trying to get over my ex... plz help

[mattyvv]

I was with a girl for 6 months, and alot went on during this time. I am very
lost in my life right now because this has never happened to me before with a
girlfriend. First off, I am a 21 year old junior in college. I am 6'6 w/blonde
hair and brown eyes. I started dating a girl I thought was cute in early
november. We had an amazing relationship for about two months and then things
started to get shaky. First off, her ex boyfriend was her best friend, which
immediately made me uneasy. They would talk every day and I would ask her (but
not force her) to not speak to him at all or at least not as much. She still
continued to see him, and whenever we would fight it was always him she would
go to with her problems instead of me. This made me feel like I was not very
important. We went through a very tough time and started getting further apart.
We had been intimate for almost every night during our time togeather for the
first 2 months, and then it all just stopped. I am not even kidding you, we
went 2 months without even so much as kissing. I tried everything, spent money
on her, spent alot of time with her, tried to make her feel good any way I
could, hell i even spent my life savings on a trip to the bahamas but that
diddent help either. We were on the breaking point up until about a month ago
when she finally broke up with me. After we had broken up, her best friend told
me that she had been cheating on me, and been telling everyone how she ****ed
with my head and **** like that. Now I could never in a million years believe
she would do this to me because of how our relationship was in the beginning.
She would do EVERYTHING she could to make me happy, it was just perfect. She
admitted to cheating on me (with her ex I mentioned previously).

Heres the kicker of the story....

First off, she went right into dating someone else a week after we had broken up
while I was up nights thinking what I did wrong to deserve this (because the way
she came off in the beginning months made me honestly want to marry her)

Secondly... she got a restraining order on her ex because her ex went nuts and
went to her house and through **** around her room because he learned she was
going out with this new kid (I believe he really wanted her back)

Now a week after this she dropped the charges... and I dont know whats going on
now. She had told me she cheated on her exes with him one other time also so it
makes me think its never going to change.

All this leads me to my question- why do I still want her back?
I have never been cheated on before (that I know about)
I usually break up with the girlfriends I have, not vice versa

In my head I know its wrong for us to be togeather but I still think of her
everyday even after a month. I have been on three dates, and the girls just
dont do it for me.

I am wondering what can I do to get this burden off of me so I can go on with my
life, and is it even worth persuing her? (I know the answers no, but I just want
confirmation)

I know you probably receive alot of e-mails but I would be greatly appreciative
if you could answer this one because I am very lost. If you have any questions
about her personality, or anything I will gladly write out an e-mail. She is
very complicated.

Thank you very much

 

[gongxia649]

next

 

[DonJuanForever]

Yeah hey matt, I won't make this very long, here is a quote from your post:
" I tried everything, spent money on her, spent alot of time with her, tried to make her feel good any way I could, hell i even spent my life savings on a trip to the bahamas but that didn't help either."

It didn't help because she was not the problem, she was who she was, either that was a temporary fvck or a wifey material, but you could not differate(spelling) the two, because you had issues going on. Remember this before I respond, if your car won't start up your first assumption is go out and buy a starter, just to find out that was not the problem. There's a whole lot of reasons why your car won't start. Unless, you check it out and analyze it, you won't know what the hell it is.

First off, let me explain to you, it comes down to two things,
1. Being sexual around women. This makes you attractive, hot, and makes you boyfriend material.
2. Being a man. This strength gives you the ability to DEAL with situations and challenges in life as they come up.

Number one, hell, just be in sexual state, refer to Gunwitch on that one, I believe you have that down. But I think your problem is number two, your manhood.

A man is a male who has searched his soul and found his heart, and only follows that which his heart guides him to and tells him to go. In other words, a man follows his heart! From this, he becomes conifident, has self-esteem, has goals, has ambitions, won't take crap from people, will stand up for himself, etc, etc.

Do you know what happened Matt? You don't have problem attracting, but your problem is that she LEAD YOU, and you didn't LEAD YOURSELF. If you have foundn your true self within, you gave it up for her, and that is not a man my friend. I am not talking about behavior here, I am talking about allowing someone else to control your life's direction and not your self. Here's your quote again:
" I tried everything, spent money on her, spent alot of time with her, tried to make her feel good any way I could, hell i even spent my life savings on a trip to the bahamas but that didn't help either."
See the problem buddy? She became your god! She became your leader, lol, not to sound gay, but SHE BECAME YOUR MAN! The man is the leader, since she is leading you now, hahah, you have become her bytch.

Understand this, attraction is attraction, you do the sexual state thing, the attraction occurs. Now, FOLLOW YOURSELF. Pook said a man is a guy not afraid of his testerone, or basically, a guy not afraid to follow his heart. Matt, LEAD YOURSELF. Women want the man they are attracted to, to be leaders, lead her azz! I will wait for your responding, because this is starting to get long....

 

[mattyvv]

Thank you

Yeah, I see where you are coming from. After reading alot of the articles I have kind of descerned that. In the beginning of the relationship, I lead her. I never made her feel comfortable, I wouldent get into a "relationship" with her yet, etc etc. She craved it, she would want to come over at 3am after I was done playing poker to have sex. It was great, then it all went downhill. So now I want to find another girl who I can be with but this time take charge. When you say take charge can u give me a few examples? Also I have one more problem, this pertains to getting togeather with another girl. I have tried just looking confident, waiting for women to come to me and it doesnt seem to happen. What are some good ways (for example, downtown on a saturday night drinking) that I can be better at this by approacing girls, but not seeming too interested?

Again thanks for your response, hope to hear from you soon.

 

[Ever onward]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98547

1. Start by checking out this thread

2. Go watch the movie "Swingers". It's the best movie I have ever seen for getting over an ex-gf. I watch it every time I have a difficult break up.

3. Don't let yourself think about your ex gf for even one minute. Cross it off on the calender if you have to. Make it a goal for yourself to go for a month without focusing/obsessing on her. If you can make it that long, you will feel better about the whole thing.

4. Come back to this board and look for positive posts about meeting women. Don't let yourself become bitter towards all women, though you probably will be for awhile.

 

[mattyvv]

thanks for the help

All u guys have been helpful, thank u very much keep em comin if u can

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98547

1. Start by checking out this thread

2. Go watch the movie "Swingers". It's the best movie I have ever seen for getting over an ex-gf. I watch it every time I have a difficult break up.

3. Don't let yourself think about your ex gf for even one minute. Cross it off on the calender if you have to. Make it a goal for yourself to go for a month without focusing/obsessing on her. If you can make it that long, you will feel better about the whole thing.

4. Come back to this board and look for positive posts about meeting women. Don't let yourself become bitter towards all women, though you probably will be for awhile.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You are a fool to love a hor and now you want her back after she disrespects you by sucking other c@cks?? HUH???? You deserve death!!!!!!!

 

[niceguydying]

DonJuanForever, you sir are the MAN!!!!! Your reply to Matt was on point! I loved your quote"A man is a male who has searched his soul and found his heart, and only follows that which his heart guides him to and tells him to go."

Next question, can I use it?????????? That shyt hit home w/ me and my curent situation I am now! I have myself trying to flip the roles of me now playing hard to get with a women I have been trying to get with. Seems like I messed up early on and tried to be NICE... Now I am being somewhat an arse to her and it is starting to bother her. I hope it continues bothering her because has mind all screwed up!

Once again, great post!!!!!!!

 

[aix237]

hey dude, ive been there where you are at. My was little bit more serious though. living with her, was with her longer etc. but seriously you can't be a pvssy about her. honestly why do you want her? youre not addicted to her, your addicted to the feeling probably.
shes an attention wh0re, she prays on innocent dudes
she slvts around cheats on her bfs and drops them out of the blue. she is fvcked up in the head. she will never be happy yea shell get married and have kids maybe but that will be short lived. seriously shes a selfish wh0re so fvck her. girls like that are the biggest waste of time.

When youre talking to new girls dont care about how you act. be yourself cause if you aint then you gotta live up to that character constantly. just think your the sh*t and you will be. girls can smell ****y guys a mile away. go up and talk to them and just talk normally with them and tease them and stuff just be playful. Read around here and learn some seduction techniques and use them.

 

[DonJuanForever]

Hey I am glad that you guys got some information from that replay, while I don't want to start an internet Pook or Anti-Dump "I am a guru" thing, I wanted to share my experiences from being in the field. MJ said he became great by all the missed shots he got, and let me tell you, I don't think anybody on here got rejected more times than I did!

Now I want you guys to get this idea, that it's not about being a nice guy or a jerk, professionally, be a nice guy! Why be a jerk if you don't have to. Jerks don't get all the women, sexual guys get all the women. That sexual guy can be a bad boy, a jerk, a nice guy, a gay guy, a whatever type of guy.

Now, in my opinion, sexual jerks fvck more than the other sexual guys because the jerks are more sexually assertive. They usually worship the "3 second" rule and approach instantly who they want, so there is no way they are going to go without sex.

The problem with jerks, the woman gets tired of the azzhole and leaves him or only uses him for dyck, which you might say there's nothing wrong with that but still....let's not be a jerk. Its not good professionally, hell you never know who that girl might be you're approaching! Could be a great move for your career!

Instead, take the jerk's main trait which is his "sexual assertiveness" and apply it now to yourself. Don't lose your sexual state and sexual flow now, because without that it does not matter what type of guy you are, she won't feel the "chemistry" and classify you as a friend.

So matt, here is your way to get the ball rolling again. As far as taking charge, I don't mean that you turn to a dominant character and begin ordering folks around. What I mean is you have control over your own life. You know my definition of a man right? So let's say with me, I have recently done this I am discovering who I am, what I SHOULD be doing and going after in life, etc., etc. So my schedule is tailored to that! Remember this quote as well, " You won't know who your real friends are, until you know what your real path is." So now that I have found myself and going down my soul's path, I begin meeting my "real wingmen" friends and acquaintances, I have something going on all the time, matt....I have a life now.

When women come into my life, because I already have a exciting life, I just bring her into that. I don't call her and say, "What do you think we should do tonight? Do you want to go out sometime?" Because I got this exciting life, the call goes like this.."Hey Angela me and a group of friends are hitting up Club Next, why don't you and your girls roll out with us?" See the difference in the message? The first message implies I have no life and no direction, and I need to be led. Hell, there's nothing exciting there! The second says I have a life, direction, status, and she is blessed that I approached her to be apart of it! That's what they mean by, "Being the Prize." It means having the more exciting life of the two, so the other is glad to even be out with them! I'll let you respond before I make this too long.

 

[milrenkb]

Listen to these guys they got good advice.

I'd just like to point out that your hypnotizing yourself and letting the emotional part of your brain take over, and trust me you are letting the emotional part take over. In the end you'll have to realize she was bad news and your better off without her but you gotta realize that. I hate seeing guys in your position b/c it reminds me of myself a long time ago. In the end you'll be fine.

 

[milrenkb]

Now I want you guys to get this idea, that it's not about being a nice guy or a jerk, professionally, be a nice guy! Why be a jerk if you don't have to. Jerks don't get all the women, sexual guys get all the women. That sexual guy can be a bad boy, a jerk, a nice guy, a gay guy, a whatever type of guy.

Now, in my opinion, sexual jerks fvck more than the other sexual guys because the jerks are more sexually assertive. They usually worship the "3 second" rule and approach instantly who they want, so there is no way they are going to go without sex.

The problem with jerks, the woman gets tired of the azzhole and leaves him or only uses him for dyck, which you might say there's nothing wrong with that but still....let's not be a jerk. Its not good professionally, hell you never know who that girl might be you're approaching! Could be a great move for your career!

Instead, take the jerk's main trait which is his "sexual assertiveness" and apply it now to yourself. Don't lose your sexual state and sexual flow now, because without that it does not matter what type of guy you are, she won't feel the "chemistry" and classify you as a friend.

So matt, here is your way to get the ball rolling again. As far as taking charge, I don't mean that you turn to a dominant character and begin ordering folks around. What I mean is you have control over your own life. You know my definition of a man right? So let's say with me, I have recently done this I am discovering who I am, what I SHOULD be doing and going after in life, etc., etc. So my schedule is tailored to that! Remember this quote as well, " You won't know who your real friends are, until you know what your real path is." So now that I have found myself and going down my soul's path, I begin meeting my "real wingmen" friends and acquaintances, I have something going on all the time, matt....I have a life now.

When women come into my life, because I already have a exciting life, I just bring her into that. I don't call her and say, "What do you think we should do tonight? Do you want to go out sometime?" Because I got this exciting life, the call goes like this.."Hey Angela me and a group of friends are hitting up Club Next, why don't you and your girls roll out with us?" See the difference in the message? The first message implies I have no life and no direction, and I need to be led. Hell, there's nothing exciting there! The second says I have a life, direction, status, and she is blessed that I approached her to be apart of it! That's what they mean by, "Being the Prize." It means having the more exciting life of the two, so the other is glad to even be out with them! I'll let you respond before I make this too long.

Agreed. I'd like to summerize by saying that the best DJ's find the balance between the nice guy and jerk persona.

for example: you don't kiss her ass but your also there to comfort her when she needs you (try not to become a dumping ground). This applys when someone important to her dies or someone close to her has betrayed her. Little stuff like that takes you a long way.

 

[mattyvv]

wow.. speechless

This is by far the best advice I have honestly received about relationships in my life. I cant begin to tell you how much what you have said is clicking, just the other day I decided to just follow my instincts and find out who I really am. I believe that what you are saying is that dont put girls on a pedistle, do your own thing and they will fall into your lap if they see you are a confident guy who has direction. Thank you so much for this post, I was actually wondering if you have AOL? If you want to post it thats fine, but if not my AOL SN is vengmoney33, if you want to message me I would really appreciate it. Thanks again guys, these posts really helped.

Hey I am glad that you guys got some information from that replay, while I don't want to start an internet Pook or Anti-Dump "I am a guru" thing, I wanted to share my experiences from being in the field. MJ said he became great by all the missed shots he got, and let me tell you, I don't think anybody on here got rejected more times than I did!

Now I want you guys to get this idea, that it's not about being a nice guy or a jerk, professionally, be a nice guy! Why be a jerk if you don't have to. Jerks don't get all the women, sexual guys get all the women. That sexual guy can be a bad boy, a jerk, a nice guy, a gay guy, a whatever type of guy.

Now, in my opinion, sexual jerks fvck more than the other sexual guys because the jerks are more sexually assertive. They usually worship the "3 second" rule and approach instantly who they want, so there is no way they are going to go without sex.

The problem with jerks, the woman gets tired of the azzhole and leaves him or only uses him for dyck, which you might say there's nothing wrong with that but still....let's not be a jerk. Its not good professionally, hell you never know who that girl might be you're approaching! Could be a great move for your career!

Instead, take the jerk's main trait which is his "sexual assertiveness" and apply it now to yourself. Don't lose your sexual state and sexual flow now, because without that it does not matter what type of guy you are, she won't feel the "chemistry" and classify you as a friend.

So matt, here is your way to get the ball rolling again. As far as taking charge, I don't mean that you turn to a dominant character and begin ordering folks around. What I mean is you have control over your own life. You know my definition of a man right? So let's say with me, I have recently done this I am discovering who I am, what I SHOULD be doing and going after in life, etc., etc. So my schedule is tailored to that! Remember this quote as well, " You won't know who your real friends are, until you know what your real path is." So now that I have found myself and going down my soul's path, I begin meeting my "real wingmen" friends and acquaintances, I have something going on all the time, matt....I have a life now.

When women come into my life, because I already have a exciting life, I just bring her into that. I don't call her and say, "What do you think we should do tonight? Do you want to go out sometime?" Because I got this exciting life, the call goes like this.."Hey Angela me and a group of friends are hitting up Club Next, why don't you and your girls roll out with us?" See the difference in the message? The first message implies I have no life and no direction, and I need to be led. Hell, there's nothing exciting there! The second says I have a life, direction, status, and she is blessed that I approached her to be apart of it! That's what they mean by, "Being the Prize." It means having the more exciting life of the two, so the other is glad to even be out with them! I'll let you respond before I make this too long.

 

[resilient]

Unfortunately some of us have to go through a few bad ones like your ex that prey on using and victimizing WBAFCs. After all is said in done however you will be wiser and more shrewd when it comes to dealing with new women.

You will be able to follow your gut instinct with women and look at them with a new light. I can really relate to your story almost to a t, best of luck into becoming a man that looks after his own needs first.

If you ever need motivation and inspiration to moving forward read any Pook thread on this board. It will challenge your reality and perception of your direction in life. One of my favorites is "Broken up? No, you dodged the bullet!" and "Endure!"