Ugh........Just cant do it

[OldNumb3r7]

Ive read this site for a little while. Ive read the tips section. Ive read it all. But I still have the same problems. I just cant approach women. I have to say its probably the hardest thing to do right now. I thought learning guitar was hard, but I did it. I thought playing football was hard, but I do it.

Some background: Im 21. Ive had 2 serious gfs, and a couple one nighters. The last gf really tore me up when I found out she was cheating on me, but that was over a year ago. Since then I havent had much in the area of self esteem. I feel like if I try to talk to a girl its a bother to her. Im not comfortable with it. I dont get used by girls, mostly bc I dont have any around to use me
Im not a hideous man. I get compliments. Im in shape, Ive been hitting the gym steady for over a year and put on over 30lbs of muscle.

So......I guess my question is, were any of you in this situation and what did you do to improve upon it? I feel like this is the last great hurdle I have to overcome. Thanks.

 

[OldNumb3r7]

http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=G8OUOUN&key=NPR


thats me and my guitar btw.......

 

[Slickster]

Hey man

Sounds like you have everything in place and your life in order.

Your main problem is confidence.

Sorry to say it but the only way to get confidence is to put yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable. You can read about it and psych yourself up all you want but thats not real confidence. You have to continually put yourself in those uncomfortable situations. Its the only way.

If you remember the movie "Swingers" there is a scene where the main character is afraid to approach a chick. His buddies get him all psyched up by using the analogy that he is this big bad wolf with fangs and claws and the chick is just a little helpless bunny. "Why would you be afraid of the bunny Mike?"

Funny scene and it may help you to get yourself psyched. In reality what is to be afraid of? She's a human being. She eats, sleeps, and shyts the same as you and me. Once you spend enough time around women you'll realize that they are for the most part extremely fragile creatures.

Absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Its all in your head man.

I suggest a bootcamp. Or challenge yourself to do "x" number of approaches a day. Keep increasing the number and eventually you'll be where you want to be.

I looked at your picture and trust me man you've got no problems. Chicks love football players and guitar players too. Score 2 for you.

Go for it bro.

 

[JT47319]

Go to any nightclub or bar and open up at least ONE DOZEN sets PER NIGHT. Doesn't matter what you open up with or even the results. You just want to totally submerge yourself into this and get rid of your approach phobia. If possible, do this for two weeks almost every single night.

Later on, as your game progresses, then you can worry about the in-between material, but get rid of approach-phobia FIRST.

 

[Skel]

Its not that you cant, its in your mind that you wont. You are already defeated before the battle has even begun. My advice is just to go out often and have fun. Dont worry about picking up a girl. Just have fun. You will eventually meet someone and talk to her and you will be like " damn this is easy"

OH OH OH did you go through boot camp, the answer is NO I dont think you did. So go do it. The DJ bible is there for a reason

 

[OldNumb3r7]

Ive parts of the DJ bible. I read the 95 thesis that someone posted awhile back. Great stuff in there. I mean once Im talking to the girl I can seal the deal. Thats no problem. I was out tonight with people and I had them laughing at almost everything I said. I prob couldve got with an ex but I dont want to open that can of worms.

Thanks for teh responses!

 

[MindOverMatter]

First of all, your problem is that you think that by approaching the girl, you will be a bother. Think about it this way, if a girl came and started a conversation with you, and tried to get your number, you'd be flattered afterwards even if you weren't interested in her. Just the idea of someone finding you attractive enough to approach you and try their luck with you makes you feel better about yourself. You're not bothering a girl by approaching her, in fact, you are increasing her self-esteem. They LIKE being approached.

Once you get past that mentality, you need to start working on your actual game.

1.) approach in the 3 seconds that follow after you see her, that way your brain has no time to generate negative thoughts that make you wuss out. it's like pulling a bandaid off, if you do it slowly, it hurts, if you do it fast, you don't feel it.

2.) Be friendly when you approach. If you are nervous when you initiate conversation, she will be nervous in return. Smile, maintain eyecontact, don't slouch, stand tall. Speak in a steady voice, don't fidget and don't appear nervous.

3.) Have a gameplan ahead of time. Now, DJs and PUAs who've been practicing for a long while generally don't need a plan, that pick-up mentality is a second nature to them, and it allows them to basically wing-it on any approach and be successful.

but since you're just starting out, you should have a gameplan. that way, when you approach, you're not at a loss for words while trying to figure out something smart to say.

When I was first starting out, I'd use the "you look familiar..." ice breaker. it is a good way to initiate a conversation. you ask her this, then ask her for her name, introduce yourself, then ask her questions about herself that might help you figure out where you "know" her from. if she's in school, ask her what she's studying, what year she's in, what made her pick that field, what she plans to do when she's out, get her to open to you.

4.) use some humor. if you can make her laugh just once, you've accomplished half your battle right there.

5.) do a number close. if you've read the bible you should know this by now. "listen i gotta go, but i would like to get to know you better, what's your number?" is a good, straight-forward way to ask her.

 

[OldNumb3r7]

Thank man! Its true and I havent really thought of it that way. Now I just need to start putting myself in the situation to make moves and meet women.

 

[So pimp its scary]

I highly recommend that you go through the BootCamp.

It starts with relative ease and works your way up, so that if you finish it you'll be able to approach any woman that you want.

(BTW, it took me 3 tries to actually finish a boot camp, so don't get discouraged if it doesn't work out the first time)

 

[OldNumb3r7]

im drunk.

im a piece of shjit.

i had twp hot chicks to talk to tonight.

didnt talk to anty of them.........

back to drunking