Trouble with being myself..

[ABC123]

I have trouble being myself. In conversation I'm always thinking about what a guy that get's a lot of ***** would say/reply. James Bond and his calm coolness is always in my mind. I naturally smile a lot but in public I suppress that because I don't want to be perceived as a weirdo or an idiot who always smiles. A lot of the times I reply with short answers because I don't want to say something stupid or can't think of anything "cool" to say or come off as offensive.

And with women... I don't even know what to say or how to approach. I sometimes find women looking at me but I just don't approach bc I just don't know what to say... Even with my female co workers I give short replies bc I'm always trying to find something "cool" to say but I can't so I just keep it short. It's almost as if I am embarrassed to be myself lol..

 

[Black Widow Void]

We all grew up with the advice of "just be yourself." Trust me. Everyone here (actually, everyone for that matter) has thought along the same lines as you (self included).

Here's the secret:
You can actually be yourself, but in order for this to work, you must believe in yourself. This means that you can't be 'hostage' to what others think of you. Sometimes you'll get let down and sometimes you'll think that this is easier said than done, but it really works.

To give an example; my father was VP of sales for an oil company. He had the most hideous pinstriped suit. It was outdated wasn't fashionable. My father told me that he didn't care what others thought because the suit made him "feel like a million bucks." Know what? As stupid as he looked, he always had sales numbers like no others in that 60+ year old company. He lived by his own rules and the way he carried himself won people over.

Unlike my father, I was not a born 'natural.' I tried on different hats and finally got so frustrated that I thought to myself "f*ck this!" Amazingly, when I put self-approval over the approval of others, this is when things came into place.

I hope that this advice helps. Good luck.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I have trouble being myself. In conversation I'm always thinking about what a guy that get's a lot of ***** would say/reply. James Bond and his calm coolness is always in my mind. I naturally smile a lot but in public I suppress that because I don't want to be perceived as a weirdo or an idiot who always smiles. A lot of the times I reply with short answers because I don't want to say something stupid or can't think of anything "cool" to say or come off as offensive.

And with women... I don't even know what to say or how to approach. I sometimes find women looking at me but I just don't approach bc I just don't know what to say... Even with my female co workers I give short replies bc I'm always trying to find something "cool" to say but I can't so I just keep it short. It's almost as if I am embarrassed to be myself lol..

Always smiling vs the negative and consistent Russian upside down smile mug face.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

We all grew up with the advice of "just be yourself." Trust me. Everyone here (actually, everyone for that matter) has thought along the same lines as you (self included).

Here's the secret:
You can actually be yourself, but in order for this to work, you must believe in yourself. This means that you can't be 'hostage' to what others think of you. Sometimes you'll get let down and sometimes you'll think that this is easier said than done, but it really works.

To give an example; my father was VP of sales for an oil company. He had the most hideous pinstriped suit. It was outdated wasn't fashionable. My father told me that he didn't care what others thought because the suit made him "feel like a million bucks." Know what? As stupid as he looked, he always had sales numbers like no others in that 60+ year old company. He lived by his own rules and the way he carried himself won people over.

Unlike my father, I was not a born 'natural.' I tried on different hats and finally got so frustrated that I thought to myself "f*ck this!" Amazingly, when I put self-approval over the approval of others, this is when things came into place.

I hope that this advice helps. Good luck.

You said fvck this shot and life started falling into place.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Don't worry about saying cool things, worry about doing cool things, she has to look at you like your cool

 

[Bingo-Player]

Think you are just overthinking it

Practice is key here no guy starts off smooth with women , it's a thankless task that takes a lot of balls and perseverance

I've lost count of the amount of times I've made a fool of myself in front of women trying to be cool and smooth and often completely blown the attraction in the process

At the start i would try way too hard to mirror the types of male characters in rom com's that women supposedly love

That funny , charming guy that would chase you to the ends of the earth ….. yea that didn't work well

Now i am just direct and obvious with my intentions i don't see much point in being any other way in todays world

Some girls with big ego's who believe they need to be "chased" really don't like it and neither do the hopeless romantics (cringe)

but i really don't care your never going to keep everyone happy and if you do you get labelled a "nice guy" anyway

 

[Fruitbat]

Smiling is generally a bad thing.

chimps smile to alpha leaders, it’s a mask of submission.

some PUA stuff tells you to smile a lot but it’s how it’s used. Smiling at a challenge or under pressure is good. At a social function perhaps.

don’t be too smiley with other males. Tough alphas don’t smile much at other guys.

does the MD walk in beaming friendliness to their minions, no.

 

[SW15]

We all grew up with the advice of "just be yourself." Trust me. Everyone here (actually, everyone for that matter) has thought along the same lines as you (self included).

Here's the secret:
You can actually be yourself, but in order for this to work, you must believe in yourself. This means that you can't be 'hostage' to what others think of you. Sometimes you'll get let down and sometimes you'll think that this is easier said than done, but it really works.

Just Be Yourself is often well intentioned but bad advice. I like the idea of framing things to believe in yourself and to believe in your own value.

 

[Velasco]

I naturally smile a lot but in public I suppress that because I don't want to be perceived as a weirdo or an idiot who always smiles

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I don't want to say something come off as offensive

Can't link it here but read Hector Castillo's 24 ways to be a loveable dck on GirlsChase or Heartiste's stuff on jerkboys.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Think you are just overthinking it

Practice is key here no guy starts off smooth with women , it's a thankless task that takes a lot of balls and perseverance

I've lost count of the amount of times I've made a fool of myself in front of women trying to be cool and smooth and often completely blown the attraction in the process

At the start i would try way too hard to mirror the types of male characters in rom com's that women supposedly love

That funny , charming guy that would chase you to the ends of the earth ….. yea that didn't work well

Now i am just direct and obvious with my intentions i don't see much point in being any other way in todays world

Some girls with big ego's who believe they need to be "chased" really don't like it and neither do the hopeless romantics (cringe)

but i really don't care your never going to keep everyone happy and if you do you get labelled a "nice guy" anyway

Ain't nothing wrong with being a "nice" guy if you are doing alot of fvcking and only being "nice" to receptive and nice ladies.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Ain't nothing wrong with being a "nice" guy if you are doing alot of fvcking and only being "nice" to receptive and nice ladies.

Nice guys around here ain't doing a lot of fvcking i can promise you that much

infact in the UK thanks to reality shows "nice guy" has almost become the ultimate insult lol

 

[ABC123]

Smiling is generally a bad thing.

chimps smile to alpha leaders, it’s a mask of submission.

some PUA stuff tells you to smile a lot but it’s how it’s used. Smiling at a challenge or under pressure is good. At a social function perhaps.

don’t be too smiley with other males. Tough alphas don’t smile much at other guys.

does the MD walk in beaming friendliness to their minions, no.

You say to not smile with other males. Does this apply with women as well?

 

[Fruitbat]

You say to not smile with other males. Does this apply with women as well?

it’s about context. You might smile with your friends. You don’t enter business meetings or competitive environments smiling.

likewise with women, walking around with a goofy grin in a club or restaurant isn’t great, but you can certainly smile at a woman to get attention.

I don’t know your job or culture but in mine, you don’t want to be over friendly with people you are in competition with or need to
Negotiate with.

 

[IKO69]

Your problem is you try too hard.

Not every guy can pull that kind of stuff off. If you aren't that type in the first place, it will fall flat if you try.

It's lame as **** to say this but just be yourself. Obviously have filter on - if you are prone to saying dumb ****, don't, but when you are being yourself that is when you are most at ease and "natural".