Tricky situation

[silverwex]

Note: Please dont flame me for using SMS as my main type of communication with this girl as over here we dont ring girls for the first few weeks - we text. Also, I posted a slightly similar, yet much shorter q in regard to this prob too...

So I was out in the club last week with my boys and I meet one of my (girl)friends there who I talk to. She then introduces me to this HB7 asking me do I remember who she is. The girls look at me with the 'Go on you know her' look on their faces when I simply say 'Er, no who are you?!' She introduces herself as a sister of a girl I was with before (not WITH with just kissing etc...). She also has a bf two hours away from where we live for the past 2 years.

So anyway after a while the girls ask tell me theyre going to a different pub and i say Ill go with them. So anyway we're on the street and the HB7 goes 'Oh no, i forgot to go to the bank machine' so i tell her ill go back with her. Sop the two of us go to the bank and we're talking away (light hearted chat). We go to the pub anyway and we go outside to smoke etc... (as theres a smoking ban in all pubs here now ). We spend the night sitting together and flirting, me getting major kino in, her the same. She jokes to me that she wants to 'try on my jeans' outside and i go, yeah no probs!

So she doesnt wanna leave with the girls, she wants to leave with just me so we go and end up kissing and fooling around. She admits that when she met me first, about a year and a half ago, that she really fancied me and still does and that shed like to get together. Im like 'Yeah maybe, if youre lucky' etc... So i get her number and walk her to the taxi rank after we've been talking for about an hour and a half. She even says she loves me (!?) in a joking way - half serious half joke.

So anyway i tell her to text me at 11 next morning - I get up at 11 and yes she had text me saying - Hey silver, i told ya id text ya when im sober , hopefully now you know how much i like you and i hope you like me too! So she keeps these type of texts coming and its all good.

We keep in touch during the week. Then on friday she has to go down to her bf (she told me shed break up with him but might leave it for a while as his grandmother is really sick in hospital and asks me what i think i simply say - hey its your life, you do what you like etc... - THANK YOU SOSAUVE! )

Anyway i didnt hear form her til i text her sunday afternoon and shes says 'No (i didnt really have a good weekend) coz *BFs NAME* grandmother died and hes real upset. U go out last night?' I reply saying 'Aw sorry to hear that. yeah i went out had a laugh, shuda seen the drunk head on me! ' keeping it all light hearted. PS - we were meant to meet that day but i didnt bring it up coz i sensed she would say no and that she was prob in a bad mood (bf upset and all).

Anyway she didnt reply to my next text so i stopped then.

I havent heard from her since. Ill tell the truth i do like her and wouldnt mind seeing her again, but dont wanna pressurise her into breaking up with her bf even tho she said she would(who knows with girls tho...). Im sensing that when she was down with him she got emotionally attached to him coz he needed her so much maybe...?)

Whats my next move guys? Cheers!

 

[MindOverMatter]

That story just broke my bullsh!t detector.

There is no sick/dead grandma. She is not gonna break up with her boyfriend, she's just testing the waters seeing if there is anything else out there. That whole grandma story is just there so you don't get pissed off at her for playing you. Girls sugarcoat sh!t all the time and try to get sympathy out of you. Don't fall for that sh!t in the future.

My advice, tell this that it's a waste of her time to contact you until she loses the boyfriend, because you're no one's backup, and no one's man on the side. You got your own life to live, and if she isn't ready to be in it, that's her loss.

 

[silverwex]

Honestly man i think she is telling the truth about the grandma.

Dont think shed be that sick...

Lets just presume it is true.

tell this that it's a waste of her time to contact you until she loses the boyfriend, because you're no one's backup, and no one's man on the side.

But if i go and say that wouldnt it look a bit AFC? Ya know, i dont know her that well...

 

[MindOverMatter]

No, an AFC sticks around and waits for this girl to throw him a bone after her boyfriend finishes eating all the meat off it. A real man has dignity to walk away and never settle for less.

This girl likes you, but she doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend. That's why she's telling you the grandma story. It's not sick what she's doing, girls do this sh!t all the time. By making you sympathize with her, she's getting you to stick around and wait on her. What you don't realize, is that the longer you wait, the less respect she will have for you, and the smaller your chance of hooking up with her will be. AFCs wait on the girl, a real man finds a replacement.

 

[silverwex]

Thanks.

So what youre saying is to come straight out and tell her that or wait for her to get in tocun with me first. yea?

What you said is good but wouldnt this be better (keeping that great word 'NICE JERK' in mind!):

Hey listen, just to let ya know im not gonna wait for ya forever, so if ya wanna hook up do something about it, if not ill say goodbye to ya.

?

Just remembered, she also asked me NOT to get with anyone else while shes away doing a course for the next 3 weeks to which i replied - i dunno, maybe i will maybe i wont. Silly move?

 

[Unforsaken]

LOL...I think you blown it no matter what you say. Your last post made me sure she was playing you. First thing you should do is read "The DJ bible" and then after that go find other women. Forget her already. If she msg you back, ignore her. She out of your life, now. I dunno about you, but I would be pissed if a chick used me like that. If she msg back saying anything "I refuse to be second to anybody, bye". It cold, but she will get the msg (remember she using you. She doesn't care about you. She want you as a back up plan). Your being a wuss.

If another chick every says this:
Just remembered, she also asked me NOT to get with anyone else while shes away doing a course for the next 3 weeks to which i replied - "I am single and will do what I wish..what are you my mom?..."

 

[silverwex]

yeah you're right forsaken. god i sounded like such an afc in that post! i know the dj bible and principles but just gotta start applying them properly!



thanks all.

 

[Lost In Translation]

" I am single and will do what I wish..what are you my mom?..."

good comeback.

i will try and remember that one.

so much information to absorb on this site.......




Lost In Translation

 

[JJMcLure]

You say text is the norm. Have you ever thought that by ditching the lame text messages and actually TALKING to a chick on the phone, you might set yourself apart from every other AFC out there?

Text messages/AIM/e-mail are WEAK forms of communication PERIOD. They're impersonal - just letters on a screen, when you actually need to be building a personal connection/rapport.

Plus there are clues in a person's voice as to how they are feeling and how truthful they are being. Some info you could clearly benefit from in this situation.

It takes more confidence to call someone up, you know it and I know it. Show her you have that confidence.

This chick met her BF again and it reminded her what she liked about him, and he plowed her into the bed every day she was down there.

You can bet she wasn't thinking about you during this time. But it seems you were thinking about her.

Then she told you not to get with any other chicks, while she continues to get fvcked hard by her BF when she visits him.

 

[silverwex]

Hey JJ, thanks for the reply.

Im not gonna go into SMS and that whole debate, i would ring a girl but theyd see it as being unusual if i did that - just the way it is.

Yeah youre right. Suppose ill just let it go.

Thanks

PS - Is there such a thing as being TOO DJ? In fingers 10 commandments post he says that being too dj is just as bad as being too afc.

makes ya think...

 

[silverwex]

" I am single and will do what I wish..what are you my mom?..."

I used something like this before - made it up on the spot.

This girl who i used to go out with (short term) start nagging at me about what i should do with my life etc etc aftre not seeing her for 3 years - I just look at her and say:

Hey i have a mom already, and i dont need another one!

 

[Unforsaken]

Originally posted by silverwex
Hey JJ, thanks for the reply.

Im not gonna go into SMS and that whole debate, i would ring a girl but theyd see it as being unusual if i did that - just the way it is.

Yeah youre right. Suppose ill just let it go.

Thanks

PS - Is there such a thing as being TOO DJ? In fingers 10 commandments post he says that being too dj is just as bad as being too afc.

makes ya think...

Yeah, there a thing as being too DJ. It when you are ****y, but not funny. You come off arrogant. This all depends on the women. Reason why it important to take notice of how she is when first meeting her. Read the body language and how playful she is with you.

 

[Unforsaken]

Originally posted by silverwex
I used something like this before - made it up on the spot.

This girl who i used to go out with (short term) start nagging at me about what i should do with my life etc etc aftre not seeing her for 3 years - I just look at her and say:

Hey i have a mom already, and i dont need another one!

wow, you got a better one then me. Congrats, I hope you don't mind if I borrow it.

 

[silverwex]

No probs man, use away!

 

[Dukester]

sounds like a lame azz excuse. maybe she wants you to feel sorry 4 her somehow. i think it's just a test. i'd try texting her once more, and see what happens. just say something like: "hey havent texted u in awhile, hope you're ok! text me bak"

this will let her know you are still interested, and havent forgotten a/b her. if that b/f and grandma thing is true, then let it blow over. if not, then this b!tch is giving u a really tough test

 

[silverwex]

Hey duke!

Thanks for that.

Its exactly what im gonna do, gonna text her tomorrow (leave it for one more day! ) and see what the story is, if its not to my liking - bye bye HB7!

Im honestly gonna tell her to erase my number from her phone if she gives me any hassle!

 

[Dukester]

no problem bud. always here to help a fellow dj. lemme know how things go tomorrow! pm me, cuz i usually dont re-check the threads

good luck, and glad i've been a help

 

[silverwex]

UPDATE

so i text her saying - hey hows it going etc...

She replied sayn 'yea its good, weather blah blah, bfs stl real upset...'

replied saying

'ok, wel have a gd time, dnt b a stranger(if ur interested that is)'

a few hours later she says

'dont be a stranger? what do u mean? i AM interested but i cant do anything to bf coz u no...'

I reply:

'im interested too *AFC maybe but i dnt care* - im no1s man on the side, so when ur single, we'll talk! u wont b sorry... gotta go, night!'

good move guys?

 

[silverwex]

UPDATE 2

Shes says:

u do no i like u im really sorry but when *bf* isnt so upset il b able 2... night night baby

I honestly think shes a good person and doesnt wanna upset the bf anymore than he already is.

Wouldnt u be the same if ur gf was in bits?

i know i would.

 

[Unforsaken]

Re: UPDATE

Originally posted by silverwex
so i text her saying - hey hows it going etc...

She replied sayn 'yea its good, weather blah blah, bfs stl real upset...'

replied saying

'ok, wel have a gd time, dnt b a stranger(if ur interested that is)'

a few hours later she says

'dont be a stranger? what do u mean? i AM interested but i cant do anything to bf coz u no...'

I reply:

'im interested too *AFC maybe but i dnt care* - im no1s man on the side, so when ur single, we'll talk! u wont b sorry... gotta go, night!'

good move guys?

"I use to be interested too, but I'm no1s man on the side, so when ur single, (Message me or Holla at your boy??)...Later, 1, or bye!"

You still sound wuss, but it a upgrade from what you use to be. Keep working on it. You will get there.