Took a HB co worker out! Please tell me what the next move? I don't wanna screw it up

[jackhamma]

Hey guys, I have been joking/lightly flirting with one of the secretaries at my work. She is a solid HB8, hispanic, 22yrs old, and all the men are always trying to talk with her through out the day but she doesn't show them any interest. Recently we have been bumping into each other quite often in the lunch room and having flirty convos, she always smiles at me as I walk by etc. We found out after having a recent convo that we share the exact same birthday, and have a lot in common. I can tell she is a bit into me but were both the type from what I gathered talking to her to take things really slow and get to know each other and keep things private at work because rumors spread quick in the work place as you all know.

So...

Went to a Christmas Party last night that we were both invited to and turned out to not be my scene. I am more of the rock and roll dive bar type, and this party was like a bunch of cheezie nerds playing board games and drinking soda lol...my cousin who I brought to the party with me, we both decided to leave and I told the HB "hey why don't you come with me and my cousin to a few local bars." She agreed and we jumped in her car and went out.

To save writing a huge story, basically we went out to two different bars, she drove my cousin and I, the entire night her and I were flirting/joking with each other, talking about how much we are in common, how picky we both are, how much fun she is having, me doing flirty kino with her etc.

Before we went to the 2nd bar I said to the HB "You know we need to go out next week just you and me and have some fun, see where things goes, get to know each other some more." She goes "yeah..just you and me that sounds great, and I can come out next time with a girlfriend for your cousin." I am thinking hell yeah sounds great!

She dropped us off home I kissed her on her cheek goodnight and that was that. I never thought I would end up getting her to come out and end up having such a great time.

This is where I ALWAYS screw things up by coming off too needy and desperate so please help me..

1) How do I play it from here? From the start I have been cool/laid back/not shown too much attention at work, keep doing that?

2) When would I reach out to contact her next? Is it okay to text today to see that she made it home in one piece? I know not to say something dumb like "I had sooo much fun!" lol

I need to know how to play it from here on out..I see her almost every day at work, through out the day, so I want to make sure I play it cool as possible. Please guide me guys! Thanks!

 

[Trunks]

Picture yourself already having had sex with her and being calm and collected about it, and the sex was just OK. Don't act like a dog in heat and make it look effortless by not overvaluing her, yet still showing her a good time when you two are out.

 

[skinnyguy]

Well you're already pedestalizing so the first thing is to probably stop doing that

 

[sylvester the cat]

This is where I ALWAYS screw things up by coming off too needy and desperate so please help me..

No sh1t! The tone of the thread title alone screams NEEDY.

Work on this neediness I would say. Far more important than any girl right now.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I can tell she is a bit into me but were both the type from what I gathered talking to her to take things really slow and get to know each other

Your job as a man, is to lead the interaction. You need to get out of the mindset of taking things slow and think about doing things right.

my cousin who I brought to the party with me, we both decided to leave and I told the HB "hey why don't you come with me and my cousin to a few local bars." She agreed and we jumped in her car and went out.

This was solid, you are leading. You already have rapport with her through work, now you get to see what she's like outside the office.

basically we went out to two different bars, she drove my cousin and I, the entire night her and I were flirting/joking with each other, talking about how much we are in common, how picky we both are, how much fun she is having, me doing flirty kino with her etc.

One problem you have is you have already put this woman above you subconsciously, whether you realize it or not. Essentially, you are trying to prove to her that you are good enough for her.

When it should be the other way around.

At the bars, you should have given her some attention, made sure you included your cousin, met new people and socialized at the bar. This would make her interest in you grow.

Before we went to the 2nd bar I said to the HB "You know we need to go out next week just you and me and have some fun, see where things goes, get to know each other some more."

This was an inexperienced beta move. Your thinking about the future already, when you should be focused on that night, that moment. Women are emotional beings, making them wonder will increase their interest in you 100x more.

In the future when you are out with a girl and having a great time, don't plan another night to hang out. Make her excited and wonder when she will hear from you next.

She goes "yeah..just you and me that sounds great, and I can come out next time with a girlfriend for your cousin." I am thinking hell yeah sounds great!

Her answer is positive, but remember the basics to getting good with women: "What a woman says and what she actually does are two different things."

She dropped us off home I kissed her on her cheek goodnight and that was that. I never thought I would end up getting her to come out and end up having such a great time.

Why on the cheek? She had fun, you had fun, the flirty-attraction was there….. kiss the girl broham.

Here's the thing about playing it safe - you don't want to mess up for fear of losing the girl. But the reality is, you still don't HAVE the girl until you are having regular sexxxxy time and she is blowing up your phone asking when she can see you again.

How do I play it from here? From the start I have been cool/laid back/not shown too much attention at work, keep doing that?

Your 27, you should be at work primarily to make $$$$ - so don't suddenly change your behavior at work. Chat with her or say hi when your paths cross, but don't seek her out.

When would I reach out to contact her next? Is it okay to text today to see that she made it home in one piece? I know not to say something dumb like "I had sooo much fun!" lol

You're LOL'ing like saying you had "so much fun" would be the nail in the coffin, but you're missing the boat. Texting today to ask her if she got home okay is communicating the same neediness you're trying to avoid.

I need to know how to play it from here on out..I see her almost every day at work, through out the day, so I want to make sure I play it cool as possible. Please guide me guys! Thanks!

Sports Analogy time: Great teams are great because they play to their strengths and keep doing them.

Right now you are putting her above you and playing not to lose. That's the wrong mindset.

You can't lose something you never had in the first place.







PIMP

 

[jackhamma]

Your job as a man, is to lead the interaction. You need to get out of the mindset of taking things slow and think about doing things right.



This was solid, you are leading. You already have rapport with her through work, now you get to see what she's like outside the office.



One problem you have is you have already put this woman above you subconsciously, whether you realize it or not. Essentially, you are trying to prove to her that you are good enough for her.

When it should be the other way around.

At the bars, you should have given her some attention, made sure you included your cousin, met new people and socialized at the bar. This would make her interest in you grow.



This was an inexperienced beta move. Your thinking about the future already, when you should be focused on that night, that moment. Women are emotional beings, making them wonder will increase their interest in you 100x more.

In the future when you are out with a girl and having a great time, don't plan another night to hang out. Make her excited and wonder when she will hear from you next.



Her answer is positive, but remember the basics to getting good with women: "What a woman says and what she actually does are two different things."



Why on the cheek? She had fun, you had fun, the flirty-attraction was there….. kiss the girl broham.

Here's the thing about playing it safe - you don't want to mess up for fear of losing the girl. But the reality is, you still don't HAVE the girl until you are having regular sexxxxy time and she is blowing up your phone asking when she can see you again.



Your 27, you should be at work primarily to make $$$$ - so don't suddenly change your behavior at work. Chat with her or say hi when your paths cross, but don't seek her out.



You're LOL'ing like saying you had "so much fun" would be the nail in the coffin, but you're missing the boat. Texting today to ask her if she got home okay is communicating the same neediness you're trying to avoid.



Sports Analogy time: Great teams are great because they play to their strengths and keep doing them.

Right now you are putting her above you and playing not to lose. That's the wrong mindset.

You can't lose something you never had in the first place.







PIMP

Really solid. Appreciate it brother man! She actually texted me an hour ago saying "thanks for the drinks" and I have not responded yet.

Just text back "your welcome" and leave it alone? My response now and in the future should be what?

 

[SeymourCake]

You already screwed up by asking her out. You should never ask out your coworkers. Prepare for an awkward time at work and possibly losing your job.

 

[Tortendieb]

Jackhamma, if you're thinking whether you should send a meaningful response right now, don't do it. I usually wait until the next day before texting something meaningless like "np", but NEVER have a post-date texting session. That's the post-sex talk. Have to have sex first. Got it?

Afterwards only start to text her again to set up the next date.

It may sound stupid, but it's teaching you some much-needed discipline. Never be too eager to supplicate.

 

[jackhamma]

What do I do next?

She ended up texting me...I took an hour to respond to each text. Please tell me what my next move is...

(next day after we went out)
HB: thanks for the drinks
Me: your welcome, gotta do it again that was fun
HB: jack wyd hows your day
(1 hour goes by I didn't respond yet
HB: you forgot your wine in my car ill give it to you tomorrow (at work)
Me: days going well what about you? im cooking some Italian right now
HB: that sounds so good, I am watching a movie
Me: food came out great, what movie?
HB: i'm watching xyz
Me: haha that's the comedy right? iv wanted to see that. don't worry about the beer save them for next time.
(no response back since last night)

so since I am off work today and haven't seen her. is it working to my advantage that I remain silent?

when do I ask her out again?

 

[SeymourCake]

She ended up texting me...I took an hour to respond to each text. Please tell me what my next move is...

(next day after we went out)
HB: thanks for the drinks
Me: your welcome, gotta do it again that was fun
HB: jack wyd hows your day
(1 hour goes by I didn't respond yet
HB: you forgot your wine in my car ill give it to you tomorrow (at work)
Me: days going well what about you? im cooking some Italian right now
HB: that sounds so good, I am watching a movie
Me: food came out great, what movie?
HB: i'm watching xyz
Me: haha that's the comedy right? iv wanted to see that. don't worry about the beer save them for next time.
(no response back since last night)

so since I am off work today and haven't seen her. is it working to my advantage that I remain silent?

when do I ask her out again?

Don't have conversations through texts. Have conversations through the phone but don't make it over 20 minutes. Texts should be a way of making confirmation of dates, for example, "I'm at the parking lot". You're wasting too much fuel on text convos when they could be saved face to face during dates.

 

[backbeat]

don't f@ck with ur co workers seriously.