Too polite, compassionate and sensitive

[Jariel]

I have always prided myself on having some class, portraying myself as a polite, well-spoken and charming person, and respecting myself and others. However, people seem to see me as naive and, as someone pointed out, I apparently have an "innocent" and "untouchable" quality about me. One woman even told my friend she'd love to fvck me, but would feel too guilty about it. I've even had women reject me because they're afraid of hurting me.

I really don't get it. I have sex appeal, I flirt, I make sexual jokes, I have a reputation of being a ladies man and a player, I express no fear or nervousness around people and I never supplicate to anyone, yet a lot of people who know me condescend me. Even women who start off wanting to have sex with me slowly turn into motherly figures. And yet I'm far less naive than most of these people.

I don't want to put on a jerk act or start dressing like a thug, but I do need some serious help on this as I really don't know what it is about me that seems so innocent or how to change it.

I asked my friend about it and he believes that my compassion for others could be perceived as a vulnerability. It is true that I'm afraid of hurting anybody and treat people with care, but is this really a weakness?

 

[comote]

I don't think it's a weakness.
Be honest about something though, are you aggresive enough when it comes to women. Do you attempt to make things happen or do you try and wait for women to serve themselves to you on a platter?

 

[DJDamage]

On the outside you probably portray a sterotypical popular type of guy and people expect you to act according to your looks (be confident, ****y and a bad boy)

If you met a girl who was a top model you would probably expect her to be a spoiled b1tchy little princess. If she is down to earth and behaves like Mother Teresa, people are going to be scratching their heads.

Basically it comes with the territory if you look a certain way, you need to act a certain way in order to make people around you more comfertable. People tend to get confused when something does not behave according to their expectations. Unless you want to tone down your looks to fit your personality, you should expect people to look at you differently because you don't fit a certain mold.

If a wolf acts like a lamb nobody would be scared of it.

 

[ScrewIt]

you know what your post reminds me of?

You know that innocent looking school girl dressed in the uniform who's a virgin. But every guy would love to fvck her just cause she has that so called "image".

But if word spread out that she was actually a slut and slept around a lot, then she wouldnt be so "innocent" anymore, she'd be labeled the slvt. Her image is now tainted cause her reputation is lost down the drain.

What im saying is anything is possible, and its also possible you have a similar image. Every woman would love to **** you. but because of your perfectionist persona or character, it would seem too much of a waste to "taint" you. the problem is that it's on the woman's side and they dont want to succumb to ruining this perfect image they have of you....

 

[belividere]

from what me or anyone else on this board actually knows about you no judgement can be made. Our opinion is based on your side of the story and having read your last couple of posts you seem to be the perfect guy according to yourself. Maybe you should instead consider listening to those who know you best and to yourself and determine a more realistic analysis of what your real problems might be. You may realize that self-perception is way off from what others think of you.

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

Im sensitive & compassionate too, but after the friend zone it landed me into, im just going to keep that side of me hidden forever. Infact im actually losing that side of mine slowly but surely ..dont know how I should feel abt that ..

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Honestly, I think youre trying too hard...You need to find out who you really are, cause I remember from the other post you made you said its like you are faking things...I understand where youre coming from cause you made yourself look much better from when you were young and busted...Its like you always want to be the best cause you think if you dont act that way people wont like you...You need to find out who you are and come from that so everything will be more genuine and people will like it more...Up here in NOVA, everyone puts on this persona like they are big ballers and they wear all the best clothes, but they really arnt that good cause they are coming off like you are to these people, they arnt genuine and they are trying too hard to find flaws...Flaws make you more human and people like you more for it...

 

[Jariel]

Thanks all for the insightful points. I suppose I care way too much about pleasing other people and about their opinion of me. I literally feel like I have no stable personality or identity as I'm constantly adjusting it to different people. So it's like I make this perfect impression with everyone, and yet none of them truly know me. Even I don't know who I am, other than this perfectionist, insincere crowdpleaser and calculating seducer.

 

[arq-dj1]

i can relate to your problem my friend. I hate when i get one stereotypical "baby boy" image
"oh he's so nice, gentleman and intelligent"... and after that they go *** the first fuker that comes along...
havin nice qualities combined with a freaking stereotype completly ruin your game and u can't help it... im trying to change mine to a stud or something a little better then what old girlfriends saw me

i think u should be true to yourself
if u feel like cursing, curse.


Maybe u are giving everyone too much attention. I remember someone posting that attention is our currency, and by being nice, polite and all they may percieve as special attention.

Good luck, may one day we can be known as we truely are.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by arq-dj1
Maybe u are giving everyone too much attention. I remember someone posting that attention is our currency, and by being nice, polite and all they may percieve as special attention.

I think you have raised a very true point! I show most people attention and politeness, but I think some may read more into it and let it go to their head or see it as a form of supplication.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Jariel

I asked my friend about it and he believes that my compassion for others could be perceived as a vulnerability. It is true that I'm afraid of hurting anybody and treat people with care, but is this really a weakness?

It's a strength AND a weakness. It's good to be compassionate and help those that can't help themselves, but some people CAN help themselves, and to walk on eggshells around them and try to avoid hurting them at the expense of your own personality is maybe a little too introverted.

Be careful about getting into that mindset where you need everyone to love you and you can't stand the thought of someone being ticked off at you. All great men, even the heros and legends, had SOMEONE who hated them. No one's perfect...perfect is boring.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

There's nothing wrong with any of these qualities as long as you are always in a position of power.

 

[arq-dj1]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
There's nothing wrong with any of these qualities as long as you are always in a position of power.

indeed
but people have to accept and know that u have power

ppl u barely met yet don't acknowlegde that yet

 

[padrote]

Originally posted by Jariel
I apparently have an "innocent" and "untouchable" quality about me.

I have a reputation of being a ladies man and a player

I don't see how you can be both. If these opinions float around in different groups of people then make sure they talk to each other.

 

[dearsappho]

Ditch the nice guy and be a bastard...see how it feels and how people react for a while.

If you like it, think it and become it.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Jariel, don't change who you are. If you are nice & polite, that's who you are. Don't act like an a$$hole just to please some b!tch because it will be fake, and you may scare away women that are compatible with the REAL you. Your personality wasn't compatible with the last girl you dated, nothing you can do about that. Don't question yourself, or soul search, just keep meeting women.

You're thinking WAY TOO much about your last rejection, let it go man.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
Jariel, don't change who you are. If you are nice & polite, that's who you are. Don't act like an a$$hole just to please some b!tch because it will be fake, and you may scare away women that are compatible with the REAL you. Your personality wasn't compatible with the last girl you dated, nothing you can do about that. Don't question yourself, or soul search, just keep meeting women.

You're thinking WAY TOO much about your last rejection, let it go man.

Excellent post, and dead on.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Hi Jariel. I too am very polite, sensitive and generally look like a nice guy. I flirt, make sexual innuendos and kino girls...but they still have me in their mind as an innocent boy.

I am finding I have to curb my natural generosity and niceness to people until they have deserved it.....little things such as not giving girls what they want, ignoring them and seeming indifferent etc......this is helping some

 

[A-Unit]

rE

I have always prided myself on having some class, portraying myself as a polite, well-spoken and charming person, and respecting myself and others. However, people seem to see me as naive and, as someone pointed out, I apparently have an "innocent" and "untouchable" quality about me. One woman even told my friend she'd love to fvck me, but would feel too guilty about it. I've even had women reject me because they're afraid of hurting me.

I want you realize something by reading your own quote. There is No I. There's no "I". Why?


Because if there were an "I" called Jariel, then this so-called "I" couldn't observe itself just as you did in the above quote. Meaning, how you act is merely a choice. Most times we 'act' a certain way trying to get something. If we act nice, it's because we've been programmed to think NICE gets us what we want. If we act like a jerk it's because we believe we're trying to get something by being a JERK. See, if you're not trying to get anything, then you will get everything.


You need to BE, not ACT, BE, acting is all facade, a mask, worn to ACHIEVE something. That's a societal FALLACY. As humans we are not here to ACHIEVE anything. Honestly. We're gonna get into space, travel billions of miles, and for what?? Sure, on earth we seek freedom, and peace, and pure love (not selective love)...but in our day to day events, its only the EGO seeking validation for its own existence that NEEDS anything. It wants to know that IT has identity SEPARATE of some unknown source. So ACTING is achieving something. It's like throwing on thug clothes, but lacking the game to wear 'em.


________________________


Quietly, with TVs off, maybe music on, do stuff. See where your thoughts take you. What music do you like? What books? What activities?


When we don't have all these images messing with our senses, you feel magnets in your soul pulling you toward things and you can easily lay out who you are, your goals and thoughts and feelings. But with noise all day, surrounded by people who know you but don't...it's tough. Point being is, how can you tell people who you are, if you don't take the time to find out who you are? Is there any better voyage?


Who you descibed might just be a face of who you are. And again, don't go changing for anybody, because you'll only be changing your actions, not yourself...and everytime you do something out of sync with who you are, you'll feel a gut-wrenching pull nudging you, wondering WHY you're doing that. Just like MOST guys get when they're with the wrong chick.


__________________________

One woman even told my friend she'd love to fvck me, but would feel too guilty about it.

That's definately a big bomb slot for opening up a whole can of C&F on her. Also...it comes down to personal philosophy...which is diff from guy to guy, but also, maybe lightening up. It's easy to see you got concerns, but it's also easy to see you're high strung over something at the moment because you've pointed out that you feel "something is wrong with you." How do you know it's not THEM?


As I look at things, we're all important people, and nobody's important. We're on 1 big rock. Sure some got more money, some got less. But to me, we're all linked together spiritually through 1 source being God, meaning we're all made of the same things and same being. Laughingly, it's only the super-egoists who believe they're different, and as long as a person believes that, they'll be alone. To me, much of what we see is fake, and as long as we operate at the level of the mind, where it is fake, then we miss out on the good stuff of the soul, of the real eyes we have.


Just my attitude, but beliefs are the engine of your life. They're the glasses you wear. You can tell alot about a person's beliefs by what they feel and do in life. How their attitude is... and so on...



A-Unit

 

[HB_Hunter]

Re: rE

Originally posted by A-Unit
I want you realize something by reading your own quote. There is No I. There's no "I". Why?


Because if there were an "I" called Jariel, then this so-called "I" couldn't observe itself just as you did in the above quote. Meaning, how you act is merely a choice. Most times we 'act' a certain way trying to get something. If we act nice, it's because we've been programmed to think NICE gets us what we want. If we act like a jerk it's because we believe we're trying to get something by being a JERK. See, if you're not trying to get anything, then you will get everything.


You need to BE, not ACT, BE, acting is all facade, a mask, worn to ACHIEVE something. That's a societal FALLACY. As humans we are not here to ACHIEVE anything. Honestly. We're gonna get into space, travel billions of miles, and for what?? Sure, on earth we seek freedom, and peace, and pure love (not selective love)...but in our day to day events, its only the EGO seeking validation for its own existence that NEEDS anything. It wants to know that IT has identity SEPARATE of some unknown source. So ACTING is achieving something. It's like throwing on thug clothes, but lacking the game to wear 'em.


________________________





A-Unit

I agree with this but sometimes you have these negative thoughts inside your mind that starts with " ok let myself be whole and me myself , have fun then you find yourself when with a group of ppl that you want to know silent ( becuase of all those thoughts) or just pressurizing yourself and seek acceptance " or

It's like this mindset " fine : I will go out , have fun , enjoy the moment and let myself fail so i will learn and grow" but then you have " I think Im beyond these guys in terms of experience . i don't want to be seen as naive , I still believe in this continuos learning process towards life and the path to greatness but i need to get to know these guys and nail this girl , learning and growing seems so basic and too long to achieve in this moment " you get me ??