Try again or next?

[Lars147]

Alright so a few weeks ago I met a from my school by coincidence when I was at the bookstore. We chatted just a little at first but when it turned out we took the same bus to our homes we spent about an hour together. Throughout this time I developed an attraction to her so I decided to go for it.
Because she takes a special course program in my school I don't see her at all unless its a once in a blue moon coincidence in the hallway, so I took the online approach on faceboook. Now, I asked her out through there and she agreed to go out with me, but she also tells me she's been dating someone else recently. I had no clue what her intentions were when she said this, maybe she has put me in the friend zone already or just wants me to know that I'm not the only fish in the pond? Anyways, we went for a movie and dinner and we had a lot of fun. When she left she texted me back saying that she had a great time and she also apologized for being a bit quiet 'cause she wasnt' feeling well after drinking a little too much the previous day with her friends.
After all this I decided I still wanted to pursue her so in the middle of the following week (about 4 days after the date) I texted her. Now I don't know what was with me, I felt a bit ****y so I just asked if she was free instead of stating that we should do (X) at place (X) and time (X). Her reply was that she was busy doing some big school projects. My mistake obviously, but if she was really interested wouldn't she have made time anyway?
What do you guys think? Is she worth chasing seeing that I almost never get to see her in school and she is dating someone else? Should I count her 'busy' as a first strike or should I just next her immediately? What are your opinions on this?

 

[Amo]

First bro, welcome to the DJ forums. This place isn't as great as the old days, I hear, but there are still some great posters around. I hope you've read the DJ bible.

Now, on to the actual post.

Alright so a few weeks ago I met a from my school by coincidence when I was at the bookstore. We chatted just a little at first but when it turned out we took the same bus to our homes we spent about an hour together. Throughout this time I developed an attraction to her so I decided to go for it.

Well, it's great that you went for it.

Because she takes a special course program in my school I don't see her at all unless its a once in a blue moon coincidence in the hallway, so I took the online approach on faceboook.

Uh oh. This is where I can see it going downhill. First, why are you pursuing her if you don't even see her often enough to ask her out? Second, building a relationship through facebook is a big no-no. :nono: In person or nothing. I've made this mistake so many times. It's just not the same, and you're a different person online.

Now, I asked her out through there and she agreed to go out with me, but she also tells me she's been dating someone else recently. I had no clue what her intentions were when she said this, maybe she has put me in the friend zone already or just wants me to know that I'm not the only fish in the pond?

How did you ask her out? This is... weird beavior. I think you need to elaborate on this a bit more, regarding what exactly she said. :nervous:

Anyways, we went for a movie and dinner and we had a lot of fun. When she left she texted me back saying that she had a great time and she also apologized for being a bit quiet 'cause she wasnt' feeling well after drinking a little too much the previous day with her friends.

Er, no comment here really.

After all this I decided I still wanted to pursue her so in the middle of the following week (about 4 days after the date) I texted her. Now I don't know what was with me, I felt a bit ****y so I just asked if she was free instead of stating that we should do (X) at place (X) and time (X). Her reply was that she was busy doing some big school projects. My mistake obviously, but if she was really interested wouldn't she have made time anyway?

She could actually be busy - this is often the case with school. I'm up to my neck in coursework.

And not necessarily. Girls are finicky creatures. And I don't think being ****y would've led you to ask if she was free. Normally, I think it'd lead you the other way - to assuming she's free to hang out with you.

What do you guys think? Is she worth chasing seeing that I almost never get to see her in school and she is dating someone else? Should I count her 'busy' as a first strike or should I just next her immediately? What are your opinions on this?[/

****, who cares who she's dating. If it's just dating, then you still have a chance. But if you don't even see that girl that often, ask yourself whether it's really worth it. And keep your prospects open. As Pook says, always have a backup. Go date some other girls. :nod:

Hope it helps. Peace.

 

[Lars147]

Hey thanks for all the help!
Firstly to answer amohield, yeah I'm currently reading the DJ Bible, very enlightening stuff . I've realised the problem with online communication in the past as well but I decided to go with it just for the sake of trying, as it was my only route to her. And I asked her out online and her exact words were:
"I'd love to go see the movie with you, but I've been going out with someone else though not long enough to call him my boyfriend, just saying"
But yeah, now I got her phone number so calling is definitely a better option then online. I have been asking myself that question (whether if it's really worth my time when I don't see her often) and have yet to come to a conclusion. I'm planning that if she is 'busy' next time I ask her as well, then I'll just forget it.
Now for DJ_Hero, in terms of physical contact I'd say the date didn't go too well on that side,the most physical we got was a fond pat on the shoulder after a good laugh. But I'd say the reason for this is because we were still pretty much strangers to each other, seeing that I've only met her once coincidentally before the date and have never made any proper contact with her prior ('cause I didn't know she existed beforehand) so I felt that touching her a lot would make me seem desperate and creepy as we were basically learning about each other for the first time. But we talked a lot and learnt a lot more about each other from that date, so if there is a second date that's when I'll be pushing the physical.
Once more, grateful for the quick replies, now I need to get back to reading that Bible! More questions/opinions are welcome and if anything drastic happens I'll be sure to inform you all!

 

[Amo]

What DJ_Hero said. Read some of the Kino articles in the bible. The idea is that you (non-sexually) touch her from the start. But you can't be nervous about it - that will show. Humans crave physical contact, it's one of the most natural things in the world. Take advantage of this. When you're leading her through a door, put your hand on the small of her back. When you're talking, briefly touch her on the back of the arm. But neither of you should notice - your eyes should never follow your hands when you do this!

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Never too early to get physical mate! You can go from strangers to having an incredible connection in minutes. Always get physical within the first 1 minute.

I dont see anything BAD about this. It's all good man. Continue to pursue, and step up on the dates. DO escalate. DO touch. All those good things. But seriously, just chill the **** out

Kissing on the end of the date never worked for me (I had quite a lot of those), I always pussed out. It just fits much better if you do it when you feel like it. It defuses all the tension. It's just so much more relaxing when you've had the first kiss, it's all downhill from there (in terms of effort).

 

[Analyzeit]

Hey man,
Dont next the girl, just dont get your hopes up either. and follow the other guys advice.

And she probably was busy and djs, especially us highschoolers we live in a new era... txting, facebook, ect.. arent always the worst idea face to face is better but as you say you dont often just see her. This approach may go across the bible but hey things change man and high school girls there different, i've had times where girls have nexted me because i didnt txt in 24 hours lol. So thats just something to think about

gl bro

 

[Lars147]

Things didn't turn out well.
I eventually found out who this other guy was, through a friend, and it turns out he gets a lot more face to face contact with her then I do, he being in all the same classes as her. I admit, I lost confidence after I found that out and just couldn't find the drive within me to continue with her. So, I gave up, I know it was probably the wrong thing to do, but I felt like I didn't stand a chance. Yeah, it's a shame considering how well things began, but this other guy got so much more real time with her I felt like I was screaming across an ocean. What made me throw down my guns was that I found out who this guy was, so I recognized that all those rare times that I'd seen her in school, he was at her side. It may be a horrible decision, I know, but I didn't want to spend the last few months of grade 11 standing at a maybe-maybe not. I moved on, nexted. The good news though is that I have few other girls to fall back on, so that is what I'll be doing.
Also, I'm thinking about starting the DJ bootcamp, I'm the kind of guy that can be either very confident or very shy depending on my mood and energy level (not necessarily who I'm around, I've been silent in family reunions and the cool talker amongst strangers) so what I really want to find out is how to control and tame my confidence. If I do start the bootcamp I'll be posting my journal and results in a different thread. Thanks for all the advice guys, really appreciated it.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Situational confidence (and value), do some research on it

 

[user43770]

You gave up already? It seems to me like you were playing all your cards right. You did good displaying confidence early on. These other posters were right about the kino, but that's something you can work on. Keep in mind that you're at an age where girls are extremely fickle (well, they always are, but more so when they're young). For all you know, this guy in her class is a complete pushover. She may have been hoping that you would step up and sweep her off her feet.

You're on a good path right now. Stick with it. Keep on being confident and outgoing. Flirt with girls: tease them, use kino and be confident about it. Don't stick to just one, though, flirt with a lot of women. Consider it practice, and practice makes perfect. Not to mention you're going to have chicks falling for you along the way. Enjoy it.

Good luck out there.