Transition from Dating into a Relationship

[sandman6991]

Hey guys,

I've been on two dates with this girl (one per week, with the last being last Tuesday) and things are going really well. I kissed her after the second date, and we've already got the third date set up for this Tuesday. I like her a lot, and it seems like she likes me a lot too by what she says in our conversations (mentioning future dates, future things to do, etc.).

I'm kinda at a crossroads here, though...we're both freshmen in college, and on Dec. 10th, the semester will be over and we won't get to see each other until mid-January. My friends are all telling me that I should make the relationship official when I see her Tuesday, but, I've also heard that guys should "always let the woman bring that up first."

Truth be told, I want to be in a relationship with this girl, and I don't want to sit around and wait for her to bring it up (I do think she would say yes). However, I don't want to ruin anything, or kill the attraction by doing so if it is a stupid idea.

Thanks for listening, and I'd really appreciate any insight you have.

 

[Danton1975]

Sandman,

I am voting for categorically NOT bringing up the relationship with her. It has backfired in the past on a lot of cases of my friends relationships. There is something about a man too eager to enter the relationship that I think deep down "repells" a woman. She may think..."wow, that was a bit too easy. Maybe I am too good for him cause as a man he shouldn't want to commit so easily." You say you like her a lot and she likes you...fine...be nice and attentive to her, but man, by all means maintain the challenge. Go ahead and plan future dates with her...but in my opinion 3 dates is too soon to want to be in a relationship. I personally think it lowers your status as a male...I mean we are supposed to be spreading our seed biologically and move on, we do not have the same urge as a woman does to build a nest.

Personal story before I was dating her...my current GF had gone on a few dates with a nice gentleman and liked him. He however, being too eager to enter into a relationship proposed they become boyfriend and girlfriend and all of a sudden she lost most of her attraction for him.

Don't be like him. You are the prize. She will treasure you more and reward you with her affection many times over. The tested and proven advice in the beggining of a dating experience is to always take it slow...When in doubt: Take it slow. This of course, is not critical in the later phases of the relationship. To commit to a woman is one of our God given freedoms. Don't give it away so easily.

 

[Relations]

It should be a natural transition. Don't mention it to her; if she really wants it, she'll make it happen. Good luck man.

 

[Weezy]

NEVER bring it up.. They will, trust me.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Danton, that was a hell of a post for someone with only 16 of 'em under their belt. +1 rep.

 

[sandman6991]

She wouldn't lose interest and move on because I never brought the possibility of a relationship up, would she?

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Sandman,

No. It will make her want you more. I can nearly guarantee this. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking this a little more slowly. I say this not out of keyboard jockey, knee-jerk tendency, but from real actual life experience. It's just one of those things man, that can kill attraction.

Some guys learn the easy way (listen to sound advice and apply it instantly), some learn the hard way (disregard the advice and struggle on their own), and some never learn (disregard the advice and its value). I know it can be very very hard to take advice like this on face value from a complete stranger, but for your sake, I do hope that you learn this one quickly, as many men before you have gotten badly burned by getting too eager (cough... the old me... cough...).

Of course, the chance always remains that she would say yes and everything would be fine temporarily, but it will negatively impact her respect for you and she will ultimately view you as far less of a challenge. I have recently learned the hard way that if you are not providing a near constant challenge for an attractive woman, she will likely lose interest or get distracted fast.

Good luck!

 

[sandman6991]

I appreciate all of the responses, they've been really helpful!

I guess I've known all along that the right thing is to do in this situation is to not touch the issue of exclusivity, but that's not exactly what I wanted to hear.

It's better to suck it up and be patient than rush in and blow this, though. I have to get over this insecurity that's making me want to tie things up ASAP. A good relationship is what I've been trying to get for such a long time, and I guess now that it's a possibility I just want to hurry up and seal the deal...which I can't be doing.

 

[Lexington]

The other posters are right. However, you can start to act more "boyfriendly." When you do see her, you can be more affectionate. You can put your arm around her, pull her in close and hold her hand etc. However, DO NOT start calling her all the time.

 

[dontknowbouthat]

Keep treating her the way you did when you were initially trying to win her heart. This means obeying the rules of not texting/calling constantly, initiating kino at the proper times, being the overall gentleman that got her attracted to you in the first place.

Too often do guys fall into the trap of thinking that they can act differently now that they're dating the girl. You can't forget your game! It's your friend and will always apply, regardless of what stage of the relationship you are in.

If you're married, of course, it's a different story.

 

[nismo-4]

The other posters are right. However, you can start to act more "boyfriendly." When you do see her, you can be more affectionate. You can put your arm around her, pull her in close and hold her hand etc. However, DO NOT start calling her all the time.

Definitely! Never badger her on the phone, as that's an AFC move. +1 rep.

 

[sandman6991]

The good news is that I never call her (I just don't like the phone)...and I don't text her out of the blue for the heck of it. Usually when I text her, it's to set up our next date. She will text me first on occasion just to talk, and I'm relieved that she does this.

However, while we're on the subject...she's the worst damn texter ever! She takes forever to respond sometimes, and usually stops texting after a short while. I've never seen anything like it. At first, it made me worry that she wasn't very interested...but she's showing all the right signs in person and still texting me first from time to time. Her lack of affection for texting probably doesn't mean anything, but it sure is annoying to deal with.

 

[seano99]

The good news is that I never call her (I just don't like the phone)...and I don't text her out of the blue for the heck of it. Usually when I text her, it's to set up our next date. She will text me first on occasion just to talk, and I'm relieved that she does this.

However, while we're on the subject...she's the worst damn texter ever! She takes forever to respond sometimes, and usually stops texting after a short while. I've never seen anything like it. At first, it made me worry that she wasn't very interested...but she's showing all the right signs in person and still texting me first from time to time. Her lack of affection for texting probably doesn't mean anything, but it sure is annoying to deal with.

wow man this situation is exactly like mine! my 2 cents is that the advice in this thread is correct, dont bring it up.

my girl is a terrible texter too, and that is annoying to deal with. i dont like to text her apart from to set up times to catch up, because if they are cold or she doesn't reply to a text it has been known to eat me up.

good luck i reckon it will go well for you sandman.