Totally F'd it up

[jefe96]

I'm new here so excuse any stupidity.

I met this chick on match, everything was going good. We were having good conversation and things were clicking. After about a week and a half of phone talk we met up for some drinks and ended up staying out half the night. Got a kiss and everything was going according to plan. Set up another date the following week for dinner and drinks. Had a great dinner and then went to a spot for some drinks afterwards and the convo started to turn towards past relationship and sex history. Nothing too deep but setting the foundation. Well, we leave and the place isn't too far from her house so she jokingly says that she wants to walk home. Me being the stupid idiot that I am says no I'm driving. I missed the clear opportunity to literally get my foot in the door!!! Well, anyways I drop her off and we kiss some and it seems everything is good.

I call her the next day and we chat and then I ask her if she wants to go to a baseball game the following night. She agrees. So we go and have a great time and then afterwards stop off at a bar. I drop her off at home and it just seems like things are a little different. I don't know why, but just don't have the same feeling. I don't know if it's something I did or not.

So, to cut to the chase. The next day I txt her to see how she's doing...she is working. Then I think I jumped the gun and email her to kind of test the waters to see if I screwed things up on the 2nd date and if she was disappointed that I didn't 'go home' with her. I know this was stupid and I put myself immediately in the needy and clingy column. So, she replies back that she had a great time and isn't looking to 'jump right into anything'. A day or two goes by and I call her, she talks to me for like 10 minutes and kind of brushes me aside for some tv show. So, I call her the next day and leave a message and get no response. So, I wait 3 days and email again and beat around the bush to see if she is still talking to me. Well, low and behold she responds that she is definitely talking to me still and that she has been 'exhausted' but will talk to me soon. Wait 2 days and call and leave a message and no response to this day. That was 4 days ago.

I know this girl is playing me and I should just give up on her and focus on some other chicks but there was something about this one. I think I'm also pissed that I let a chance to get laid slip right through my fingers. But, she hasn't come out and said that she is not interested??? She responds to my emails and shows interest but she won't talk to me on the phone...what is with that?? Is she still interested? What should I do?

 

[drZaius09]

Here is my advice to you:

Go out and build a model sailboat. Go fishing. Enter a hot dog eating competition. Go out and FIND SOMETHING TO DO other than harassing this girl!

You never need to ask a girl if you "screwed up." If the thought enters your head to ask, then there's your answer-- you screwed up. You never need to ask a girl is she still wants to talk to you. If the thought enters your head to ask, then there's your answer-- she doesn't want to talk to you. At this point she is finished with you but is taking the polite and non-confrontational approach, which is typical dismissive female behavior. She doesn't want you anymore and I don't think anybody here could possibly blame her. And it's not because you didn't walk her back to her house. It's because you opened your mouth waaaay more often than you should have.

 

[DrDope]

I think you got yourself into trouble when you started overanalyzing the night you left the bar.

You thought things were different: Maybe they were. Maybe her pet was sick. Maybe her car needs expensive repairs. mayb she was constipated. Who knows? Don't worry about little stuff like that. You can't control it.

Look what happens when you try to control it! You squeeze the bar of soap too tightly and it goes flying out of your hand.

Leave the overanalysis for the chicks. It's a waste of effort. You'll get an idea in your head and you won't be able to get it out.

Think things have changed? Here's how you find out. Simply call for another date. If she agrees and goes, most likely she is still interested. If she starts flaking, she's not. No sense beating yourself up about it.

Take DrZaius's advice and do something interesting with your lif

 

[insomniac]

Too much too soon. It sounds like it started out good, but you were forcing things to happen instead of letting it develop on its own. I've done the same thing in the past...had girls interested but eventually scared them off by e-mailing/calling them everyday and pursuing too aggresively.

She's not going to tell you she isn't interested. She doesn't want to hurt you or for her to be uncomfortable telling you. She'll wait until you give up.
You called last...it's her move. Contacting her more will only make it worse. If you cease talking to her completely, she'll either feel relieved, or perhaps her interest will rise as she wonders "why doesn't he call me anymore?" That's the only chance you have...stop talking to her.

Like DrZaius said...get busy. Don't have the time to even think about calling or texting her everday. Have other women to see....especially if you're on match. If you meet one that there is "something about", and you feel it's "different" with her...even then, keep meeting other women. If you feel guilty about it, just remember she's probably doing the same thing to you.

You could have done everything right but there was just something else going on. Maybe she was seeing some other guy at the same time. No point in trying to figure it out. And don't worry, someone better always comes along.

 

[jefe96]

Thanks for the advice. All good points and well taken. A kick in the head is exactly what I needed.

 

[flexion_]

Well I guess I can say that I remember being that way with women some years ago - luckily you have come to the right place.

First, read the DJ bible.

You just smothered her to death. Stop calling / e-mailing / texting her and delete all her contact information - she doesn't like you. No worries - you have a little self-improvement work to do ... nothing that can't be fixed.