? how could i have pushed her less?

thanks!

 

[Phyzzle]

The answer is HUMOR.

When she brings up a heavy subject, go into your Robin Williams routine.

You're arguing about opinions anyways, right? I mean, these fights didn't start because she wanted to go visit her ex-boyfriend in Florida for a week, right?

You can and should stand up for yourself, but in a sly humorous way, instead of a pouty macho way. Give us an example of a disagreement.

 

[Dominicus]

no, i totally understand now, phyzzle. i did it in a macho way and it was about stupid things. i was wrong. goddamnit.

 

[Hitman10000]

A Jerk is a Nice Guy inside. He hypersexualizes his masculinity but deep inside he is a weak insecure Nice guy who still seeks approval.

 

[Dominicus]

does any of you think there might be a chance to get her back? i really loved her and i'm just really depressed. i wanna ****ing smash the walls down.

 

[Eccentric]

It's like a rollercoaster. At first they're scary to look at. You think to yourself, no way in hell am I getting on that. You gain confidence and you hop on. The climb and drop is the scariest part. Half way through the ride you realize that you were getting scared over minor details. Now it's an absolute blast, and you just want to hang on for the rest of the ride.

Catch the drift? The material and routines work for the initial attraction phase. But once you've passed that point, there really is no material. That's asking others how to live your life. Remember how you got her. Girls will always love a strong, confident man. They'll always laugh at your jokes, even if they aren't that funny. They'll always enjoy your company, especially if you make them feel on top of the world, WITHOUT supplication. If you have a minor argument, poke fun at the situation. Unless it's something really nasty, in which youd have to apologize. You'll switch her frame of mind. She'll remember how you make her feel, laugh, smile, etc. Upset one minute, happy the next.

I think keeping them is easier than getting them. Don't forget to use common sense vs someones guidelines on what works and what doesnt.

 

[amadoodisforrealz]

dont fake be jerk. be a man and get women to like me. my last post tonite i hope you like?

 

[Last Man Standing]

Were you sexing her??

 

[Dominicus]

we both lost our virginity to eachother

 

[PowertripII]

I think keeping them is easier than getting them.

You're right on everything except this. While it's true that you can use 'cruise control' in a relationship you have to appreciate the fact that the stakes are much higher here than in a PU situation, i.e. If I don't manage to take a chick home with me it really doesn't affect anything the next day.

If I spend two years with a girl our lives start to intertwine.. friends, family, maybe even a living situation can be affected. If you're not on your game it can get upside down pretty damn quick.

 

[insanity]

Dominicus, that is probably the one thing i had a hard time figuring out too. the jerk routine worked for a while, but then it drove the girl away. i figured it out though and this is why it failed. love drove her away. one night before we were going to sleep, i kissed her on her forehead. that killed it, no lie. she said after i did that, she knew i loved her and the relationship began to tank. one kiss told the truth that i wasn't really a jerk!

thats why i said if you ever get a girl doing the jerk routine, you can never really love her. there's a line that makes sense- there's nothing worse than a badguy gone good.

you are facing a battle you can't win! if you try and be the niceguy that she desires, you'll end up pushing her away further. it's like the women who go on shows like oprah, that say they want there husbands to change and when they do an update on the story, when the guy changed like she asks, she still leaves him. but i think if he stayed the same she would have stayed. it's all a smokescreen.

 

[DJ4Life]

be a jerk if all u want is humpty dumpty

be the alpha male for everything else

actually truth is, i can never be a true jerk, i guess im just born a nice guy with my parents and the education i had, turned into AFC but fortunately found this site and on my way to be a true DJ :rockon:

 

[Dominicus]

i dunno. i just cant believe that it was actually my fault. i miss her a lot and im way too depressed to go out and meet new chicks. she wont even talk to me anymore and has already brought her old fvck buddy back. im so jealous i dont know what to do. i need a picker upper, b/c this is the lowest i've ever felt in my entire lifetime.