Trusting with her guy friends

[becker]

This is basically a no-win situation. If you say anything or show that it's getting to you, you're a jealous insecure fool.

On the other hand, we all know that even if a girl is with a guy she adores, the chances that she'll turn down a bigger stud than you, although it's perhaps likely, is not a sure thing. Nothing is. You can't rest assured of anything in this whole situation. If you're not around and the girl caves in to another guy's advances, there's nothing in the world you can do about it.

It won't be until she and you are married that you'll be somewhat secure. Before that, I'll tell you right now that not all these guys are friendzoned. Some girls will keep a guy around that they're attracted to, call them a "friend", and if anything happens between you and her, you can bet your a$$ that he'll be right in there the next time you see her. This happened with one of my ex-GFs. I dumped her since I just thought we weren't good for each other. She had this one guy that she always called a "friend", and told me nothing was going on. Then, next time I see her, he's her new BF.

 

[Rondavu]

She had this one guy that she always called a "friend", and told me nothing was going on. Then, next time I see her, he's her new BF.

I knew it...I just ƒucking knew it. Bit¢hes.

 

[becker]

Yeah, luckily I was not that interested in this girl after a while, because we were really not that good for each other in the first place. She was very happy with me, but I wasn't that happy with her. Anyways, just using this as an example that I hope guys here can learn from. It's not all what it seems when it comes to the real world.

I know all this friendzone stuff is great on paper, but don't dismiss the possibility that a girl can have a guy friend that she'll jump right into a relationship with once you guys are through. I don't even see why it's not possible, because it seems totally plausible to me. Sometimes we have to make sure not to get too caught up in theory and overlook reality.

 

[Jon E]

OK how about this.

You tell her that she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants to do it and with whoever she wants to do it with and you wont care. In fact, you even encourage her to go out with other guys because you think that if she finds a better guy than you, then she should go after him. (Remember, just displaying this much confidence is only going to make you that much more attractive.)

But for this to work you have to be 110% secure with yourself. The whole idea that this bothers you even .000001% means that your insecure and worried that you might lose her. If you were a real DJ, then you would know that she would never leave you in the first place, so she could hang out with a hundred different guys and it wouldnt matter because you know she's not going to leave you anyway.

 

[jamesw82]

I'v never seen so much rubbish put on a thread...

i had this early on with my gf because were apart alot, but its simple, don't be a moron and be adult and frank with her. Ask her to explain her friendships and how she met the guys... it worked for me and were solid as a rock.!!

HB9.5 BTW

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Be good to yourself and go with what's good for you

There are lots of chicks like this. Some really are cheating on you behind your back and some are not. The point is you never really know which ones are and which ones aren't short of massive snooping missions.

You can lay down the law and sometimes this works, so you should at least try if you like the girl enough. But sometimes that doesn't work either and can even backfire, putting her over the edge into actually cheating on you.

The main point is that not all girls are like this. I'd rather spend my valuable time and effort on girls that aren't flirting with every guy in the bar and girls that don't have 40 guyfriends and no girlfriends.

Its just a matter of selecting the girls that are good for you and moving on when it is clear they are not.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Jon E
OK how about this.

You tell her that she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants to do it and with whoever she wants to do it with and you wont care. In fact, you even encourage her to go out with other guys because you think that if she finds a better guy than you, then she should go after him. (Remember, just displaying this much confidence is only going to make you that much more attractive.)

But for this to work you have to be 110% secure with yourself. The whole idea that this bothers you even .000001% means that your insecure and worried that you might lose her. If you were a real DJ, then you would know that she would never leave you in the first place, so she could hang out with a hundred different guys and it wouldnt matter because you know she's not going to leave you anyway.

Again, good in theory, but how successful is this in the field? That's the key.

The problem with this idea is that you're assuming you can easily control your feelings for a girl that you might in your heart be totally in love with. If this is the case, no amount of bullsh*tting is going to cover that up. In fact, it will likely come off even worse. The only way to display that much confidence is if you actually don't care, and most guys here will care. That's the problem.

I'd say JustDoItAlways has a good idea, and that is, make sure you make the right choice from the start and don't choose these sketchy women in the first place.

 

[jbbrain]

I posted about this a little while back..I think it will help you...


I'm young, but I was having problems with jealousy mostly with my crazy ex gf and a little with my current gf, when I knew deep down there was no realisatic foundation to back any of my fantasies up.

I talked to my bro about it. Hes older, and has a shyt load of experience with girls. He told me the key to handling jealousy is a little word called perspective.

The trouble with trying to convince yourself that you're the "shyt" and that shed be crazy to leave you or cheat on you is that when it happens, that very fantasy about yourself that you used as your sole defense crumbles.

"Man, I'm the shyt, but she cheated in me with an obese gorilla!"

That won't help you. Rather, what helps is using your rationality as a man. You're obviously with this girl because deep down you trust her, other wise you wouldnt be with her, right? (I hope so)

Having a good healthy perspective of the world lets real world reality set in. It begs the question "I'm with her and I trust her, but WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN IF SHE WERE TO CHEAT ON ME?"

Are you going to marry this chick? Probably not. Chances are you like her, you might even like her a lot (or even love her), but what would your life be like if all of a sudden if she wasn't around. Would you be fine?

I know I would be. Thats how I'm getting over the jealousy thing. I let my girls do their own thing (as long as its not disrespectful to me) because at the end of the day I know I'm going to be fine with myself, all by myself, if they do decide to stray. I have my own shyt going on for me in this world. i learned that you can never really control anybody else's beahviour. Like many ppl have mentioned before, she will cheat on you at some point if that is her desire. The KEY is how you respond to this reality.

Perspective gives you the ultimate confidence. "Realize" that you don't "need" any chick (because in all reality noone really does, it's just that thousands of guys on this site are unaware of this at the moment) and jealousy won't faze you a bit.

This does not mean that you should be oblivious to your girl's actions. Be aware, but don't let all the small stuff get to you.


Why?

Because you're a man with perspective.

 

[1-2-3]

Thanks....more info

Thanks for the replys. Its like she doesn't even really seem to think its a big deal about other guys and makes light of it when mentioning it. I'll say things and tell her what I think and usually it seems like things are ok.

Its just that I want to know how she knows these guys or what her relationship is/was with them. I know this one guy she used to know who is out of state came and saw her. I was there though. To me it seemed like he'd want to be with her but she was with me the whole night...they hugged goodbye and all but that was it.
It just bothered me because I found some note she had from him saying how it was wrong how he treated her or something and that he was sorry for ruining what they had. Whatever that was I dont know. How should I have approaced this? How can I in the future?

Its just finding these things out that can be hard and sometimes I don't know the right way to find out.

 

[NewMan]

Mt perspective is a little different.

This chick is probably young.

I've nothing against my GF having guy friends - but, if she only has guy friends - or is just hanging out with guys - then thats a red flag.

In my opinion she's either

1) not getting what she wants from me

2) and attention wh#re

3) Immature

4) into someone else.

Either case, there's no point being with her.

Now, for you younger guys, you really shouldn't be in a LTR with one of these girls.

Date her and have fun by all means - but you had better make sure you've got a bunch of girls in the sidelines warming up ready to go.

The only time you commit into an LTR - is when the woman you are with gives as much to you as you do to her.

In general, it seems that women think it's fine to hang out with guy's that want to bang them (when they are in a relationship). Why? beacuase they say they are in control. I'm not down with that. In fact I think it's disrespectfull. How would she feel if I were hanging out with women I wanted to bang? paying for their lunch/dinners and drinks? I can guarantee women would have a problem with that.

Anytime a woman hangs out with guys a lot, thats a red flag - and she should be steared clear of.

There's nothing wrong with having guy friends - but when girls hang out with them all the time - thats a red flag.

My 0.2 cents