Tooo much time... I'm a cancer !

[Cod3r]

Hey fellas, this is my first 'new thread' so here it goes...

My current gf has become REALLY attached, i'm attached too but I'm the type of person that needs my 'alone time', i'm a cancer It's hard for her to understand my need for quiet 'me-time' without her feeling like she's not good enough or that I'm losing interest or she's doing something wrong...

Just a for instance, I work 5 days a week and after work go straight to class until about 10 30 pm. So my days are 8 - 10 30pm M-F. In the beginning we were just hanging out every weekend, with some time inbetween when we REALLY needed to see each other, but last week I had a break from class and well I had been looking forward to... ME TIME... but she planned alot of things like going to beach, travelling, fireworks for 4th of july, meeting her family for a barbque ect... I even canceled my 4th of July plans for her...

Ok, now the problem is that it hit me while we were in the club and I was just so aggravated for some reason and couldn't figure out why ?? I coudln't have fun at all, just plain annoyed, didn't know why. Then the next day I saw my gf and I just got more annoyed and I realized I had seen her litteraly for like 9 days in a row without a break.... I can't do that with ANYONE. I can't do that with parents, friends, ect... I need time to think about how much I like her, and to miss her, and to look at our pictures, just to think and miss her...

It got to the point where I canceled our 4th of July plans because of my general annoyance and my body saying, "LETS BE ALONE" and she got all dressed up in a kimono (really really special nite) and I felt bad cancelling but damnn I have to have my alone time, and I need it now...

We sat down and talked about it and she said she understands that I need my alone time more than most people, i'm extremely indepeendent btw. And she was more than happy to oblige, but the problem comes in when she says,

"If you need your alone time and I ask you to do something, just say no, I won't care, I undestand your needs"

^ ^ But my mind and heart want to be with her, but my friggin personality type and being a cancer and just craving alone, relax time want to be alone. So I end up agreeing to do stuff when I know damn well I should be relaxing by myself and it recently has led to us arguing a little... How to solve ?? Tks


-Cod3r

 

[Vulpine]

I'm a cancer myself, but I don't think astrology has too much to do with it. I think all guys (and gals) need a certain amount of "down time".

I've been at point you describe plenty of times. I feel "overexposed", "washed out", or even "numb". I almost feel like my identity is being compromised: like I'm not being myself anymore by being with someone so much that I am becoming "more like them than me".

Other times, I feel just "too busy" or "falling behind". Like I just want an evening home alone to putter around the house and do, well, nothing.

However you describe it, I know what you mean. You're freaking out. I don't have much to tell you other than don't make it a huge deal, just discreetly reserve some "you" time. What I've started doing is telling others that I have other plans made. Those plans were to sit around and pluck my nose hairs, get some shaving done, do some laundry, cook up that steak that's been in the fridge for too long now... but they don't need to know that. Let them wonder what you are up to.

 

[NewMan]

You need to plan ahead - and make sure you don't agree to see her to often.

It's a question of planning and knowing that your going to want to be alone (even if you don't think so now). You need to understand yourself and plan your down time.

If you let her know up front when your available (by scheduling your time) - she will get some heads up, you'll not flake on her and all will be happy.

 

[Vulpine]

By the way... the moon phase is getting full and bright. So, cancer boy, you are going to be on a rampage and freaking out in general. I don't know how to describe the "unsettled moody" feeling I get when the moon is full. I feel "out of my shell". Which is good socially, but it stresses you out to a certain extent. Good thing it cycles.

 

[Cod3r]

^ ^ Interesting you mention that. I'm not a huge astrology freak or anything but alot of it seems toooo coincidental to my feelings. I have been 'over-exerted' socially as of late and I'm starting to want my 'shell' again...

Tks for the advice, alot of it makes sense and I'll implement it..


-COd3r

 

[speed dawg]

I don't believe in the astrology crap, I believe in ONE thing to guide me through life, and that's the Bible (my Christian faith).

That being said, I just had the same problem. It got to the point where we were arguing A LOT. I would get so damm aggravated, esp. when I got drunk. Finally it culminated and I almost freaking hit her, and I said some stuff that really REALLY hurt her feelings. We almost broke up over it, but we kept plugging, and now for about a month it feels like we just started dating, and it's GREAT.

Don't do it my way, though. I almost lost a girl I really care about, and her parents got really pissed at me. You gotta break the monotony. You can't sweat the little things. The reality is that to have a relationship, you have to lose your selfishness and start compromising, on BOTH sides. Your personality, much like mine did, HAS TO CHANGE.

 

[Cod3r]

^ ^ I can see myself doing that, but not with this girl... she's WAY too nice and caring for me to ever flip out horribly, but I just been very very annoyed. It's not that there is monoutiny or anything, we do different sh*t all the time and have so much fun, its pretty amazing... BUT

I'm just not one for much social activity, I need my personal space. It's just apart of my personality mannn. How far are you supposed to compromise ?? Like the other guy said, it almost feels like i'm becoming her and not being my natural self ya know ?? My natural self likes to sit at home and juss sleep or play online chess and listen to music alot of the time, not be out partying, taking salsa lessons, at the beach, at the movies, traveling ect....

I do compromise alot haha, the last 9 days I've been out of my shell like a motherF*cker, but now its her turn to compromise, I need like a week or so without contact from ANYONE, just to recluse and recooperate... It's a REALLY strong part of my personality that I get from my father, if I don't get 'me-time' I'm not a very pleasent person to be around... that's the truth


-COd3r

 

[speed dawg]

I'm just not one for much social activity, I need my personal space. It's just apart of my personality mannn. How far are you supposed to compromise ?? Like the other guy said, it almost feels like i'm becoming her and not being my natural self ya know ?? My natural self likes to sit at home and juss sleep or play online chess and listen to music alot of the time, not be out partying, taking salsa lessons, at the beach, at the movies, traveling ect....

We should hang out, but we'd prob'ly annoy each other...

I do compromise alot haha, the last 9 days I've been out of my shell like a motherF*cker, but now its her turn to compromise

LOL me too, my gf's dad just got married, and I had to put up with the damm family for a week. Sh1t, I'm playing golf today BY MYSELF.

 

[Cod3r]

^ ^ U lucky bastard !!

I've got to put up with the gf's giggly ass friends tonite at a big dinner for her b-day, and then gotta pay for them to get drunnnk @ some club... feel free to stop by NY and pick me up pleaseeeeee... seriously come pick me up !


-Cod3r

 

[Cash]

I'm the same, and coincidently a cancer, but isn't one of the main fundamentals of game on any level, the ability to stay in control? This is like getting stuck in a failed marriage, only to lose your car, house and half your net worth when sh1t finally goes down.

In short, you need to be cold blooded and start calling the shots in your own life. If it aint love, i really shouldn't have to tell you this. If it is, start preparing your prenup.

Cash

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Whether you believe in astrology or not, you have the ability to define your lifestyle. The choice has always been and will always be yours, there's no need to let the planets do it for you.

 

[TheTrader]

tyranny of the weak...........

 

[DarkLight]

lol... this thread is too funny.

I'm a cancer as well, and totally am the same way. NEED MY SOLO TIME!
I think all peeps do... but I know I def. am this way more than others.

In regards with how to deal with it.
Don't let the crab sensitivity sway you into a "yes" with kicking it, just cause you care about her feelings. Ignowledge that you need to attend to your feelings first, in order to give her the healthy happy feelings you ultimately would like to share w. a GF. If you don't put your foot down for yourself, and continue to overextend yourself out of your sensitivity to her feelings... its just gonna leave you bitter and resentful of her (always wanting to kick it).

But the truth is... its on you! Your the one that agreed to overextend yourself with hanging out, etc... thus, theres nobody to blame but yourself. Which is a good thing cause therin lies the answer to your dilemma, as other people have stated as well. You just care for your own uniquely personal needs in order to give her the best you, you can give her. If you see it from that perspective, there will be no disagreement from the sensitive/caring side of the cancer. Cause............. that will be the most caring thing you can do. For both of your benefit.

I had to realize the same dynamic in myself and my past relationship. Fortunetly when you look deeply into things... you'll often realize, when you look out for your health/happiness, it benefits all.

Peace'