Trust your gut without solid proof?

[Barrister]

I don't know man, her hamster went out of control last night, began calling me and actively suggested we meet up.

Also she wanted my bank details so she can send me some money towards the holiday we got planned in May.

If the girl has lost Interest, then why is she panicking and calling me, setting up dates and trying to give me her money for a holiday.

I mean if she is wanting to bail from the relationship, then she would be doing her best to avoid the holiday together and putting her money towards it.

Also I have noticed something... Everytime in the past when she has failed to text me, or has pulled away for a little, it's always been when she has been feeling depressed.

She does have depression from what she has told me, and apparently she does the same with her work colleagues. She doesn't talk to them or comes across as being moody or unapproachable.

Maybe it's not a loss of interest, but her emotions/depression causing this.

Even though it usually is loss of interest that causes a girl to slow down the texting etc, but her language and her actively trying to meet up this weekend suggests otherwise.

She also keeps mentioning that she misses me and needs cuddles.

I told her last night, don't worry about feeling down in the dumps, I will fuk you better at the weekend haha

You have been here for some time and already know the answer to this. You wanting to make excuses for her behavior is perplexing when you have seen endless posters (including OP) come through here over the years in the same spot you are at right now.

She has lost interest - she just isn't sure she is ready to completely lose her security blanket (you), so here she comes screaming back into the picture. This will all be temporary. In the meantime, she is still looking to monkeybranch to the first thing she sets her sights on that she likes. She just hasn't found it yet. Do yourself a favor and go No Contact now. Or - keep feeding yourself off her breadcrumbing comments of "missing you" and "needing cuddles."

 

[corsica]

If she respects you she's not going to give you reasons to suspect.

Your "gut" feelings come from some evidence. You might never get proof since it would require them to admit. And that my friend, is something rare.


I broke up with a girl once due to suspicion. I couldn't take her to my apartment so I rented an airbnb room in a big penthouse that had only girls. I visited the apartment with her and saw around 8 girls living there. A day later she tells me she's going out with them during the day. I can't remember the circumstances but I lost contact with her for a day (or night) and I decided to cut contact completely. She tried to call me dozen times later and I didn't answer. After 30 tries, I decided to answer to ask her to not call me. She was crying a lot and saying she didn't do anything and bla bla bla.

I told her:
- It doesn't matter what you did or did not do. I'm not going to stay in a relationship with a girl that gives me reason to suspect she's fooling around. You're single now. Use that as a learning lesson for your future boyfriend.

Maybe she didn't do anything wrong but I'm not going to open a precedent. No man should.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

She is doing it because you provide something the other guy doesn’t. She wants what both of you provide and is panicking.

The pretty standard setup that women do is they have 2 guys:

#1 is handsome to her, intelligent, caring, sweet responsible, has his **** together and is a decent lay.

#2 fills the bad boy vibe, takes her to hopping clubs, he does coke with her, focks her in public stairwells and just takes what he wants and leaves.

She binges on both of you, since she cannot get exactly what she wants in one guy, she assembles it from two.

I don't know man, her hamster went out of control last night, began calling me and actively suggested we meet up.

Also she wanted my bank details so she can send me some money towards the holiday we got planned in May.

If the girl has lost Interest, then why is she panicking and calling me, setting up dates and trying to give me her money for a holiday.

I mean if she is wanting to bail from the relationship, then she would be doing her best to avoid the holiday together and putting her money towards it.

Also I have noticed something... Everytime in the past when she has failed to text me, or has pulled away for a little, it's always been when she has been feeling depressed.

She does have depression from what she has told me, and apparently she does the same with her work colleagues. She doesn't talk to them or comes across as being moody or unapproachable.

Maybe it's not a loss of interest, but her emotions/depression causing this.

Even though it usually is loss of interest that causes a girl to slow down the texting etc, but her language and her actively trying to meet up this weekend suggests otherwise.

She also keeps mentioning that she misses me and needs cuddles.

I told her last night, don't worry about feeling down in the dumps, I will fuk you better at the weekend haha

 

[corsica]

She is doing it because you provide something the other guy doesn’t. She wants what both of you provide and is panicking.

The pretty standard setup that women do is they have 2 guys:

#1 is handsome to her, intelligent, caring, sweet responsible, has his **** together and is a decent lay.

#2 fills the bad boy vibe, takes her to hopping clubs, he does coke with her, focks her in public stairwells and just takes what he wants and leaves.

She binges on both of you, since she cannot get exactly what she wants in one guy, she assembles it from two.

She marries the accountant (for stability) but now and then gets plowed by the rockstar (for an "adventure").

We need that retarded to add that stupid phrase "It's over for xxxxxx-cels".

 

[NSX-R]

I go with my gut. I say she is full of shyt.
There is another dude always and especially if she is nonchalant about whether you stay together or not. Like 0 dread.
Something tells me you guys had some other issues.
Something very important. Never argue with women. Dont fight with them. It is a waste of time.

Women cheat. You will never find out the real story in its entirety so why bother?
Develope your frame were your not losing your shyt in these situations. Do nothing. The truth will eventually come out.

Did a few times times went against my gut and i was terribly wrong .I remember each moment after realising how stupid i was to not believe my gut feeling.

To be honest she tried a lot into this relationship. She did many things for me and we even moved together for a bit more than a year . I was the one always making things harder for her . Not jealousy. I just wanted things my way .I was always very careful of what i was saying and made sure that she was also very careful of what she was saying cause i was always using it against her , even months after . Everytime i saw some signs of disrespect, i would just disappear for a day or two . She would always look for me , call my friends asking where i am and when eventually did reach me, she would beg me to forgive her and make things right again . I could tell that was very hard on her and it was always very hard on her emotionally. I could really tell she really loved me and was really sad .
Once we broke up for like few weeks and she was screaming from crying like she just lost a family member. I returned back because i was not emotionally prepared to let her go .

Last time when we really broke up , i tried to prepare myself before breaking up from her . I was distanced , i was sleeping on the couch and also my work schedule was full. We had no sex for like few weeks. I remember 2 days after what i though was the night that she cheated , we had breakfast and said to me” i can’t take the way you treat me and you should pick up your stuff and go” . The i said i have some things to do right now , I’ll be back in like 1 hour to pick up my stuff and you should also be around if there is anything that i forget . Then she says i didn’t say that you have to really leave but to think till today night how this relationship is gonna proceed. I said i don’t have time for this kind of bs , you just said i have to pick up my stuff and go , so i did that . Anyway, she was very cold like nothing happened, which is very weird considering how explosive her temperament is and how emotional damaged seemed to be all the other times .
Also another thing worth mentioning, was that one of our last heavy discussions, she said that her friends don’t approve of me and that why is she even in a relationship with me . I thought of it as a massive insult and called her out for it . Her friends which i also know , when they are around me , it feels like i was never in a relationship with her .
All that feels weird . I do already have some feeling that she already has somebody else .
Anyway i just wanted if i ever got a chance to comment on it and degrade her somehow as some revenge for some comments that i heard from her .

 

[eli77]

glad to have you back live and learn.

 

[DeCarlo]

The more experience you get the more powerful your gut. So especially listen to it if you have some.