Trying to make sense of it all...

[Htienvu]

Hi all, I've just discovered SoSuave a few weeks ago after meeting asking a girl out. There's some great information on this site and I've learnt so much over the last few weeks.

However it didn't help me with my situation, here it is.

So I asked the girl out for a dinner date, she seemed surprised by it and agreed so we went out. Everything went great, I made eye contacts, had lots of laughs, even had some "kino" going on since she show me her wrist and we leaned on each other walking and looking in shops. At the end of the date I said we should get together again and she agreed.

Then the phone game started, had a great convo with her. Done some ****y & funny stuff but the convo went on too long and I asked her if she's doing anything during the week so I can take her out, she said she's busy. Saw her at weekend asked her out again but she was busy again, seemed genuine because of family gatherings. Over the Xmas week we talked on the phone and things seems fine, I asked her to go shopping with me on boxing day but got refused. On the Tuesday I suggest we meet up for coffee but she said she's working. Then her birthday came on the 30th I got some flowers delivered to her but heard nothing from her about the flowers, she received them but choose not to say anything about it to me. I haven't mentioned anything about it as well, probably a mistake from me sending flowers.

Anyways, the day after her b.day I called and asked her to meet me at the new year weekend, she said "I will try". Finally she gave a semi-positive response but from those words "i will try" I sensed that she wasn't keen so text-ed her saying she seem indifferent, did I put her on the spot? if she can't meet I'll understand, just thought it'd be nice to get to know her better, maybe some other time. She text-ed back and says "If I did then I didn't mean to"

Now we haven't been in contact since and that was new years eve, other than my polite Happy new years text which she didn't reply to. During those couple of weeks sometimes she ignore my text, not answering call and not call back. I am planning to leave it as I sense she's not interested.

Sorry it's long winded and fill with grammatic errors, I am new to this DJ thing, hope learn lots from you guys. Can anyone make sense of this?

 

[mang0]

Not that I'm a guru or anything, but you came off sounding pretty desperate. You are constantly calling her, which isn't doing much to help considering she is "always busy", and then you send her flowers.

 

[Htienvu]

Not that I'm a guru or anything, but you came off sounding pretty desperate. You are constantly calling her, which isn't doing much to help considering she is "always busy", and then you send her flowers.

During those weeks I called her once every 2-3 days, I did make it seem desperate by asking her to meet up too may times.

Can anyone advice on how I should proceed or should I just leave it.

 

[Iceberg]

I think asking a woman out 5 separate times and getting 5 separate rejections pretty much tells you what you need to know.

Yes you did come off desperate. And no you shouldn't send a girl flowers after one date...save it for a real girlfriend (someone you've dated for months) who has earned such rewards.

Either way, no one knows why this girl doesn't want to date you. It could be your desperation or it could be 100 million other things. Sometimes things just don't work out. Get over it and move on. Most importantly, drop this girl.

 

[JT7890]

From just reading the post I am not sure if Htienvu came off desperate, persistent maybe but you are supposed to be persistent. Again, I'm not sure of your style, your voice tone, your attitude when you talk to her, if you make her laugh, if you are sexual around her, your social status, how you dress, etc. etc. Alot of other things come into play that obviously can't be seen through a computer screen.

One thing I will tell you though is that just because a girl doesn't go out with you IMMEDIATELY or just because you might have to be "a little bit more" persistent with a particular chick, doesn't automatically mean she's blowing you off. Truth be told, some girls (even if they find you attractive), might have you wait a little while before they start doing certain things and spending serious time with you. But you really have to be able to discern a girl that's interested but maybe just hasn't gotten around to chilling with you, from a girl that's obviously blowing you off.

I would just stay cool about it and NOT make a big deal about her not accepting the date ideas, at the end of the day she's under NO obligation to do so. I would just play it off as if it's not that big of a deal and continue your chats with her while also continue meeting other women. Obviously, eventually the girl should come around SOMETIME, but again, you should just play it cool.

Hard to tell from this post though if the girl is interested or not because like I said, alot of other things come into play as well.

Also buying flowers is kind of played out. I would save that money to buy maybe drinks, smokes, etc. that are related to you and her spending time together. Maybe if you are dating her you could take her shopping or something like that, but that stuff shouldn't be a requirement though.

 

[Htienvu]

When we were on the phone I followed the advices on here, have a deep sexy tone voice, always sound cheerful from the off and call her name when when she answers the phone, she always giggles when I say "Hello....her name" asked her why she giggles she says it's because I always say her name.

I was a bit persistent, but when she doesn't answer text or call I always ignore it and not talk about it. The flowers were a bad idea now I think about it, maybe scared her off. Shame it happened this way because she's a nice girl, I will play it cool and not make a big deal out of it. I'll still keep contact but most importantly meet other women.

 

[MrP]

I think the first mistake is that you didn't kiss her...

 

[Htienvu]

so I am thinking of calling her 5 days after the last contact, she knits scarfs to sell and I asked her to do one for my friend last week. I need to contact her to ask about it because I promised my friend already.

I was planning to do small chit chat, then say I didn't mean to freak her out with flowers, was just a b.day gesture. I did wanted to get to know her better but sensed that she doesn't feel the same, so I sent her that text to let her off the hook and i will be fine about it. After that i'll tell her the real reason I called is for to see if she has finished the scarf yet. When I get the answer I'll tell her I've got to go and act normal and cool after if i see her.

This is a good way to go about it? I've let her go already and want to move on, just wanted to let it go properly because I don't really want to just ignore her after.

 

[Iceberg]

so I am thinking of calling her 5 days after the last contact, she knits scarfs to sell and I asked her to do one for my friend last week. I need to contact her to ask about it because I promised my friend already.

You don't care one bit about getting the scarf you promised your friend. You're trying to find excuses to call this girl. You're free to do whatever you want to do, but let's just call it what it is.

I was planning to do small chit chat, then say I didn't mean to freak her out with flowers, was just a b.day gesture.

Why? Why why why? You sent the flowers. It's in the past. Now you're trying to back-peddle and semi-apologize for making a nice gesture. Forget it. Just let it go. And ESPECIALLY don't bring it up. That just means you're acknowledging the weirdness and the fact that she never thanked you for it.

This is a good way to go about it? I've let her go already and want to move on, just wanted to let it go properly because I don't really want to just ignore her after.

If you wanted to move on, you'd move on. There's ZERO need for you to have "closure" after going on ONE date with a girl.

You don't have to "ignore" her. If you see her, smile and treat her like an old acquaintance. That is the "Good way to go about it". All this calling, and apologizing, and asking for a scarf...that's more of the same weak stuff that got you to AFC land in the first place.

You had a date. It didn't get the results you wanted. There are PLENTY more dates (good and bad) in your future. Forget the damn scarf and leave this girl in your past.

EDIT:
And here's the funny thing. If you just walked away, and left this girl alone, there's a chance you might one day re-build interest with her. But instead you're calling her once a week, and trying to apologize for flowers, and asking for scarves. You simply won't go away. You're becoming the guy that girls warn each other about.

 

[JMoneyINC.]

I think asking a woman out 5 separate times and getting 5 separate rejections pretty much tells you what you need to know.

Yes you did come off desperate. And no you shouldn't send a girl flowers after one date...save it for a real girlfriend (someone you've dated for months) who has earned such rewards.

Either way, no one knows why this girl doesn't want to date you. It could be your desperation or it could be 100 million other things. Sometimes things just don't work out. Get over it and move on. Most importantly, drop this girl.

Iceberg gave you the best advice, I would listen to him. She is ignoring you for a reason. Just move on man.

 

[Htienvu]

lol... Thanks Iceberg, now I re-read it it does sound like I am trying to apologize for it, guess she had that impact on me. I am weak at this still and learning.

I will still call to ask for the scarf though because I really want it as I promised to a friend, I like to do what I promised and Keeping my word! It's just the way I am.

Will just ask her how she's been, what she's been up to and ask for the scarf then get off the phone. Thanks for the advice

 

[JdelaSilviera]

I wouldn´t say to next this girl, but you should have other options. You insisted too much...after being rejected twice, you don´t insist any more, if she wants to date you she wil let you know...

Remember that women want challenges, they think that a high quality men is difficult to find, and difficult to conquer...you can´t be that easy.

Also you shouldn´t have sent that girly text that she seemed indiferent...aside from ****y/funny you did everything wrong.. but that´s why sosuave is here for

1)too desperate
2)much time on the phone ( i know what is like to be on the phone with someone you like a lot, you want to keep it forever...while it makes you feel better that time, in long run you will damage your chances)
3)flowers....
4)message

She could very well be interested in you until you made these mistakes... now you have to regain attraction, by being indiferent, a challenge, ****y funny, flirting with other women, making fun of her, neg her, being unavaiable etc...

 

[Joe Stud]

OP: You thanked the iceberg, but you didnt fully listen to him. DONT CALL ABOUT THE SCARF. If the scarf is important, she will call you. I dont think your friend will commit suicide if he gets an alternative gift, in lieu of the "allusive scarf".
no contact means no contact. back off stalker!


ps... how does it feel to be called a stalker? Cause shes probably telling her friends you are one! BACK OFF! Got it this time friend?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

lol... Thanks Iceberg, now I re-read it it does sound like I am trying to apologize for it, guess she had that impact on me. I am weak at this still and learning.

I will still call to ask for the scarf though because I really want it as I promised to a friend, I like to do what I promised and Keeping my word! It's just the way I am.

Will just ask her how she's been, what she's been up to and ask for the scarf then get off the phone. Thanks for the advice

If she's in the business of making and selling scarfs, then why are you calling her to ask about it? If you already discussed it and she's REALLY going to make it, she'll call you. You know, because this is how she makes money and she'd want to get paid.

Stop being weird. This has nothing to do with keeping your word. This excuse to call this girl isn't fooling anyone.

What if she never makes this scarf? What if she wants nothing to do with it? What if she moves to Alaska tomorrow? Then I guess you can't get your friend his scarf, right? Move on with your life. It was one date.

OP: You thanked the iceberg, but you didnt fully listen to him. DONT CALL ABOUT THE SCARF. If the scarf is important, she will call you. I dont think your friend will commit suicide if he gets an alternative gift, in lieu of the "allusive scarf".
no contact means no contact. back off stalker!


ps... how does it feel to be called a stalker? Cause shes probably telling her friends you are one! BACK OFF! Got it this time friend?

100% agree.

I almost feel bad for this girl. One date and she's getting 2-3 calls per week, flowers sent, and fake phone calls about a scarf. As you and Iceberg already said, this is the kind of things that creep girls out about dating.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP,

1) Be VERY VERY slow to take the advice of anyone here who has less than 150 to 200 posts. Most of them (especially the ones under 100) are just newbie keyboard jockeys giving advice when they should be learning.

2) Listen to Iceberg. He knows what he's talking about.

3) Read my signature and take it to heart.

 

[Htienvu]

As I was driving to work today thinking about what happened and what you guys said then it all clicked, I was being an AFC, thinking if I like the girl I should make a lot of efforts. However, I realizse how much pressure I put on her to meet up, after our first date I said to her we should do it again she agreed and said she be free a lot more after Xmas and New Year. I was blinded by my AFC feelings and pushed it more than I should have.

Anyways, this time my thank is different, it's with the realization of my mistakes. I've learnt a few things this week and moving on, I'll will try to be better DJ with the next girl.

Thanks again guys.