Trying to destroy my terrible attitude in dating

[bigdave17]

Couple things here


1)How do I convince myself that women actually want to be approached? Whenever I see a hot girl at my gym, my brain goes into overdrive mode with thoughts like "she has no interest in talking to me, guaranteed 99% chance she has a boyfriend, she would be extremely irritated if I approached her, she will laugh at me and tell me to F*ck off if I approached her"


2)How do I convince myself that women have normal standards? Whenever I see a hot girl anywhere, my automatic thoughts are "she would never like me unless I turn myself into the most impossibly perfect man alive"

 

[logicallefty]

It sounds like maybe you could solve both issues for yourself by practicing approach of women who are below your standards and desire, just to get some additional confidence built. After a while it will get easier to talk to the women that you are interested in.

 

[bigdave17]

It sounds like maybe you could solve both issues for yourself by practicing approach of women who are below your standards and desire, just to get some additional confidence built. After a while it will get easier to talk to the women that you are interested in.

this doesn't work, I don't understand why everybody tells me this

I was seeing a beautiful 34 year old single mom last year. She was all alllllllllllll over me...complimented me constantly, told me how gorgeous I was and how amazing of a person I am

it didn't help me one bit to make me believe that a hot 25 year old girl with no kids wants to be approached

 

[ohrein]

Not all women do want to be approached, not all women have normal standards. Don't try to convince yourself of anything, stop caring.

I actually think the crux of your problem is outcome dependency but I don't think you realize it. You're fixated on getting a quality girlfriend (which is fine) but you're unhappy that you aren't getting it (outcome dependence is not fine). This extends to your inhibitions with approaching and standards. If you weren't concerned about achieving a result (girlfriend), if you were happy with your life and wanted a woman as an addition, rather than a core feature, I don't think you'd struggle with the mental hurdles. You care about rejection and the lack of quality with women because you desperately want one in your life.

You need to drop all your hopes and dreams for specific outcomes and focus on the individual moments and having fun. Just talk to women with the only goal being having fun. If you can internalize that mindset and drop the outcome dependence I think your problem should sort itself out.

 

[Fzatf]

You have to put yourself out there and actually talk to these women even if it means rejection. With enough practice you'll stop fearing it so much and will eventually start getting these girls to go out with you. Why not date what you can for now and replace these girls with the ones you want once you can get them?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Couple things here


1)How do I convince myself that women actually want to be approached? Whenever I see a hot girl at my gym, my brain goes into overdrive mode with thoughts like "she has no interest in talking to me, guaranteed 99% chance she has a boyfriend, she would be extremely irritated if I approached her, she will laugh at me and tell me to F*ck off if I approached her"


2)How do I convince myself that women have normal standards? Whenever I see a hot girl anywhere, my automatic thoughts are "she would never like me unless I turn myself into the most impossibly perfect man alive"

Not sure, pal. It's all in your head.

The key to being a DJ is to believe you are the gift to women, not vice versa. Life is about what you want. Women want to be approached and eventually conquered by a dominant man. That's just the way they are wired. Find out what psyches you up. It's better to be too confident than not confident enough.

Try to remember that women are people too. Most of them have more issues than you do. That's why they melt around men that lead and have their **** together.

 

[sph21]

Dave, rejection is not that bad once you get used to it. It is regret that you should not be feeling instead. It's better to try and see where it will lead you than doing nothing and regretting of not taking any risk.

Nobody is perfect. You aren't prefect. I'm not perfect. She's not perfect. Expecting perfection is fruitless. You won't be experiencing life.

A girl once laughed at my invitation to hang out together with her. Did it stopped me from trying to ask another girl out? Of course not. My self-worth is not being defined by someone else. It comes from within me.

We won't live forever. Why delaying the unavoidable (rejections/ taking any risk) by over analyzing everything? And one last thing, when you fail, stop punishing yourself. One bad experience does not mean a thing. It's only through failure, we learn how to succeed.

 

[Magotrox]

One bad experience does not mean a thing. It's only through failure, we learn how to succeed.

A bad experience, in fact, is a good experience, but only if you learn what it have to teach you.