Two Final Things I Really Need Help With

[Mr. Cardio]

Well, in case you didnt know, I was picked on a lot while growing up, seeing that I acted like a nerd at times. I have changed a lot, I would call myself a semi-don juan, as I am still trying to work on myself, but I run into this problem a lot and I need help with it. After I have gotten in cool with a girl, some guys would start to roast me(like teasing, but very bad though), and this makes me look really stupid because everybody joins in on it, and I dont really have any thing much creative to say, and it just gets worst and worst when everybody joins in. After that, whatever attraction I build up with the girl is now gone, and I know that I m losing it while its happening, so I get angry, and when I get angry, well, that just makes the laughter ever more intense. What do I do to conquer this? I have always had this problem, where one person will say something, then everybody will join in. I dont dress nerdy or anything any more, I know that my personality is that on of one whos usually upfront and very humorous, but when these guys start the roastin, they dont stop! I mean, its not one joke and everybody laughs and its done, guys, it goes on and on and on and by this time, I have lost the attraction I build up and some confidence as well. I mean, if its one guy, I can deal with that, but when EVERYBODY joins in, I mean, what the hell can a guy do? Talking about a confident DECREASE. And second question is,

I read Pook's Secret of the Jerk, and he talked about how man are those who are not afraid of their testerone, etc. Any ideas of how to locate and know where this center is, and how to control it so that you dont just come off as a jerk but also as a great guy. But remember, when these guys start this roastin, I mean, I can explain it but I feel very stupid and with less confidence.

Thanks

 

[spider_007]

DON'T BE UPSET.

this is part of bonding with people. I work in a shop with 30 guys and we bust each others balls all the time. I might make a stupid mistake and for the next two days i'll be hearing about it. Or if i'm working in the same place with some other guy, we'd be trading smart ass remarks all day...


IT'S THE WAY MEN BOND.

just laugh with them, and feel free to point out their dorkey shirt, or something stupid they said.

 

[PooMan]

what kind of jokes?

Give us examples

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

Are you spitin' lines on a chick in front of a bunch of people? Or just being friendly and talkn' to her?

Well either way, if that was me and some punk was doing that I think the best thing is be cool, calm, and confident. Smile and laugh and say something C&F back to them. Don't pull any elementary crap but you know what I’m talking about. You can put someone in his or her place without looking like you’re in the 5th grade.

I think when you don't stand up for yourself the girl your talking to lose respect for you and it’s turning her off of what little liking she has for you. A real Man would have stood up for himself, Man up if you will.

Now different situations call for different actions. To me it seems like just a few butt heads make fun of you or whatever and then some other people around chimes in. Then I believe saying what I said before would be appropriate.

However, if its just one dude and is always riding you then getting all up in his face, looking dead in his eye like your about to snap and kill that fool, and saying something about how your about to break his shyt off if he mumbles another word, would be the action I would take. But hey that’s just me. I’m not fond of bullies.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

no, no, no, spider, its not like that. This is not some friendly bond goin on, this is more like, "I hate this fool, lets destroy his azz, and make sure everybody knows he is nothing," trust me, the comments made are only met to destroy my social life and make me out to be some loser and a total joke. Its similar to what 50 Cent did to Ja Rule, remember how Ja was on top of the world one year, then 50 comes out and roastes him and that basically is the end of Ja's character because now he is a joke.
That is the kind of stuff thats goin on, and its hard to think of somethin creative to say back, because everybody is joinin in on the roastin. I dunno, I have been dealin with this for a while, I dunno if it is a misinterpretation they have of me or not, but the stuff is in no way a bondin thing, it is a hate thing and a destroy his social life and make him out to be nothin but a joke thing. This happened to me all the time in high school, which is why I literrally had to beg a girl to go to the prom. I am scared, that what happend to Ja Rule will happen to me, and what can I do about it? If I get mad I still lose, if I ignore it I still lose, what the hell.

 

[spider_007]

sorry i missunderstood.


I'm sorry to say, but you might be one of those people nobody likes..

YOUR A MAN, YOUR NOBODYS BIAAACH!!!!! They try to make fun of you fire right back, with a C & F remark. Tell him; "what's that?? I think I hear your momey calling you"

You have to truley; don't give a fvck what people think of you

 

[Mr. Cardio]

But see spider this is what I dont get. Everything is fine until somebody makes a remark, then its like everybody else joins in as if they were just waiting to join in. Spider, I cant beat everybody man, what the hell do I do. Will it matter if I build a fantasic life for myself, then have it thrown down, without even havin anything to do with it? Deep down inside me, since I was little, I had this little thing inside of me that made me believe that nobody REALLY liked me. I was always considered about this, because I am not a bad person at all. I am funny, and everything you would describe a don juan to be. What can I do? I mean, I am NOT goin to kiss anybody's azz, but come on, this shyt is just not right, I cannot win this shyt.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

I mean, dont get me wrong, I know everybody is not going to like me, but I wish I could really explain what I am talkin about. Have you ever been involved or seen someone gettin roasted on by EVERYBODY, because NOBODY liked him, I am that guy! Then I get myself away from it, but it keeps followin me, and I need to know what to do to get out of it. Everywhere I go, its like a curse, seriously....I swear to God, I am not makin this shyt up. I seriously cannot fight the shyt man, its like one guy says something, then everybody joins in, I DONT CARE what people think, but lets be honest, I cannot live a don juan life, if after I have attracted all these females, for this shyt to come up again that has been followin me all these years, then guess what, all my shyt is gone. If I am an owner, nobody no longer takes me seriously. What do I do, run? Run where? What do I do!! I am sorry, but this shyt is just hard to explain and I swear to you, its like a damn curse. I would not call it bullying, I would call it more like hatred. But why? I mean, I sound like a punk for saying that, but how can one guy beat the whole fvckin world?

 

[chili kat]

I use to avoid conflict like the plague because I was afraid of getting my ass kicked. I would always listen to people that said I should find a mature way to settle it or tease back. Until this one SOB finally pushed me over edge.

No one really expected me to knock him in the nose and step him back a few feet. Of course, he proceeded to whoop my ass after that, but everyone remembered that one good fvcking punch because it was the most surprizing. I lost but he had to walk around with a fat ass nose for a while.

Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sore, black eye...even fractured a finger. But a lot changed after that.

I don't care what anyone says. There is a time when you just have to end it.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

I understand you chill kat, but which one do I punch? theres twenty of them......

 

[chili kat]

The one that gets your blood boiling the most.

You're not trying to be the guy that will whoop anyone that gives you a crooked look, you just want to make an example. Just make sure it's a fair punch.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

chill kat I am just trying to understand. I mean, one guy, two guys, a certain group of guys is one thing, chill kat, this is EVERYBODY MAN. Chill kat, I mean, EVERYBODY. Even if I knock a guy on his azz, that wont stop the shyt. Everybody will still hate me, but for what? Its EVERYBODY man, and during the whole shyt, I cant buy a fvckin friend, and I wouldnt blame them, who would wanna stand with a guy that everybody thinks is a loser. I mean, ALLLLL the damn confidence and working out self esteem I build, just ALLLL gets fvckin thrown down fo no fvckin reason. Why dont this fvckin shyt just leave me alone. Its a fvckin curse dude. Even here, remember a guy named, PVSSY-EATER, they did him the same way here.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

anybody?

 

[chili kat]

You're not trying to make friends with this. You just have to establish some form of respect/consequence, even if it's a silent respect that no one really admits to.

Look, there is no one thing you can do to solve a problem like this. It takes a series of situations, actions and some time. But you've got to start somewhere.

You've got to let off that steam before you go Columbine on people.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

okay I got ya chill kat, its due to the lack of respect. So should I strive to make sure no one crosses that line, but to do this, I would have to stop jokin around as much right? And see, because I always have a natural joy, being serious all the time will kill it and I wont be happy with myself. Its soooo crazy, haha, because I am gettin out of school in dec., I am 22, and I know I will be really successful, so this respect thing is really important to me. I cant fight though, physically. I work out, I am very lean and toned, like 170, 7-8 percent body fat, 28.5 inch waist, but I am very muscular, not skinny looking. but I cant really fight that good, and I know that I should start learning that stuff. but I dunno, I have a lot of joy and love in my heart, not in a nice guy way, but in a....you know, I just wanna chill and have fun kind of way, and fighting puts me in a different zone. Should I add this to myself? I know thats a dumb question, but I dunno, people have got to start respecting me and I will not tolerate this ANYMORE. I am too damn old for this shyt.

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and STOP being so negative. Relax the whole world doesn't hate you its just the way HS is. This self pity, Woe's me, negative attitude, frequently worrying how people are going to treat you, is not helping but only contributing.

A lot of people will dislike you for lots of reasons.

Maybe cause your a nice guy, have good looks, lots of friends and they don't, not as successful as you, because your taller then him, color of skin, ethnic background, and the list goes on

There will be some people out there that just don't like you. Can't explain it but just don't and theirs nothing you can do about it.

Also, in your case these people thrive on guys who willow in self-pity. Their easy targets and they are less likely to do anything about it. You possibly are reflecting that in your posture, body language, speech, and just in your whole way of life giving off that kind of negative vibe.

My guess you probably walk around school worrying about this everyday. Head down, never making eye contact, avoiding people, hardly ever smile, shoulders sag, and always complaining and always having wishful thinking. Like wishing you were somebody else that doesn't have to go through this problem.

Well let me tell you something. You’re not the only one who’s been through this crap. I have put up with racist, skinheads, gang bangers, wannabes, and just people who look for people to mess with.

For example, one day this kid in middle school messed with me constantly along with is buddies. Not only that when him and his buddies ragged on me so did everyone else. I was hatten life like you until I decided to seek help. I talked to my Dad and friends. And it helped a lot. I fixed things that made me look like a punk. I now started to walk around with confidence, head up, shoulders back, making eye contact, and having a stern look on my face. Well one day, in class these fools messed with me threw some shyt at me and called me names. What did I do? I Maned up. I rose up, turned around, threw the desk to the side, had a look on my face like i'm going to kill him, got very loud and said what the f^ck is your problem? You want to f^ck with me? Lets go b*tch's I'm tired of this shyt and its going to end right now. So what’s it going to be? Conclusion of this story is that I got a lot of respect from them and made new friends.

Now doesn't mean that’s how its always going to play out. And Viloence isn't the answer. However sticking up for yourslef is and in the end you gain respect from other people and for yourself.

 

[chili kat]

You don't have to win and you don't have to instill fear into everyone, you just have to call someone on this bullsh!t. Most of the people who are busting your ass right now would be too afraid to get into a fight themselves. Trust me. A lot of people are all talk and no action.

Like I said, you don't have to turn into that guy who will knock someone for just looking at you funny, but you have to establish the idea in people's minds that you are not always going to be the chill, push-over kind if guy no matter how bad people treat you. Establish some limits.

Honestly, some people might even hate you more, but a lot of people are going to zip up and lay off too.

You can't charm your way out of this. You've got to lay down some rules.