Two Good Dates In.. What Do I do now?

[Jake722]

Hey guys, first time poster on this site. So went on this first date on Firday with this girl off dating site. Took her to a nice restaurant and went out for drinks after. Date went really well, she said food was great and loved the bar we went to (has digital screens for walls going around entire place). Didn't talk to her the next day on Saturday and contacted her day after on Sunday. Got some good news when I asked her "Do you have a new renewed faith in the dating site?" (her first date on the site was terrible supposedly) and she responded "Yes! All my friends want to try it now". I text her a bit more and set up lunch plans for Tuesday.

2nd Date at Lunch went well. Went to this place she told me at dinner that she loved. She has bragged a lot about her cooking skills on the dates so after the 2nd lunch date I text her saying "So does taking you out twice to eat equal you cooking for me once?". She said "that sounds reasonable but I might have to make it next weekend". Already kinda implying that she might be busy this weekend.

Didn't talk to her Wednesday then called her thursday to make plans to go out this weekend. She didn't pick up but text me an hour later saying "Sorry, I was getting ready. Out right now for a bday party. What you up to?" Since she was out I kept the convo brief and just told her to enjoy her night and we'd talk tomorrow. Text her today to set up plans this weekend and simply asked her "what she is up to this weekend" and her response was "Continuing the Bday celebrations tonight and then I have a lot of work to do for school". So it felt like she kind of closed the door on me to make plans for this weekend and she never asked "how about you" and asked what I am doing this weekend. What do I do now? I am thinking I shouldn't contact her this weekend since she already said she'd be busy and just contact her late next week and slickly bring up that dinner she said she'd cook for me?

 

[SanDog11]

I would simply back off for a few days and not ask her out again or bring up the fact that she said she'd cook for you. She hasn't forgotten what she said, and right now she's probably going on dates with other people she met online.

I'd back off for a few and if you don't hear from her contact her one more tim. If she gives you the "i'm still busy" speech than move on.

 

[Albatross953]

And the $80 you parted with on two dates actually works against you. Find some cheap options.

Plus you should pull a couple more off the site.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Oooh, my heart goes out to ya man - the whole time I was reading this I kept seeing mistake after mistake. Reminds me of my old self, ugh...

Here we go:

So went on this first date on Firday with this girl off dating site.

I just did a response post about this, but never take new girls out on Fridays or Saturdays. Those nights are reserved for couples, and it can psychologically make a woman feel like you're trying to push the "girlfriend" title on her too soon by making her the sole focus of your weekend plans.

Took her to a nice restaurant and went out for drinks after. Date went really well, she said food was great and loved the bar we went to (has digital screens for walls going around entire place). Didn't talk to her the next day on Saturday and contacted her day after on Sunday.

Kudos on the first date location; however, you should have just stuck to the one location instead of going to two. For first dates, you want to make the best impression you can in the shortest amount of time, then get the heck outta there. Assuming you showed her a good time, the first impression you leave should make her desire to see you again. Also, you should wait 4 days after each date to call her so it gives her time to think about you and increase her interest in hearing from you again.

Got some good news when I asked her "Do you have a new renewed faith in the dating site?" (her first date on the site was terrible supposedly) and she responded "Yes! All my friends want to try it now". I text her a bit more and set up lunch plans for Tuesday.

Also, get rid of texting women between dates. It's not necessary, especially in the beginning. The LESS they hear from you between dates, the HIGHER their interest will be because you're not throwing up all this stuff about yourself and taking away her desire to dig for the info.

2nd Date at Lunch went well.

Lunch dates early on are not usually a good sign...

She has bragged a lot about her cooking skills on the dates so after the 2nd lunch date I text her saying "So does taking you out twice to eat equal you cooking for me once?". She said "that sounds reasonable but I might have to make it next weekend". Already kinda implying that she might be busy this weekend.

And this is where you messed up because you fell for the trap. She mentioned she knows how to cook and the first thing you text her is basically a request for an invite to her place. SHE needs to be the one to give that invite out, not you - otherwise, it just looks like a plea for sex. What would have been better would have been to... well, actually, it would have been better not to send her a message at all, waited 4 days, then called her up to do another date that didn't involve you going to her place or vice versa. By doing that, she would have realized you weren't just out to try and get her in bed, which would have - ironically enough - probably made her bring up the cooking thing again and given you a proper invite. NEVER FALL FOR THE TRAP WHEN WOMEN SAY THESE KINDS OF THINGS.

Didn't talk to her Wednesday then called her thursday to make plans to go out this weekend. She didn't pick up but text me an hour later saying "Sorry, I was getting ready. Out right now for a bday party. What you up to?" Since she was out I kept the convo brief and just told her to enjoy her night and we'd talk tomorrow.

Hmmm, my B.S. radar is detecting something... but whatever. At least she got back to you. Kudos for keeping the convo short, but again...

Text her today to set up plans this weekend and simply asked her "what she is up to this weekend" and her response was "Continuing the Bday celebrations tonight and then I have a lot of work to do for school."

Ah, there's the B.S. I was detecting! I'll bet you didn't catch it, did you? This girl has SOOOOO much school work that she can't see you this weekend even for an hour to eat dinner (because really, who has time for dinner), YET somehow has time to do B-Day celebrations (I can't tell if it's for her or one of her friends based on what you're saying... but either way, the B.S. is still there).

So what happened was this: you were too eager about trying to make this specific house date happen; you called her repeatedly; and, when you did, rather than call/text her directly with your idea (i.e. "hey, so I found this place I want to go to, I'm free on Tuesday and Thursday, which works best for you?), you went all vague by asking her "so, what are you up to this weekend?" which doesn't give her any leeway to come back at you with an answer that involves making time for a date.

What should you do? Simple: today is Friday. Wait until Tuesday to contact her, and ask her out for either Thursday or Sunday. If she gives you some kind of excuse or doesn't give a counter-offer (i.e. when a girl can't make your suggested date days but offers one of her own), it means she's lost interest. Hope this helps!

 

[Jake722]

I would simply back off for a few days and not ask her out again or bring up the fact that she said she'd cook for you. She hasn't forgotten what she said, and right now she's probably going on dates with other people she met online.

I'd back off for a few and if you don't hear from her contact her one more tim. If she gives you the "i'm still busy" speech than move on.

Definitely backing off til at least weds or thursday next week. This girl is smart and she's one of those girls that doesn't really start up the convos with guys but waits for them. She could contact me but I don't really expect it at this point. You said not to ask her out again or bring up the dinner she said she'd cook for me next weekend. What do I say then next week if she doesn't get in contact with me between now and then?

 

[Jake722]

well, actually, it would have been better not to send her a message at all, waited 4 days, then called her up to do another date that didn't involve you going to her place or vice versa. By doing that, she would have realized you weren't just out to try and get her in bed

This girl has SOOOOO much school work that she can't see you this weekend even for an hour to eat dinner (because really, who has time for dinner), YET somehow has time to do B-Day celebrations (I can't tell if it's for her or one of her friends based on what you're saying... but either way, the B.S. is still there).

So what happened was this: you were too eager about trying to make this specific house date happen; you called her repeatedly; and, when you did, rather than call/text her directly with your idea (i.e. "hey, so I found this place I want to go to, I'm free on Tuesday and Thursday, which works best for you?), you went all vague by asking her "so, what are you up to this weekend?" which doesn't give her any leeway to come back at you with an answer that involves making time for a date.

What should you do? Simple: today is Friday. Wait until Tuesday to contact her, and ask her out for either Thursday or Sunday. If she gives you some kind of excuse or doesn't give a counter-offer (i.e. when a girl can't make your suggested date days but offers one of her own), it means she's lost interest. Hope this helps!

Curious, where do you think I should take her out next time if I do contact her Tuesday? I've already taken her out to eat twice so don't really think that's a good idea for 3rd date.

Completely agree on what you said about me asking her to cook for me. That was out of line and definitely made it seem like I was just on the dating site to get in her bed.

About her saying she has a lot of work… She's in law school and this was her first week of class. Anyone in law school will tell you that you have to read an insane amount. But agree that if she REALLY wanted to see me that she would have handled it differently.

Also agree with you that today I should have come at her with plans rather than asking something vague like "what are you up to this weekend."

You touched on her saying she had these bday junctures on thursday/friday night. At the end of the day, she hasn't even known me a full week so if her friends are celebrating birthdays, I don't expect her to not be there for them and rather come out with me. Could be a lie on her part but my gut feeling is that it's not honestly.

 

[Krueg]

Low Interest, Next!

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Skip dinner dates until you atleast get some action bro! Why are you buying a complete stranger dinner & lunch!?!? Stick to coffee or drinks! Dates during the week day nites after work with new broads, weekends are for surging, friends & or family.

Much to learn young jedi, stick around.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Curious, where do you think I should take her out next time if I do contact her Tuesday? I've already taken her out to eat twice so don't really think that's a good idea for 3rd date.

Depends on where you live. I live in L.A., a city that has tons of activities to get into. I'd suggest Googling your city with the words "fun activities to do in (city)" and see what's around. As for the old standbys: comedy clubs, plays, hiking, biking, laser tag, clubs with dance music, salsa, picnics in the park... the list goes on and on. Oh, also look on Groupon.com and LivingSocial.com, they have GREAT ideas and offer discounts for fun things!

About her saying she has a lot of work… She's in law school and this was her first week of class. Anyone in law school will tell you that you have to read an insane amount. But agree that if she REALLY wanted to see me that she would have handled it differently.

Oooooooh, shoulda mentioned that before... I've dated 2 girls in law school before (as well as one getting a master's degree in medical stuff) and their work load DOES get pretty heavy. To be honest, these ones are the hardest to date because there will be lots of times when they'll agree to a date, then get an assignment last minute that requires their full attention, or have a test announced that they have to do a LOT of studying for. That's not to say these kinds of women won't be able to find the time to go out, but you have to be more flexible and not as mad or upset should they suddenly have to cancel on you. Also, even if they like you they may not counter-offer as much as other women because they really don't know their availability until after they get their school work done. Proceed with caution, my friend!

Also agree with you that today I should have come at her with plans rather than asking something vague like "what are you up to this weekend."

Yes, especially if she's in law school - you may need to plan your dates out a week in advance so she can work you in around her school schedule and studying. But, the good news is that if she likes you, she'll be willing to do so. PLUS - and here's the positive part - once you get to know her, most law students are usually so burnt out by being around classmates and other people all day that they actually prefer to do more home dates. Sooo... yeah, good times :rockon:

You touched on her saying she had these bday junctures on thursday/friday night. At the end of the day, she hasn't even known me a full week so if her friends are celebrating birthdays, I don't expect her to not be there for them and rather come out with me. Could be a lie on her part but my gut feeling is that it's not honestly.

Ah, so the b-day stuff was on a weekend? Definitely no reason for her to give these days up then.

Lastly, in reference to this comment:

Skip dinner dates until you atleast get some action bro! Why are you buying a complete stranger dinner & lunch!?!? Stick to coffee or drinks!

I always tell you guys that the first meet up should be at a coffee shop or low-key restaurant. And, while I don't believe you need to be splurging an excessive amount of money on those first few dates, there's also nothing wrong with taking a girl out to dinner and spending SOME money. I did a podcast and a post on here about this, but basically: she's outspending you on those first few dates. For every $20 to $40 you're worried about spending on her, she's spending 2 to 3 times that on makeup, hair, a new dress, new shoes, body wax, perfume, etc., all so that she can make a good impression on you so that you'll want to keep seeing her. So, don't think to yourself "oh, she's just using me for my money 'cause she hasn't offered to pay;" instead, think "geez, look at how great she looks - she must have spent a fortune!" (And if you don't believe me, do a survey of girl friends of yours and ask what things they buy to prepare for a date with a new guy - the insight may very well BLOW YOUR MIND.)

 

[cordoncordon]

So many mistakes here, so so many.
'
First why are you taking her to expensive dinners and lunches when you barely know this girl? Leave the first few dates to a few drinks and maybe an app or something. But full out dinners and lunches? No.

Also, STOP contacting her so much and stop being the first one to initiate contact. And oh, stop asking her out. Let her chase you some of the time. Nothing will turn off a girl faster than being too needy. As for her bday plans going into this weekend? I doubt it. Probably more like she has other dates set up.

Just back off a few days and see if she contacts you. IF she doesn't her IL is low. Reassess from there.

 

[hudpes]

Well I'll put my 2c in with my yesterday date experience. Met this girl on a dance floor, the second time around turned out to a spontaneous date. Then asked her out and got a number without asking in the form of a question. I called, she didn't pick up as she was busy, but she called half an hour later and I didn't pick up, because I felt it would put me in a slightly receptive role and I wanted this one to go by the book. So immediately she texts that she couldn't pick up as she was busy and will be again in an hour. Some time later I call and set up a date, without asking a question. I take her out, we talk find out we've got a lot in common and she's a very down to earth chick. After a long drink at a very desolate but nice place, we stroll down to the river bank and I can feel the tension building up, and we kissed. Some more walking around town, holding hands, making out and good night.

At one point it felt like she would follow me to hell if I lead her there. Stop asking questions and just decide, this, tomorrow, not in any kind of foreceful way mind you, keep it soft, yet firm. Questions make you seem weak and insecure and they almost imply that the female excuse herself. If she wants to hang with you she will make time, if not, she will find a million excuses why she can't.

Spot the difference:
are you free this friday?
are you free this weekend?
would you like to go out with me this friday?
let's go out this friday
I'd like to take you out this friday, say 7 o'clock
we're going out this friday at 7
I'm taking you out this friday at 7

You come of too weak or too strong and she'll have a natural tendency to rejecting you. It still works if the appeal she has for you is stronger, but only the middle way works best. Then you just continue in the same manner, be a man, open doors, listen to her (or be good at predenting ) and don't ask yourself too many questions, let the date evolve as it may, but recognize when you have the chance to make a move. Miss it and you will evoke fate.

 

[Jake722]

Right now just going to let it be for a bit and do my own thing. No contact until sometime next week. If she doesn't contact me first this upcoming week, should I just ask her how her weekend went and then set a date up with her?

Thanks for all the responses/advice. Any other input would be appreciated.

 

[hudpes]

why do you want to know how her weekend went?

 

[El Payaso]

Depends on where you live. I live in L.A., a city that has tons of activities to get into. I'd suggest Googling your city with the words "fun activities to do in (city)" and see what's around. As for the old standbys: comedy clubs, plays, hiking, biking, laser tag, clubs with dance music, salsa, picnics in the park... the list goes on and on. Oh, also look on Groupon.com and LivingSocial.com, they have GREAT ideas and offer discounts for fun things!



Oooooooh, shoulda mentioned that before... I've dated 2 girls in law school before (as well as one getting a master's degree in medical stuff) and their work load DOES get pretty heavy. To be honest, these ones are the hardest to date because there will be lots of times when they'll agree to a date, then get an assignment last minute that requires their full attention, or have a test announced that they have to do a LOT of studying for. That's not to say these kinds of women won't be able to find the time to go out, but you have to be more flexible and not as mad or upset should they suddenly have to cancel on you. Also, even if they like you they may not counter-offer as much as other women because they really don't know their availability until after they get their school work done. Proceed with caution, my friend!



Yes, especially if she's in law school - you may need to plan your dates out a week in advance so she can work you in around her school schedule and studying. But, the good news is that if she likes you, she'll be willing to do so. PLUS - and here's the positive part - once you get to know her, most law students are usually so burnt out by being around classmates and other people all day that they actually prefer to do more home dates. Sooo... yeah, good times :rockon:



Ah, so the b-day stuff was on a weekend? Definitely no reason for her to give these days up then.

Lastly, in reference to this comment:



I always tell you guys that the first meet up should be at a coffee shop or low-key restaurant. And, while I don't believe you need to be splurging an excessive amount of money on those first few dates, there's also nothing wrong with taking a girl out to dinner and spending SOME money. I did a podcast and a post on here about this, but basically: she's outspending you on those first few dates. For every $20 to $40 you're worried about spending on her, she's spending 2 to 3 times that on makeup, hair, a new dress, new shoes, body wax, perfume, etc., all so that she can make a good impression on you so that you'll want to keep seeing her. So, don't think to yourself "oh, she's just using me for my money 'cause she hasn't offered to pay;" instead, think "geez, look at how great she looks - she must have spent a fortune!" (And if you don't believe me, do a survey of girl friends of yours and ask what things they buy to prepare for a date with a new guy - the insight may very well BLOW YOUR MIND.)

Don't be silly, Harry. No girl is constantly buying new shoes, clothes, makeup etc for every date. Those are fixed costs. She buys them once and uses it for every date. A man spending on a date is a variable cost which varies from date to date. Some dates are expensive, some are not. Therefore, ultimately, the man usually ends up spending more. That's not necessarily a bad thing but don't try to spread a myth that women are spending two to three times more by simply wearing a shoe that she bought two years ago. That's rubbish.

 

[Fireballs]

Right now just going to let it be for a bit and do my own thing. No contact until sometime next week. If she doesn't contact me first this upcoming week, should I just ask her how her weekend went and then set a date up with her?

Thanks for all the responses/advice. Any other input would be appreciated.

You're getting some very good advice in here, make sure you listen to it.

Me personally, I would NOT contact her again until SHE has initiated it, otherwise you are going to come off as a needy man with no options.

I know it can be hard to think logically when it is YOU in the situation, but do you think she would be too busy with school work if Brad Pitt was asking her out?

 

[Jake722]

You're getting some very good advice in here, make sure you listen to it.

Me personally, I would NOT contact her again until SHE has initiated it, otherwise you are going to come off as a needy man with no options.

I know it can be hard to think logically when it is YOU in the situation, but do you think she would be too busy with school work if Brad Pitt was asking her out?

Fireballs, you're not makin sense, lol! You are saying "make sure you listen" to the advice in here but then are telling me never contact her again if she doesn't contact me first. Seems like everyone is thinking just go 4-5 days without contact and then hit her up.

 

[Fireballs]

Fireballs, you're not makin sense, lol! You are saying "make sure you listen" to the advice in here but then are telling me never contact her again if she doesn't contact me first. Seems like everyone is thinking just go 4-5 days without contact and then hit her up.

I should have been more specific. The advice I was refering to was basically the not taking her out to dinner before having banged her and not chasing her/initiating contact so much.

Mauser has nailed it ^^

 

[Jake722]

Little Update…

Haven't contacted her since Thursday.. Did my own thing this weekend. Posted a picture on Instagram which she subsequently liked. Thinking I am going to contact her tomorrow, start some small chat and quickly get to saying "Let's go check out Jungle Island (zoo) this weekend. I'm free Friday or Sunday." She mentioned she's never been on our lunch date. She's also really busy during week with law school so didn't want to ask for weekday. Thoughts?

 

[Jake722]

Little Update…

Haven't contacted her since Thursday.. Did my own thing this weekend. Posted a picture on Instagram which she subsequently liked. Thinking I am going to contact her tomorrow, start some small chat and quickly get to saying "Let's go check out Jungle Island (zoo) this weekend. I'm free Friday or Sunday." She mentioned she's never been on our lunch date. She's also really busy during week with law school so didn't want to ask for weekday. Thoughts?

Making this move tomorrow so any advice before so is appreciated.

 

[Albatross953]

Yeah, relax!! She knows already whether she likes you. If so, you're golden. If not who cares? Pull another chick.

Do what you want, when you want. Ironically that gives you the best shot with any chick.