Try and stop being passive

[mahon83050]

As we know, being passive is not a good thing and one should find a happy medium between passive and agressive...this is called being ASSERTIVE.

I have read numerous articles on this and they summed it up as this.....

PASSIVE people are PASSIVE because they think their opinion or self worth means less than others......

AGGRESSIVE people are AGGRESSIVE because they think their opinion or self worth is more important than others....

BUT

The ASSERTIVE person is ASSERTIVE because he does not think he is greater than anybody nor does he think he is less worthy than others. He values his opinions and respects himself, but also respects others and their opinions.

Being PASSIVE is probably the worst of the two (passive and aggressive) Sure, you will be well-liked but people will try and take advantage of you and you will not get what you want out of life (including women)

PASSIVE people are people pleasers and care TOO MUCH what others think. The passive guy won't ask out that attractive girl he likes because he is afraid other guys may get envious or they may not like him because they are envious he is with an attractive woman.

A PASSIVE guy won't stick up for himself when someone cuts him in line in fear how that person may react or in fear that person may not like him because they called him out on line cutting. Do you see where I am getting at?

PASSIVE people CARE TOO MUCH what other people think of them and want everyone to like them so they don't want to ruffle anyone else's feathers by speaking up for themselves or going after what they want.

If you are on the passive side, try harder by trying to become more assertive. It may be difficult and awkward at first, but you will gain more confidence the more you do it. If someone wrongs you, SPEAK UP ABOUT IT!!

I AM on the passive side and know it certainly has not helped me in life. However, I am gradually changing. Whenever I assert myself, I always feel better about myself!!

 

[Bvbidd]

Sometimes being passive is better than being assertive. The whole be an assertive jerk things will work a whole lot less then being passive. If you don't belive me try it out and see which works better.

Get a girl interested then start presuing her, if you don't stop being aggresive she'll get as far away from you as possible.

 

[mahon83050]

Sometimes being passive is better than being assertive. The whole be an assertive jerk things will work a whole lot less then being passive. If you don't belive me try it out and see which works better.

You are confusing assertive with being aggressive. Aggressive people are jerks, assertive people take charge and speak up when they have been wronged!

 

[TonyWongButOhSoRite]

Good post. I think a thing to remember for people aswell is that if you are worried about saying something that one of the ''Aggressive'' people won't like or take offense to then don't worry cause they won't do sh!t.

 

[CanuckinSK]

Sometimes being passive is better than being assertive. The whole be an assertive jerk things will work a whole lot less then being passive. If you don't belive me try it out and see which works better.

Get a girl interested then start presuing her, if you don't stop being aggresive she'll get as far away from you as possible.

I've seen some guys who are definately aggressive and women swoon over them. They have their own brand of cVcky charisma, and some chicks love the power these guys exert over the normal passive guys.

 

[Jukeboxhero]

What if you're assertively Passive-Aggressive? Is that like the best of all 3 worlds?

That sounds like an interesting idea to try out.

Good post though, I think I fall into the category of being a little too passive and concerned about what other people think of me. Also, I tend to care more about how other people feel, but that might be a disadvantage as well

 

[BluEyes]

What about being passive and generally just not giving a flying fvck?

passive:

1. not reacting visibly to something that might be expected to produce manifestations of an emotion or feeling.
2. not participating readily or actively; inactive: a passive member of a committee.
3. not involving visible reaction or active participation: to play a passive role.
4.

I know I'm passive. I am aggressive when chumps think they can use my non-aggression to disrespect me though.

I don't like arguing, I don't like fighting, I don't like drama, I don't like b1tching, I generally avoid conflict... But I'll be the first person to commit murder if somebody crosses the line with me... What would you call that? Not passive surely...

---------

On a more serious note, HOW would one become less passive?

If you're going to say "by not having sex" then I'm in a hole....

 

[DJsomeday]

being assertive is best period.

how to become less pasive? just speak your mind if something/one bothers you say it BUT without disrespecting the other person, sure sometimes it can get kinda ugly but it's DAMN WORTH IT. Trust me, i'm a passive in rehab .

 

[Incog]

As we know, being passive is not a good thing

Tell that to followers of Taoism (Daoism) :crazy:

 

[hayabusa]

The thing is that when you are passive,you get more and more passive until you can't control it anymore and explode.
What you need to do is,look people from the outside...dont get inside their head is useless,just do your thing.Say this to your self:
-I dont need anybody's approval
-I dont fear anybody's dissapproval
-My actions change the world around me
-I have an internal locus of control
-I dont need others to give me identity
This worked for me I swear.Take it for someone who was very passive and nice guy.If you say these things to yourself you wont have fear of what other people will think about you and you wont fear anyone,you ll always say what you think

 

[ligyron]

I noticed some people tend to be passive because they claim that they have nothing to say. Sure, they appear to be actively engaged in the conversation, but have trouble contributing anything and even suggest that they enjoy hearing others talk instead

What advice would you give to those people, in relation to your passive-assertive-aggressive model?

One theory I have is that, possibly on a subconscious level, they perceive their value to be less than that of the person(s) they're talking to, which tightens their internal filter so much that they can't think of anything worth contributing to the conversation. That could explain why the same person can then later go and have a conversation with someone who they perceive as lower value than themselves, and communicate much easier and almost never run out of things to say. You could even say they become assertive and aggressive

 

[Jon55]

being assertive is best period.

how to become less pasive? just speak your mind if something/one bothers you say it BUT without disrespecting the other person, sure sometimes it can get kinda ugly but it's DAMN WORTH IT. Trust me, i'm a passive in rehab .

I will try this. I used to be a passive guy all the time (still am kinda) but now I'm slowly finding I don't really want to be passive as much at all.

It sucks though because I still can't tell how far to take my assertiveness.

 

[Jon55]

I wish there was more written on this subject because honestly, just by trying this over the past few days I've noticed a difference in the way people treat me. There's a level of respect there now.

 

[mahon83050]

I wish there was more written on this subject because honestly, just by trying this over the past few days I've noticed a difference in the way people treat me. There's a level of respect there now.

Another thing along with this subject is stop caring so much what others think.

If you go after what you want in life (money, good jobs, cute women) some men might resent you for that. My problem is I want everyone to like me and I don't like people envying me. Of course, with this way of thinking, I am just setting myself up for failure. With this mindframe I mind as well just date fat and ugly chicks so other guys won't hate me for it. Totally illogical and stupid way of thinking...

 

[500_W00P]

I always say to myself when I see a girl and get the post holla gitters(everyone gets them don't lie) if i don't someone else will.. usually works for me

 

[Bonez]

Tell that to followers of Taoism (Daoism) :crazy:

I don't get your joke.

 

[Jon55]

Another thing along with this subject is stop caring so much what others think.

If you go after what you want in life (money, good jobs, cute women) some men might resent you for that. My problem is I want everyone to like me and I don't like people envying me. Of course, with this way of thinking, I am just setting myself up for failure. With this mindframe I mind as well just date fat and ugly chicks so other guys won't hate me for it. Totally illogical and stupid way of thinking...

Good point. There's no reason to feel bad for yourself if your doing good (and hopefully not hurting anyone unnecessarily in the process).

 

[Answers]

I'm very passive and always have been. I'm changing that now.

My brother (1 year younger) is aggressive and always have been. I never got into arguments with people he always did. I avoided agruments while he went looking for them.

Guess what happened. He had/has loads of friends I've only a few. He gets far more respect than me and people always want to be hanging out with him. He has more enemies too but he couldn't give a fuvk!

So being passive is a turn off for everybody!

 

[Holland]

Very nice post. Short and spot-on. That's how I like them.
Most AFC's have this trait as they start out, I know I had. But as you grow and mature, you start asserting yourself and get the results you deserve.