Trying to get the girl back to bliss.

[Styr]

Hi,

My first thought was not to ask any kind of advice, but then again it would be interesting (and hopefully useful) to see what others think of my situation. Have to warn though, this is a long-long post.

I had practically no luck at all with girls until some 2.5 years ago. I changed several aspecst of my life and eventually become confident in approaching women and making myself approacable. So I met girl "A" and girl "B" (Girl B and I had actually known each other for a year or two, but we never exchanged numbers until then and what encounters we had were random). The two girls were friends. Things were going well with girl "A", but I was still not in the right mindset so it did not take long to go to the south. I was not man enough to walk away when girl "A" hinted that she was not interested in me. I did regain my composure and walked away, but am pretty sure the words of my behaviour reached girl "B".

Girl "B" had been chatting with me in Facebook since I met both of them. It was she who added me in Facebook. It was she who actually approached me the first time I met her. I liked her, but did not fancy her that much back then that I would have seen needy to her.

We ended up meeting each other (girl B) and going on a date which went well - albeit she did not want to come to my place afterwards. She is a shy girl, so I assume it is why. It was pretty much a state of bliss until a few days after the date. Something happened, however - and I do not know what. It might have something to do with girl "A", or something I said to her - she is of a different nationality - so there might have been some kind of miscommunication. While she was very keen to go to a second date straight after it and the next day, she started ignoring this line of communication. We still chatted hours in the end, for a few months, until I gave up and did not contact her for a week, a month, four months. I eventually decided to ask her if she was upset with me (a bad move, I know - did not know of this site back then). So she told me she was not upset with me. She even told me she had not even been aware that me and "A" dated each other. I then asked her for a date; an offer she refused. Granted, soon after she disappeared from the face of the Facebook. (Pun intended). Made me a bit depressed, but at least I knew I could move on. Well, then she reappeared and disappeared again only to reappear again a few days later. Anyway, I got the hint and let her be. Should mention that I had seen her at her work place - the check-in desk of a ferry terminal - and gifted her oregami flowers on several occasions - until I could tell she became annoyed. By then we had not been in contact for several months. I even wrote her a haiku and brought it to her in the early days when she was flaking on me, and had a rose and a teddy bear brought into her cabin when she was on a cruise (with a female friend). She was happy about them, but nothing noteworthy happened.

In the meantime I decided to try out pheromones. Was sceptical at first, but I got more hits from girls and became more confident as a result. I tried them out on her and she was suddenly very friendly, flirty even. I was going embark on the ship and decided to buy the tickets for my next trip. She basically told me when she herself was going to travel - it was only a few days off from my chosen date. As that date was full, she suggested I take the same boat with her. Voila, she initiated contact in Facebook again. We talked for a few days until I decided to cut it myself, to see what happens. Did not want to ask her on a date right away, as I had gotten a firm "NO" and what appeared to be a block. There was no more chatting from her part so I moved on.

She would eventually apply to work as an assistant purser on the ship. Several months had past when she intiated a conversation and told me about it - simultaneously telling me that nobody except her, girl "A" and a colleague of her knew of it. She did get the job, which made it easier for me to "see" her, as I travel frequently.

While I received quite a lot of interest from other girls, none seemed to be as special, as her. For the most part I got a positive reaction from her whenever I saw her on the ship. She was even touching her neck and her lips, and playing with her hair and giggling when I was with her. She did even **** test me - or so I think - I was talking with her when she asked me to go and fetch her some water from the cafeteria. I asked her what I would get in return, and she offered me a banana.

Still, I did not ask her out. Instead, I tried a new technique that had worked with other girls. I gave her a cast puzzle and told her to solve it, offering her a candy if she solved it. She was hesitant at first, but agreed to it. Sure enough, when I came back in the morning she had solved it, and asked for her reward. So I went to my cabin, took a candy - ONE chocolate from a box - and offered it to her. She became instantly furious and told me to keep it. I then offered to take her for a coffe instead, but she refused, and showed me thumbs up when I told her I won't offer to take her anywhere.

At first I thought I was screwed, but then again, why would she react like that if she does not care about me? I travelled again a few weeks later and went to see her for a few minutes - she was happy to see me. I felt that I owed her something special, so I asked a confectionery to make a few gold-coated chocolates. I took them with me for my next cruise and went to see her again. Again, she was happy to see me and we talked freely. When it was time for me to leave I asked her to close her eyes. She was hesitant at first and asked me why? She closed her eyes as soon as I had told her that she should close them because I say so. I can not adequately express her looks or reaction when she did so, but I have never seen her being as happy or cute as in that moment. I placed to chocolate box in front of her - I could have gotten a touch in to get it a bit physical... but did not, and regret that. Heck, I did not even compliment her on that beautiful smile. At least she was happy about it, and started searching about the confectionery on the Internet. I left, leaving her in a happy state.

We had a few chatting sessions, but nothing too serious. She told me that she had not opened the box, and it was until a week after when I went to the port to book a ticket when she told me which one of the chocolates she liked the best.

I decided to wait and see, and about a month later she initiated a chatting session - the first time over a year. I can not say it was the same as in the beginning, but everything flowed freely - No, I did not ask her out. She used to initiate a conversation every day in the beginning, but she is not doing that anymore.

I am going on a new cruise soon. Still, I am unsure as to what she might be thinking. Is it safe to assume that she does like me more than just a friend?

I was at first thinking about asking her to close her eyes again, simply so I could see that smile of hers and compliment her. In any case I do not believe in giving gifts anymore (unless it has a special purpose or I owe it). I am a worthy prize by itself. I could offer to take her to the confectionery where I had the chocolates made so we could eat her favourite chocolates.

What would you do in this situation? Should I pursue this girl? Or should I take her first hint and back off from being anything more than a friend?

 

[Greasy Pig]

This is as painful a hopeless friend zone story as I've ever seen.
She is definitely not physically attracted to you, she only reaches out to you for validation whenever she gets dumped and you happily give it to her.
A girl who is interested will make things easy for you. This bytch is putting up obstacle after obstacle and you still don't get the hint.
But when she's feeling down, worthless and lonely, she's got good ol' Styr to fall back on for compliments, attention and gifts without having to sleep with you.

Get out now and abandon all hope of mating with this woman. You should be trying to slay as much drunk pvssy as possible on those cruises, not virtually stalking one of the staff members who would rather jump overboard than let you near her vagina.

I'm sure Judge Nismo will have something to say about this....

 

[Styr]

This is as painful a hopeless friend zone story as I've ever seen.
She is definitely not physically attracted to you, she only reaches out to you for validation whenever she gets dumped and you happily give it to her.
A girl who is interested will make things easy for you. This bytch is putting up obstacle after obstacle and you still don't get the hint.
But when she's feeling down, worthless and lonely, she's got good ol' Styr to fall back on for compliments, attention and gifts without having to sleep with you.

I diagnosed it as a classic friend zone too. But there seem to be inconsistencies.

1- Her body language. Why would she be openly flirty with me? Unless I, of course, completely misinterpret the signs.
2- I stopped giving her any gifts or extra attention since I got the hint two years back. Also, she is surely receiving male attention all the time, she would not need to keep me around so I could provide her with extra attention. Also, the times I see her are totally random, as far as she is concerned. She has not asked me to allow her to cry on my shoulder. She is usually happy when she sees me, even before I talk with her. Also, I have barely ever complimented her. A big mistake, and this might be one reason I am in this situation in the first place, but it also shows - based on her history with me - that she would not get that many compliments from me. Thus it makes even less sense to keep me around.
3- Why would she get so incredibly mad with me - to the point where she did not want to have anything to do with me. That to me hints to strong emotions. She would not get mad (at least not that mad) at regular folk. Why would she then revert to everything being normal the next time I see her?
4- Why would she say (most certainly lie) that she was unaware of my "relationship" with her friend and then block me from her Facebook account, only to unblock me, and repeat the same process one more time?

I'm sure Judge Nismo will have something to say about this....

A way out (or should it be a way in), I hope?
Styr is *preparing for a long post about being stuck in the friend zone.*

In any case I had already given up hope and there are other girls that have been, or still are interested in me. Getting annyoed when getting a present, refusing to go on a date, not keeping any contact, or being very laconic when chatting with ther and blocking me from her account... well, that was a clear enough sign. The thing is, she has changed her behaviour since.

You should be trying to slay as much drunk pvssy as possible on those cruises, not virtually stalking one of the staff members who would rather jump overboard than let you near her vagina.

As for the drunks and one-night stands... Those tend not to be the kind of people I attract. Thought you have certainly a point. It is just more natural for me to approach girls in a non-partying environment.

 

[Jair213]

I diagnosed it as a classic friend zone too. But there seem to be inconsistencies.

1- Her body language. Why would she be openly flirty with me? Unless I, of course, completely misinterpret the signs.
2- I stopped giving her any gifts or extra attention since I got the hint two years back. Also, she is surely receiving male attention all the time, she would not need to keep me around so I could provide her with extra attention. Also, the times I see her are totally random, as far as she is concerned. She has not asked me to allow her to cry on my shoulder. She is usually happy when she sees me, even before I talk with her. Also, I have barely ever complimented her. A big mistake, and this might be one reason I am in this situation in the first place, but it also shows - based on her history with me - that she would not get that many compliments from me. Thus it makes even less sense to keep me around.
3- Why would she get so incredibly mad with me - to the point where she did not want to have anything to do with me. That to me hints to strong emotions. She would not get mad (at least not that mad) at regular folk. Why would she then revert to everything being normal the next time I see her?
4- Why would she say (most certainly lie) that she was unaware of my "relationship" with her friend and then block me from her Facebook account, only to unblock me, and repeat the same process one more time?



A way out (or should it be a way in), I hope?
Styr is *preparing for a long post about being stuck in the friend zone.*

In any case I had already given up hope and there are other girls that have been, or still are interested in me. Getting annyoed when getting a present, refusing to go on a date, not keeping any contact, or being very laconic when chatting with ther and blocking me from her account... well, that was a clear enough sign. The thing is, she has changed her behaviour since.



As for the drunks and one-night stands... Those tend not to be the kind of people I attract. Thought you have certainly a point. It is just more natural for me to approach girls in a non-partying environment.

You still made a post about it even if you gave up hope. Witch tells me you still dinlge with some type of hope. The scenarios your explaining in numbers is just you overanalising stuff witch shows me she has all the power you are pondering every thing she does, say etc.. its as AFC as it gets, drop her, forget her. She doesn't want anything with you romantically or sexually.

 

[Styr]

I still value her as a friend. So I met her onboard. She had some work to do so she was unable to pay me full attention the whole time, but I got her talking about her - mostly her life onboard. I listened to her and made it clear that I genuinely cared and appreciated her problems.

She told me though, that as she had work to do she would not be able to talk too much herself, but said she would be interested in me doing the talking. It is embarrasing to say, but I did not have any major topics prepared, so I did land into a few silent moments upon which she either asked some detailing questions. Also, she would start a new topic herself about something that she knows I am interested in or could talk about.

I asked her for some fruits, which she gave me. She was thirsty and asked whether I too wanted to drink something, and went and bought three bottles of water - one for herself and two for me. She appeared to be waiting for my reaction - whether I would offer to go and buy it myself.

She even considered me (jokingly) a priority over any passengers who occasionaly came to aske her questions. I made sure to leave at a time when the emotions were high, and she herself said, that we will meet tomorrow.

Everything considered I thought to ask her out the next day, but that got screwed up. She (together with the security officers) had to deal with a arrogant passenger. The passenger was there when I arrived and I could not stop to talk to him. His arrogant behaviour annoyed me, but I tried to stay neutral, until he felt that I am protecting the crew (he had a s*itload of accustations to throw around) and instead of having a rational discussion started (together with a friend) attacking my persona verbally. Ad Hominem, among other fallacies. He was physically threatening, but I stayed my ground and basically told her to go to sleep and that I do not care what the likes of him think. In a way I protected the girl, as I am sure she would have argued with her had I not been there. Fortunately he gave up - though did not leave the premises completely. I did not want to talk with the girl at that time - with the arrogant guy and his friends in the background, so I took care of another business in another part of the ship prior coming back. We talked briefly about the man, how she remembers him causing trouble before, and agreed with me as to what an ar*ehole that guy was. She asked how my day went and we had a brief discussion about it. She was not in as good a mood as the day before - because of that guy, I assume - and had this time more work to do - she indeed did. She told me that she could talk more thorougly later when she had done her work - she expected it to take about an hour (she was already behind schedule). I was not going to wait there and went to sleep instead. It was not a good time to ask her out or do anything even close to romantic. I wished her "good night", to which she replied "good work" - the words "night" and "work" sound very similiarly in Estonian.

Long story short. I feel that judging this a closed case is a bit premature. I failed to ask her out, I failed to see her reaction to asking her out, but she did not shut me down, neither did she want to keep me orbiting her.

Whatever the ruling is, I would be grateful for any advice, together with the WHY?'s of the matter. I have read that mixed signals are not a good sign, but those mixed signals are completely dependent on her mood, it seems.