Too used to being alone, hard to change

[mahon83050]

Hey, I am going to be 28 soon and have never been in a LTR with a woman. Of course, while this bothers me severely and I yearn for female companionship, I do not like change. Although, I do not like being alone all these years, I have become comfortable with it. Anyone else have this problem.

 

[earthshyne]

Please define "yearn." Do you mean sexual contact, or someone to hang around with?

 

[Bonhomme]

I can relate

I can relate in that I like a lot of independence and privacy. Another person being around too much definitely cuts into that. But if the relationship's good enough, I can deal .

 

[No Escape]

Originally posted by mahon83050
Hey, I am going to be 28 soon and have never been in a LTR with a woman. Of course, while this bothers me severely and I yearn for female companionship, I do not like change. Although, I do not like being alone all these years, I have become comfortable with it. Anyone else have this problem.

I'm kinda in the same situation. The longest relationship i've ever been in was 4 months, which was way back when i was 11, lol. I don't know if i should even count that as a relationship. Since then, i've been in a bunch of relationships, but they've only lasted on avg. about a month/month 1/2. I haven't been in a relationship since high school. These days i've just been having the one nighters and been dating casually, haven't gotten as far as a relationship in quite some time, plus i'm not really looking for that...all i wanna do right now is date, and date as many women as i can, nothing more!

It's really strange, cause when i was younger, i got so many more women..now times have surely changed. After high school was when everything changed. Women are a lot cooler and a lot less complicated in high school. They just get nuttier and more illogical as they age. Half the bullsh*t i deal with now from women, i never remember dealing with in high school.

 

[DoubleD]

In reading this thread quickly it seems filled with excuses.. "I like this".. I just want to sleep around.. date casually... seems like women today are just nutty" ..etc

Stop making excuses for yourself. The fact is there are ALL TYPES of women out there. There are nutty women, crazy women, adventurous women, loyal women, slutty women.. women of all shapes ans sizes. If you want a relationship look for that type of women to have a relationship with. If you want a different woman every second day.. go for those kind of women.. but know that there are women for anything you want out there. Just stop making excuses and get out there...

mahon83050 i can feel your pain to some extent.. maybe a year ago I broke up with a crazy LTR and became a loner for a while.. and it became easier to just stick to myself and say I am used to this.. and thats the way it is.. don't fear or resist change. Just flow with it. At first you'll have to push yourself to go for it.. but after a while it will become natural and things will be much easier.

Start the bootcamp today! Heck maybe jump some sections if you can easily do those things... but DO.. rather than sitting there thinking.. and do your Bootcamp with the goal of finding a caring loving woman who you can share stuff with.

Peace

DoubleD

 

[Donald Kaufman]

Throw a toad in boiling water and he'll jump out; put a toad in warm water and slowly bring it to a boil and some red-neck has soup.

You need to shake yourself up. Comfortable is not good. It's worse then bad. Bad makes you want to change.

Maybe it's OK to retire comfortable; if you are just kinda waiting to die. Don't live comfortable. Comfortable is the enemy.

Comfortable is the feeling of life slipping away without direction or meaning.

 

[DoubleA]

DoubleD is right.

You guys are in your twenties so you still have alot of living to do. We all do. I say to obtain the LTR trophy, you need to meet TEN women and get to know them. Of course, some with be off the hook. Those you throw away, just as long as you have always have ten women who you consider a friend. Eventually a few will step up and want to take it too that next level. Vola! You have the basis for grounds of a LTR.

Anybody feeling that?

 

[SexPDX]

All I'd like to add to this is that when your first LTR finally does happen, don't put too much presure on yourself to do it right or make it work out how you think it "should". I got into my first LTR at 21 and it remains the only LTR I have ever been in. Looking back on it there was a lot of things that showed up early on that I should have seen as foreshadowing of more problems to come but because of my inexperience I could not have possibly seen those things for that. You kind of have to go there to see how problematic it can be. But either way, don't get too anxious about it.

-PDX

 

[penkitten]

as we find ourselves getting older, we find ourselves getting more set in our ways.

this is hard to be set in our ways and then fall in love again or date again or whatever.

dating is hard work, so are long term relationships. filled with compromises and that isnt always easy either.

what is even harder is that when you finally find someone you want to start a relationship with, and then you realise that they are not exactly what you were looking for .
for example, did you ever meet that one person that seemed ok , seemed smart and good looking and out going and all that only later to turn out to be the most annoying person on the face of the planet that you dreaded to hear from?

and that alone, makes people even more set in their ways.


all you can do is hope to one day meet someone who doesnt become that annoying blabbermouth, and that you dont find boring after a few months and then take it from there.

dont set a time limit , like i must be married or in a long term relationship by age 30. its not going to happen like that, and if it does , will it make you ask the question " am i just in it because there is no one else and i dont want to be alone"????
thats no reason for a relationship...

 

[Chrispy]

I know what you mean - the more single you are, the more single you are! When you're used to being alone, it's hard be a little bit "chumpy" (in a non-AFC way) to have the girl warm up to you - but just hang around your married friends who do that much extra for their woman, and you'll soften up a bit!

 

[Snatchmaster]

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results this time around is the definition of insanity.

Change you actions and you will change you mindset.

 

[Kanadasutra]

Eh! It's been a long time i didnt posted here!

When i first discovered Sosuave, i was 27 virgin, no LTR, very few friends (one long time and a few from work)... i was enjoying solitary activities like reading, drawing, computer... and well masturbation! ah! ah!

I had to hit an incredible low before putting the work that was needed to get what i wanted from life.

I was able to get my first LTR from basic things that i learned here(training, style, attitude) and i can confirm that Yes, you can get an LTR even if you are shy and solitary, but you will not get things happening in your life out of lazyness.

If you really want my opinion on this, it's really worth working hard to get out of your shell and develop advanced social skills. My life has improved in all aspect (work, new friends, new girls, etc) when i really started to get those skills (by doing cold approaches, exposing myself to unconfortable situation, meeting strangers (trough local lair by ex.)).

When i'm meeting people now, most of the time they think i'm joking when i told them i used to be a shy solitary guy. It's a huge compliment for me when i hear that.

What was really the start of all for me and kind of my motto today is really to make all your days agreable and fun. Enjoying your life without women is really the start of enjoying life WITH them!

You definitively can change, but it really has to start from within you... not from the other, including me writing this!

 

[Wyldfire]

In my experience, the best way to learn how to have good, successful and healthy long term relationships is to first have a very bad one. My first LTR lasted about 11 years and it was horrible. Every relationship I've had since then has been so much easier, much more positive and generally good. Most LTRs eventually end for one reason or another...but once you've been in a really bad one it tends to make you go out of your way to keep things positive in all your other ones.

 

[Kanadasutra]

I dont agree.

Learning from failure is part of the process.. it should not be a goal in itself.

This guy has access to all he need to have a first great and meaningfull relationship.

That was my experience anyway.

 

[Ebach]

It's pretty much the same with everything in life, not just relationships. You have to taste the tips of both sides in order to know where the balance is. If you only taste bad, you will balance in the bad section. If you only taste the good, you'll only balance in the good section but when a hardship comes along, you wouldn't know what to do. Work with everything you got both bad and good and you'll know when something isn't right by instinct. Experience is the teacher.

Originally posted by Wyldfire
In my experience, the best way to learn how to have good, successful and healthy long term relationships is to first have a very bad one. My first LTR lasted about 11 years and it was horrible. Every relationship I've had since then has been so much easier, much more positive and generally good. Most LTRs eventually end for one reason or another...but once you've been in a really bad one it tends to make you go out of your way to keep things positive in all your other ones.

 

[Underoath]

Originally posted by mahon83050
Hey, I am going to be 28 soon and have never been in a LTR with a woman. Of course, while this bothers me severely and I yearn for female companionship, I do not like change. Although, I do not like being alone all these years, I have become comfortable with it. Anyone else have this problem.

Well, it all boils down to how much you want it? Do you truely want a lifestyle rich with beautiful women on your side and even have a LTR on the side who you truely love? If not, then you're going to be in the same situation you are right now and even in your later years: by yourself. And when you are feeling really lonely and frustrated, will you have the skillset to have women even as friends? Play the game.