Topic: Composure

[cola]

Sup' Broski's..
Today I want to talk a little bit about composure.
Ok, so let me first start by saying that its my opinion that doing well with women is not easy for guys with type A personalities...

A type A personality consists of people who do the following: Worry, Overplan, Nitpick, Easily offended, Have to do everything perfect. Your boss at work who's always b#itching is an example of a Type A. However, type As usually do excel at their careers

Type Bs: Calm, Cool, Collected, Appears lazy to some but really just does things at own pace, Never worries, Confident

Im willing to wager anyone you know who is a natural with women is probably a type B.
Type As usually put too much pressure on situations. Everything has to have a why. They overanalyze by nature. Heres an example of how a type A and a type B would handle the same situation.

"Jon has been texting with a girl and went on a few dates. He really likes her and thinks he may have found a good catch. They've been dating about 3 weeks and she texts him every day on her lunch break, they had a date last night and he hasn't heard from since he dropped her off"

Type A Jon: OMG, i must've turned her off. Was it something I said? I shouldn't have made that comment about Hillary Clinton.. I've got too text her and make things right..
"Text Message from Jon:" Hey, I wanted to make sure we're still good? I haven't heard from you today"

Type B Jon: Hm, HB didn't text me today.
Must be busy at work. Oh well, she'll hit me eventually.
"Incoming text from Hb": Hey Type B Jon, I had a busy day at work can you come over tonight?


Type A Jon just ruined all attraction from HB. His overthinking made him look needy and weak
Type B Jon relaxed, showed poise and probably is going to get laid tonight because he didn't over think.

Girls will throw you curve balls like this. They'll text you nonstop for a week and then skip a day or two just to see your reaction.
This is why its important to stay composed at all times. With women, work and all your other goals

Just something I was thinking about at 4 a.m.
Peace

 

[bigneil]

But (after high school) you can't be a natural with women if you don't have a good career.

 

[Konada]

Adopt a ping-pong approach to texting. Hit the ball into her court and WAIT for a reply. The interested ones always come back.

 

[Genos]

Fantastic post cola, great insight. I've known myself to be what you call a 'Type A' for a while now, and my journey to improve with women has often had fighting against some of these worrying tendencies at its focus. I can get anxious about things, try to get everything right the first time, etc. From my reading on this forum and other places, I know how a man should be conducting himself in certain situations and thus make 'the correct move' when I recognize those situations - but I haven't truly attained that calm, composed attitude, it's not really me.

Do y'all have any advice on how I can 'switch', or develop myself to move away from the first group's tendencies? Over the past year and a half, I've made a lot of progress, but I still don't feel like I'm at where I need to be. I will note that, to a certain degree, these traits have been very helpful for me in my improvement (analyzing things, breaking them down to understand), but sometimes they can be unhealthy. The real question is, how can I best reel them in a bit?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Great thread. I'd be willing to bet that most (not all, but probably most) of us here are "Type A's". A little more intelligent than average, over-thinkers, analyzing the meaning behind things. What I like about this site is that it's a good tool to moderate this tendency.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Being cool an unaffected is not only useful for dealing with women, but for all of life. I used to be a complete worry wart but now I've learned to recognize that things are what they are. I do what I can to change things, and if they're unchangeable, beyond my control, I let them go. Captain Obvious here, I know, but a good reminder nonetheless.

 

[guru1000]

Fluidity, my friends, fluidity. Most grab onto their identity as if it were the very air to breathe. Only few understand that their their identities were never theirs to begin with; identities are simply instruments indoctrinated and shaped by social constructs, environment, upbringing, and education. Instead be a strong chess player: Relinquish the identity and adapt to the situation apropos.

Type A, above, works effectively in business.
Type B in interpersonal relations.

Do both. Be fluid.

 

[marmel75]

However in many instances type A is also a dominant, confident and assertive person as well...but not always. So I think it's hard to generalize since you also run into Type A's that are more passive-aggressive.

So the outwardly dominant, confident and assertive Type A's are going to likely do much better in social situations than their passive-aggressive counterparts.

I'm a type A personality that has actively learned how to transition from the more passive-aggressive type to the more outwardly dominant type and truthfully the majority of it was simply focusing on my communication skills. Basically instead of shutting down and keeping what I felt inside I started actively verbalizing it. It's almost like a light bulb went on one day and I just flipped a switch...but again it was something I was actively aware of and worked hard to improve...at first it was hard but became easier and easier as time went by.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Yeah I'm most definitely type B. I've a 6-7 week plate that doesn't text me during her lunch breaks and I'm thankful for it.

 

[Vivacity]

A type A personality consists of people who do the following: Worry, Overplan, Nitpick, Easily offended, Have to do everything perfect. Your boss at work who's always b#itching is an example of a Type A. However, type As usually do excel at their careers

Type Bs: Calm, Cool, Collected, Appears lazy to some but really just does things at own pace, Never worries, Confident

In short, what OP was trying to say was

Type A = Alphas (A for Alpha). Won't settle for nothing less than quality. Wants to be treated like a king.

Type B = Betas (B for Beta). Won't mind picking up crap. Won't mind treated like a beggar.

 

[Vivacity]

A type A personality consists of people who do the following: Worry, Overplan, Nitpick, Easily offended, Have to do everything perfect. Your boss at work who's always b#itching is an example of a Type A. However, type As usually do excel at their careers

Type Bs: Calm, Cool, Collected, Appears lazy to some but really just does things at own pace, Never worries, Confident

I have at least 2 neighbors who are married and whose wives flirt with other men or do things to get attention of other men, right in the presence of their husbands (i.e., my neighbors). They may be doing it for fun or trying to see if they still have it in them (i.e., trying to get other men's attention) or they may laugh it off saying that casual flirting is not harmful.

As an observer/bystander, my heart breaks, I cringe hard, and I feel for the 2 men. The reality is those men did not set the standard for their women at the beginning itself.

What I stated in my post is a fact. Please stop giving such lectures about composure as you did in your OP.

 

[cola]

@Vivacity

What does setting the standard in the beginning have to do with composure?

If they both caught their wives flirting blatantly with other men

Confident Type B guy will start to quietly pack without making a scene, ignore her bitching, quietly leave, ignore her calls
and quietly send her ass divorce papers and show her no emotion.

Type A guy will cry, scream, throw things keep trying to figure out why because he doesn't understand ,and he's Type A so things have to make sense
And leave eventually. Probably will call to keep asking his wife why she is the way she is ... because he just has to know why

Who's wife is most likely to plead for forgiveness?

 

[Vivacity]

If they both caught their wives flirting blatantly with other men

Confident Type B guy will set the quietly pack without making a scene, ignore her *****ing, quietly leave, ignore her calls
and quietly send her ass divorce papers and show her no emotion.

Type A guy will cry, scream, throw things keep trying to figure out why because he doesn't understand ,and he's Type A so things have to make sense
And leave eventually. Probably will call to keep asking his wife why she is the way she is ... because he just has to know why

In reality, there won't be a Type B situation in such a case, if you are aware of the divorce law. It's all Type A.

By serving divorce papers, those 2 married men will end up giving up half of their hard earned wealth and paying alimony and child support out of their pay checks, and at the same time witnessing their women fukcing other dudes and their children calling those dudes their daddies. So, in your example, Type B's composure exists in your dream. Wake up.

 

[cola]

Ok, so you find out your wife can't be trusted.. you file for divorce. You gotta give her half of the savings account, pay Alimony for 6 months to a year and if you had kids child support
But I knew this could happen before i got married so what can I do?
Nothing. Move on and learn the lesson.



I'm type B .
@Vivacity you are clearly type B.

 

[Vivacity]

We say women don't know what they want. I say some men don't know what expectations to set.

All I am trying to say is......when men have no expectations/standards to set, women have nothing to follow/comply with.

Any such expectations/standards must be set at the beginning of a relationship. I set my expectations/standards even before I start dating a girl. I have a low tolerance for B.S.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

In short, what OP was trying to say was

Type A = Alphas (A for Alpha). Won't settle for nothing less than quality. Wants to be treated like a king.

Type B = Betas (B for Beta). Won't mind picking up crap. Won't mind treated like a beggar.

Someone needs to work on their reading comprehension, this isn't even close to what OP was saying.

 

[MrWood]

But (after high school) you can't be a natural with women if you don't have a good career.

bullsh1t

 

[bigneil]

A natural with no career is called a Rake.

 

[RangerMIke]

@cola is correct. The principle difference between a type A and type B personality is that a Type A thinks that his action will shape what is going on, where a type B is more willing to let the environment shape the situation.

If you take nothing away from this thread then take this.... There is NOTHING you can actually do that will make a woman like you. There is no action you can take, no line you can deliver, nothing. All you can do is ask her out so that she knows you are interested in her, and act like a man. If she likes you then she will make it easy, and you will not have to guess what's going on.

So if you are a type A personality that thinks your actions can make anything happen with any woman, then you are settling yourself up for failure.

 

[Genos]

@cola is correct. The principle difference between a type A and type B personality is that a Type A thinks that his action will shape what is going on, where a type B is more willing to let the environment shape the situation.

If you take nothing away from this thread then take this.... There is NOTHING you can actually do that will make a woman like you. There is no action you can take, no line you can deliver, nothing. All you can do is ask her out so that she knows you are interested in her, and act like a man. If she likes you then she will make it easy, and you will not have to guess what's going on.

So if you are a type A personality that thinks your actions can make anything happen with any woman, then you are settling yourself up for failure.

It's important to clarify what you're saying RangerMike. Should a guy not work out, avoid developing himself and his passions, and let his social skills remain poor because "nothing you can actually do will make a woman like you"? Clearly, there's a lot any man can do to raise his value, social standing, and overall skills in general with women. And becoming more attractive in the general sense will help to a degree with basically every woman in the specific.

I know that you're speaking with regards to attempting to sway a particular girl's interest with your own actions (this is indeed a sketchy and losing proposition), but for other readers, it's important to qualify that making yourself more attractive in general will certainly help - your own actions and efforts with respect to self-improvement will have a significant, measurable impact on your overall success. Rather than making a woman like you, developing oneself makes it more likely that she will like you, if that makes sense.